January 2011 Moms

Vent: Mom & 40 Year Old Baby Dresses

I had forgotten how my mother is. When my niece was little (18 years ago), my mom would give my sister all of these horribly outdated old clothes that she (mom) thought were soooo cute. She gets them from a shelter she works at once a week. People donate some items that my mom thinks are "too nice" for the poor people who shop there. So she takes them home and gives them to others - unfortunately that now includes me!

When I was little, she would dress me in Polly Flynders dresses. Keep in mind that I'll be 40 in February. My mother has apparently been rescuing Polly Flynders dresses to give to me so that I can dress our baby in them. These are pretty fancy dresses that go for about $100 on eBay, but she would rather give them to me. DH is so picky about used things from people he doesn't know, and I really have no intention of putting my little girl in these super fancy dresses all of the time. Now I have two huge boxes of crap to go through and figure out what to give back to my mother. It took her a long time to stop giving my sister stuff. Jennifer just kept returning it to Mom. I guess I'm going to have to do the same thing. I know she means well, but this is 40 years out of date, for goodness sake! Arrrggghhh!

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Re: Vent: Mom & 40 Year Old Baby Dresses

  • Can I just say 40 in February!! OMG, I can only hope to look as good as your siggy pic in 9 years!!

    I'm a sucker for vintage things and would be a total sucker for dressing up a baby girl after having a boy for 3 years, but I get where you're coming from.  I was a 'dressed up' baby and I see how impractical it can be now.

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  • I'm with your DH on the used clothes.  Although as long as you put a onesie between LO and the dress (after its washed of course) its probably ok.  I think its a bit weird that your mom thought they were "too good for the poor people."  If they are in good shape, sell them on ebay and pocket the cash.  Or I would donate them (to a different shelter) and your mom can get over the idea that poor people have something nice to dress their kids in.

    I give up trying to get a ticker.  I have a DD that is 2.5 years old and is awesome.  Maybe I'll add a quote to distinguish myself.  Hmmm.  How about...

    "It is more fun to talk with someone who doesn't use long, difficult words but rather short, easy words like "What about lunch?" - A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
  • Wait - you are 40? That's your pic in your siggy? You look about 25. All this time I thought you married a much older guy. (I don't mean that to be offensive at all.)

    I hear ya about moms who give you junk. My mom will not let me leave her house without taking SOMEthing with me: food or junk mail or random things she's found or bought... If I don't take something with me, she'll somehow sneak plastic bags of junk into my car. It drives DH crazy. But the sad part is, she's giving me LESS now than she used to!

    I find the only way to make it manageable is to constantly tell her how much I hate clutter and how we have limited space in an apartment. Then, I either go through the bags before I leave her house and leave stuff there OR I just put stuff directly into charity so that it doesn't clutter up her house since she won't get rid of anything.

         
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  • The bad fashion is the least of the problem with this scenario. I would FREAK OUT if my mom was taking donated clothes and giving them to me. That is completely disrespectful of both the donors and the clients at the shelter. I have zero problem with used clothes, but her method of obtaining them would be simply unacceptable to me and I would have a respectful but firm conversation with her about this behavior.

  • image pixieprincss:

    The bad fashion is the least of the problem with this scenario. I would FREAK OUT if my mom was taking donated clothes and giving them to me. That is completely disrespectful of both the donors and the clients at the shelter. I have zero problem with used clothes, but her method of obtaining them would be simply unacceptable to me and I would have a respectful but firm conversation with her about this behavior.

    Good point.

         
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  • First of all, you're gorgeous. Second, I have the same problem with MIL. Her taste and mine are total opposites, and she is a hoarder. So, she gives me dozens of bins of clothes with Peter Pan collars and bunny and chicks appliques that she's been buying at consignment shops, yard sales and Goodwill over the last decade (seriously) for her nonexistent grandchildren. I just wash them all, get any stains out, and donate them back to Goodwill or other charities. If I give them back to her, they will just sit in her storage building and continue to stain and deteriorate, so I figure it's best to give them to people who really need them.
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  • image pixieprincss:

    The bad fashion is the least of the problem with this scenario. I would FREAK OUT if my mom was taking donated clothes and giving them to me. That is completely disrespectful of both the donors and the clients at the shelter. I have zero problem with used clothes, but her method of obtaining them would be simply unacceptable to me and I would have a respectful but firm conversation with her about this behavior.

    And I totally agree with this. 

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  • image a-beautiful-mess:
    First of all, you're gorgeous. Second, I have the same problem with MIL. Her taste and mine are total opposites, and she is a hoarder. So, she gives me dozens of bins of clothes with Peter Pan collars and bunny and chicks appliques that she's been buying at consignment shops, yard sales and Goodwill over the last decade (seriously) for her nonexistent grandchildren. I just wash them all, get any stains out, and donate them back to Goodwill or other charities. If I give them back to her, they will just sit in her storage building and continue to stain and deteriorate, so I figure it's best to give them to people who really need them.

    This exactly - except that it's my actual mother who is completely clueless, a hoarder, and addicted to shopping at goodwill. At the very least, she is now texting me before buying actual "stuff" (dishes, baby gear, etc.) So I can say "NO" before she purchases it... but she doesn't check in before buying crazy ugly (not even cute and frilly, just tasteless gaudy) baby clothes, or what she considers to be "maternity clothes" (stretchy hooker clothes or weird clown clothes...) and yes, if I leave it at her house it will just sit in a box with all the other crap she keeps.. sigh.

  • image a-beautiful-mess:
    First of all, you're gorgeous. Second, I have the same problem with MIL. Her taste and mine are total opposites, and she is a hoarder. So, she gives me dozens of bins of clothes with Peter Pan collars and bunny and chicks appliques that she's been buying at consignment shops, yard sales and Goodwill over the last decade (seriously) for her nonexistent grandchildren. I just wash them all, get any stains out, and donate them back to Goodwill or other charities. If I give them back to her, they will just sit in her storage building and continue to stain and deteriorate, so I figure it's best to give them to people who really need them.

    Our moms sound very similar.  At Thanksgiving my mom made us take this old parka that used to be my brothers in case DH could use it.  I told DH that even if he hated it we should take it and donate it ourselves just to get one thing out of her house.  Well, the zipper was broken and it would have been a hassle to get it replaced, so we ended up throwing it out unfortunately.  But, at least there's one thing less in my mom's house . . . for now.

    My mom gave us some old bottles that she'd found somewhere (likely at a garage sale) that she'd tried to give my sister in law. Again, I decided that since I couldn't figure out if they were BPA free and I wouldn't want anyone else to use them either that we recycled them.

    I think some people just have an emotional attachment to things.  I strive daily to be the opposite of my mom on these types of things. I likely overcompensate though.

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  • It's so nice to know I'm not alone with a mother/MIL who does things like this. I do get annoyed with her attitude about thinking some things are "too nice" for the people that the food pantry serves. And her idea of cute is so outdated and different from mine! I get lots of used girl clothes from three of my girlfriends, and that is plenty for us.

    And so many of you just made me feel AWESOME! My DH is actually 2 1/2 months younger than me. All of that gray hair just makes him look older! We are thinking about getting him a shirt to wear in the maternity ward that says "I'm NOT the grandfather!" :)

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