Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Sometimes I wonder if people lie.

When talking about their kids that is. :) It seems like a lot of people I talk to have angel babies who eat well, STTN and never cry. Sometimes it makes me wonder how truthful people are when describing their LOs. I think sometimes we feel pressure to have a "perfect" baby and put up a front to others about how great things are going. Or maybe I just have the only baby who has his occasional fussy times and sleepless nights. :) Thoughts?

~Melissa and Jeff- July 7, 2007

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Re: Sometimes I wonder if people lie.

  • I think the same thing.  I think lots of people always will make everything sound better than what it is....99 percent of time.
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  • Mothers especially totally stretch the truth.  We believe that the behaviors of our children are a reflection on our parenting skills, and saying our kids aren't acting like little angels might be admitting we have done something wrong.  Parents who are confident in their parenting skills are more open to the "flaws" of their children. 
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  • I think I was like that with DD, but not that I was sugar coating her, but I just didn't have a comparison.  Now that DS is here, he really IS a good baby compared to DD. 
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  • People lie.  I did.  I wasn't about to tell the old lady at the grocery store that my DH and I jokingly called our son "demon baby" for the first 4 months of his life.  Colic is brutal.
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  • I hope that's the case! My son is 11 weeks and nowhere NEAR STTN. I am exhausted and at my wit's end. We're traveling right now but I pray that when we get home he starts to do better.
  • I don't claim to have a perfect baby but I was truly concerned because she never cries. To the point I was concerned of some developmental issue. I just have a super laid back baby.
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  • I agree, people lie /stretch the truth.  I think part of it is as a new mom we don't want people thinking we can't handle our baby.  It's like when people ask how we are doing.  We always say "fine", nobody says "I'm exhausted, smell like soured milk from spit up, haven't showered in three days, and really want kick DH for going to work each day and talking to other adults."
  • Oh I will openly admit that my DS#1 was a terror of a baby.  We had trouble with latching, milk supply, colic, etc.  It was horrendous.  He would just scream and the only thing we could do was swaddle him and shush while pacing our tiny apartment, hoping the neighbors didn't come try to kill us.  DS#2 is completely different so far.  He sleeps, he latches, milk is in, he only cries during diaper changes....and we're also more relaxed as parents.
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  • I have a baby who has never once cried inconsolably, she is easily soothed. I have zero issues with BF and I get plenty of sleep. It never occurred to me that people would think I'm lying. 

    In no way am I smug about my parenting tho, she's just who she is and I'm sure my time will come. 

  • I think there is pressure to have a perfect baby which might make some people stretch the truth. But it also has a lot to do with comparison and what you are experiencing. 

    For me personally I believe I have a pretty easy baby. She has started to STTN, loves bath time, will self sooth when I put her in her PnP, BUT she gets very fussy for eating. Now go to a mother who has been dealing with a colicky baby and have her care for my LO and she'd be thinking she's an "angel". Then have me take care of her colicky baby and I'd probably cry!

    Babies have their own little personalities. :) 


  • I guess it is true to a point. I am on baby #3 and I am not lying when I say that I have been very blessed with easy going babies. I used to ask the ped if my kids were broken because they didn't really cry unless they needed something.

    Now, if you want to ask me about ages 2-3, that is when I think that my kids seem to give me hell.

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  • my little guy is actually pretty friggin awesome. he's not really a big cry baby. i mean yeah, he cries, but he's a baby. he cries to let me know if he's hungry or has a dirty diaper, but once i figure out what he needs and take care of it he stops for the most part. he breastfeeds like a champ and has since the beginning. i'm not sure i really know what sleeping through the night really entails, but he gets up once between 2 and 2:30 and then again around 6:30. and sometimes after that he lets me go back to sleep for another hour or two. and i just got his acceptance letter to harvard.

     

    ok that last part was a lie.

  • image katefres:

    my little guy is actually pretty friggin awesome. he's not really a big cry baby. i mean yeah, he cries, but he's a baby. he cries to let me know if he's hungry or has a dirty diaper, but once i figure out what he needs and take care of it he stops for the most part. he breastfeeds like a champ and has since the beginning. i'm not sure i really know what sleeping through the night really entails, but he gets up once between 2 and 2:30 and then again around 6:30. and sometimes after that he lets me go back to sleep for another hour or two. and i just got his acceptance letter to harvard.

