3rd Trimester

MIL Vent- don't bother reading :)

I just have to get this out. My MIL is from another planet, I'm convinced. Her and my FIL are going on vacation to Vegas for Christmas. Their son, my husband was deployed last year. So besides him being home this year, and their first grandbaby on the way, they are going on vaca anyway. MONTHS ago I sent out an email to all our family members asking them not to get us anything for Christmas, just to please help us get things we need for the baby. Along with the email was a huge list of items we were still needed varying in price from $2-$150. Let me also note here that my FIL makes VERY good money, and they don't want for anything.

So yesterday we went up there and my MIL decided to give us our Christmas gifts early. Thinking she had gotten us a mattress for the baby (which was only $50, and which she had asked DH about a few weeks ago,) I was a little surprised at what she had gotten us. She got Dh a VERY small cast iron skillet, the kind you can get at Walmart for under $10, and a candle from the Dollar Tree. She got me a pair of fleece pajamas that were on sale on Black Friday for $8. For the baby she got a bassinet sheet, retails for about $8, an outfit, and a sleepsack from the consignment shop by her house. 

Now, I'm not trying to sound or BE ungrateful, but seriously, W.T.F? The woman has more money than she knows what to do with, and she was more stingy this Christmas than ever before. She threw me a half ass shower a few months ago, so I don't know why I am REALLY surprised, but damn. I felt really bad for my DH. Imagine how he must have felt to get a damn cast iron skillet from his dumbass mom when he doesn't even cook?? And then to throw in the dollar tree candle for good measure? I could have smacked her. I hope she has fun on her vegas vacation gambling away money & eating at the best restaurants. It would have been nice if she could have put a little more thought into the Christmas gifts for her son & grandbaby. The woman NEVER ceases to amaze me. NEVER. 

Re: MIL Vent- don't bother reading :)

  • This is really sad for your DH :( Hopefully they wont treat your LO like this as well. Obviously christmas is not about the gifts but it will be obvious to your LO as he/she gets older if thought was put into or not. Its just really sad that your DH has parents that treat him and his family like that.
  • I feel your pain and I completely understand. 

    My LO is the first grandchild for my IL's as well.  As of yet, the only thing they have bought for her is a onesie set, but yet they just bought a brand new truck and a $50k camper to tow, so it's not like they are hurting for money.  They are leaving 2 weeks after my due date for Florida.  They will be gone for 6 weeks. 

    I'm not expecting a grand expensive gift, but maybe a little more than a onesie and a hat.  I'm sure it makes me sound ungrateful as well, but I think I am more hurt by the fact that they are going to miss the first 2 months of LO's life.

  • my MIL is the same way. for my b-day a month ago she got me a mickey mouse tee shirt from her recent trip to disney. It was a size small, im in an XL maternity, (hint hint??) O.o oh and the best was last christmas she got my DH a style guide book for gay men, LMAO!!!!
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  • Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

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  • image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

     

    Wow, no wonder people say that the 3rd trimester board is full of rude people. Apparently, you were never taught to not say anything if you can't say something nice.

    I would have my feelings hurt too. She feels bad for her husband and the lack of interest that the grandparents are showing to the baby.

  • image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    THIS WOMAN AGAIN!! UGH.... 

  • 1) IGNORE that rude woman (she always has something rude to say)

    2) I totally understand you. My IL's are cheap. They dont spend more than $15 in a gift, ever (for birthdays and stuff). They got us a crib mattress and a changing table pad for our baby shower, total of $110 and they divided that by 3 of them: my MIL, my FIL and my SIL. It was the 3 of them gift for our baby. Thats it. I haven't gotten not even a hat from them apart from those gifts. My family on the other hand, has giving me LOOOOOOOOOOOOTS AND LOOOOOOOOOOTS of baby stuff. Huge difference.

    What I can tell you is, just put up with them. You are not gonna change their stingy ways. They dont like to spend money on others other than themselves, and that includes family. So dont expect stuff from them they will never give you. Expect nothing, and when u get nothing, you wont get dissapointed. Thats the only thing I can tell you because I repeat that all the time to myself to avoid feeling dissapointed.  

  • image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    This x 100. I was with you until you kept on and on about how much money they make.

    My parents are very well off, but they don't go all extravegant at Christmas either. They take several vacations a year, but they've worked hard for what they have and it's their right to enjoy it.

    I don't get how people think it's other people's responsibility to supply them with things they "need" for their babies.  

  • Thank you for the supportive replies. I will choose to ignore the ignorant ones, as I don't need the added stress :)

    It is very hard to explain my inlaws in a few short words on a message board. This is only a very small part of what they have put me & my husband through over the past 5 years, and I am very sad to see that they will continue their ways with their first grandbaby. But like I said earlier, I really shouldn't be surprised anymore. Some people are just meant to be selfish, and there is no changing that. I just thank God for my family that is SO excited about our baby. Maybe I am too lucky in that aspect, because I suppose all their support has made my inlaws look even worse.... if that's possible, lol. 

