2nd Trimester

Why is it important for the baby to look like us?

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I remember when my friend Regan had her first baby. You could tell she got annoyed when people said her daughter looked just like her husband -- which she did.  However, as she turned 1 - 2, she now looks like her mom.  Anyhow, at the time I couldn't understand why people saying that would bother her.

Now I get it!

We had our 3/4D ultrasound today (which was awesome).  But...the baby looks just like my husband.  She has his features, very noticeably.  And it upset me!  I think my husband is gorgeous, truly, and I can't really pin point why this bothers me so much but it does!

I know one of the reasons I am kind of upset is bc when we first told his mom we were pregnant,  before we even know if the baby was a boy or girl, she said (several times) "Oh I hope the  baby looks like BJ" (which is soo rude).  So now I will have to hear even more how he looks like "his" side of the family.

But to be honest, the reason this bothers me goes deeper than that -- I just don't know why.  Anyone else feel the same way or can complete this sentence - I hope that baby looks like me or has some of my physical features because........


Re: Why is it important for the baby to look like us?

  • No, sorry, I think you're overreacting. My DS was the spitting image of DH when he was born, and now there's no doubting that he's my son. In general, newborn babies (even girls) almost always resemble fathers more than mothers. My dr. called this "nature's paternity test." Frankly, all newborns look like little old men, so it's not surprising.

    I still don't get why people get upset about this. Why would you care if your child looked more like your spouse?

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  • my dd looks just like dh, and i think it's cute.  she has his eyes, his hair, his face, everything.  i love comparing his baby pictures to hers.  for me i guess it's just not a big deal that she doesn't look like me.  i look like my dad, and i don't think anyone ever gave my mom a hard time about it.
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  • My DH has a big nose. And if this baby ends up with his nose, I'll probably be upset. Not because she looks like H, but because I know a girl can't pull off that nose without being made fun of. And of course, I'll love her no matter what, it hurts my heart to think of the pain she may be in because of other kid's cruelty.

    But, her looking like my DH in general wouldn't bother me. Now, listening to his mother go on and on, that might. haha.

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  • image august06mom:

    In general, newborn babies (even girls) almost always resemble fathers more than mothers. My dr. called this "nature's paternity test."

    I have read a few articles about this theory, that in pre-historic times if babies didn't look like their fathers then they were disowned or something to that affect.  There have been many theories batted around that that is why babies often look like their dad's when they are born.  I don't know if there is any factual basis for this, but it does seem that most new born babies look more like their dad than their mom.  I have noticed that as the kids grow that can change though.

    I really wouldn't worry about who the baby looks like in utero.  Your baby is going to change so much and I am sure she will look like you too eventually.


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  • Oh goodness...As long as that wonderful baby is healthy, who cares? Your DD will be amazing no matter who she looks like!!! Trust me!
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  • image cynnnabun:

    My DH has a big nose. And if this baby ends up with his nose, I'll probably be upset. Not because she looks like H, but because I know a girl can't pull off that nose without being made fun of. And of course, I'll love her no matter what, it hurts my heart to think of the pain she may be in because of other kid's cruelty.

    But, her looking like my DH in general wouldn't bother me. Now, listening to his mother go on and on, that might. haha.

    That was the only thing I was worried about when pregnant with DD. I didn't care who she looked like as long as she had my nose. DH has a prominent nose and the end is flat. It is great for a man, but his cousin who is stunning has the same nose and it just doesn't look right on a girl.

    I understand getting a little upset, try not to let it get to you too much though.

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  • image cynnnabun:

    My DH has a big nose. And if this baby ends up with his nose, I'll probably be upset. Not because she looks like H, but because I know a girl can't pull off that nose without being made fun of. And of course, I'll love her no matter what, it hurts my heart to think of the pain she may be in because of other kid's cruelty.

    But, her looking like my DH in general wouldn't bother me. Now, listening to his mother go on and on, that might. haha.

    This exactly!! lol  My hubby knows he has a funny nose, so he always says he hopes our kid gets my nose, esp if it's a girl!!


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  • Forchristsakes.   We carry these kids around for 40 weeks, through flu, through sinus infections, through peeing my pants, braxton-hicks, no sleep, morning sickness, stretchmarks and sleep deprivation.  THEN LABOUR and squeeze them out our vaginas.

    If moms want them to look a little like themselves, why are people cutting them down for that?

