Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Feeling like a jerk.

I just want to say, after some of the stories I've read on here, that it's apparent there's a lot of tragedy that happens, and in that sense, I got the easy end. i wasn't as bonded yet, and I didn't have to go through complications - I don't want to come on here and suggest that I can relate to those experiences or that I can understand, because I can't, but I do sympathize.

 On the other hand, I do feel my grief is real. I've struggled with pelvic issues and testing for years now - I was very afraid I would somehow not be able to conceive, plus we were trying with very high hopes - so even for the short period of time after the BFP, we were planning, and talking, and so happy - so it does still hurt. One of the doctors said, "you're lucky it's so early and it's just a little miscarriage" and I don't know if I'm being selfish or not but that statement really made me feel awful and angry and not validated. I wouldn't dare say I can relate to everyone else, but I know I still feel sad, and discouraged, and concerned, and ANXIOUS - constantly wondering if this means I won't be able to get pg again. And I know many of us have been told "this is very normal. many women go on to ___________ blah blah " but that doesn't always help when it's your body, and your loss/rejection/failure. (I've struggled with each of those words at various times).  

 Just know I feel for each of you and am here only to be able to relate and offer support, not spotlight.  

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
BABY GIRL DUE: 12/12/11
INDUCING: 11/22/11.

Re: Feeling like a jerk.

  • You're not a jerk...no matter how early you lost the baby, it is still a loss...and that is very insensitive of your doctor. (Like when one of mine said 'oh, you're only a little bit pregnant'.)  You have every right to grieve this loss in any way that you need to.


    Lilypie Third Birthday tickersLilypie First Birthday tickers
    ♥ BFP #3 2/7/14 Celsete Mae born 10/2/14 at 37w2d ♥
    ♥ BFP #2 9/18/11 Nicole Evelyn born 5/17/12 at 38w3d ♥

    ♥ BFP #1 11/20/10 hb 12/14/10 natural m/c 12/25/10 at 8w3d ♥
     • Fateful appt. 2/11: Saline sono - polyp; thyroid nodule...it's cancer •  Hysteroscopy to remove polyp 3/17/11 •
    Total thyroidectomy (papillary carcinoma) 4/4/11
    RAI 5/9/11• Laparoscopic fibroid removal 11/2012
    ♦ Cancer free since May 2011 ♦

  • I was 28 weeks an 3 days along when Cailin was born into heaven. A lady my mom works with's daughter had miscarried at 12 weeks a few weeks before me and had fallen into a really deep depression she couldn't shake off and refused to get help. When my mom's co-worker told her daughter my story, she said she "saw the light...that it could be so much worse than it really was, that she could be me" and that made me feel horrible. Not that she felt better (maybe that's what she needed to relieve some pain), but that she felt like she shouldn't feel everything she was feeling because she wasn't that far along.

    A child is a child is a child. Every feeling and thought you have about your child and the cards you have been dealt is warranted and justified and nobody here is going to weigh their grief or loss against your own. I don't think it's possible for anyone who hasn't been through a loss to understand what we're going through and that's why I am so grateful for this board.

    DD#1 11.7.07 - DD#2 11.2.10 (3rd Tri Loss)- DD#3 4.18.12
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