    Thanks again ladies for your supportive replies, it's nice to know I'm not alone :) 

  • I would also like to add that this has put a damper on the Christmas DH and I are having with MY family. We will go over there, and I know my family has spent tons of money on the baby, because that's just how they are. My parents live on social security, check to check, & yet they are SO excited about our baby, they couldn't help themselves. It breaks my heart that they spent as much as they did being on a limited budget, but now my heart hurts for DH as well. To know how much his parents make, and see what they got for the baby, compared to what my parents (don't) make & how they went overboard on gifts for the baby, it just is really going to make him feel like crap. I really, really hope he can overlook it. He is a pretty sensible man, and it will probably bother me more for him than it will actually bother him. I still feel really badly for him though. I asked my family not to go overboard, but they just can't help & be excited. This is my fourth pregnancy, first baby, so they have been waiting a very long time for this grandbaby!
  • image *Woodstock*:
    image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    This x 100. I was with you until you kept on and on about how much money they make.

    My parents are very well off, but they don't go all extravegant at Christmas either. They take several vacations a year, but they've worked hard for what they have and it's their right to enjoy it.

    I don't get how people think it's other people's responsibility to supply them with things they "need" for their babies.  

    You are missing the point. I think she pointed out how much money they make to show that they can afford something more than a Dollar Tree candle. And we are talking about grandparents here, who are not showing they care a lot about their grandkid. If my grandkids one day dont have something, and they need ANYTHING, I would go out of my ways to make sure they have it. Would you not give your son/daughter in law a nice gift? Then you are a cheap person too. 

  • image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    Actually kdodge is correct. Yes, a little blunt, she always is but life isn't sugar coated.

    It's the thought that counts and not the amount. Be happy your MIL even bought you anything. I personally haven't received a thing from my MIL, nor do I care or expect anything. From my own parents is a different story just because I know their personalities and how much they wanted a grandbaby and to be involved.

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  • image maruuruguay:
    image *Woodstock*:
    image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

     

    Ummm how much one spends on child does not determine how much they love or care for the child.

    This x 100. I was with you until you kept on and on about how much money they make.

    My parents are very well off, but they don't go all extravegant at Christmas either. They take several vacations a year, but they've worked hard for what they have and it's their right to enjoy it.

    I don't get how people think it's other people's responsibility to supply them with things they "need" for their babies.  

    You are missing the point. I think she pointed out how much money they make to show that they can afford something more than a Dollar Tree candle. And we are talking about grandparents here, who are not showing they care a lot about their grandkid. If my grandkids one day dont have something, and they need ANYTHING, I would go out of my ways to make sure they have it. Would you not give your son/daughter in law a nice gift? Then you are a cheap person too. 

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  • image maruuruguay:
    image *Woodstock*:
    image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    This x 100. I was with you until you kept on and on about how much money they make.

    My parents are very well off, but they don't go all extravegant at Christmas either. They take several vacations a year, but they've worked hard for what they have and it's their right to enjoy it.

    I don't get how people think it's other people's responsibility to supply them with things they "need" for their babies.  

    You are missing the point. I think she pointed out how much money they make to show that they can afford something more than a Dollar Tree candle. And we are talking about grandparents here, who are not showing they care a lot about their grandkid. If my grandkids one day dont have something, and they need ANYTHING, I would go out of my ways to make sure they have it. Would you not give your son/daughter in law a nice gift? Then you are a cheap person too. 

     Both you and the op are putting way to much emphasis on a freaking gift.  Seriously, because someone doesn't want to spend a ton on your or your child, they're suddenly the selfish ones?  Yeah, it sucks that they're not willing to give more and maybe they are the horrible people she says they are but, to a message board full of people that don't know her inlaws, this post sounds incredibly selfish and greedy.  Grow up.  My mil is on disability and doesn't have a lot of money.  She gets what she can for ds but I know she can't give as much as my parents do.  I don't think she's a horrible person for not scrounging pennies to give my son a gift.   Seriously, you guys have got to be a joke.

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  • So caring about/being excited about the baby is directly related to how much money is spent on you? Gimme a break. Confused

    Neither my ILs nor my parents have gotten me anything for this baby. Nothing. Not one thing. And am I upset about that? Not at all. I know they're happy about the baby and can't wait to meet him. He'll be completely loved and doted on by both sets of grandparents. That's all that matters to me.

  • Wow, OP, I was with you until you started breaking it down to dollar amounts and shizz. Now you just come across like a grasping little piggy. Newsflash: no one in this world owes you anything, and with your sorry-ass attitude, I can see why your in-laws aren't exactly falling all over themselves to shower you with goodies.

    And another newsflash, since this seems to have passed you by: you're on the Bump. You're gonna get opinions you don't like. Deal with it or get off the Internet and have a little pity party of one. 

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  • Some people don't like to get things for the baby until after the baby is born (bad luck). Maybe you'll be pleasantly surprised later?
  • image JustBreathe#5:

    I just have to get this out. My MIL is from another planet, I'm convinced. Her and my FIL are going on vacation to Vegas for Christmas. Their son, my husband was deployed last year. So besides him being home this year, and their first grandbaby on the way, they are going on vaca anyway. MONTHS ago I sent out an email to all our family members asking them not to get us anything for Christmas, just to please help us get things we need for the baby. Along with the email was a huge list of items we were still needed varying in price from $2-$150. Let me also note here that my FIL makes VERY good money, and they don't want for anything.

