Hi, I'm really shy about coming here, but I don't know, I guess it's just hard. I guess I just wonder if I'll be able to get some peace if I can be around others who have been through this.
I know it's a long time ago but I lost my baby around this time 3 years ago. It still hurts so much and since it's that time of year again, I cry. It just still hurts so much. I've been wanting a child since I was 12, and while it was unexpected and terrifying, I was also so thrilled and excited.
My husband is also still having a difficult time with it as well. He is loving, supportive, and willing to talk about how much it all hurts and how disappointed and sad we are about it. I guess I got lucky with that.
I've only recently begun telling family about what happened. They're all really surprised and don't know what to do or say, which is fine. My mother-in-law though, says she doesn't ever want me to try to have a child.
You see, I have a nasty case epilepsy that is resistant to medication. The seizure that killed my baby nearly took me with it. I don't know if that was something unusual, or if I get pregnant again that it'll happen again. My gynecologist just says we'll get to it when I'm ready to get pregnant and I don't have a neurologist at this point because he was pushing for brain surgery, which I'm not ok with. All I get from google searches is that chances of loosing a baby to this are very low now days, but I did, doesn't that make it more likely?
I dearly want to have my husband's and my baby, but I'm really frightened and don't know what to do. The last time I lost my child it was devastating, and it still hurts.
Sorry, I don't know, it's just a hard time of the year, and I was hoping that writing it out and being with women who have been through it and know that fear and pain would help somehow. Thanks.