     

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  • I wouldn't mind if the baby looks like DH, he's pretty cute; I'd love for her to get his eyes or his smile; but I don't want her to inherit his build. He has a very large, masculine frame, as do all the women in his family...I guess I want her to look like me because I don't want her to look like the women on his side. I want her to look like me just for the sake of looking feminine. I can't imagine if she got that beefy build, or MIL's nose......Eeeek!
  • I would love if our baby looked like him, boy or girl. I tell him that all the time, but he says he wants it to look like me if it's a girl and him if it's a boy.
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  • After MIL saw Zack for the first time, the very first thing out of her mouth was, "He looks JUST like (MH) when he was a baby!" I will admit, it irked a little -- kind of like MIL was saying Zack was v2.0 of her son rather than his own self. Which, no, he's just as much my child.

    You know what really bugged me, though? When people would say "He looks just like his dad! (pause) I'm sorry." I mean -- really? I happen to kind of like my husband, and anyway, why would you say something if you thought it was going to upset me?

    If it's any consolation, now that Zack is older, the first thing people remark on is that he looks like his mom. Babies change so much that you really can't say who'll they'll end up resembling more.

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  • I wouldn't mind at all if my LO looked like DH. We both look very different- He is light skinned, blond, and blue eyed and I am more olive skinned, dark eyes and dark hair. So it will be interesting to see what features the baby takes.

    I actually don't like my own nose- not too big, but just a nice Italian bump over the bridge. Facing front I don't have issues but I've always hated my profile. (However, less and less over the years, never hating it enough to get a nose job) Anyway, wouldn't be a huge issue for a girl since overall I like my face, but I would still like her to have a straighter nose.

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  • OP - didn't you just post this on 3rd tri yesterday?

    http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/48495401.aspx

     

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  • image samfish2bcrab:

    Forchristsakes.   We carry these kids around for 40 weeks, through flu, through sinus infections, through peeing my pants, braxton-hicks, no sleep, morning sickness, stretchmarks and sleep deprivation.  THEN LABOUR and squeeze them out our vaginas.

    If moms want them to look a little like themselves, why are people cutting them down for that?

    THIS!!  I had a hard pregnancy and 6 month recovery from DD.  I was prepared for her to look like DH, but what really got under my skin was everyone else in DH's family telling me how much DD looked like them.  But, I will say that at 18 months she is beginning to favor me and my side of the family more and she's had my smile from day 1 (even if it was just gas in the beginning Stick out tongue

  • I was adopted at birth and always felt a little out of place in my own family. They are Scandinavian, and so am I, but we share no features other than hair/eye color.  I have always hoped my children will look like me, if for no other reason than to just have a connection.  I have met my biological parents/siblings and it is really SO cool to share a nose, funny toes, crooked smile, etc.  I'm excited to pass these things along!
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  • image samfish2bcrab:

    Forchristsakes.   We carry these kids around for 40 weeks, through flu, through sinus infections, through peeing my pants, braxton-hicks, no sleep, morning sickness, stretchmarks and sleep deprivation.  THEN LABOUR and squeeze them out our vaginas.

    If moms want them to look a little like themselves, why are people cutting them down for that?

    This exactly.  My DS looks just like his dad and he and I both get a little irritated having to hear the same comments all the time.  Creating a baby is a joint venture.  Is it so wrong to wish that the baby resemble both parents?

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  • image samfish2bcrab:

    Forchristsakes.   We carry these kids around for 40 weeks, through flu, through sinus infections, through peeing my pants, braxton-hicks, no sleep, morning sickness, stretchmarks and sleep deprivation.  THEN LABOUR and squeeze them out our vaginas.

    If moms want them to look a little like themselves, why are people cutting them down for that?

    Agreed.  DH's family is going nuts about how much the baby looks like DH in the ultrasound photos.  And he/she totally does, and I think it's cute, and so amazing to see my husband's features in my child!  But I'm also a little annoyed by all the fuss, and I think probably a big part of it is that this has been a really hard pregnancy for me and it would be nice to think that my baby has a little bit of me in her too!  (Although of course there is a lot more to me than the way I look!)

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  • DH's great-grandmother was Sicilian, and literally everyone in their family since her has black hair, dark eyes, and Italian features. I'd be surprised if my lame Northern European genes have any impact on a run like that.

