3rd Trimester

Mom vent: Circumcision (long)

iPad formatting, sorry......... Ok, so my DH is not circumcised...his mom didn't have strong feelings about it one way or another, but she was generally negligent and drunk. Honestly, I'm surprised he wasn't born in the back of a bar, but that is another story......DH and I decided we are not circumcising our son, since DH is not and we have no real reason to do so. I don't have a penis, so going to have to trust DH on this one. Plus, I did my research, I'm not impressed with any of the hygiene or STD arguments, so no circ for baby......... So today MY mom brings it up on the phone. I say nope, we are not, and she has a minor freak out and can't understand why we wouldn't do it. First she tried the hygiene and STD argument, which I shot down, and then she came down to the real truth behind her reaction. She is afraid he will be made fun of by other boys, and that it would be worth it to cut him to keep him from being ridiculed. She even got my dad involved, but he hasn't said much yet other than that he will be calling the baby "turtle." Thanks Dad."........... I ended up telling her its not like everyone gets cut, and if he gets made fun of, then he can just tell the other boys their parents cut off part of their genitals when they were babies. That should shut them up. (I'm kidding....sort of)"........... Anyone else had this issue? My parents are not at all religious, so it's not that.....Is this a generational thing? Regional? I'm in Texas, btw.....

Re: Mom vent: Circumcision (long)

  • I think it's a regional thing. I live in Alabama, and it's really uncommon here for boys not to be circumcised. We won't be getting our LO circumcised, but thankfully not a lot of people have asked.
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  • It is a generational thing. Circumcision was really common, and now it's getting less common.

    We decided not to bother, and our son will be like over half of the other boys his age.

  • Fewer boys are getting circumcised now than a generation ago so he won't be alone.  My nephews and any sons I might have can join him in being made fun of in the locker room!
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  • I think it's a personal choice between you & your dh. Also they say only about 50% of boys are now getting cut. So it's not a big deal. Also ins. doesn't always cover it now.

    This is another thing we are not sharing with people!

  • Its definitely a generational thing. I've found that a lot of older generations were told to do and not do a lot of things that we deem inappropriate or unnecessary today. 

    As for the "he'll be teased" arguement... the best thing I've said that usually shuts up the old yentas is, "How often do you think he'll be hanging out naked with other boys?" 

    Anyway, it's a private decision between you and your DH, and you're under no obligation to have to explain yourself to anyone - even your mother. The next time she gets on your case about it, just tell her it's not up for discussion. End of story.

     

  • Before we found out we're having a girl, DH and I had this conversation. His sole reason for wanting to circumcise was to avoid locker room teasing. Seriously. I later found out that since it is no longer considered "medically necessary", it would not be covered by our insurance- about $800 out of pocket on top of our delivery costs! Needless to say, if the next LO is a boy, I will be voting NOT to circumcise. 
  • A little of both I think.

    Most of our parents generation are circ'ed and had their boys circ'ed. They were told the whole hygien thing which at the time was necessary what with the war's and men's inability to keep themselves clean because of the circumstances.

    Some places have a higher circ rate then others because of religion, unwillingness to change, uneducated, etc.

    Things are different now however, what with sanitation wipes and gel, it is easier in those situations.

    Just give her some sights or books to look into maybe seeing what doctors are saying now will help her come alongside you.

    I hope this helps!

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  • I don't buy the locker room excuse. What teenage boy is going to admit he was looking at another guy's junk? 
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  • We chose to have our son circ'd. Our older son has his done as well. My dh has his done and he wanted our boys to have it done. There really was not a debate about it here.

    I did however, ask the ped that did my sons just about two weeks ago, if she was really seeing them done less and less now-a-days and she said it was more of a regional idea. They have not seen numbers of them being done in our area drop but in other areas of the country, they have seen some large drops in numbers.

     

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  • I think it's regional and generational.  However, after all the research and the fact that my hubby is we are going with circ.  I think that it is important that LO resembles their father whetherthey are or not, it helps with their gender association.  For us I don't have one so after research I told my DH it was his decision, if it were a Q abt breasts or girl parts after consesus it would be upto me.  ANyways, between matching, which may sound silly but peds say IS important and the fact that it's better safe than sorry rule of thumb I don't feel strong abt circ'ing him.  My dad, FIL and BIL's are all circ'd...if they weren't I would say he shouldn't be, but sorry for the bad quote, but I believe it's a family affair...tehe.  GL, to each his own, if still on fence I wouldask OB and PED, mine both still advocate for.
  • i know, right??? I think it would be more weird for DH to try to explain to our son why Daddy has a hood and son does not. As a little kid going through potty training, I would think that it would be helpful to look like Daddy. At least in my mind, looking like Daddy outweighs looking like the boys that may or may not be comparing weenies in the locker room....... And i have to admit, as a middle school teacher, I really can't picture a lot of penis comparison time taking place at that age. And DH says it is a bit of a social faux paus to check out another dudes junk at the urinal......Thanks for the comments, ladies. I'm going to call my mom back and reassure her that my son will not be a freak. I should probably let her know to tell my grandma too so she doesn't have a heart attack when opening his diaper. :/
  • I am from England and European countries dont circumsize unless their religious. Now i married an American and they do it here...we have decided to get it done just because its ALOT more common here.

