Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Still hard

Hi, I'm really shy about coming here, but I don't know, I guess it's just hard. I guess I just wonder if I'll be able to get some peace if I can be around others who have been through this.


I know it's a long time ago but I lost my baby around this time 3 years ago. It still hurts so much and since it's that time of year again, I cry. It just still hurts so much. I've been wanting a child since I was 12, and while it was unexpected and terrifying, I was also so thrilled and excited.


My husband is also still having a difficult time with it as well. He is loving, supportive, and willing to talk about how much it all hurts and how disappointed and sad we are about it. I guess I got lucky with that.


I've only recently begun telling family about what happened. They're all really surprised and don't know what to do or say, which is fine. My mother-in-law though, says she doesn't ever want me to try to have a child.


You see, I have a nasty case epilepsy that is resistant to medication. The seizure that killed my baby nearly took me with it. I don't know if that was something unusual, or if I get pregnant again that it'll happen again. My gynecologist just says we'll get to it when I'm ready to get pregnant and I don't have a neurologist at this point because he was pushing for brain surgery, which I'm not ok with. All I get from google searches is that chances of loosing a baby to this are very low now days, but I did, doesn't that make it more likely?


I dearly want to have my husband's and my baby, but I'm really frightened and don't know what to do. The last time I lost my child it was devastating, and it still hurts. 


Sorry, I don't know, it's just a hard time of the year, and I was hoping that writing it out and being with women who have been through it and know that fear and pain would help somehow. Thanks.

Re: Still hard

  • I am sorry for your loss.

    I think you should talk to your gynecologist about it now or find another doctor willing to have this discussion with you, to get your questions answered.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
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  • I'm so glad that you decided to come here and talk it out. It's a very safe place to let your feelings out and vent your frustrations.  The ladies here are amazing and supportive.  I'm with PP that you should talk to professionals, the internet will just confusion you more.  I'd look at a new neurologist who isn't so focused on surgery since that isn't the way you want to go.  And also talk to your gyno...  The BEST thing you can do right now is get as much information as possible so you can make an educated decision.  I wish you nothing but the best!  My thoughts and prayers are with you!

  • I'm sorry for your loss.  It's been a year and a half for me and I still am having a really tough time.  I hope it gets better for you
    image BabyFruit Ticker
    Oct 15 '09 loss @ 8w5d
    DS born June 3rd 2012 @ 38w3d
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  • Hi, I am so sorry about your loss!  Welcome to the board.

    My mom also has epilepsy and has since she was 14.  And it used to be really bad, almost everyday and sometimes 5 and 6 at a time, really bad ones they call them Gramal (spelling?)  When she lived in philadelphia her whole life she could never get them under control and her doctor would usually only up her MG of her meds.  Then she Moved to Paton, PA and changed all of her docs and neurologist.  It took a very long time but they did all the right testing and research and with some change of meds and more knowledge my mom has no been seasure free for 8 months now. :)  So what i'm saying is sometimes all it takes is a second or third look or opinion.  I hope this gets better for you soon.  You will be in my thoughts.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • I agree with the other ladies. You should find a provider that is willing to discuss these things ahead of time. How can you plan without knowing all the facts? That seems  unfair, and definitely in poor practice.  Don't be shy or afraid to join us. 





    BFP #4: 8/11/11. EDD: 4/19/12. Beta #1: 33 on 8/12. Beta #2: 104 on 8/14. Beta #3: 1320 on 8/20. Beta#4: 12291 on 8/27. Heartbeat! Beta #5: 38857 on 9/3. Beta #6: 87069 on 9/10.
    BFP #3: 4/4/11. EDD: 12/14/11. Beta #1: 39 on 4/5. Beta #2: 108 on 4/7. Beta #3: 401 on 4/11. Beta #4: 12865 on 4/22. D&C #1 5/16. D&C #2 6/3. Karyotype showed tetraploidy.

    BFP #2: 3/4/11. EDD: 11/13/11. Beta #1: 9 on 3/7. Beta #2: 0 on 3/9. Chemical Pregnancy 3/9.

    BFP #1: 10/16/10 after 10 months TTC. EDD: 6/17/11. Blighted Ovum 11/12. D&E 12/6.

  • Thank you everyone. It's nice knowing that there is a place to come for this. I wish no one had to. :(


    Thanks, you're all right, I should find a professional who is more willing to discuss future possibilities. A new neurologist may be hard to find. I've seen four and experimented with all sorts of medication and even tried various cocktails, but nothing worked and had horrifying side-effects.


    It just still hurts and I don't know how I could handle going through another one again. :_( 


    *Edit- 5 neurologists. I always forget the first one. And the 4th one I saw was one of the top epilepsy specialists in the country. :(

  • I'm sorry that it still affects you so much.  I would definately get a second opinion from another neurologist, or find a neurologist that treats a lot of pregnant women.  There are new medications coming out all the time. I hope you can find one that helps get yours under control.

    On another note, you really should also see a therapist/couselor.  I've been to a few over the last 15 years, they are wonderful helping you work through your feelings. 

    BFP 11/19/10, MC at 11w 5d 1/5/11

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