Blended Families

Custody battle ( might be long)


My FI has a 3 year old daughter, Olivia. He and her mom never got married. She admitted to getting pregnant on purpose. She gets child support about 75k per year. ( no I am not kidding). Originally she did not even want my Fi involved in the childs life. He had to fight her againt from moving to another state and then a once year battle for joint custody. She just wanted money.  Her mom also had children used the men for money and lived off of child support settlementsShe uses this money to live in general, to pay for her PHD. They have joint custody. Ulternate 3 days or 4 days per week each and trade Holidays.

Anyway so her mom has a boyfriend that is fairly abusive to her, CPS has been called severial times, I called the last week as I am a mandated reporter.( Social worker)

He has hit her in the past, pictures to prove the bruises, she is video taped describing what has happened. The police have been involved and are willing to testify against the mom and boyfriend. THe mom has told her to not talk about what happends. She has withdrawn grately.  The boyfriend scared her, and threatened her, I She told me what happened to FI and I ... FI took her down to the police station to make a statement. Filed a motion for emergancy custody, it was denied and a court date is set for the last week in Jan.

If anyone has been to custody hearings, can you please tell me how they work. The mom is very well spoken but very disturbed,... Thoughts would be great, Thanks. I am just concerned for this child she is only 3.

Re: Custody battle ( might be long)

  • Sounds like a familiar situation.... except the abusive boyfriend. My H's BM who did the same... stopped taking BC while he was paying for it got pregnant, had the little girl didnt give her his last name and move out of state.  He paid her cs while she was on state aid i.e. food stamps, daycare asst., medicaid and she was getting monthly check from the state (this is fraud) and two years ago she moved back said she would start letting him see her etc.  this went on for a year after we got the letter for back child support, his check was being garnished after he was laid off from his job so he wasnt making the same amount of money but they were garnishing the same amount of money even when he tried to call the state to say hey I make less than half of what I was making they didnt want to hear it and they dont care  so what we had to do is we had to go get a lawyer she is a father's rights lawyer (the first lawyer took our money and screwed us so please becareful) The BM lives with her 6 family members in a 3 bedroom house, SD sleeps in the same bed with her and she is 6yo, she doesnt want to work and she manipulates F/D relationship and has several men in and out of SD life but the courts dont care... this is the most screwed up system ever.  they def. favor women and keeping the children with them. 

    In your situation the child is def. in harms way I think if you were to hire a father's rights lawyer typically you try to mediate through the custody and if you cant you go to trial I think your odds are very good because you have proof of the abuse that is going on in her house hold, your SD lives with her so she could see it, he could possibly have a fit of rage and SD gets in his way ......For the hearing def. have a lawyer she could fight for temporary custody (she lives with you) until BM gets help i.e. counseling, moves bf out of her life etc.  OR he could give her a certain amount of time and ask that she return in about 30days. Hiring a lawyer will be your best bet they are typically familiar with the judges.



  • Wow this sounds like an awful situation. My advice to you is this.. 1. If you dont have a lawyer, get one. 2. Affadavidts in your defense can be crucial in a custody hearing. 3. Do some research on your own, find out your state laws, dont be stingy on the print button. 4. Talk to your social worker, see if there is any way she can and will help you. 5. Pray. 

    Good luck to you and your family! 

    TTC #4(#1 for DH and I)Since 8/2010
    My Dx: PCOS 500mg Metformin 2x/day

  • Wow, Agrant17 has almost the exact same situation as my H, except you can add the abusive boyfriend back in with the BM and child. Along with the frustration and difficulty with the custody battle, my H's son is almost 3 and picking up very negative behaviors from the environment he is in and I am afraid of how he will behave when my baby is born (I'm due in July). I know that some of it can be blamed on the "terrible two's" but when he's physically abusive to me while I'm asleep on the couch, says to me "your crap" while i'm rubbing lotion on his feet after a bath, calls his grandmother a B****, and the list goes on and on, how am I supposed to be comfortable with him in my house with my baby?!  Our goal is to get sole custody of him because we can provide an obviously more stable and loving environment than he is currently stuck in but now I feel like I would possibly be putting my little one in danger. Does this seem crazy or will he grow out of the abusive nature that he has been molded into by his mother and her boyfriend?
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