Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

anger...vent

I know this is just part of the process, but I woke up this morning just feeling angry at the world. I got an email from my aunt and uncle just giving us their condolences and it made me angry that anyone else would even be sad over this because they didn't know our baby like we did.

I know these are irrational thoughts, and again just part of the process. It's just not my personality to be angry like this, so it's hard. My inlaws are coming into town today and as much as I love them I don't even want to see them. I feel like my husband and I should be the only ones allowed to grieve the loss. At least my parents understand the loss of a child as they lost their first at 7 months. How can someone who has never lost their child even comprehend what you're going through? Again, irrational I'm just going through such a range of emotions this morning. Anyone else feeling this way?

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Re: anger...vent

  • The past few weeks I have been very angry as well.  Angry at every little thing and it is horrible.  I think I would rather be sad then angry.  I am starting to get better though.  I hope you feel better soon!
  • The depth of my anger was such a shock to me. It is something I am still dealing with. It does get better. I know it probably feels so odd to be angry when you're not an angry person in general, like it was for me. But I think it is totally normal. I was and still am a little angry at God, family, friends, pregnant strangers, you name it I was angry at them. I am sorry you are going through this. I think it does help to talk about it though. Do you have someone to talk to?
  • I know how you feel. My mother-in-law has tried to console me by saying, it just wasn't a good pregnancy, it wasn't meant to be - I finally had to tell her to stop talking to me about it. I am sure it sounded harsh, but I only want to talk to certain people right now about it. In the long run I think she appreciated knowing where I stood and where the line was drawn.

    I am only a few days further down the road than you but I have been angry and still at times can be very angry. I am just staying away from family and friends for a while. I would recommend letting people know how you feel - angry, if that is what it is. Tell them you aren't ready to talk about it.

    I find myself wanting to hear from the friends of mine who have lost babies. It makes me feel better hearing their stories and having their support. My mother also lost a baby and she has been great to talk to about it. As well as two friends who have lost babies that I have recently emailed back. Let me know if you need anything, you can talk to me. 

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    BFP 10-31-10 EDD 7-4-11 missed MC 12-24-10 emergency D&C 12-26-10

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    BFP 8-15-06 EDD 4-20-07 DS born C-Sect 4-18-07

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  • image IslandEnchantress:
    The depth of my anger was such a shock to me. It is something I am still dealing with. It does get better. I know it probably feels so odd to be angry when you're not an angry person in general, like it was for me. But I think it is totally normal. I was and still am a little angry at God, family, friends, pregnant strangers, you name it I was angry at them. I am sorry you are going through this. I think it does help to talk about it though. Do you have someone to talk to?

     Thank you- I hate that you're feeling this way too, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I do have people to talk through and honestly, my husband has been the best support through this. 

     

    image clarks415:

    I know how you feel. My mother-in-law has tried to console me by saying, it just wasn't a good pregnancy, it wasn't meant to be - I finally had to tell her to stop talking to me about it. I am sure it sounded harsh, but I only want to talk to certain people right now about it. In the long run I think she appreciated knowing where I stood and where the line was drawn.

    I am only a few days further down the road than you but I have been angry and still at times can be very angry. I am just staying away from family and friends for a while. I would recommend letting people know how you feel - angry, if that is what it is. Tell them you aren't ready to talk about it.

    I find myself wanting to hear from the friends of mine who have lost babies. It makes me feel better hearing their stories and having their support. My mother also lost a baby and she has been great to talk to about it. As well as two friends who have lost babies that I have recently emailed back. Let me know if you need anything, you can talk to me. 


    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way too. I feel like I could have written your response myself. I only want to talk to and hear from people who have been through this. I have a good friend who lost a baby and she just reached out to me and it's been great talking with her. I feel like my husband is my best support right now, but he's already back at work. He said he'd feel better if he got back to normal, so I'm kinda left home alone all day. I said I needed at least a week off work. Everyone in my office is pregnant or has babies and I dread the thought of being back there. It's been so comforting finding this group. I hate that we're all bonded together over something so horrific. It's like being a member of a club you never wanted to be a part of, but at the same time it's comforting to know there are strong women out there going through the same battle you are. 

     Thank you ladies 

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    BFP 1 on 10.30.10 spontaneous m/c on 12.28.10 at 12 weeks
    BFP 2 It's a girl! Born 1.18.12 at 39w
  • image IslandEnchantress:
    The depth of my anger was such a shock to me. It is something I am still dealing with. It does get better. I know it probably feels so odd to be angry when you're not an angry person in general, like it was for me. But I think it is totally normal. I was and still am a little angry at God, family, friends, pregnant strangers, you name it I was angry at them. I am sorry you are going through this. I think it does help to talk about it though. Do you have someone to talk to?

     Thank you- I hate that you're feeling this way too, but it's nice to know I'm not the only one. I do have people to talk through and honestly, my husband has been the best support through this. 

     

    image clarks415:

    I know how you feel. My mother-in-law has tried to console me by saying, it just wasn't a good pregnancy, it wasn't meant to be - I finally had to tell her to stop talking to me about it. I am sure it sounded harsh, but I only want to talk to certain people right now about it. In the long run I think she appreciated knowing where I stood and where the line was drawn.

