2nd Trimester

Feeling unloved - flameworthy

I am feeling a little unloved. I live 3.5 hours away from my family and a good group of friends. I have a group of about 6 girlfriends here where I live that are throwing me a shower. No one in my family, or other group of friends are throwing me a shower. Not my mom, my sister, my aunts, MH?s mom, sister or aunts has mentioned it. And, they can?t be throwing a surprise shower because I have no plans to go home any time soon. Even if someone was to offer now, it is too late. I can?t travel around Christmas and after as it is too late in pregnancy. All the other weekends before that are completely booked up w/ classes, weddings I am doing flowers for, travel etc.

 

I even mentioned to my mom this morning that MH and I worked on our baby registry this weekend. Her reply, ?registry? For what?? I told her a small group of friends was throwing me a shower in December. She asked when. So, as far as she knew before I told her, I was not even having a shower.

 

It?s not about the presents. I will repeat, it?s not about the presents. Family and friends normally throw showers as a way to pamper, pay attention to, support, and love mom-to-be. I am the first on my side to have a baby. It is my parents first grandchild, my sisters first niece, my grandparents first great grandchild. It is my IL?s first grandbaby. So, it?s not like they are baby showered out or anything. In a way I feel unloved. I think I am super emotional too and it is really getting to me and I am taking it personally.  I see so many of you with 2 and 3 showers with your sister, your mom and your MIL and I just wonder why my family doesn?t care about me? Anyone have any suggestions to get out of my funk? Amy I being completely selfish? I know I might get flamed for this, but I trust you ladies...

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Re: Feeling unloved - flameworthy

  • Perhaps your family is planning on surprising you at your local shower and your mom played it off really well!
  • I understand how are you feeling, but at least your friends are throwing you one. I don't have many friends in the area...both our families live out of state... so I won't be having one at all.
  • I will not flame you. I would feel the same way if no one even mentioned throwing me one in my family, especially with it being the first grandchild. I have no suggestions for you. Just know that you are not being selfish. It is a completely normal feeling.
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  • I don't think you are being silly at all. ?I'm so sorry that you feel this way and was not offered a shower. ?Honestly If I would have been in your situation I would have thrown myself a shower. ?If anyone asked I would have told them well nobody else offered! ?I know it's hard not to get upset with all the hormones but just try to get over it and enjoy the small shower you are getting from your few friends. ?It may not be a abig shower but it will be great if you make the best of it.

    ?I also wanted to ask why didn't you just tell your family howyou felt in the beginning and ask them why they didn't throw you a shower? ?They may be clueless? ?Since it's their first grandchild etc.?

  • I'm sorry. Do they typically go to baby showers? Maybe they are thinking they will be invited to the baby shower your friends in your town are throwing?

    I only had one shower for DD. Originally it was going to be just a shower for my friends here in town along with a few co-workers, but my co-workers went in and got me a travel swing as a gift at the end of the school year, and I didn't want them to feel like I was asking for more gifts...so instead I asked my friend who was throwing me the shower if I could invite family to the one she threw. It was small, but fun, and we had gotten plenty of stuff from family even before/after the baby shower.

     Keep your chin up, and go pamper yourself!!

  • image Quazel:
    Perhaps your family is planning on surprising you at your local shower and your mom played it off really well!

    This was my first thought too!

    And, I do NOT think this is flame worthy...this is a special time and you deserve special treatment.
    Kudos to your friends who will make you fell like a princess!

  • no flames here.  I would feel the same way.  I'm sorry if that's how it is and they aren't just playing it off.  Is it possible that maybe they know how busy you are and are planning a meet the baby party for you?
  • Leslie, this nearly made me cry! I can't believe your mom's response. I can totally understand your feelings. I really hope they are planning something, but in case they aren't, could you invite them to visit for a pre-baby celebration since you won't be able to travel to them? I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.
  • I can't flame you because I feel the same way.  We live in AZ and my family and friends from high school and college all live in VA.  We are going to be around for Thanksgiving, but I am pretty sure that nothing is going to happen so I am trying not to get my hopes up.

    I completely feel the same way you do.  We can easily afford all the baby stuff, but it would be really nice to celebrate this little one. 

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  • I kinda feel the same way.  My mom mentioned a shower, but hasn't mentioned it anymore.  My DH's side hasn't mentioned anything at all.  Only a small group of my friends here where I live will throw me one this weekend.  I live 9 hours from other family and friends.  I will only go there for Thanksgiving and, as far as I know, nothing is being planned.  Not that it's about the presents, but we can't afford to buy everything we need for baby.

    I'm sorry you feel this way.

  • I will invite some of my family/other friends to my local shower. But, honestly, that means everyone will have to travel 3.5 hours for a Sunday afternoon shower. And, I don't know if my grandmother/aunt would even make the trip.

    My mom and sister have been to showers, so they aren't completely clueless. But, my mom's comment today and not even having a clue that I was having this one shower just throws me. As far as she knew, I was having nothing - and she was okay with that.

  • You know - this is absurd. I have teared up at least 4x today over this. I guess I just realized yesterday that nobody was going to do anything. I am sitting here crying @ my desk right now.

    I really don't think they have plans for a surprise shower or anyone really coming to this other one.  

     

  • image leslienpete:

    You know - this is absurd. I have teared up at least 4x today over this. I guess I just realized yesterday that nobody was going to do anything. I am sitting here crying @ my desk right now.

    I really don't think they have plans for a surprise shower or anyone really coming to this other one.  

