That's how I've felt the past week. I'm going to try to keep this short...
J started texting me and telling me that he wanted us to start hanging out b/c "Tatum will be here soon" I wanted to text him back and say are you kidding? I had no clue!!! But, I didn't. I was going to stand firm and not hang out with him. Well, we went to church last night and then went to dinner after and had a long talk about things.
He wants to be the one I call when I go in labor. He wants to be in the room with me. He wants to help out as much as he can after she's born. But...I had emailed him last week and told him that I just wanted to prepare him that I wouldn't be giving her his last name b/c he's been absent the last 3 months of this pregnancy and there is no way I will just let him have that right. His response to that "How do I know she's my child then, if she has SOMEONE ELSE'S last name (she will take my last name)." I was floored. He said...she's obviously yours b/c you have carried her the last 9 months and he isn't tied to her any other way. So would I please just let her have his last name. I told him that it wasn't up for discussion. He apologized for a lot and told me that he's going to go see someone for his issues and hopes he can get on medication b/c he's tired of the way he is and wants to get help. He said all the right things to me last night. But, in the back of my head...I just kept thinking of all the girls I am sure he's been hooking up with or just partying with. I don't know if he even has...just assuming. For those that dont know...I'm 31 and he's 30. So, were not young and this isn't some crazy drama bs. It's just he's freaked out totally since I got pregnant and can't get his crap together!
This morning he text me and asked how I slept. Then text me later in the day and asked how I was feeling. He's just all of a sudden so interested. I just got a call from him about 20 min ago and he had been at the Mavs game and was drunk. I don't know why, but it REALLY bothered me. I didn't even want to be on the phone. So, we ended things shortly.
Alright, I'll get to the point. How do you start trusting someone that has hurt you so much? How much do I allow him to be involved in the delivery? I don't want to be a push over but at the same time want to respect that he's trying to change.