Why not me?

We've been married for almost 6 years and TTC for half of it.  It seemed that once I made up my mind I wanted to have a did everyone else around me.  They succeeded and each time I was faced with a new set of tears and fears.  I couldn't tell anyone about it because I didn't want to diminish their good news or sound like a bad sport.  It never failed though...I ended up in the bathroom looking in the mirror and kept asking myself "why not me?"  I could think of a million reasons and excuses but never in my wildest dreams could I have imagined that it would be due to infertility.  Apparently I am susceptible to cysts, I have endometriosis and PCOS on top of being tilted.  Once the doctor told me all of this, I got discouraged and didn't even want to try anymore because nothing would come of it and the worst part is that I've deprived my husband in the process.  Unfortunately it was the straw that broke my back and I ended up in a deep depression.  I still take other people's good news very hard.  There have been a few people to have more than 1 child in the time that I've been include one of my sisters-in-law.  Two babies have been born and two more will be on the way (via IVF/Sperm donor due to them being a same-sex couple).  This news was most recent and made me feel worse about myself and my body...just the situation in general.

I have a strong feeling that my hormones are playing a very bad trick on me.  My levels never quite hit a good point and my body is responding accordingly... weight problems, skin problems, sleep patterns, etc.  Maybe they will do something about it so that these issues will also ease up.  

Recently I went to a doctor to give me a referral to a fertility specialist in order to get down to the bottom of things and correct the problem so that my husband and I will finally know the joy of having our own child.  This scares me because my mother's first success ended in a miscarriage and I hope that will not happen to me, especially after everything that we've already been through.  I know it happens a lot and I really feel for those who have suffered that type of loss no matter how far along.  

I guess I'll just have to update this post as we make progress.  


Broken Heart


Trying to Conceive Ticker
*****Stacey***** Married March 17, 2005 TTC since November 2007

Re: Why not me?

  • *hugs* Welcome to the board. I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. You're taking steps in the right direction by seeing a specialist. I hope (s)he is able to help you conceive quickly!
  • Big hugs to you.  I think most of us on here can totally relate to what you are saying and this is definitely a welcoming place full of understanding ladies.  That is great that you are seeing a fertility specialist and I hope you find a solution to get the baby you desire very soon.

    TTC #1 since October 2008. Dealing with MFI.
    IVF #1 w ICSI in July 2010 = BFN
    IVF #2.1 in Oct 2010 converted to IUI = BFN
    IVF #2.2 w ICSI in Dec 2010 = BFN
    Met with new RE in new city on 1/31/11.
    IVF #3 w ICSI in April 2011. HPT on 5/9 = BFP!
    Beta #1 on 5/10 (10dp5dt) = 99.4. Beta #2 on 5/12 = 284. First u/s on 5/26. = Fraternal TWINS!
    Twin boys born & lost on 8/16/11 at 18w1d due to PPROM & preterm labor.
    IVF #4.1 in Jan 2012 converted to IUI on 1/7/12 = BFN
    IVF #4.2 w ICSI in Feb 2012. Lupron on 2/10. Stims on 2/18. ER on 2/29- 7R,6F
    ET scheduled for 3/5/12- nothing to transfer :(
    Dh seeing new MFI uro & Dh starting meds- June 2012.
    IVF #5 in Dec 2012 = BFFN.
    IVF #6 planned for Spring 2013. Praying for our take home baby/ies.
    **P/SAIF and P/SAL always welcome!**

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
  • Welcome! 

    I hope that you are able to see the RE soon and get some answers! Many of us are in similar situations here.

    Sending (((hugs)))) your way. I am sure you will find this board very supportive.  

    Married Sept 2008
    TTC since June 2009
    Me:PCOS, Low Progesterone. Diagnosed with Intracranial HTN.
    DH: SA-Low count and motility. Ddx with autosomal dominant skeletal disorder.
    Moving on to adoption.

  • welcome to the board.  I'm very sorry to hear what you've been going through.  this is a good board with wonderful understanding ladies on it.  I'm glad you are going to the specialist.  I certaintly hope you find your baby joy soon.  Keep us posted.
    I married the man of my dreams June 2, 2007!
  • I hope that you can find a very good RE that will answer all your questions and get you on your way to conceiving.  I haven't been around the board for very long but I know that this place is amazing with the support and the empathy.  I am currently dealing with my PCOS and even though most IF issues don't mean 'end of the road' they are still so trying.  Just stay positive and if you find yourself at your wits end just come back here and I'm sure someone will know just what you are going through.  Welcome and good luck to you! :]  
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