Babies: 9 - 12 Months

So is there ever a situation in which

You can claim a name?  I know that in general you can't say "Thats my name don't use it"  But (and answer honestly) can you ever expect people who are close to you not to touch a name? 

Example:  (And I'm not going to delve further)  If there was a late term baby loss and the couple gave that child a name.  Would it then be okay to expect those close to that couple not to use that name?  (And the people considering using the name are well aware of the loss, the name's use, and the emotions behind it)  

Also, the couple thinking of using the name has put enough thought into it that they've already sent an email unprovoked saying.  "We like this name, hope you don' t mind, but you know you can't own a  name"  

Honest thoughts?

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Re: So is there ever a situation in which

  • I don't think you can claim a name unless you have trademarked it and used it for tem years in commerce. 
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  • I think that's the only situation where I'd think twice before using the name, but I don't think the name is totally off-limits.  I find their e-mail very rude though.  If they are so close with them they should have called them and let them know of their plans in a more sensitive manner.
  • I would never use a name that someone has already said they are using.  1.  I wouldn't want my baby to have the same name as another, 2. I wouldn't want someone else to do it to me.
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  • I dont think anyone can ever claim a name, nor should someone not use a name simply because someone else used it first. Of course, I assume the name is one that isnt so entirely unique that no one else actually HAD ever used it before. It would be beyond strange for one couple to name their baby Akrneradiobphinal and then their close friends used the same name when their baby was born. But in general, if someone loves a name enough to use it for their own child, they should use it even if it was used by someone else they know.
  • It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.
    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • I definitely think you "can't own a name" but I would definitely not use a name that a close friend had used--especially something like the case of the late term loss.

    A woman I work with found out she was pregnant with #7 shortly before DS was born and told me when he was 1 week old that if she had a boy, she was going to name him the same thing as DS.

    We aren't necessarily close friends but we work together (small group of employees at a gym).  I kind of rolled my eyes at the thought . . . and think that she would have seemed a little foolish announcing her baby's name to our staff less than a year after my DS was born. . . but she had a girl.

    And my son's name is Leif so it's not exactly the most common name out there.

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  • image ABColeslaw:

    You can claim a name?  I know that in general you can't say "Thats my name don't use it"  But (and answer honestly) can you ever expect people who are close to you not to touch a name? 

    Example:  (And I'm not going to delve further)  If there was a late term baby loss and the couple gave that child a name.  Would it then be okay to expect those close to that couple not to use that name?  (And the people considering using the name are well aware of the loss, the name's use, and the emotions behind it)  

    Also, the couple thinking of using the name has put enough thought into it that they've already sent an email unprovoked saying.  "We like this name, hope you don' t mind, but you know you can't own a  name"  

    Honest thoughts?

    I think the email is pretty disrespectful, actually. I think the appropriate thing would be to ask the couple how they feel about it, if they are truly close to them.

    Before I knew I was having a girl, we had like the name Timothy for a boy, which happened to be the name of one of my best friend's deceased father. I checked with her, and she really appreciated that I did.

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  • I don't think it's off limits per se, but out of respect I would not use it. The other couples hardly needs to be reminded of their loss every time the other LO is around.
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  • image ABColeslaw:

    You can claim a name?  I know that in general you can't say "Thats my name don't use it"  But (and answer honestly) can you ever expect people who are close to you not to touch a name? 

    Example:  (And I'm not going to delve further)  If there was a late term baby loss and the couple gave that child a name.  Would it then be okay to expect those close to that couple not to use that name?  (And the people considering using the name are well aware of the loss, the name's use, and the emotions behind it)  

    Also, the couple thinking of using the name has put enough thought into it that they've already sent an email unprovoked saying.  "We like this name, hope you don' t mind, but you know you can't own a  name"  

    Honest thoughts?

    I think it is weird of the other couple to send the email and to use the name in the first place, unless there is a good reason behind it.

    DH lost his best friend in a car accident, and always planned to name any son we had after him.  If anyone else had used the name, regardless of the situation, we would probably also still use it.  I don't consider it claiming or owning a name, but I guess someone else might.   

    Shot first, questions later.
  • image WonderWoman27:
    I would never use a name that someone has already said they are using.  1.  I wouldn't want my baby to have the same name as another, 2. I wouldn't want someone else to do it to me.

    You assume your child is the only one named India. She's not. 