    I will say that I hope any daughters we have get my build; the other heavy-player in DH's gene pool is his giant German great-grandfather, and all the people---men and women alike---in his family are very tall and big-boned. DH's grandmother even joked that she hopes I make their family a little smaller.

    But in general---eh, I'm fully expecting our kids to look just like DH, so if they don't, it'll be a surprise.

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  • I would love for my child to be the perfect hybrid of the two of us. We both have certain features that are better than the other. DH has blue eyes which would be cool to pass on.  I have a darker skin tone that I would prefer for her just because I think it would be annoying to have to deal with a super pale baby, lol. DH is CONSTANTLY reapplying sun screen and still burning.
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  • DS looks just like DH in every single way. He even does little things that remind me of DH. We joke that I just carried him, that DH did all of the creation. But to be honest, I love it. It melts my heart to see a little miniature version of my DH.

  • image samfish2bcrab:

    Forchristsakes.   We carry these kids around for 40 weeks, through flu, through sinus infections, through peeing my pants, braxton-hicks, no sleep, morning sickness, stretchmarks and sleep deprivation.  THEN LABOUR and squeeze them out our vaginas.

    If moms want them to look a little like themselves, why are people cutting them down for that?

     



    This x1000!  DD came out looking EXACTLY like DH, and his nieces, etc.  All I kept hearing, was, oh, it's a "MIL's maiden name" baby.  It was like I was useless, not necesary and had NOTHING to do with the kid at all.  It really got on my nerves.  Even to the size of her feet/length of her fingers, they insisted that she was all theirs (beyond ridiculous, and totally unnecessary).  After going through 40 weeks, labor, and hearing that over and over again, it gets old.  Plus, we had months of reflux, colic, intolerances (I gave up dairy, soy, wheat, nuts, fish plus some more, to I could nurse her for 10 months).  You wish that they somewhat resemble you so you can see yourself in them a little bit after putting up with so much.  It's not the end of the world, but it can get to a hormonal, exhausted mom.
  • I just pray for a healthy baby.  Your mom-in-law does sound a bit inconsiderate.Stick out tongue
  • I think my husband is very handsome, so I wouldn't mind if our children favor him.

    However, DH just happens to look IDENTICAL to his mom (who is actually not very pretty. Somehow, the features don't work on females).

    Additionally, MIL and I don't get a long very well.... or at all. If we had a better relationship, I might not mind if she oogles and says, "She looks just like DH!" But in this scenario (and bc we're having a girl), I hope she favors her mama. Big Smile

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  • I think you are over reacting. Babies faces change after their born anyway. And perhaps your mother-in-law loves her son so much that she would want another copy like him (a feminane version). As soon as you see that baby's face you will think she is the most beautiful baby in the world and no other baby is as pretty as her. :)
  • Because I'm thankful that my baby is healthy and I know she'll be beautiful no matter if she looks like my hubby or myself.
  • My husband and I don't really care who the baby looks like, we just want him healthy, but I have noticed that my H's parents get irritated every time we mentioned that the baby is a mini copy of me, we had the 4D ultrasound and he looks a lot like me, my baby boy is going to be the only one in my H's family to keep the family's lastname, so I supposed they wanted a baby that looks more like them, we are a multi-racial couple, and I'm a daughter of a multi-racial couple too, my mix is one of the things my husband finds more beautiful about me and he loves that our son is looking like me. After 40 weeks carrying my baby I believe a mother have all the right to want her baby to look like at her, or have some resemblance.
  • Don't feel bad at all! I sometimes get down on myself for feeling that way! I think my husband is gorgeous, but his little sister looks EXACTLY like him. We're having a girl and I don't want the baby to look exactly like him because then she'll look exactly like my sister-in-law. I want my baby to look a little bit like me! I want the baby to look like my baby, not like she belongs to my sister-in-law! PLUS, I don't think she was a cute baby or kid growing up. :( He always said he hopes the baby didn't get his nose, but from our u/s pic, it looks like she definitely has his mouth and nose. I know it's something silly to think about and I know that we all just want a healthy, happy baby, but don't beat yourself up about thinking about the looks and wanting your baby to have some of your looks in her. My husband said that if the baby looks like him, she'll have my personality, but I still want her to look a little like me. :)

  • Wink

    Well, as long as it doesnt look like the pool boy, I think your good.  haha

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