     

    ok that last part was a lie.

    I no longer love you . lol

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  • image Jackswife123:
    People lie.  I did.  I wasn't about to tell the old lady at the grocery store that my DH and I jokingly called our son "demon baby" for the first 4 months of his life.  Colic is brutal.

    word.

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  • Yes i have thought of that, and i do think some ppl stretch the truth. With my first LO he was seriously the most easy going kid i have ever met. Super laid back and totally content just hanging with whoever. My second LO on the other hand is Definitley more vocal than my first. Not so much a crier but more of a yeller. Its kinda funny. But none the less she is a pretty good baby. We have been very blessed. Dont get me wrong we have our good and bad days but overall they are both laid back easy going kids. :)
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  • I do think people stretch the truth but I also think every mom has a different opinion of what is considered easy and what is considered difficult.  For example, even though DS is a much needier baby than DD was, I find it to be much easier this time around because I have more confidence as a mom and am more laid-back than I was the first time around.  DD rarely cried and STTN early on and still STTN for 12 hrs a night now as a toddler.  DS is really gassy and fusses a lot because of his gas, he only sleeps 2 hr stretches at night and likes to be held all the time but if someone asked I would definitely say he was an easy baby because to me he is.  Does that make sense?
  • image Hyfagal:
    I don't claim to have a perfect baby but I was truly concerned because she never cries. To the point I was concerned of some developmental issue. I just have a super laid back baby.

    This. He fusses, or makes noises to let me know whats up. Hes only really had a full on shiit fit twice. But hes is in no way perfect, he grunts all day long. Its almost embarrassing.

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  • I think I might stretch the truth in the other direction - sometimes I say that LO is so cranky but when I'm around other more experienced moms they tell me that's nothing just a little fussing. It's all about what you have to compare it to. I think people might think I have it pretty easy...again, he's the kind of baby that just cries when he needs something other than during his witching hour from 5:30pm to 6:30pm.

  • I have a crier, so no sugar coating over here.  We were talking about this very topic at my mother's group, and the general consensus was that it's a heck of a lot easier to meet new mommy friends when you're honest about your issues and can commiserate with others.  Nobody wants to be friends with the mommy who has the "perfect baby" and nothing to complain about!
     
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  • I guess it depends on the mom's patience level too. What you may think is a crier or a real PITA, I may think they are good as gold.

    My little brothers cried a lot. But I think it was because my mom was very high strung and didn't handle the stress well. Granted, she had three babies under three and that would stress anyone out... but the more worked up she was, it seemed to effect them more.

     Totally not saying that about anyone else, just my experience with my mom and my older sister and her kids.

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  • image grinnysgirl:

    When talking about their kids that is. :) It seems like a lot of people I talk to have angel babies who eat well, STTN and never cry. Sometimes it makes me wonder how truthful people are when describing their LOs. I think sometimes we feel pressure to have a "perfect" baby and put up a front to others about how great things are going. Or maybe I just have the only baby who has his occasional fussy times and sleepless nights. :) Thoughts?

    Or you could really have a baby that sleeps through the night and doesn't cry alot. My daughter cries a lot but does sleep through the nights. I feel silly telling people this because I feel like they are going to think I am just being a bragging mom but its true. She does a lot of other crazy stuff though!!

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  • Our first child passed away when she was 4 months old and spent her whole life in the hospital, so with our second, I think I felt even more pressure to have a good baby, or more "cherish every moment."  When people asked how I was doing or feeling, it was like they expected me to say how wonderful and blessed we were.  Honestly, there were moments I didn't feel so blessed and it was downright hard having a newborn at home.  That compounded the guilt and depression I felt.  Finally, I gave myself permission to gripe and complain and I truly felt like it was a weight lifted off of my shoulders.  I realized that having a newborn was difficult and hard and no I wasn't going to enjoy or cherish every moment and that is ok.  No matter what happened before, I was still human and allowed to vent and complain like everyone else. 

    I don't know what my point is. I suppose that when you have a loss, that pressure to lie or embellish parenthood is stronger. 

    I always wondered if other moms who experienced a loss felt the same way. 

