Stay at Home Moms

Need advice re: In-laws visit, please!

So my MIL is supposed to come stay with us for four weeks next month.  She's lovely, but a little tough to have as a long-term houseguest, since she doesn't always get along with the girls too well, and vice-versa, and she's not super-duper helpful in terms of picking up housework and whatnot.  She's also not in the best health and pretty timid, so is not the go out on her own and entertain herself type.  Last time she visited, and last time we visited them, I felt like I had to come up with entertainment for her every day.  Not to mention the added stress of trying to get the girls to be nice to her and take to her.  Again, all things not her fault at all, just sort of how she is.

Well, the only thing saving my sanity with this upcoming four week visit was that she's supposed to be going on a trip within that time for 8 days.  The same week that DH is scheduled to be out of town.  Just found out she's not taking this trip now.  I have been near tears ever since learning this - I don't know how I'm going to cope with her here for that long!  DH works really really long hours during the week, and like I said, will be gone for at least one week of this visit.  And also, she now plans to come again in May so that she can see the new baby AND do her originally planned trip.

I'm at a loss of what to do, if anything?  Do I just suck it up, don't worry about it, and hope that things will be just fine, which they very well may be?  Do I suggest she put off the entire visit until May?  Do I suggest she consider shortening her time here?  Do I insist DH stay here during her visit?  (Not really an option, he really needs to go for work)

Thanks in advance if you made it this far, and thanks in advance for any advice! :(

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Re: Need advice re: In-laws visit, please!

  • This really sucks, I am so sorry you are in this position

     I would insist that your DH plan things for her to do that week.  I feel like crying for you just thinking about you there with her and your DH away

    Is there a reason she stays with you for four weeks?  That is a REALLY long time for anyone to stay.  Is a hotel an option?  This is a huge burden on you, especially since your DH is working.  Is he taking any time off? 

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  • you don't want advice from me.

    that is for sure.

     

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  • You don't want advice from me either.  Last time MIL came to visit DH took the entire visit off from work because he knew it would be BAD if he did not. 

    Four weeks is a VERY LONG time.  You are an amazing person for even attempting this. 

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  • image eaglesfan700:

    Is there a reason she stays with you for four weeks?  That is a REALLY long time for anyone to stay.  Is a hotel an option?  This is a huge burden on you, especially since your DH is working.  Is he taking any time off? 

    It's just because it's such a looong trip, nearly 24 hours.  My parents stay that long, too, but they come together, entertain themselves, and are super helpful so a real treat to have!  But DH is such a good sport about them staying, I am trying to be the same.

    DH can take off a day here or there but not really enough to make a difference. 

    Stacy, I will take any and all advice! 

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  • image lilone_06:
    image eaglesfan700:

    Is there a reason she stays with you for four weeks?  That is a REALLY long time for anyone to stay.  Is a hotel an option?  This is a huge burden on you, especially since your DH is working.  Is he taking any time off? 

    It's just because it's such a looong trip, nearly 24 hours.  My parents stay that long, too, but they come together, entertain themselves, and are super helpful so a real treat to have!  But DH is such a good sport about them staying, I am trying to be the same.

    DH can take off a day here or there but not really enough to make a difference. 

    Stacy, I will take any and all advice! 

    Is that 24 hours flying or driving??  Where is she coming from?  And it's easier to be a "good sport" when they are actually being helpful.  To be taking care of two children and being pregnant and now also having to entertain an adult (cook, clean, etc) for a month is insane.  And unless your DH stays home to entertain your parents the entire month they are there, it's really not the same.

    It should be DH's job to make sure she has appropriate entertainment.  Maybe make sure he is in charge of dinner on some nights (or maybe he can convince MIL to help there).

    If you take Stacy's advice, you won't have to worry about MIL coming to visit anymore;-)

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  • LOL, Stacy's advice may be something along the lines of, aim for the bushes, not the driveway.

    I'm sorry you're in this position. I can't imagine having a houseguest, especially my MIL, for four weeks! Is she going to stay that long again in May? How frequently does she usually come?


