I don't know why I haven't felt this way sooner. DS is almost 8 weeks old and I am now starting to feel like my life is over. Sometimes I look at him and think "my gosh I'm so blessed, he's beautiful and healthy. What more could I ask for?" Other times it's "OMG please just hush!!!" or "My life is over....I cook, clean, do schoolwork and take care of you. I have no life" It's true, I have no life. All "friends" have disappeared totally, not a single person I can call my friend but my husband and honestly, I've been thinking he deserves a whole lot better. I find myself thinking of just walking away, or just wanting to cry for hours. I'm not even 21! I haven't experienced being able to party or have a good time, and now since I have nothing in common with anyone I used to hang out with even if I got a babysitter, I have nowhere to go.
I also currently do school from home so I don't really have a chance to meet new people. I am going to graduate with a bunch of stranger. Then I see my family that I used to be around all the time, do a lot of things with and go places with, making plans without me and me not being invited, or drifting apart. I don't have the energy for anything. I don't get out of bed till 12 but stay up very late, sometimes I will leave laundry in the dryer for a whole day because I don't want to get off my lazy butt to do anything. I've tried to make it better by looking for mommy-and-me classes and there aren't any in my area. I just want to hand my son to his Nana, tell my husband to leave the house, and sit here alone and cry.... I'm ashamed of myself and my feelings.
I've been diagnosed with depression before and was on prozac before becoming pregnant, but when the doctor told me there was the tiniest chance of DS being born and having withdrawal symptoms I quit and had a fairly happy pregnancy and was fine until now. I don't know what to do or who to talk to. My husband has to drive me places and I'd hate to tell him I need to start seeing a therapist.