TTC After a Loss

seeing babies and pregnant woman-kinda long

I've been thinking about this a lot lately and for a couple of days now. This may not be a very popular view but It's mine. It seems like everyday there's some post about how hard it is to see babies or hear about others baby news. I don't feel that way. I feel joyous for those expecting and just want to stare into the tiny twinkling eyes babies. I know I'm not very far on my TTC road, but I think if I loose the feeling of happiness for others; then my loss has taken far more from me then I could bear. I know some day, some way I will be a mother. I'm not a religious person but I do believe in faith and karma. It's not those things that drive me or make me want to feel so amazed by children. It's just part of who I am. I think the best thing that has come from this is my true appreciation for life...in all forms.

Re: seeing babies and pregnant woman-kinda long

  • I think it just really depends for me.

    I am happy for new parents and for pregnant women I see (and now I find myself more and more hoping that their pregnancies continue to be successful).  The thing that I can't stand is listening to someone complain about how hard pregnancy is, because right now I want nothing more than to be right there suffering with them.

    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
    ♥ BFP #3 2/7/14 Celsete Mae born 10/2/14 at 37w2d ♥
    ♥ BFP #2 9/18/11 Nicole Evelyn born 5/17/12 at 38w3d ♥

    ♥ BFP #1 11/20/10 hb 12/14/10 natural m/c 12/25/10 at 8w3d ♥
     • Fateful appt. 2/11: Saline sono - polyp; thyroid nodule...it's cancer •  Hysteroscopy to remove polyp 3/17/11 •
    Total thyroidectomy (papillary carcinoma) 4/4/11
    RAI 5/9/11• Laparoscopic fibroid removal 11/2012
    ♦ Cancer free since May 2011 ♦

  • Well, for me part of my healing process was being angry for a while. I knew it was irrational. I wasn't really angry at the women or babies or bellies. I was mad that I didn't have what they had. For me that part didn't last long.

     You have to remember, everyone here has a different story. Some of us had early losses. Some women, carried into their second and third trimester. Someone gave birth to babies who were alive but never went home. Some women had to make a horrible decision. Some have been here long before you, and will still be here after you leave. No one is walking around hating babies. Everyone is here because they want their own baby. This is a safe place with other women who share your pain, where it is okay to be irrational and jealous. To say out loud "you stupid FH why don't you appreciate what you have."

    imageLilypie Second Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickers
  • image theresat858:

    I think it just really depends for me.

    I am happy for new parents and for pregnant women I see (and now I find myself more and more hoping that their pregnancies continue to be successful).  The thing that I can't stand is listening to someone complain about how hard pregnancy is, because right now I want nothing more than to be right there suffering with them.

    This.  I am genuinely happy for the women I know that are pregnant or new mothers.  I also love seeing babies.  I do not like to listen to women/new mothers who complain since it shows they do not appreciate the fragile miracle that is their pregnancy or new baby.

    TTC in May 2009.
    M/C July 2009.
    BFP #2 6/1/11(1st cycle on Clomid)
    Norah Lynn was born on 2/3/2012
    TTC again January 2014



    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Trying to Conceive Ticker
  • image theresat858:

    I think it just really depends for me.

    I am happy for new parents and for pregnant women I see (and now I find myself more and more hoping that their pregnancies continue to be successful).  The thing that I can't stand is listening to someone complain about how hard pregnancy is, because right now I want nothing more than to be right there suffering with them.

    Yes This!  Excepot for certain people in my close circle of friends and family that I find out that are pregnant just makes me sad for me not them.

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    Missed M/C discoverd at 10w5d measuring 6w6d on 12/3/10 said goodbye 12/12/10 EDD 6/26/11 "this too shall pass"

    DS Born 9/29/2005 via c-section (breech)
    BFP #3 3/7/11 - EDD 11/17/11
    Betas: @14dpo-182 @18dpo-854!! @21dpo-3124!!!
    3-27-11 150 BPM!!!!
    He's a BOY!!!! Kieran Thomas

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • image Jessicaanne_1@yahoo.com:

     You have to remember, everyone here has a different story. Some of us had early losses. Some women, carried into their second and third trimester. Someone gave birth to babies who were alive but never went home. Some women had to make a horrible decision. Some have been here long before you, and will still be here after you leave. No one is walking around hating babies. Everyone is here because they want their own baby. This is a safe place with other women who share your pain, where it is okay to be irrational and jealous. To say out loud "you stupid FH why don't you appreciate what you have." 

    Thank you for expressing so eloquently what I've been trying to find the words to express since I first saw this post.  