    My mum in England is freaking out saying not to do it but in the end its our decision. I think if we lived over there I wouldnt touch his little thing just because of where we lived and whats classed as "normal" to people.

     What i didnt like thought when we were choosing is that my sister in law says children in america will call your son Elephant penis in school if u dont do it -_-....

    dont listen.

    You and your DH will choose whats best for you. and whatever your son will be beautiful and in the future some girl will love it either way LOL.

     

     

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  • I'm just peeking in. I didn't care one way or the other with DS. DH was VERY adamant that we circumcise ds though. DH is not circumcised. He always felt embarrassed about it, and was teased from time to time about it. We circumcised DS because DH really didn't was him to have to go through what he went through. It is a personal decision, and had we chosen not to, my family would have reacted the same way your mom is.
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  • I'm not sure if it's a regional or generational thing.  If we choose to circ our son, he'd be the first on BOTH sides of our family to get snipped!   (the things I didn't need to know about my dad and grandfathers!).

     

    It is a personal choice, and if you and your H are in agreement who gives a crap what anyone else thinks?   I don't even think I'd call your mom back.  I get the feeling that no matter what you say, she isn't going to change her mind.  

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  • image ButterBean13:
    i know, right??? I think it would be more weird for DH to try to explain to our son why Daddy has a hood and son does not. As a little kid going through potty training, I would think that it would be helpful to look like Daddy. At least in my mind, looking like Daddy outweighs looking like the boys that may or may not be comparing weenies in the locker room....... And i have to admit, as a middle school teacher, I really can't picture a lot of penis comparison time taking place at that age. And DH says it is a bit of a social faux paus to check out another dudes junk at the urinal......Thanks for the comments, ladies. I'm going to call my mom back and reassure her that my son will not be a freak. I should probably let her know to tell my grandma too so she doesn't have a heart attack when opening his diaper. :/

    Haha... I forgot that we would have to do the circ later and the first few times I changed my son, it freaked me out  little bit. Lol.. I forgot what it looked like NOT circ'd yet. And honestly, I have never seen a grown man without it done... NO, I DO NOT WANT TO GOOGLE OR NEED PICTURES OF ONE, thanks...

    Just interesting to see the differences in peoples opinions.

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  • where the hell did you get your information??? It's not JUST a generation thing: it can be for religious reasons.

       We're Jewish. In our religion it is law for our son to be circumsized. It is not for health and hygiene, it's being part of a convenant with G-d.

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  • It's super uncommon to find a circumcised penis in my area. I think the stats for my city are around 10-15% of babies have it done.
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  • We didn't have a circumcision done on DS b/c I have a blood clotting disorder and we were unable to have DS tested when he was born to see if he has it as well.  So we decided it would be safer if he didn't have a medical procedure done before we knew.  I heard it from all of the older women in my family that we made the wrong decision.  But as I spoke to more and more moms of boys around my DS age they didn't have it done either.  And our pediatrician said that it didn't matter either way. So now I don't worry about it!  And as far as being made fun of my husband played both HS and College ball and said that guys in the locker room don't look at other guys so no problem there!  

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  • image Andy28:

    where the hell did you get your information??? It's not JUST a generation thing: it can be for religious reasons.

       We're Jewish. In our religion it is law for our son to be circumsized. It is not for health and hygiene, it's being part of a convenant with G-d.

    Read a little more carefully before you get so excited. I didn't ask why people in general choose to have their sons circumcised, I asked why my MOM was so worked up about it. If she was Jewish, there wouldn't be much confusion as to her response, and I wouldn't be posting about it.
    image ButterBean13:
    Anyone else had this issue? My parents are not at all religious, so it's not that.....Is this a generational thing? Regional? I'm in Texas, btw.....
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  • image Andy28:

    where the hell did you get your information??? It's not JUST a generation thing: it can be for religious reasons.

       We're Jewish. In our religion it is law for our son to be circumsized. It is not for health and hygiene, it's being part of a convenant with G-d.

    She stated very clearly in her post that her parents are not religious at all so in their case it is not for religious reasons and she was asking if it could be generational or regional.  No where did she say that circing has nothing to do with religion.

    To the OP, I think it's a little of both.  When your parents were having children most people were circing because it was recommended by major medical associations and thought to be medically necessary.  This is no longer the case and I think people of older generations have trouble excepting that because it's different than what they used to believe.  Also, circ rates are definitely higher in some regions than others.  At any rate, you and DH need to do what you feel is right and your parents need to get over it and learn to respect your parenting decisions. 