    I am only a few days further down the road than you but I have been angry and still at times can be very angry. I am just staying away from family and friends for a while. I would recommend letting people know how you feel - angry, if that is what it is. Tell them you aren't ready to talk about it.

    I find myself wanting to hear from the friends of mine who have lost babies. It makes me feel better hearing their stories and having their support. My mother also lost a baby and she has been great to talk to about it. As well as two friends who have lost babies that I have recently emailed back. Let me know if you need anything, you can talk to me. 


    I'm so sorry you're feeling this way too. I feel like I could have written your response myself. I only want to talk to and hear from people who have been through this. I have a good friend who lost a baby and she just reached out to me and it's been great talking with her. I feel like my husband is my best support right now, but he's already back at work. He said he'd feel better if he got back to normal, so I'm kinda left home alone all day. I said I needed at least a week off work. Everyone in my office is pregnant or has babies and I dread the thought of being back there. It's been so comforting finding this group. I hate that we're all bonded together over something so horrific. It's like being a member of a club you never wanted to be a part of, but at the same time it's comforting to know there are strong women out there going through the same battle you are. 

     Thank you ladies 

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    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    BFP 1 on 10.30.10 spontaneous m/c on 12.28.10 at 12 weeks
    BFP 2 It's a girl! Born 1.18.12 at 39w
  • I do understand the anger - although my anger is entirely directed at my incompetent OBs office..which I guess at least gives me a direction for it?? 

    Or my husband when he says things like "so what set you off today?" and I'm like....well, we lost our baby only a few days ago..I don't think there needs to be something to set me off!!!!

    {{{hugs}}}

    people keep telling me with time it will get easier.

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  • I'm right there with you. I'm angry when I get the looks from my co-workers, I get angry when someone I don't want to talk to asks to talk to me. I get angry at any pregnant woman I see, regardless if I know them or not. I've broken 2 glasses and a plate this past week just from getting so angry, I needed to throw something (In my defense, 2 out of the 3 times it wasn't the m/c that made me angry, but kinda fueled the fire..). It took a few times to realize I should grab the plastic cups. Embarrassed But, talking it out with my DH and close family has helped and my yoga teaching friend gave me some breathing exercises to do. I don't see it going away any time soon but I'm learning to deal. Hope you can learn to work through it. (hugs)

     

  • Yes...I am angry too.  When I first found out I was thinking this is God's way of telling me there was something wrong with the baby and that was a good thing this was happening.  Now the more I think about this all I am mad at him for allowing this to happen.  Why does God allow this to happen to good people?  Women that take care of their body and want this so badly and then there are women who don't even want kids, smoke, drink and do drugs and some of them have healthy children.  I haven't really encountered a lot of outsiders (friends, extended family, etc) yet (I've been a hermit staying inside) so I don't know how that will be when they say they are sorry.  I guess I only sympathize and know the women that say they are sorry are truly sorry are with women who have gone through this too.
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    DD#1 9-4-04 *** DD#2 10-15-07
    BFP#3 10-25-10 *EDD 7/1/11 * missed m/c @ 13w3d
    BFP#4 7-30-11 *EDD 4/8/12 ~ DD#3 born 4/4/12
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  • YUP. 
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  • absolutely!  i have major anger issues, and while sometimes its not directly related to my son, i find that i just can't handle other people being insensitive, making stupid comments, or family being dumb (like my DH's "christian" cousin and her husband who have avoided us like hte plague b/c they don't like negativity in their life, and called last week at 9:30 at night to ask why i unfriended her from fb--after sending us a christmas letter bragging about how God has blessed them this year, and how God takes care of them, etc etc, and she posted if i knew the snow forecast, after not speaking to me in 6 weeks--really?  go look it up--i'm not hte weatherman, and i have other things i'm taking care of right now)...sorry..still anger there.  i just hope i don't see her in public anytime soon, b/c DH talked to them, and told them my anger was b/c of the letter, (not the real reason, their hypocrisy and avoidance of us when we needed family around us the most--she is a sahm, and lives 1 block away, and couldn't find one moment call me when i was home alone to call or come over for coffee).  but then my DH was in trouble too--and the anger was turned on him.  but this is just one issue i am trying to handle.  

    but to answer your question, yes, i am extremely angry, and while i was confrontational before, now i'm just pissed off confrontational.  God help whoever crosses me--and i started counselling yesterday, and apparently this is normal, and if i don't want to be medicated, i have to find another outlook--which for me is exercise, but i am having a hard time finding 25 min a day to work out my anger.  

    and any pregnant women--wooeee--you had better stay far from me, b/c even though they were not involved in my son's death at all...they are pregnant and i'm not, and most of the time they are so smug about it, i want to scream at them "it could be you--wipe that happy smile off your face--you could find out tomorrow your baby's heart stopped beating too!"  but i know that's not nice and i feel like such a monster for even wanting to scream that.  but its how i feel--at least i can say it here and hopefully someone else gets that!

    i am glad we all have this board too--it sucks, but at least we have this to help us realize we aren't alone! 

    image Robbie's Blog
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