  • image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

     Infertility
    PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
    Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion

    My Spring Babies! 
    <3 Angel Baby   Elisabeth Adelle  April 2008 <3
    Asher Benjamin  April 2010
    Lola Aisling  May 2014
  • image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • I think the email is rude and uncalled for.  I don't think I would name my baby using the same name as the deceased baby because that just seems odd to me (unless it's a family name).  
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  • If you are a Jr, III, IV, IMO you are entitled to use the first name.  DH is Joseph Richard III. We've always wanted and made it very known among our family that we would be naming a boy Joseph Richard.  If would be really crappy, IMO, if one of DH's sisters had a boy before us and named him Joseph.  I know they could also want to honor FIL or DH's grandfather, who are also Joseph Richard, but then use it as a middle name or get more creative.  I fully believe we had claim to Joseph, no matter what.  It never was an issue and I don't think DH's sisters ever would have used it anyways.

    ETA:  In that exact situation, yes, I think people close to them should consider the name of their deceased child off-limits.  Absolutely, no exceptions.

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  • image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    I think the email was rude to basically say, "We're doing this and you might feel bad but we dont care". It would have been fine if they had sent an email saying "We wanted to let you know that we are naming our baby X. It's a beautiful name and one that has special meaning for all of us. We just wanted to let you know before anyone else."

     FWIW, I have a sister who was born at 36 weeks and died right after birth and was named Elizabeth. I used the name for my own daughter 10 years later. My mom understood and was pleased that we loved the name so much.

  • Of course no one "owns" a name but you wouldn't want several kids in your personal circle to walk around with the same name. My cousin was looking for B names and I gave them a name that I had loved forever b/c I didn't think I could have kids. They used it and it would have been nuts for me to go and use the same name I gave them in the first place. On the flip side I have a cousin whose son is the same name as my DD but I had no idea that he already used that name. We never see each other so that doesn't matter much.
  • image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    I wonder if you and I are thinking of the same person.  I would say does her name start with F?  But that could be two thoughtless pains in the assses.  

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

     Infertility
    PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
    Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion

    My Spring Babies! 
    <3 Angel Baby   Elisabeth Adelle  April 2008 <3
    Asher Benjamin  April 2010
    Lola Aisling  May 2014
  • image Ciconrad:

    If you are a Jr, III, IV, IMO you are entitled to use the first name.  DH is Joseph Richard III. We've always wanted and made it very known among our family that we would be naming a boy Joseph Richard.  If would be really crappy, IMO, if one of DH's sisters had a boy before us and named him Joseph.  I know they could also want to honor FIL or DH's grandfather, who are also Joseph Richard, but then use it as a middle name or get more creative.  I fully believe we had claim to Joseph, no matter what.  It never was an issue and I don't think DH's sisters ever would have used it anyways.

    ETA:  In that exact situation, yes, I think people close to them should consider the name of their deceased child off-limits.  Absolutely, no exceptions.

    DH is a III and we always planned for DS to be a IV...and SIL said something once about "beating us to the name", which I thought was pretty crappy.  But she didn't beat us, lol.  :)

    I consider a lot of names off limits and agree that it would be in the OP's situation.  But I didn't even want to nick name DS "JJ" because one of my cousin's kids is a JJ and I think that would be confusing (especially for my grandma, who would have 2 great-grandsons called JJ.)  

     

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  • image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    I wonder if you and I are thinking of the same person.  I would say does her name start with F?  But that could be two thoughtless pains in the assses.  

    That's who I'm thinking of - am I wrong?  You know I've never been her biggest fan haha 

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    I wonder if you and I are thinking of the same person.  I would say does her name start with F?  But that could be two thoughtless pains in the assses.  

    That's who I'm thinking of - am I wrong?  You know I've never been her biggest fan haha 

    No its the other F that ends with a T.  Think terms you would use in church.  

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

     Infertility
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  • I would not use the name and think the email is horrible. DH and I have had our favorite names picked out for years, long before we were married. Our #1 boy name was always Colton and we never kept that a secret. Well then DH's cousin (who happens to be his best friend) found out he was having a kid (a boy) and he decided to use Colton. I was a little irritated because he knew we loved the name but DH or I would never say anything about it because it's not that big of a deal and we weren't having any kids yet. They ended up losing the baby at the beginning of 3rd tri. When it came time that we found out we were having a boy (DS1) we didn't even consider using the name because we felt it would be disrespectful. I think it would be a totally different story if it were an acquaintance or just a friend but this is someone we see all.the.time because he is family. I will say though that if we ever have another DS his name will probably be Cole which is pretty similar to Colton.
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  • image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    I wonder if you and I are thinking of the same person.  I would say does her name start with F?  But that could be two thoughtless pains in the assses.  

    That's who I'm thinking of - am I wrong?  You know I've never been her biggest fan haha 

    No its the other F that ends with a T.  Think terms you would use in church.  

