May 2011 Moms

Gems from my husband at Push Class...

So we all remember my genius husband who cut his thumb and fixed it with superglue? Here are just a few of the embarassing things he managed to say in just 3 hours tonight:

during introductions:
"Hi, I'm Eric, I'm the baby-daddy. I made that."

when the instructor brought up membrane stripping:
"Do they ever come out in the sac? You know, like a puppy? I think that'd be pretty cool."

During break-time, talking to another H, STILL going on about membrane stripping...
"Maybe we'll just wait too long to get there, and it'll come out in the sac. I saw a dog give birth and they all came out in the sac. I just think it's really interesting."

To another mom-to-be, same break-time...
"Yeah I mean you're pretty big, but Maya (me) mostly just got bigger in her butt. I think she's growing another baby in her butt."

instructor told us catheters are routine for epidurals...
"Does she poop in the catheter too?"

when she was explaining internal exams...
"So wait, you need to fist her, pretty much, like your whole ARM up in there?"

when the placenta came out in the birth video...
"It's an ALIEN BABY!!! I'm gonna keep that!"

instructor showed us the hands & knees position on the 'positions for labor chart'...
"Oh she's REALLY good at that one!"

when she showed us the 'cradled squat' position...
"I don't think I want to be behind her in labor, you just said everyone poops when they push. Why would I want to be behind her?"

when the teacher brought up the importance of kegels...
"Yeah, no one wants to throw a hotdog down a hallway, you know?"

 talking to another couple in the parking lot after class...
"I had a dream that she came out as a puppy."

 

Better luck to the rest of you...I told him he's not allowed to say ANYTHING next week. I'm gonna go stick my head in some sand for a couple hours.

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Re: Gems from my husband at Push Class...

  • Ummm... I think you need to make him read a daddy to be book.  It may save you from future comments ;)
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  • Doesn't sound too far off from things my honey would say! Just smile and nod. ;)
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  • HAHAHA!!! DH & I just had a great laugh at this! Thank you! And tell you DH thanks as well!! 
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  • thanks for the laugh... omg I would kill my dh if he said all this out loud and was serious...

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  • He sounds like my husband. The kind of man who says absolutely everything he thinks.
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  • To another mom-to-be, same break-time...
    "Yeah I mean you're pretty big, but Maya (me) mostly just got bigger in her butt. I think she's growing another baby in her butt."

     

    That made me laugh real hard. Mostly because my DF has said the same thing.

    Anddd I'm not gonna lie I'd probably laugh real hard if my DF said these things in public. He says some pretty stupid things even though he's read lots of father to be books....I really think he just does it for the attention though.

  • image EJensify:
    He sounds like my husband. The kind of man who says absolutely everything he thinks.

    Unfortunately, yes, he does. EVERYTHING.

    As for getting him to read a "daddy-to-be" book, the best I've been able to bribe him to do is read the chapter for dads in "What To Expect." He's interested in the baby; pregnancy, not so much.

  • LOL! You HAVE to let him talk again at the next class!!! hahahah!! Because this is just too good!

    What's with his obsession with puppies!?

  • Thanks for the laugh! I can totally see my DH say some of these things because he likes to be funny. BTW I watched a water hypnobirth and the baby was pushed out vaginally incased in the sack so yes it's possible. It's on YouTube if he really wants to see it :) lol
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  • Oh my gosh, I am laughing so hard I am crying at your DH's comments!  I love how he is all about the puppies being born in the sac.  I think we need a weekly update of the things your DH says in class!
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  • That is the FUNNIEST thing I've read today!!  
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  • image Pythia1022:

    when the teacher brought up the importance of kegels...

    "Yeah, no one wants to throw a hotdog down a hallway, you know?" 

    I would've been blushing so badly at this point.  And that's rare for me. 

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  • image EJensify:
    He sounds like my husband. The kind of man who says absolutely everything he thinks.

    I just read these to the other girls I'm working with and we all had a good laugh! Thanks for sharing!!!

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  • Wow!  I am laughing really hard, but then again it's not my DH saying these things in public.  Suddenly, I'm very happy my DH is shy and probably wont utter a word.
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  • image Pythia1022:

    image EJensify:
    He sounds like my husband. The kind of man who says absolutely everything he thinks.

    Unfortunately, yes, he does. EVERYTHING.

    As for getting him to read a "daddy-to-be" book, the best I've been able to bribe him to do is read the chapter for dads in "What To Expect." He's interested in the baby; pregnancy, not so much.

    Get him "my boys can swim: the official guys guide to pregnancy" It's specifically designed for guys like yours :)

    It's about a 30 minute read, very funny and still gets them to the point.

     

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  • You picked him to reproduce with. lol
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  • Fixing a cut with Superglue is actually not a weird or unrecommended thing to do.

    And I'm sorry you think your husband is an ass, it's hard to be married to someone that you find is a constant embarrassment.

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  • Is he trying to be funny, has no tact or is just an utter, insensitive moron???