     

    Awww, I'm so sorry!  I feel terrible for you!  I hope that the previous posters are right and she's doing a great job tricking you so she can surprise you later.  I don't know how close you are to her, but can you let her know how much it means to you to have her involved and excited about her grandchild...maybe she'll understand where you're coming from.

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  • I'm sorry you're feeling that way!

    Are they invited to the shower your friends are throwing?  maybe they think more than 1 shower is too much?  Or is it possible they are going to throw you a surprise one where you live? 

  • this is not absurd at all...I feel the same way. Like no one even notices or cares when they should be as excited as you are...or at least only a little less excited.

    well I hope that things do perk up, but if they don't why not join some classes with other moms? You can always find solace through new friends.

  • I only had the shower thrown by my local friends.  My SIL's were going to throw me a shower, but then one of them kind of had a hissy fit, because nobody threw HER a shower.  So they didn't, and none of them came to my other shower, because they had been planning on having their own, and since they were planning on having one, none of the rest of the family was invited to my one here. (Not that anyone would have come, most live 6+ hours away) 

    So I know how you feel.   My mom ended up flying in for my one shower, because I had no plans to go out to where she lives before baby was born. (I live in Iowa and they live in Washington State)  But it would have been nice to have had a family shower.  She was the only family member from either side that came. 

  • I am so sorry that you are so sad about this. I can understand how you are feeling to though! I am 6 hours away from my mom and some old friends... and my mom hadn't mentioned anyhting about a baby shower. Soooo....  I flat out asked her when she was throwing my shower.  For me ettiquette  flys out the window when it comes to my mom.  Sometimes they need a little nudge, so maybe you should tell her how you are feeling.

    image leslienpete:

    You know - this is absurd. I have teared up at least 4x today over this. I guess I just realized yesterday that nobody was going to do anything. I am sitting here crying @ my desk right now.

    I really don't think they have plans for a surprise shower or anyone really coming to this other one.  

     

  • I am so sorry that you are so sad about this. I can understand how you are feeling to though! I am 6 hours away from my mom and some old friends... and my mom hadn't mentioned anyhting about a baby shower. Soooo....  I flat out asked her when she was throwing my shower.  For me ettiquette  flys out the window when it comes to my mom.  Sometimes they need a little nudge, so maybe you should tell her how you are feeling.

    image leslienpete:

    You know - this is absurd. I have teared up at least 4x today over this. I guess I just realized yesterday that nobody was going to do anything. I am sitting here crying @ my desk right now.

    I really don't think they have plans for a surprise shower or anyone really coming to this other one.  

     

  • I know that some people traditionally throw a shower once the baby is here. I've been to a couple like this. So maybe your family is planning to do one once baby arrives.

    ?

    I'm sorry your feelings got hurt though! I can only imagine how you must feel.?

  • Awww... Leslie...  I am so sorry that you're feeling this way and I think you may be having a super-emotional day...  I have been there too...  Its no fun!

    I'm only having one shower too...  unless a "suprise" shower is planned, but I doubt it... 

    You need a hug! 

    Its possible that it hasn't occured to the family that no one is giving you a shower...  it could be a communication issue...??  Girl, keep your head up...  Today will be over soon enough... take a warm bubble bath and put your feet up...  You're loved, I promise!!

  • I'm so sorry, I would be very sad too.  Do you think that it's possible, this being the first grandchild and all, that they maybe don't know who should be responsible for throwing such an event. Maybe, they are all thinking it is not thier job and someone else should do it. 

  • No flame here either- I would feel the same way. I'm sorry about your moms response. If you want we can throw you a board shower!!!
  • I feel so bad for you.  I know exactly how you feel.  Hopefully, like pp said, your mom played it off really well and will be there.
  • awww honey I will throw you a damn shower if you live in the ocean city md area!!!!
  • Aw, I'm really sorry.  I thought nobody was going to step up and throw my shower too, but my SIL finally did. I think she is because she feels obligated to since I am throwing hers. Like PP, maybe they'll throw you a surprise one since it is the first grandchild and all.  If not, at least you will have a local shower. Keep your chin up and keep us posted. 

  • I'm sorry!  I can't say that I blame you.  Our showers are something we look forward to from the time we find out we are pregnant.  Hopefully your mom got the hint and is planning *something.*
  • I live in an area where I know NO ONE. I have no showers planned, cause I cant go home and even if I did, I only talk to my sister. (my mother and I have never gotten along because she is insane and I tell her so).

    So be happy you are getting your girlfriends to celebrate your child. :)

  • I'm sorry that this is happening ... I'm glad your friends are haveing one for you. The same thing is kinda happening to me and it totally makes me feel unloved by my family. And they are local. It bothered me so much that I even mentioned it and to my Mom and Sisters and they pretty much just brush me off. But I'm glad that my job will be having one for me...

     Hope everything turns out well.... Just a thought... mabey when you do decide to visit your family (even after the baby is born you can through your self one with your family a "Welcome the Baby to the Family" party. - Just a thought.

  • I'm so sorry you have to worry about this. You have every right to feel the way that you do.

     I agree with a previous poster... if it were up to me, all etiquette would be out the window with my mom. I would just tell her how hurt I was and how much I had hoped that she or another family member would throw a shower for me in my hometown.

     She may just not realize.

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  • So sorry--I understand.  No one in my family mentioned throwing a shower for me either.  AND I threw a beautiful baby shower for my sister in January.  At least we have wonderful friends.  Lean on them.  Good luck.
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