1st Trimester

selfish husband is stressing me out!

I just found out I was pregnant on Christmas day, we were married in June and we had been actively trying to conceive, so I was a little shocked... but overall excited!  My husband has said things like, " our lives as we know it are over..." and " what do we do now?"  he asked me if this means he will never be able to buy another guitar again in his life...!  WTF!  I lost my job recently, so yeah the timing is going to be a little tough for us, we will have to cut back on some things and make some changes, but really?  This attitude of his is totally stressing me out and making me feel so sad, I feel like I'm the only one who got stuck with an un-supportive partner, and that's not what I married.  Anyone had this problem before or does anyone have any advice?  thanks!

rm
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Re: selfish husband is stressing me out!

  • Best advice I can give is you have 9 months to plan and figure things out. If he was worried about life being over why did he agree TTC? Sure a child brings changes and sacrifices but it doesn't mean life is over.
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  • Mine has those moments too, don't worry your not alone. I find it comes and goes with him. One moment he thinks our lives are over and one moment he's excited to have a baby. He is upset because he doesn't think he can buy the boat he wants (he still can but in his eyes it's all over!) I think it's totally normal for them to feel like that. I try and not let it get to me because I know he doesn't mean it. But if you DH is talking like that all the time I could see why you would be upset. If he continues to speak like that you should sit down and talk with him about your fears and how his behavior is making you feel. Also show him the positives about having a baby....he could teach it how to play his guitar:)
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  • Im sorry, that sucks. but, give him time, it is harder for guys to get excited, they dont have the maternal instincts we do, and guys feel the pressure of providing for the family ect... so it sucks that he isnt being happy and supportive, but he probably just needs time to wrap his head around it.

     Youre not the only one who has ever felt this way!! I have an amazing hubby, but with DD, he just didnt connect with the preganacy at all, and didnt get what I was going through, but the second she was born he was wrapped around her finger, and it was so fun to see.

    With that said tell him you need him to be supportive. you are going to go through a lot, and he can at least be nice.

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  • when i told my husband i as pregnant, a few hours later he came to me and made some asinine comment about racing a friend's car. naturally, i was like, 'you're thinking about racing cars? that is priority number eleven thousand! who cares about that!' to his credit it was the one and only comment he has made. 

    weird stuff goes through men's minds. if this is his first baby, he might be buying into some streotype, etc and he just needs you to gently set him straight.  

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  • I figure I'll give him a few more days to digest all of this, it is a lot to take in.. I just feel so alone, thank you for sharing with me, it helps!
    rm
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  • image KendraJoette:

    Im sorry, that sucks. but, give him time, it is harder for guys to get excited, they dont have the maternal instincts we do, and guys feel the pressure of providing for the family ect... so it sucks that he isnt being happy and supportive, but he probably just needs time to wrap his head around it.

     Youre not the only one who has ever felt this way!! I have an amazing hubby, but with DD, he just didnt connect with the preganacy at all, and didnt get what I was going through, but the second she was born he was wrapped around her finger, and it was so fun to see.

    With that said tell him you need him to be supportive. you are going to go through a lot, and he can at least be nice.

    This exactly! He just needs time to readjust and get used to the idea. He will come around and if he doesn't come around for awhile I am sure he will when yalls baby pops out and he bursts into tears :)
  • Mine said some of those things too. When we first found out he kept saying "I know we were trying, but I really wish I'd thought about it more before it happened." At first, I was like WTF? But now that we've talked about it more, I realize that he is excited, but just feels scared. He's nervous about how it will change our relationship / lives and that he'll feel pressured to provide.

    I try to emphasize the positive... like how our lives will be different, but how fun it will be in new and different ways. Now he's actually talking more about "when we have the baby.... " and stuff like that so I think he's getting more excited. It just takes time for it to settle in, I think. Hang in there!

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  • I agree with heylee. 9 months is plenty of time for him to " adjust " ( men use that word alot when it comes to babies ) You don't know where your lives will be in 9 months. I can almost guarantee this, as soon as you see your baby for the 1st time your problems will melt away. Congrats on the baby. And, have patience you DH will come around.
  • I don't think he's being selfish, he's adjusting. He will eventually come around, and believe me, once the baby comes, his priorities will do a 180 and he will be all about the baby! Tell him he will still be able to play his guitar and will be able to teach your little one how to play etc. He just needs time. Good luck!
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