    So yesterday we went up there and my MIL decided to give us our Christmas gifts early. Thinking she had gotten us a mattress for the baby (which was only $50, and which she had asked DH about a few weeks ago,) I was a little surprised at what she had gotten us. She got Dh a VERY small cast iron skillet, the kind you can get at Walmart for under $10, and a candle from the Dollar Tree. She got me a pair of fleece pajamas that were on sale on Black Friday for $8. For the baby she got a bassinet sheet, retails for about $8, an outfit, and a sleepsack from the consignment shop by her house. 

    Now, I'm not trying to sound or BE ungrateful, but seriously, W.T.F? The woman has more money than she knows what to do with, and she was more stingy this Christmas than ever before. She threw me a half ass shower a few months ago, so I don't know why I am REALLY surprised, but damn. I felt really bad for my DH. Imagine how he must have felt to get a damn cast iron skillet from his dumbass mom when he doesn't even cook?? And then to throw in the dollar tree candle for good measure? I could have smacked her. I hope she has fun on her vegas vacation gambling away money & eating at the best restaurants. It would have been nice if she could have put a little more thought into the Christmas gifts for her son & grandbaby. The woman NEVER ceases to amaze me. NEVER. 

    Your kid. Your job to provide for it.

    If someone sent me a list telling us we had to buy stuff only for a baby and gave a detailed list (um, have you ever heard of a registry?!) I'd laugh in their faces.

    I don't care how much $$ they have, it's their money not yours.

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  • image kdodge423:

    Perhaps you should make her a schedule of how much the presents have to be worth based on how much they make that year or how much they spent gambling. Apparently their money is your money and you feel entitled to a certain percentage.

    Had you not brought any of that up, I can understand the WTF?. But you seem to be more focused on the fact that they have money and aren't spending enough of it on you.

     

    This is honestly the first thing that came to mind after reading her post as well.  I probably wouldn't have been so blunt (lol), but I do agree none-the-less.  My ILs are pretty well off, but they are terrible when it comes to giving gifts.  My MIL bought my DD a crib mattress and she bought this baby a onesie and a fleece blanket.  Would I have purchased a better gift if I were her, yes?  However, this is her money and she can spend it however she wants.  I am just grateful that she bought my children something!

    Let me also add that my family thinks that me and DH are well off (don't know why because we are broke.  lol).  Call us a cheapie if you want, but I do not buy anybody Christmas gifts over $10.  It's just too many people to buy gifts for and I don't want anybody to feel slighted.

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  • I read this totally differently. She asked that only the baby receive gifts and the ILs bought gifts for each person.  The gifts weren't particularly meaningful, just picked up on a sales rack.  The question is, why did MIL bother with such meaningless gifts when the focus was supposed to be on the baby?


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  • image ReneeDear:
    I read this totally differently. She asked that only the baby receive gifts and the ILs bought gifts for each person.  The gifts weren't particularly meaningful, just picked up on a sales rack.  The question is, why did MIL bother with such meaningless gifts when the focus was supposed to be on the baby?

    You can't force people to buy any certain gift.  if they ask for suggestions it doesn't mean they are bound to do it that way.

    I mean should I return the quilts my grandmothers made because it is off a specific list of things I haven't bought for my LO yet? No be grateful you got anything.  It's Christmas time it's suppose to be about being with family not complaining that you didn't get want you wanted.

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  • My husband and I decided to have a child when we were financially ready, and did not need other people to buy us gifts.  Of course, people did, and I am thankful for everything (even every sock, hat, and crib sheet) we have received.  Like pp said, it is not other peoples' responsibility to clothe your child and outfit your nursery.

    You can make all of the lists in the world, people do not have to abide by them.  Plus, some people just buy crappy gifts (although, they may think they are wonderfully perfect).  It sounds like your in-laws are just crappy gift givers, there is nothing you can do about it but smile and say thank you.

  • image *Woodstock*:

    So caring about/being excited about the baby is directly related to how much money is spent on you? Gimme a break. Confused

    Neither my ILs nor my parents have gotten me anything for this baby. Nothing. Not one thing. And am I upset about that? Not at all. I know they're happy about the baby and can't wait to meet him. He'll be completely loved and doted on by both sets of grandparents. That's all that matters to me.

    Exactly. I'm sure that's not how you were trying to come off, but it totally came out that way

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  • I think the whole point is the fact that her mil put no thought into her gift...sending a message that she could careless. I know the feeling. I dont expect people to buy gifts or spend alot on a gift if they choose to give me or my children one, however I have had family give thoughtless birthday gifts and baby gifts. It has nothing to do with the dollar amount it has to do with the thought and the fact that they care....I am suprised by the negativity on these boards when I am on them. I think the point is her feelings are hurt because her mother in law is showing no excitement for the baby.

    Oh wait a minute I am not suprised by the negativity ..... people are so miserable and rude anymore!

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