    Everyone reacts to pregnancy loss differently.  Some are devastated after their first loss, others move right back into TTC with hardly a thought, and some fall in between.  The jealousy and upset that many here feel are emotions that we can't express anywhere else.  OP, at first, I viewed things a lot like you do.  Every belly was a reminder of what I had to hope for.  The last 3 years have turned me incredibly bitter.  Every big belly is a reminder that 8 times in the last 3 years my body has failed me.  Failed 8 babies.  It leaves me wondering if/what I'm doing wrong. Wondering why it's ME that has to suffer when everyone else in the area seems to have it so easy.  Why was it my babies that had to die?  Didn't they have something beautiful to offer this world?

    Logically, I know that I don't know their backstories.  Hell, the belly I'm envying could belong to someone who finally got KTFU on their 6th IVF cycle after years of heartache.  The bottom line is, I want that belly to be mine so badly I'd give anything to get it.  I don't hate them until they complain about being pregnant, but I envy them from the second they announce/display their pregnancy.  Just because they got their happy ending doesn't mean I will be so blessed.  Hope doesn't stop the heartache that haunts every step, answer the unanswered questions.

    OP, I'm not knocking you.  Please don't take it that way.  Rather, I'm trying to explain where I'm coming from.  

  • I'm mostly just sad it's not me. I am happy for people and don't want to let this take my joy away from me, but it is hard. But there are some cases that do make me just plain mad!
    2 losses, 1 miracle
    1 on the way


    image


  • image amberb612:
    I've been thinking about this a lot lately and for a couple of days now. This may not be a very popular view but It's mine. It seems like everyday there's some post about how hard it is to see babies or hear about others baby news. I don't feel that way. I feel joyous for those expecting and just want to stare into the tiny twinkling eyes babies. I know I'm not very far on my TTC road, but I think if I loose the feeling of happiness for others; then my loss has taken far more from me then I could bear. I know some day, some way I will be a mother. I'm not a religious person but I do believe in faith and karma. It's not those things that drive me or make me want to feel so amazed by children. It's just part of who I am. I think the best thing that has come from this is my true appreciation for life...in all forms.

    Like so many have said, there are people with pretty tough stories here on TTCAL. No matter far along someone was, the impact is very personal and is different for everyone. For example, I have faced issues with my reproductive system since my teens, tried very hard after I was married and finally got pregnant, lost my baby at 13 weeks due to a genetic problem that was likely due to my age - and I'm in my late 30's so that scares the hell out of me. I am surrounded by friends and family who are pregnant. Surrounded. Many of whom are due very near to my EDD, some of whom were 'accidents' or unplanned. However some of these are following years of trying or previous miscarriages. Two of my best friends had babies this week, and this afternoon I have to deal with that face to face.

    Whatever the situation, I'm very happy for them and wish them health and happiness, but I am still envious of their bellies and babies, and it makes me so sad to think of where I should be right now.

    I appreciate your positive outlook, but I surely hope that you aren't telling me that I lost my baby due to my bad kharma, and that my loss was due to something I'd done in the past. I'm sure I must be reading that incorrectly... right?

     

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
    Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
    BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12
  • No, I am not saying that a loss of a baby is due to karma. I do think that my postitivity towards others will come full circle someday. Do I have belly envy, sure. But it's not hard to hear or see others pregnant or see newborn babies. I don't want others to tiptoe around their happniess around me or be afraid to share there baby ups and downs. Like I said before this is my view. Nobody has to agree or even understand me but like someone said this is a place for sharing.
  • image amberb612:
    No, I am not saying that a loss of a baby is due to karma. I do think that my postitivity towards others will come full circle someday. Do I have belly envy, sure. But it's not hard to hear or see others pregnant or see newborn babies. I don't want others to tiptoe around their happniess around me or be afraid to share there baby ups and downs. Like I said before this is my view. Nobody has to agree or even understand me but like someone said this is a place for sharing.

    Well, it is very nice for you that you don't have a hard time seeing pregnant women and newborn babies. It's actually great for you. I myself find it very hard. So, I guess maybe I won't have positivity come full circle someday.  Your statement about 'full circle' kind of negates your first satement about not saying baby loss is due to kharma. So getting KU is due to kharma?

    TB is a place for sharing - so I'm sharing that it is very hard for me to see the pregnant women and babies while dealing with this loss. I don't think the women on this board want people to not be happy abour their healthy babies, it just makes many of us sad for ourselves. And there is nothing wrong with that. I wish I could be more sunshine-y about it, myself. But, I can't. And this is my view. And I'm glad I can share it in a place where I'm not judged for feeling sad or envious or even angry.

    Perhaps I should just have not commented on this post in the first place.  

     

     

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
    BFP#1 - 8/27/10 - D&C 10/27/10 @ 13 weeks to Trisomy 18
    Missing our Angel Baby Gabriel
    BFP#2 - 3/18/11 - CP 3/19/11 BFP#3 - 4/27/11 - Due 1/9/12
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards