Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

1st m/c :( Some Qs, and curious what's made you feel better

We received confirmation on the 11th that my HCG levels had seriously dropped & we lost our first baby :(  I was on progesterone and had been going for blood tests 2 - 3 times a week, so I'm greatful we at least had some warning, I think that helps... but I really want to know when this will be over.  My doctor recommended I stop taking the progesterone and seemed to think I would start bleeding the same night, but so far nothing.  I still "feel" pregnant, boobs are still swollen/tender, tummy feels kinda bloated, no headaches, cramping, bleeding or anything else that would make me feel like it's officially over... its tough to keep looking for when it all will start.  How long can it take to all be done with once a m/c is detected?

 Also, I'm really curious to hear what you all have done to make yourselves feel better.  I thought about a glass (or bottle!) of wine, but I feel kinda funny doing that before little peanut is officially gone :(  Clothes shopping is out, since I still hope we will get pregnant in the not too distant future, and I've been cooking and baking up a storm without much lasting relief from that.  What's helped you feel better in all of this? 

 Thanks in advance ladies - and hugs to you all too.

Re: 1st m/c :( Some Qs, and curious what's made you feel better

  • (warning DS pic/ticker below)

    I'm so sorry for your loss :(

    As to the timing, it really varies. My first loss I had what seemed like a normal period. My second (recent loss) was a missed miscarriage. Baby stopped growing at 6 weeks. Discovered at 12 weeks. I didn't begin bleeding till almost 13 weeks so it was quite awhile before I miscarried (7 weeks). I did pass everything naturally and it was awful. My first wasn't very painful though. This last loss, I bled total for 1 week (including the big, heavy bleeding lasting 6 hours or so. The rest was just spotting)

    As for making myself feel better...I have purchased charms for each of my babies to make a necklace with. I am getting the ultrasound pics from this 2nd loss to save. I am writing about it all. I am trying to stay busy and eat right. But I still have my bad days. I think the best thing you can do for yourself is allow yourself to be/feel however you want. It's okay to be sad and it's okay to be angry. I still struggle with trying not to force myself to be over it but like I heard the other day- it's not even been 3 weeks yet! It's alright to cry and scream if you need to. Just make sure you have support in your life and here is a great place to find it as well. Good luck working toward healing.

    image
    Loss #1 2008, Loss #2 2010, Loss #3 2011, Loss #4 2012, Loss #5 2012

    ~DS Born! 2009~
    ~DD Born! 2013~






  • I am so sorry for your loss.

    I don't have any advice on how long until you will start bleeding...I had spotting at 6 weeks (baby measured 6 weeks at that time; was 6w5d by my calculations), which turned into red blood after a week and a half, and I m/c-ed (passed sac) two days after the bleeding started.  I only bled heavily/passed lots of tissue for several hours, and then lightly for several days (with a few random tissue/heavy bleeding episodes interspersed).

    I hope the physical part happens soon for you so you can start to heal.

    I did go clothes shopping,but only bought 1 pair of jeans and 1 top.  Shoe shopping is an option (although in late pregnancy feet can swell, but I figure there are months before that) if you really think retail therapy will help...

    I started a blog to express my feelings - it helps to get things out and stop them from bouncing around in my head.  I also wrote in a paper journal a few times.... and I let myself cry. I have never cried so much in my life! as I did in the first week after we lost our baby.   I am not 'over it' but I am able to finally start moving on with my life.  I worked little and thought about nothing else for about a week, then gradually got back into work....still think about it a lot, though.

    I think a glass of wine is perfectly okay!! Be careful, though...alcohol is a depressant. I drank too much that first week and then decided I needed to stop using it to hide from feeling the sadness.  But a little bit is probably a good thing right now.  

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  • image theresat858:

    I started a blog to express my feelings - it helps to get things out and stop them from bouncing around in my head.  I also wrote in a paper journal a few times.... and I let myself cry. I have never cried so much in my life! as I did in the first week after we lost our baby.   I am not 'over it' but I am able to finally start moving on with my life.  I worked little and thought about nothing else for about a week, then gradually got back into work....still think about it a lot, though.

     I'm so sorry about your loss. I couldn't have said it any better than above. I started a blog and that's been incredibly helpful and I actually have found that I really enjoy writing. My first week I let my house become my project. I cleaned every room in the house and organized every closet, drawer, etc. This was SO helpful. It allowed me to take out my anger, frustration, hurt on something productive and now I have the cleanest house I've ever had. I think you just need to find what works best for you and allows you to heal without masking your feelings.

     

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  • I am sorry!  

    Oh, well, mine had no heartbeat, so I had no qualms about polishing off a bottle of wine while I waited for the worst.  It didn't really make me feel much better, but it was nice.  The things that really made me feel better: sleeping/taking it easy for a few days, crying it out, spending time with my husband doing things - going out for dinner and stuff, and hanging out with close friends watching movies and stuff. Since all I could do was think about it, I liked having distractions of other things in my life.