    Ah, gotta.  Still rude but actually, I'm still not really surprised.  You seem to have a lot of those people :-p

    Formerly known as elmoali :)

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  • 1.  I've never lost a late term baby, so I can't begin to relate to those feelings. I guess initially I think it's a little weird that they named the baby, I mean how late was the loss?

    2.  Depending on how close they were, out of respect I'd not use the name if I was aware of the situation.  Personally, it'd be creepy to me knowing my kid shared the name with a baby who had a tragic death like that.

    3.  The email was disrespectful. It sounds childish and way too nonchalant for such a serious topic!

  • image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:
    image elmoali:
    image ABColeslaw:

    image elmoali:
    It's going to depend, honestly, who you're talking about.  I think someone could call their sibling or best friend out for using it.  As much as the person who experienced the loss is tying understandable emotions to the name,  it's really not different than if someone uses a living child's name, kwim?  So if your sister had named Ethan Aiden instead or a friend of mine had used Aiden I don't think there's anything to be said about it really as much as I might wish they wouldn't use it.

    Right I agree totally.  Lets say  that it is the close cousin to the couple who had the loss.  I think its the email that gets me.  

    The email is rude, plain and simple but I have to say I'm  not surprised.  This person, in my opinion, likes to be a pita and lacks tact. 

    I wonder if you and I are thinking of the same person.  I would say does her name start with F?  But that could be two thoughtless pains in the assses.  

    That's who I'm thinking of - am I wrong?  You know I've never been her biggest fan haha 

    No its the other F that ends with a T.  Think terms you would use in church.  

    Ah, gotta.  Still rude but actually, I'm still not really surprised.  You seem to have a lot of those people :-p

    A few on each side.  Except for you : )

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

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    Asher Benjamin  April 2010
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  • image emiliemadison:
    FWIW, I have a sister who was born at 36 weeks and died right after birth and was named Elizabeth. I used the name for my own daughter 10 years later. My mom understood and was pleased that we loved the name so much.
    This sounds more like an 'honoring' situation though.
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  • I know a couple that had a late term loss and named him Ryan Rae with a headstone and everything. 3 years later they have a little boy and name him the same name.
    Your little hands wrapped around my finger and its so quiet in the world tonight Your little eye lids flutter cause your dreamin so I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light To you everything's funny, you've got nothing to regret I'd give all I have hunny, if you could stay like that Oh darling dont you ever grow up, dont you ever grow up, just stay this little Oh darling dont you ever grow up dont you ever grow up, it could stay this simple I wont let nobody hurt you, wont let no one break your heart, no one will desert you Just try to never grow up imageimage Pregnancy Ticker Lilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • image prego760:
    I know a couple that had a late term loss and named him Ryan Rae with a headstone and everything. 3 years later they have a little boy and name him the same name.

    Different because they used their own deceased child's name.  I would never do that, just because I think children should have their own names, but everyone honor's life in their own way. 

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    Asher Benjamin and Lola Aisling

     Infertility
    PCOS, Progesterone Deficiency Disorder, Multiple Miscarriage
    Clomid, Metformin, Ovadril, PIO, P17 Iron/Platlet Tranfusion

    My Spring Babies! 
    <3 Angel Baby   Elisabeth Adelle  April 2008 <3
    Asher Benjamin  April 2010
    Lola Aisling  May 2014
  • image guppysown@yahoo.com:

    1.  I've never lost a late term baby, so I can't begin to relate to those feelings. I guess initially I think it's a little weird that they named the baby, I mean how late was the loss?

    Personally, I think every baby deserves a name. If I was far enough along when the loss happened to know the sex, the baby would have a name. If it was earlier, I would give it a nickname probably. JMO.
  • I would think that it is a compliment to name your kid after a friend/cousins baby (living or not).
  • I can't think of a better way to say this, and I am not trying to make a joke of the situation, but it seems like a "too soon" situation (as in when people make a tasteless joke and say, too soon?). If the person just suffered this loss and is still mourning, I think it is very insensitive to name a child the same name, as it would be a constant reminder of the baby that passed. 

    I think in a situation where the baby passed a long time ago and the person is using the name as a means of honoring that person through the naming of a new baby, it is perfectly acceptable and nice. However, if someone is just recycling the name of a recently deceased baby, no, that is not OK. I also wouldn't respond to that e-mail, it is out of line and not the correct way to go about that situation. 

    If the parents of the deceased baby want to use the name again, then that is OK because it was the name they intended to use to begin with. I think using the name of a deceased adult is almost always appropriate. 

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