Single Parents

This is going to be tough....

My boyfriend & I had talked about kids early in our relationship. There was just an amazing chemistry there. He had already had 3kids & when I say DOTING father....he's the epitome of it. I think that's one of the things that made me fall deeper in love with him. But then I guess the honeymoon period started to wane, things changed, & a HOST of issues began to emerge. Long story short, we slowly transitioned into the "friends with benefits" category. Even tho I still was deeply in love with him I settled for this because I didn't want to let him go & thought that maybe he'd change his mind & we'd get back together. It didn't work. in fact I think the "friends with benefits" thing complicated our friendship/relationship even more!! Well one of the last times we had sex (which ironically was supposed to be goodbye sex) I got pregnant. I thought maybe he'd be thrilled because after all this is something we've discussed before....what would happen if we were to have a baby together. But I got a shock...he is less than thrilled & even more distant now. He's even said a lot of hurtful things in the weeks since we found out about the baby. Guess a baby on top of the issues we were already having didn't help at all.

 So now I'm struggling to get over him once and for all. And it's tough because this is supposed to be one of the happiest times of my life but i feel like I haven't been able to enjoy it so far because i'm so upset about the fact that I'm doing it alone now. (even though I have a very supportive family, I never envisioned not having a mate when I finally did get pregnant). And I guess I just want him to be happy about the baby so that I can finally be happy about it. Regardless of circumstances, babies are a blessing & after having a miscarriage nearly 4yrs ago I've been waiting for this moment since then!

What hurts the most though is that I can't cut him off completely because I've already established this amazing bond with his kids & we obviously have a baby on the way. I want my child to have a relationship with their other siblings & their father. 

Any advice ladies? Not even sure if this was the appropriate thread for this but what the hey.... 

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Re: This is going to be tough....

  • Well, first of all, I'm sorry that things didn't work out.  That being said, life doesn't generally always go the way we'd hoped.  If it did, this board wouldn't exist.  You can't control what he chooses to do, although I would suggest filing for CS once the baby is here.  Maybe he will come around, maybe he won't.  But you will be the best mom you can be, single or not.
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  • We can't change the past, and as achase said, none of us thought we'd end up where we find ourselves now.  You are expecting a fabulous little miracle and regardless of his actions and response, YOU can be excited for your future with LO.  Don't let his lack of enthusiasm spoil this special time for you.  It may not seem real yet, but in a few short weeks you will begin to bond with your unborn baby and if he chooses not to, then it's his loss.
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  • It's hard, but lean on your supportive family. Share the excitement of the first kicks, doctors appointments, and everything else with them. You don't need stress or the "debbie downer" ex while you are carrying your baby. You should be excited about everything because it is magical, so don't let him rain on your parade. I just did this (My LO is 2.5 weeks!) and you can too.
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