    I think only time makes it better, so whatever you can do to enjoyably pass the time, I'd go for that.  Go one day at a time.  Do something every day that makes you really happy - go for a walk, talk with friends, go shopping, see a movie, whatever.  Think of something to do in the future that you can look forward to.  My DH and I are planning a vacation to Europe this summer.  Every time I get sad, I try to think about everything I have to look forward to.

    image
    BFP 11/19/10, MC at 11w 5d 1/5/11




    image
  • When I found out that I was losing this baby, it was Dec 13th.  The doctor no longer heard a heartbeat and he gave me information on a DNC and he said "Decide if you want to do DNC or natural - think about it for a couple of weeks, then let me know".  I think he knew that my body would take care of it on it's own. I was only considering DNC because it was so close to Christmas.  I was going to schedule the DNC just to get it over with but within a week I was spotting, so I figured, what the hell, let it do it's thing.  Then another week later I had the miscarriage.  I too was on progesterone and stopped taking it right away when I found out.

    Have LOTS of ibuprofen on hand.  You can take up to 800mg (which is prescription strength).  When you start getting the strong cramps take it.  Hopefully by the time you're getting the super bad cramps the ibuprophen will be in your system enough that you'll take the edge off.  I also suggest getting something a little stronger (preferably something you can take WITH ibuprofen) from your doctor.) because the cramping can be fairly painful - they're like super strong menstrual cramps and birthing contractions all rolled up into one.

    When I had the miscarriage I used a heating pad, hot baths, but during the worst of it (for an hour and a half) i just sat on the toilet with my head on the counter cursing.  That actually helped me.  As far as "mentally" I have found that putting my mind to something really is key.  I'm planning my wedding in 2012, so I'm able to just immerse myself in that.  If you don't have something coming up, start a new project,something that takes a lot of planning (redecorate a room, reorganize closets... things that keep you busy busy busy) -- that really helped. And talking to other women here.  I wish nothing but the best for you!!!! You're in my thoughts and prayers

  • I started bleeding on my own, went to the doctor to discover no heartbeat or fetal pole.  I opted for a D&C the same day.  I honestly think the D&C and not having the wait is what helped me, it gave us closure.

    I don't think it's the norm, but talking about it and telling people about my m/c has helped.  We told alot of people we were pregnant, it has helped having everyone's support.  I can't imagine going through this "in the closet".

    I'm only a little over a week past my D&C and seriously feel emotionally healed and ready to try again.  "Baby B" will always be in my heart and I will cherish my u/s pics, but I'm ready to become pregnant again.

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  • I agree with every one above and do not want to repeat but laso just wanted to offer (((HUGS))) and say that I am so sorry for your loss.
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Missed M/C discoverd at 10w5d measuring 6w6d on 12/3/10 said goodbye 12/12/10 EDD 6/26/11 "this too shall pass"

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  • I'm so sorry for your loss. 

    I just officially found out today that I lost my first pregnancy.  I had my 12 week appointment on Thursday and my doctor couldn't find a heartbeat.  It was so hard not knowing when this whole thing would be over, and even though it isn't yet (D&C isn't until Friday), I've started to feel better just with time, acceptance, talking and crying it out, and trying to focus on other things. 

    I'm pledging to be a better doggie parent and take him for more walks even in the crappy weather, and possibly take some training classes together.  He has been a huge comfort so far, and I think that dogs have a natural way of sensing what is going on.  DH and I already started doing some mini room makeovers, so shopping for your home is a good alternative to shopping for clothes if you are going to TTC soon (we are, too).  I have always dealt with tough emotional stuff by throwing myself into projects, and one of my favorites is moving around furniture.  Physical stuff works well for me, so I'm looking forward to starting to exercise again and hopefully losing about 10-15 pounds before we TTC again as an added bonus.  Reminiscing about the past has also been very therapeutic for us both, especially listening to all our favorite bands from our college days and the beginning of our relationship.

    I'm not sure about wine, but I have been indulging in caffiene.  Giving up coffee was rough for me, and it feels very indulgent to get to have my morning ritual back for a little while.  I'm also thinking about spoiling myself with a trip to the salon.  Basically, I'm being selfish while I can and trying to enjoy the things that aren't so easy to do while pregnant or with a LO.  After going through an entire first trimester and still having most of my symptoms, I'm ready for a little break (though of course I'd rather have it differently) before jumping back into it again.

    Hope you find what helps you to heal.  Hugs.

    BFP#1 11-26-10 MMC 1-13-11
    BFP#2 6-8-11 Eleanor Beatrice born 2-15-12
    BFP#3 9-4-13 Benjamin Lee born 4-28-14

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