3rd Trimester

What part of "I don't want anyone at the hospital" don't you understand?

I am not comfortable having any family or friends at the hospital while I am in labour until after the baby is about 2 hours old.  My family understands completely.  My fiance's family however, doesn't.  I had him tell his mother not to come until after the baby is born.  My major issue is that I don't want to feel like people are "waiting" on me.  I have such a high guilt factor that I know it will stress me out if I have people "waiting" for hours on me.  Talk about pressure.

My fiance's son is almost 15 and he wanted to come as well.  We told him that the hospital does not like visitors and they prefer that people come after the baby is born.  (Which is true. They also don't see what the point of people hanging around is).  They also said that visitors in the Labour & Delivery waiting room tend to "wander" and listen at the door.  Which would stress me right out!  Well, the son cried to his mother that he felt like he was being pushed out of the family and took it really personally.  I felt terrible about it - but it's not him, it's everybody that I don't want there.

Well, THEN my fiance's mother said that it's very important that he is there, so they will BOTH wait in the DOWNSTAIRS waiting room, rather than in the Labour and Delivery waiting room.  (What is the difference??  They're just an elevator ride away.)  

My fiance thinks that we are a family unit - he can't understand why I am shutting his son out.  I feel that birth is a very personal experience and if I don't want my own MOTHER there, how could I be comfortable with a 15 year old boy????  Fiance and I are currently not speaking to eachother over this. 

I'm tempted to just tell them fine, come.  Everybody seems to be making it about THEM.  But then how does that look to MY family?  They're going to wonder how come finace's family is allowed but not my own??? 

My midwife said he should definately not come - that any extra nervousness on my part can result in a closed up cervix and lenghthen my labour. 

Opinions?

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Re: What part of "I don't want anyone at the hospital" don't you understand?

  • You have voiced your opinion on what you want which is fine but it sounds like they are going to do what they want to do regardless. 

    Honestly in my experience having people out in the waiting room didn't matter to me, I didn't even think about them for one second while I was in labor. I am the same way to normally if people are waiting for me for something I get all stressed out but it was different while I was in labor... I focused on myself and the baby. I ended up not having the most ideal birth with my son and it turned out I was so grateful to have my family there after he was finally born because DH had to rush down to the NICU to be with him and I was a complete wreck so it helped to have my family around me right away.  

     

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  • I agree with most of this except the sibling not even being able to be in the waiting room.  I just feel siblings should be there at least to greet the baby as soon as they can.  I don't know.  That's just my opinion. 

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  • WOW!! I have a small suggestion.  Try and get over people "waiting on you."  It's not really you they are waiting on.  They are awaiting the arrival of LO.  I think that would solve a lot so they can wait in the waiting room.  SO what they wait for hours.  You are not forcing them to come or wait there, but make it clear that NO ONE will see the baby till after 2hrs except your fiance no matter how long they have been there! 

    I also want only my mother(so she can video some parts of it, but if she starts getting on my nerves I'll kick her out too!!) and DH there when I deliver and everyone else WILL be in the waiting room! END of STORY. 

    Stand your ground.  Make sure your FI relays this info to his family as they are not your in-laws just yet. GL and HTH!!

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  • Can you take your finace to your next midwife appointment to discuss this? Perhaps hearing things from someone other that you might be enough for him to see your point. If you get a nurse you don't like, s/he shouldn't be in the room- they should assign you a new one as soon as you ask (they will not take it personally, if they are true professionals they will understand that personalities don't always mesh. It happens). Mom should be comfortable with everyone in the room- medical staff, family and others.

    I guess there's not much you can do if they decide to hang out in the main lobby. As long as they aren't trying to contact you about things, there's not much you can do about them being there. Why they would want to hang out there and not at home for what could be many, many hours is beyond me as well.

     

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  • I don't see why people get bent out of shape over this. Who cares who is out in the waiting room. They aren't going to be in the room with you while you are going through labor. If they want to sit there for 12 hours or even 2 days - let them. They are excited grandparents, brothers, sisters, etc. They are family and family should always be important.

    It's going to be on the part of your FI to not go out and talk with them and stay with you. It's going to be the responsibilty of your FI to not tell you anyone is out there. You will have no clue unless someone tells you. Shut your phones OFF. Don't contact anyone until YOU are ready to let people in. This can be 2 hours after your LO is here or even a day after your LO is here.