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  • Personally, I don't see where your mom gets off trying to dictate the cosmetic appearance of your son's penis. First of all, it's not her penis. Secondly, it's not her son. And last but not least, you're right in saying that not all boys are circumcised, so he probably won't be alone in the "baby turtle" camp. I would tell her that you've made your decision and butt out!

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  • To her credit, she did end the conversation today with "It's your baby and your decision, so this is the last time I will bring it up.".......And that is mature of her, but I guess I wasn't expecting her to be so surprised about the whole thing. We are very close, and I don't want her to worry about the boy's delicate psyche throughout his locker room years, so I think I will let her know that half the boys in the locker room will be uncut....that should ease her "being made fun of" fears. Even if 50% isn't the accurate circumcision rate for Texas, she will never know unless she takes some sort of penis survey. Ha.
  • image ams8099:
    I don't buy the locker room excuse. What teenage boy is going to admit he was looking at another guy's junk? 

     

    I was just asking DH about this and he said that guys don't look at other guys. 

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  • image mrsjgintz:
    I think it's regional and generational.  However, after all the research and the fact that my hubby is we are going with circ.  I think that it is important that LO resembles their father whetherthey are or not, it helps with their gender association.  For us I don't have one so after research I told my DH it was his decision, if it were a Q abt breasts or girl parts after consesus it would be upto me.  ANyways, between matching, which may sound silly but peds say IS important and the fact that it's better safe than sorry rule of thumb I don't feel strong abt circ'ing him.  My dad, FIL and BIL's are all circ'd...if they weren't I would say he shouldn't be, but sorry for the bad quote, but I believe it's a family affair...tehe.  GL, to each his own, if still on fence I wouldask OB and PED, mine both still advocate for.

    Do you mean your ped., because I have never even once heard a pediatrician say it is important to match the father. Also, how does it help with their gender association?  I cannot buy that. It's still a penis, either way. My husband is circ'd but we're not circing our son. It's actually quite common.

  • In 2009, only 33% of baby boys were circumcised - mainly because insurance companies mostly deem the procedure "cosmetic" and unnecessary. When people had to pay OOP for it, most opted against cutting. Uncircumcised boys will be the majority when your LO is old enough to be "made fun of in the locker room" - which is ridiculous anyway. Boys don't stare at one another's penises. 

    We're not circumcising our son, after doing a ton of research. We don't feel the need to explain it or justify it to anyone. It's our decision and it's what we believe is right. We don't owe anyone any explanations. 

    It's none of your mom's business. Just don't talk about it with her again. 

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  • image mrsjgintz:
    I think it's regional and generational.  However, after all the research and the fact that my hubby is we are going with circ.  I think that it is important that LO resembles their father whetherthey are or not, it helps with their gender association.  For us I don't have one so after research I told my DH it was his decision, if it were a Q abt breasts or girl parts after consesus it would be upto me.  ANyways, between matching, which may sound silly but peds say IS important and the fact that it's better safe than sorry rule of thumb I don't feel strong abt circ'ing him.  My dad, FIL and BIL's are all circ'd...if they weren't I would say he shouldn't be, but sorry for the bad quote, but I believe it's a family affair...tehe.  GL, to each his own, if still on fence I wouldask OB and PED, mine both still advocate for.

    They've already made their decision NOT to circ. I don't understand the point of your post - explaining all of the reasons you and your H decided to circ your son. She was asking if others have dealt with negativity from family. I just don't see the point of your your post at all. 

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  • image mrsjgintz:
    I think it's regional and generational.  However, after all the research and the fact that my hubby is we are going with circ.  I think that it is important that LO resembles their father whetherthey are or not, it helps with their gender association.  For us I don't have one so after research I told my DH it was his decision, if it were a Q abt breasts or girl parts after consesus it would be upto me.  ANyways, between matching, which may sound silly but peds say IS important and the fact that it's better safe than sorry rule of thumb I don't feel strong abt circ'ing him.  My dad, FIL and BIL's are all circ'd...if they weren't I would say he shouldn't be, but sorry for the bad quote, but I believe it's a family affair...tehe.  GL, to each his own, if still on fence I wouldask OB and PED, mine both still advocate for.

    I do not think this is a common view among pediatritians since the AAP's stance is that it is not necessary.

    Just food for thought...are not little girls are able to identify with their mothers even though they do not have breasts or pubic hair?

    OP--I would just not entertain the discussion with your mom anymore. If it comes up again tell her that this is a matter between you and your DH.

  • Do your boobs look exactly like your moms? Does your chin? Nose? Vagina?

     If it were me I'd bring those points up and I'd also tell her that it's not my decision whether or not to get cosmetic surgery on my child.  If he wants it later in life he can get it done....

  • My parents circumcised one of my brothers, but not the other.  So we asked them for their opinions.  Both said to go for it, and both circumcised their little boys. (in Texas)

    We're in the UK where it's hardly done, but we're going ahead with it.  Ultimately I left it up to DH because as the OP said, I don't have a penis.

     

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