  • image MAprincess:
    image lilone_06:
    image eaglesfan700:

    Is there a reason she stays with you for four weeks?  That is a REALLY long time for anyone to stay.  Is a hotel an option?  This is a huge burden on you, especially since your DH is working.  Is he taking any time off? 

    It's just because it's such a looong trip, nearly 24 hours.  My parents stay that long, too, but they come together, entertain themselves, and are super helpful so a real treat to have!  But DH is such a good sport about them staying, I am trying to be the same.

    DH can take off a day here or there but not really enough to make a difference. 

    Stacy, I will take any and all advice! 

    Is that 24 hours flying or driving??  Where is she coming from?  And it's easier to be a "good sport" when they are actually being helpful.  To be taking care of two children and being pregnant and now also having to entertain an adult (cook, clean, etc) for a month is insane.  And unless your DH stays home to entertain your parents the entire month they are there, it's really not the same.

    It should be DH's job to make sure she has appropriate entertainment.  Maybe make sure he is in charge of dinner on some nights (or maybe he can convince MIL to help there).

    If you take Stacy's advice, you won't have to worry about MIL coming to visit anymore;-)

    lmao- this is true lilone. Watch what kind of advice you ask for.

    http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/47693703.aspx

    this just happened last week. Back story- same as yours- my DH works 12hrs a day, my inlaws are very opinionated, yet just sit around and stare at me, they never left the house- they left dishes all over the place, i could go on and on and on.

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  • We live in Australia, so it's a very long and expensive flight.  Which is why they only come once a year (or so I thought!) and stay for a bit.

    So, am I crazy or does this sound like a bit much?  Her four week solo visit now plus another in May?  I thought I was just being a baby about it.... Do you all think I should speak up and suggest some alternate plans?

    I want to reiterate that she's not an unpleasant person, very lovely, just her personality and mine are way different, so it results in alot of added stress for me.

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  • I don't have much advice, but wanted to say that it's much easier for DH to be a good sport about your parents. My parents come and stay about 4 weeks once a year. They are helpful and play with DD, but they even get on my nerves at times. Lol. DH is at work 12+ hours so he doesn't have to deal with your parents nearly as much as you have to deal with his mom. If you can, I'd suggest she just wait for the visit when baby gets here.
    Andrea 7/9/08, Joaquin 4/18/11, boy coming 12/18/13 Forever missed: Gabriel 11/24/09 at 20 weeks
  • do you know any eligible senior gentleman you can fix her up with?

    I'm sorry.  This sounds like such a difficult situation.

  • I don't think there is anything wrong with you wanting YH to be home when HIS mom is visiting. Since she is planning on coming in May (for another 4 wks. I assume) I would attempt to see if she would postpone the trip. You could always use the out that you would prefer her to come when the new baby has arrived.
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  • Is it naive of me to wonder why you have to entertain her?? When my mom visits we go do a couple of activities that I would've wanted to do anyway but otherwise it's business as usual. I point her to my bookshelves, stack of magazines and the remote control. She knows the pooch is always game for a walk around the neighborhood. Just one monthly visit per year means she's there almost 10% of the time! I know it's easier said than done but I think her needs/wants should be on the backburner.
  • I definitely think that I'd ask her to wait until May if she's planning to come again to see the baby.  I couldn't deal with my MIL for an entire month now and a long trip again in May, and we have a really great relationship.
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  • You must have a MIL like mine. She is a sweet person and I am sure means well but just doesn't GET IT! She leaves me messes and makes the kids CRAZY! Maybe run her on errands or give her chores to do or make her do arts and crafts with the kids. I know I can get my mother in law to read the kids 100 books if they ask her enough times :@) Keeps them all busy for a lil while! I had my in-laws+SIL live with us for 3 months and I have 3 kids and we live in a 3 bedroom so it was CRAZY but you have just got to take a deep breath and count down the days and try and make memories while you are at it. I hope it goes ok for you! Best of Luck!
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