     I vote for "utter, insensistive moron." Ugh -- how dare he comment about your body.

     And just for the record, yeah, sometimes babies are born with the amniotic sac intact. Just an fyi.

  • image laptopprancer:

    Fixing a cut with Superglue is actually not a weird or unrecommended thing to do.

    And I'm sorry you think your husband is an ass, it's hard to be married to someone that you find is a constant embarrassment.

    Whoa there buddy.

    Definitely chopping off the top of an appendage and sticking it back on backwards with super glue is NOT recommended; the ER doctor was not too happy with him when we finally went in (3 stitches).

    He's not an ass, he just has diarrhea of the mouth...no filter from his thoughts to his words...and I love being married to him, wtf? He said some embarassing things, no one said he "is a constant embarassment"...CTFO

  • image laptopprancer:

    Fixing a cut with Superglue is actually not a weird or unrecommended thing to do.

    And I'm sorry you think your husband is an ass, it's hard to be married to someone that you find is a constant embarrassment.

    This. 

    I like how people are saying "he is just honest - like my husband, blah blah". Yeah, my husband is honest too. He is also hilarious. What he is NOT is a immature teenage boy, and manages to be honest and hilarious without insulting others (including me) or the process (such as the class) and being such an insensitive a$$. It would be one thing to make these comments to YOU privately if that worked for you and him and your shared sense of humor, but to the whole class? WTF?

    If I was the other people in your class, I would be pretty ticked that your husband treated the class like a big excuse to be an insensitive moron. Your husband is socially inept and still, apparently, has a frat-boy mentality.

    Have fun with that.

  • image RaiKai:
    image laptopprancer:

    Fixing a cut with Superglue is actually not a weird or unrecommended thing to do.

    And I'm sorry you think your husband is an ass, it's hard to be married to someone that you find is a constant embarrassment.

    This. 

    I like how people are saying "he is just honest - like my husband, blah blah". Yeah, my husband is honest too. He is also hilarious. What he is NOT is a immature teenage boy, and manages to be honest and hilarious without insulting others (including me) or the process (such as the class) and being such an insensitive a$$.

    If I was the other people in your class, I would be pretty ticked that your husband treated the class like a big excuse to be an insensitive moron.

    Have fun with that.

    JHC.

    The thing about him is that he wasn't trying to be funny.

    Good thing you weren't other people in my class; btw *virtual facepunch* for calling my guy an insensitive moron. Only I can do that!

  • So, your H is either 14yrs old or an adult with some sort of special needs leaving him unable to control what comes out of his mouth
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  • image Pythia1022:

    JHC.

    The thing about him is that he wasn't trying to be funny.

    Good thing you weren't other people in my class; btw *virtual facepunch* for calling my guy an insensitive moron. Only I can do that!

    Hmm 

    So he's not a purposeful a$$, he is just a clueless one? Awesome.

    I'll take all the virtual facepunches you want to throw.

     


  • image Pythia1022:
    Go back to your caves, trolls!

    LOL random trolling this morning on probably the funniest post in the past couple days. Smile

    I wonder if they're going to ask if your husband's circumcised next... lol!

  • The worst my guy has said was during a L&D Tour. The guide said "there are three bracelets. We put one on mommy, one on baby's wrist and one on their ankle".. he didn't even hesitate before saying, "are you somehow expecting the two to become separated? Should we be concerned about you losing half the baby?"

     

    but that's mainly because he's the same kind of smartass I am, he said it whereas I was just thinking it

  • image sugarplum2:

    image Pythia1022:
    Go back to your caves, trolls!

    LOL random trolling this morning on probably the funniest post in the past couple days. Smile

    I wonder if they're going to ask if your husband's circumcised next... lol!

    Someone needs to look up the definition of "troll". 

     

    And no, why the hell would I ask if her husband was circumcised? I don't care if her husband is circumcised or not. It does not change the fact he was being an a$$.

  • image Peejee:

    The worst my guy has said was during a L&D Tour. The guide said "there are three bracelets. We put one on mommy, one on baby's wrist and one on their ankle".. he didn't even hesitate before saying, "are you somehow expecting the two to become separated? Should we be concerned about you losing half the baby?"

     

    but that's mainly because he's the same kind of smartass I am, he said it whereas I was just thinking it

    See, now that IS funny.

    I think some people on this thread have a highly undeveloped sense of what is funny, and what amounts to just being an inconsiderate douchebag.

     

     

     

  • image RaiKai:
    image sugarplum2:

    image Pythia1022:
    Go back to your caves, trolls!

    LOL random trolling this morning on probably the funniest post in the past couple days. Smile

    I wonder if they're going to ask if your husband's circumcised next... lol!

    Someone needs to look up the definition of "troll". 

     

    And no, why the hell would I ask if her husband was circumcised? I don't care if her husband is circumcised or not. It does not change the fact he was being an a$$.

     

    Smile because if you were active on this board, you would have read other posts and understood the reference.

     

    The end.

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