"You can't spoil them this early."

BabyGsMom

I've seen my fellow 0-3 month-ers repeat this advice and read something very much like it in The Happiest Baby on the Block, too.  Did this ring true for you?  Did you find, as your baby got older, than you had spoiled him/her in a way that took work to undo?  Or did it make much difference how often you rescued him/her from crying in the bassinet or allowed him/her to fall asleep in your arms, etc.?  TIA!

nadinethequeen01

I don't think you can spoil a newborn BUT I do think parents end up spoiling them because they get in the habit of doing the things that spoil babies.. if that makes sense. With my DD, I always picked her up when she was crying and tended to her like you should and I wouldn't say she is spoiled. I think it just depends on how the parents act when the babies get old enough to know that they are manipulating their parents to get what they want.

happyhoopla

Well, my DD is only 4.5 months, so it's hard to tell how much I've screwed her up so far . I do strongly feel that at this age, babies don't cry or fuss to manipulate or test us; they cry because that is the only way they have to communicate their needs. So, no, I don't think that we can spoil them. For what it's worth, the first 3.5 months that DD was here, we bedshared, which people always say can cause major issues when it comes time to move them into their own room or crib. However, once it got to the point where neither of us were sleeping well due to the other's presence, she transitioned SUPER easily to her own room. Anyways, good luck with your LO....snuggle and love on him/her as much as you want.

LadyDelilah

No not at all. I dont feel like I am spoiling Evie. I work so I enjoy rocking her until she falls asleep and unless I magically dont have IF any more shes probably our last one... I do have to put her down when I am home by herself and I try to get my shower in before she wakes up and sometimes she cries and I dont get to her right away its just a fact of life she doesnt like it and she would LOVE to have my undivided attention all the time and in a perfect world I would be able to give it to her but like I said thats just not the way that it is. I think my baby is well adjusted. She sleeps well eats well and is comfortable with me leaving her and is excited when she sees me at the beginning/end of her day (depending on work) SO I think I am doing things in moderation... and somewhat well...

holding you baby when they fall asleep or nursing to sleep every once and a while isnt going to ruin them.... IMO

danielle0278

I use to worry about "spoiling" my baby too and that I was starting "bad habbits". But the fact was the only way I could get her to sleep was to rock her every night so I got over that real quick. When they are so young you do what you have to in order to get them to sleep. Yes, i think you can start some habbits but I wouldn't say it's spoiling them. They need to feel secure and loved at such a young age. You can worry about sleep habbits when they are a little bit older.

Yes, I did end up having to do some sleep training at 4 months because she got to the point that she would wake up as soon as I would put her in the crib because she wasn't being held anymore. But it only took 3 days of training until she figured it out so habbits can be changed too when they are old enough.

pepomntpat

I guess it depends on your definition of spoiling. I think of spoiled as a child who throws a tantrum to get a toy while out shopping and gets it.  A baby or even a toddler who cries to be held, fed, rocked to sleep is not spoiled.  I'd prefer to teach my child a better way of communicating a need for rocking in an age appropriate way rather than not rocking (or insert whatever you think indicates spoilage here).

SammyJJo

Yes and no.  Since about 6 weeks I've had to bounce my baby to sleep.  He's now 4 months old and it's a giant pain.  In some ways I wished I'd tried harder to get him to fall asleep on his own then so it'd be easy now... but when I think back on it, he needed to be bounced to sleep.  I wasn't just doing it for fun.  So even though I think that behaviours slowly become habits, I don't think it's fair to the babies to do anything but give them exactly what they need.  They're babies, afterall.  They're just working on surviving.  For them, need = want. 

Copernicus08

Read The Baby Whisperer, she refers to this type of thing as "accidental parenting" -- you find something that works (bouncing, rocking, pacifier, always nursing to sleep, etc etc etc) and you keep doing it because it works and baby comes to rely on it because you taught LO that that's how to fall asleep. It's not spoiling, just habit. Babies don't know all of their options in life so when you give them something they like and it works for the parent, the baby wants more of it because that's all they know, and parents give it because they know it'll work even if it is a pain. 

afiyfah

I picked up DS often and didn't leave him to cry, and he wasn't spoiled. He turned out to be very calm and content, because his needs were met without him being trained to scream and cry to get what he wanted. I'm using the same approach with DD now, and I agree with my pediatrician that you can't spoil a baby (if you condider picking a baby up a lot and cuddling/rocking them to be spoiling or a bad habit).

Libby1978

afiyfah:

I picked up DS often and didn't leave him to cry, and he wasn't spoiled. He turned out to be very calm and content, because his needs were met without him being trained to scream and cry to get what he wanted. I'm using the same approach with DD now, and I agree with my pediatrician that you can't spoil a baby (if you condider picking a baby up a lot and cuddling/rocking them to be spoiling or a bad habit).

 

This exactly!  I've responded to DS immediately when he starts to cry from day one.  He's going to be 6 months tomorrow and he barely cries at all.  I believe it's because in those early days he didn't have to cry and cry and cry to get what he needed.  Now he's a super happy and content little boy!

tct1219

she has definitely expected me to carry her around whenever she wants from a very young age [even at 3-4 weeks old she would cry when i sat down and when i would show her the mirror or something she'd stop] and doesn't want me to put her down or hand her off to other people most of the time. i don't consider it spoiling, though, because it's natural for an infant to be with its mother as much as possible.

luckily i am able to give her what she wants almost all of the time so it's not an issue. our society pushes unnatural independence on babies way too soon.

Rach21

Our DS is very strong-willed, even at 4-months-old!  When he starts a fit, he wants to be held on your shoulder and walked around the room.  When your back starts aching and you have to sit down, he does not cry, he SCREAMS. He holds his breath and shakes his fists. You stand up, and wow, he's happy again. Sit back down. WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

His grandparents (who watch him during the day) hop back up and go back to pacing with him, but we can't always do that. Especially my DH who is on his feet for 10-12 hours a day and has enough problems with his neck, shoulders, and back as it is!