  • I think it's all a toss up. Some people have babies that STTN, some eat well, but I'd assume that it's very uncommon that people have a baby that does all of those things. I know DD eats well and occasionally STTN but even then, the STTN is a toss up. She has her good and bad nights. 
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  • image Hyfagal:
    I don't claim to have a perfect baby but I was truly concerned because she never cries. To the point I was concerned of some developmental issue. I just have a super laid back baby.

    Can we trade? DS has gone from only crying when hungry to crying about every single little thing you can imagine, I think it'll pass though, we had a growth spurt and then right after that he started teething. I'm hoping he gets somewhat used to having sore gums because one of these days I'm going to go insane. I swear one day my fiance will come home from work to me smearing peanut butter on the walls and saying I'm "painting" or whatever people do when they flip the switch to crazy town.

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  • image Hyfagal:
    I don't claim to have a perfect baby but I was truly concerned because she never cries. To the point I was concerned of some developmental issue. I just have a super laid back baby.

    This. She has her days when she's extremely fussy but for the most part, she will only make little "screams" and whines when she's really hungry and I'm taking too long. haha She knows that one loud scream will usually get my attention and that's usually about how far it escalates. 

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  • I'm sure they do.  DD never latched and therefore I had to EP for 11 months, which was a pain in the ass, but aside from that, she was literally a perfect baby.  Easy going, content in her swing, STTN by 2 1/2 months, slept 4-5 hour stretches from the day we brought her home from the hospital, etc etc. 

    DS - not so much.  When people ask me how he is sleeping, I lie and say fine. 

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  • I think it's all about perspective, honestly.  What your tolerance level is, what your previous experience is.  DD was a champion sleeper.  She STTN 12hrs starting at 2mos and never looked back.  But she was very fussy- we spent most of the day and evening walking around our house and bouncing her for the first 3mos because that was the only way she wouldn't cry.  However, DS is nowhere near STTN.  He still gets up twice a night to eat, but he is literally the happiest baby I've ever seen.  Smiles and laughs nonstop and only cries when something is really wrong.  Even when he's been up for hours on end and is way overtired, he's still smiling and talking away.  I guess my point is, there are no perfect babies.  They all have their strengths and weaknesses.  I know with DD I felt a lot of pressure from family and friends to make things sound better and easier than they were.  I didn't want people thinking I couldn't handle it or that she was a "bad" baby.  Now with DS I'm a lot more comfortable in my parenting and have no problems complaining about any troubles we might be having.
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  • image LordValuemart:

    I swear one day my fiance will come home from work to me smearing peanut butter on the walls and saying I'm "painting" or whatever people do when they flip the switch to crazy town.

    I think I just peed my pants laughing.  That's awesome.  I'm using that.

    I was brutally honest about how hard it was with DS1...the PPD probably made me less able to "put on a happy face" about having a newborn with colic.  Colic is terrible and the more I opened up about it, the more help/support/comfort I got.  I love being there for new moms going through that now too.  I realize now how open I was with people because everyone and their mother has been "checking in" with me about DS2.  At 3 weeks old today I feel like I'm about to enter the Twilight Zone...we shall see.

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  • image staryeyes:

    image LordValuemart:

    I swear one day my fiance will come home from work to me smearing peanut butter on the walls and saying I'm "painting" or whatever people do when they flip the switch to crazy town.

    I think I just peed my pants laughing.  That's awesome.  I'm using that.

    I was brutally honest about how hard it was with DS1...the PPD probably made me less able to "put on a happy face" about having a newborn with colic.  Colic is terrible and the more I opened up about it, the more help/support/comfort I got.  I love being there for new moms going through that now too.  I realize now how open I was with people because everyone and their mother has been "checking in" with me about DS2.  At 3 weeks old today I feel like I'm about to enter the Twilight Zone...we shall see.

    Ha glad I could make you smile :)

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  • i will have to admit, i say my baby is perfect too. but my definition of perfect it much different than others. my baby sleeps through the night only when she is next to me, but sometimes wakes up to eat or stretch. she gets fussy when she is tired, has weird habits, is messy, and sometimes a BIG handful. but to me that is perfect. if people have to lie and say their child is perfect and doesnt have these habits, then maybe they are ashamed or worry that their child is the only one that cries, and all the other "fun" stuff.
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