Single Parents

Having to see DB again... (mini vent)

Now that my LO is born the downside is that DB is back. He came to the hospital for about an hour the day after she was born and then last weekend him and his mom came and visited. Now the visits have been fine and non-confrontational, but I can't help waiting for the other shoe to drop. Before I called him to tell him LO was born we hadn't talked in the slightest way for 1.5 months and seen each other for almost 4. Maybe it's selfish (well actually it is), but I don't want to share her! He doesn't deserve her. I fought to keep her and he just wanted an abortion or to opt for adoption. Mostly I'm just overwhelmed by the fact that he has tried to play Daddy, like he wanted her all along. The other thing that bugs me is that he is so clueless. We haven't talked about anything substantial like possible visitation and all the other stuff that goes along with having a baby (although child support is filed for) and I feel like once we do it will be nasty again. Oh the what ifs...

Re: Having to see DB again... (mini vent)

  • I know what you mean about not wanting to share DD. I feel the same way. DB was back and forth about whether he wanted her. One time when I was pregnant (before he went away to jail) he threatened to push me down the stairs so I would lose the baby. Once she was born though he was all about her. Basically I don't think he really cares that much about her as he hasn't tried at all to get his life together. He just plays like he does so his family will think he's a great dad.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Daisypath Wedding tickers
  • Wellllll, I hate to break it to you but even though he "doesn't deserve her" he still has rights.  Sometimes guys can change their minds once LO is born.  I understand you harbor resentment towards him, however, you cannot keep him from his child.  And he's clueless because he's a first time father.  TEACH him what he needs to know.

    You don't want LO to wonder why mommy kept daddy away.  And for not good enough reasons, it sounds like.  Try being in my shoes (or in the shoes of many ladies here) who's X's haven't seen their children in months.  It's not a fun thing to contemplate telling a child.  "Sorry, daddy was too messed up and selfish to be a part of your life". 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    image

    PM me for the new blog address!
  • image achase123:

    Wellllll, I hate to break it to you but even though he "doesn't deserve her" he still has rights.  Sometimes guys can change their minds once LO is born.  I understand you harbor resentment towards him, however, you cannot keep him from his child.  And he's clueless because he's a first time father.  TEACH him what he needs to know.

    You don't want LO to wonder why mommy kept daddy away.  And for not good enough reasons, it sounds like. 

    While it is really hard, i agree completely with Achase. Minus the part about having an Ex that hasnt seen LO in months.
    I felt the same way about my ex that you do. It's so hard to share someone you have given you life to, with someone who pretends to do it for a show. However, I have had to tell myself repeatedly that it isn't about me anymore. It doesn't matter the resentment I have for my EX, he will always be Keeton's dad and Keeton will love him. 
    My mom gave me some advice while i was in labor, and worrying that I would be a complete b!tch to people like you see on tv! haha) she told me that I can have alllll the private thoughts that I want. No one can take those away from you. I have adapted this to my relationship with my EX. I can think everything I want in my head but voicing those thoughts to him sometimes just makes things worse. Like Achase said, they are learning too. As much as it sucks sometimes we just have to roll with it!
    GL!!!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • I know you guys are right. I love that advice of saying things in your head because that's exactly what I've been doing. Completely accommodating on the outside which is why I've set up some visits and skype dates automatically instead of waiting for him to ask. I know it is better for her to have her Dad around. It's just hard to wrap my head around it, especially as it's so new. Thanks for the support :)
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards