2nd Trimester

Advice needed! We want to keep our son's name to ourselves...

Hi everyone,

My hubby and I are very clear that we want to keep our son's name to ourselves until he is born.  It seems that people, esp. my FIL do not want to respect this.  He has gone so far as to give us a list of names he likes and to say that he had to say something now to have his input, and that while we are visiting we have to get this baby named. 

Why would he have input?  He's also not the only one who has given us a hard time.  We still have 4 months to go, and while we have come up with some ideas, we still have no idea what the name will be.

Right now I just tell people we have no idea, and we'll know when the baby is born.  Perhaps that just has to be my party line.

Anyone else have this issue?  If so, what do you say to people?  I would love some ideas before I have to spend the next 4 months defending our choice not to share!

 

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Re: Advice needed! We want to keep our son's name to ourselves...

  • Best option: "We don't know yet" or "We haven't decided"

    Backup option: Fake name. I recommend something really silly.

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  • I just say, we haven't decided yet!  And then when they say, oh you should name him Johnny!  Just smile and say, we'll add it to the list!  

    That's what we do and it's a pretty positive way to handle it, I think.  I would NOT tell people that even once you decide you won't be telling--that just creates a lot of bad feelings of being left out. Good luck!

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  • Yeah, we've had this issue w/MIL.  We're Team Green but haven't chosen either name (truthfully, we haven't even talked extensively about the topic and neither of us are that concerned at this point).  We have agreed that we won't be telling people once we do decide. DH told his mother that we (he and I) would be naming the baby and that it wasn't up for family discussion. Harsh? Yes. Necessary w/her? Absolutely. 
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  • we're just telling people that we're not telling anyone the names we have chosen.  Simple as that!

  • image somegirl425:

    we're just telling people that we're not telling anyone the names we have chosen.  Simple as that!

    This is what we did with our first kiddo. Worked like a charm even though our relatives were trying to get the name out of us.

    And as for the pushy FIL, he might be pushy and saying that you "have to get this baby named" simply because you're saying that you don't know yet. Maybe once you say you've chosen a name, he'll lay off. 

  • well there is one thing for sure...you are not alone. My husband and I are going through the same exact thing! We want more than anything to keep our name we picked to our selves and everyone thinks they have the right to know and have input. but I would have to agree just plain and simple tell them you are not sharing the name and you have made your own decision! Congradulations by the waySmile

    Alex

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  • We didn't tell anyone our daughter's name before she was born.  I was really nervous about my mom's reaction (and as it turned out she still didn't handle it great!).

    Anyway, we basically said "we chose her name, but we aren't telling because we really don't want to hear people's reactions" to which I got a mix of "oh but I am sure I will love it" and then a LOT of stories of how people were really rude to someone they knew about their child's name.

    We just stuck to our guns and gave the baby a funny nickname until she got here!

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  • We are not talking about the name of our baby boy to our family, and will announce it when he is born.  For now we are using silly names like "Ricky Bobby" and "McLovin"
  • We've told people that we have decided, but we've also decided not to share.  I let them guess, but no one has gotten close yet.  Boy my mom picks some whacked out ones, though ;)  Sounds like your FIL thinks that you just haven't named the baby yet.  Let him know that you've chosen one, but you aren't sharing until the name is on the birth certificate.
  • You'll probably just have to defend your decision for the next four months....which isn't that big of a deal. We kept our daughters name secret until she was born. She was born right not long after christmas and we got hounded to give up her name b/c people wanted to get her personalized gifts. We stood our ground. It was important to us. This is your decision. Force people to respect it.
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  • We kept our son's name a secret and we won't be doing that with this 2nd kid.  I think we did it out of new parent insecurity a little bit - a lot of people judge and you're so all over the place about every decision you're making that you don't want to hear people attack your baby's name.  After over a year of parenting I've realized people judge your decisions no matter what you do!  I think it will be much easier this time around to just say the kid's name is x - what kind of an a-hole tells you to your face they don't like your kid's name?!  Those who do have opened themselves up for a super rude comment in return.  Problem solved.  Plus it gets all those fringe people who think it's partly their job to name the baby off your back.
  • We are keeping our name secret.  We are just telling people we aren't telling the name.

     

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  • We've already started telling people we're naming our baby Otis, regardless of the gender. We'll be telling everyone boy/girl after our u/s and want to have something to share between just us for awhile.

    Don't worry about what people say when you won't tell them the name you've picked. They'll get over it because, in all honesty, they probably don't really care anyway and are just being nosy.

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  • With my first we didn't pick a name until he was almost a day old. We told everyone throughout the pregnancy that we weren't going to name him until we'd met him. We still got "suggestions" but everyone knew we weren't going to come down one way or another on a name.

    I'd tell people that's what you're doing. If you don't have a name picked (as far as they know), how can you tell them? Just stay firm. I'm glad we did. It took a lot of the pressure off.

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  • We have a name picked for our baby and we aren?t telling anyone the name until she?s here.  When we?re asked if we?ve picked a name or have thought of any names, we were telling people that we?re trying to narrow it down or we have a couple of names picked & we?ll know which name we want once we see her.  As of last night, we started telling people that we do have a name for our daughter & that everyone will know it after she?s born.   

     

    Last night at a family dinner MIL asked if we've picked a name yet (she?s been asking this more frequently); we told her we?ve narrowed it down to a few & we?re still thinking about it.  She said ?oh, you have a name picked, you just aren?t telling.?  DH told her ?You?re right.  We do have a name for the baby, but we aren?t telling anyone the name until she?s born.?   MIL made a face.  BIL reminded her that he & his wife didn?t tell anyone the names of their kids until after they were born and no one made a big deal about it.  BIL then pointed out that we?ve already told everyone the baby is a girl & we didn?t have to do that, so people should be ok with knowing that much. 

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  • image mari_gold:

    With my first we didn't pick a name until he was almost a day old. We told everyone throughout the pregnancy that we weren't going to name him until we'd met him. We still got "suggestions" but everyone knew we weren't going to come down one way or another on a name.

    I'd tell people that's what you're doing. If you don't have a name picked (as far as they know), how can you tell them? Just stay firm. I'm glad we did. It took a lot of the pressure off.

    this is exactly what we did too.  i didn't let people's name suggestions bother me. 

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  • We kept our boy/girl options a secret for #1 and we will this time too - I'm sure it bugged some people, but it wasn't up for discussion.  We did not want to hear stories others have attached to names.

    My mom gives me ideas all of the time and I don't mind, I kind of like it (we haven't picked names yet), two of her options are on my list, but I didn't even acknowledge that to her.

    GL - it's your baby, ignore everyone else :)

    Lilypie - (vulX)

     

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  • We found that telling people you know but aren't sharing just ticks them off. They feel like you're intentionally leaving them out. We're telling everyone we have it narrowed down to a few names for each gender and that we'll make a final call once LO is here. People throw out their (awful) suggestions and we just say we'll consider it.
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  • For us once we told everyone that we have a name, but aren't telling most of the suggestions stopped.  If they think you are still trying to pick one then they might think they are doing you a favor by giving suggestions. 
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  • image sleepingbeauty825:

    Best option: "We don't know yet" or "We haven't decided"

    Backup option: Fake name. I recommend something really silly.

    Ditto this!  This is exactly what we are doing!

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  • My mom is the same way. She's so overbearing. When my husband and I picked a name for our baby, we told her that we had agreed on a name and that was that. Tell them that you haven't decided on a name, or that you're waiting until birth to name your baby. What bothers me the most is the fact that these people have had their chance to name their own spawn. Why do they feel it necessary to name yours?! 
  • I say, "We want to meet him before we settle on a name." I'd say we 90% know what his name will be, but there is a chance that we might meet him and realize it just doesn't fit, so this is still an honest answer.
  • My husband and I have decided on a name.  I don't want to hear what anyone has to say about it so we aren't telling anyone.  I do tell some people the middle name.  It seems to make them satisfied to know something.  For the ones that really push us to know we made up a name.  Then we tell them that they are the only one that knows and not to tell anyone.  I think it is kinda funny.  I know my husband gets a kick out of it.  My family bought the "We are still thinking about a name" for a short time.  They know how much of a planner I am I guess.  Good luck!
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  • Why do people seem to think they get input into what you name your child.  And your FIL has no choice but to respect your wishes if you don't (or can't because you haven't decided on one) tell him.  Too bad for him.  It's not his kid.
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  • thanks everyone!  It's great to get some good advice and see other people in the same boat.  We'll stick to what we've been saying - we haven't decided yet and we'll most likley know they day before he's born.  It is amazing how people think they can "help" you with every decision along the way... 
  • We are doing the same, just tell everyone that you aren't sharing the names.  I also tell them, if they continue to press, that choosing a name that we agree upon is hard enough for DH and I, and when sharing the possible names of your LO people let you know their opinions some of which might not be helpful to the process.  So you'll know baby's name when baby is born!  Until then you may call baby "Munchkin" :)

     

    Btw: My MIL has also offered up her suggestions, I said, "I like those names (because I do)" and that's it.  Other suggestions have simply gotten a "Thank you" and a smile.

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  • We did share our name choices but I wanted some feedback from others. We did get both positive and negative from people but we're sticking with our picks. As of now we're down to two name choices and I'm sure there are feelings about which name we should pick but it's our choice.

    As far as your FIL goes I'd remind him that he already had a chance to name a baby and now it's your turn. 

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  • This is what my husband and I have decided to do as well, but as of yet the family really doesn't know that we aren't going to tell them.They'll get to know the sex, nothing else. I'm am in agreement that even the sex isn't any kind of obligatory info to share, so that's where the info will end- and at least they are getting that.

    I really like the 'we would like to meet him/her first before we settle on a name' suggestion and I will try that one first. We're not going to be telling people our ideas either. It's not a community naming session. If I did want their input and/or opinion, I know where to find them to get it.

    Stories like this, much like the wedding horror stories that you hear, really bother me! These are all people that have had their own kids to name, their own pregnancy and birth experiences etc- why on earth do they think they get to be that involved in someone elses? People never cease to amaze me- especially when it's stuff like this that they should know is inappropriate, interfering behavior and basic civil respect! (Notice I did not say 'common sense'- I work in law enforcement and am made aware daily that such a thing has not actually existed since at least 8 decades ago.)

     Stay strong and if the 'niceities' of explaining this doesn't work, use the harsher and more frank statements about it. 

    I'll see how my own planned advise goes in the handful of weeks! 

     

     

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