    Let your nursing staff know that you DO NOT want any visitors or to give any status updates to family members until you are ready.

    To each thier own, but I find this kind of drama unnecessary.

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  • I can understand why your fiance's son would want to come...he's getting a new sibling, and he wants to be a part of it.  Maybe he doesn't understand how long the labor process is and that you going to the hospital doesn't mean a baby will be here within an hour.  It sounds like he realy just wants to be a part of it.  My fiance's 15 year old sister thinks she's going to be there for it too, but I haven't broke the news to her yet.  I'm due in march and I don't want her missing school over this.  Plus she's distracting!

    Maybe try to involve his son in other aspects of the baby, like helping with painting the nursery, or stamping envelopes for baby shower thank you's (if that's not already done) or other little tasks.  If he's an only child he could just be incredibly excited to finally have a sibling and feel left out of the process since you don't want him at the hospital. 

    It's hard to convince other people that it's about you, but it really is.  I would talk to them and let them know that although you know they want to be there, you want to ensure that you are as relaxed as possible and you are just not comfortable with the idea, but your fiance will call as soon as the baby is born so that his parents can bring his son and everyone can see the baby.  I honestly wouldn't put a 2 hour time frame on it though.    They can come and sit in the waiting room as long as they wish after LO's born.

    You could also always wait until after you've delivered to tell them that you're even out of the hospital, but I think that would lead to more hurt feelings than being straightforward and honest about your wishes.

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  • To be honest, I think the birth of your baby is a "family" thing and therefore LO's brother should be allowed to come up to the hospital.  Like you, I hate to have people waiting on me, but they are really waiting on the baby not you.  The birth of my DD was extremely important to my SD (she was 7 at the time) and I think she would have been devastated if I did not let her come up to the hospital.  Also, DH would have never let me shut her out as if she was not apart of our immediate family.  No, she was not in the room when I delivered, but she was one of the first ones to see DD after she was born.

    Also, I don't think having SS in the waiting room should cause a problem with your family.  SS is your child's brother.  Because of this, you should not look at him as if he is just another family member.  In essence, he will be your child too after you marry your fiance, so you should get used to including him in family events as well.  I don't know if I am just old-fashion in my thinking, but I truly do treat my SD as if she was my own (DH wouldn't have it any other way), so I try to include her in any big family events that we have.  My sister was not my dad's biological child, but he never treated her any differently from the rest of us.  He made sure she was involved in everything that we did.

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  • I can see the family, but the son? Come on. He's your husband's child and I can definitely see the fear of being "replaced"...he's not being considered part of the family. 

    I'd let him come and meet his brother/sibling ASAP, even if that meant his being in the waiting room for hours. 

    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • I can relate to not wanting people in the waiting room and the fear of feeling pressured. I 100% get it. That said, this sounds like a make-it-or-break-it moment in the relationship with your almost stepson. You are about to become a parent to this boy and a healthy relationship between you and him, baby and him, his dad and him is a huge, huge thing. Meeting the needs of your child (and he is about to become your child) even when it is uncomfortable or requires compromise is part of being a parent. I would keep on working to find a middle ground for the stepson.
  • I don't know, it's got to be tough for FI's son and anything you can do to make him feel included should be done. That's a very sensitive age and I'm sure he feels like his dad has a new family without him.

    I don't see the harm in them coming up when they want and waiting around the hospital, as long as they don't bug you. You don't even need to know they're there.

    My MIL knows I don't want people in the room and that I think it's silly for them to wait around the hospital, but if she wants to wait there, then that's up to her and we'll call them when we're ready to introduce LO.

    I think you're causing yourself much uneeded stress about this. Just let the chips fall and make sure your wish of no one in the room is adhered to.

  • Can I be frank?  I think you're being ridiculous.  While you're in labor, you are NOT going to be thinking about who is or who is not waiting down the hall.  You're going to be concentrating on having a baby.  Whether you like it or not, this is a family event, and family members are going to want to be involved.  I really don't see what harm it does to you if MIL waiting for 5, 7 or 10 hours in the waiting room down the hall makes her feel like she's part of the process or involved.  

    FWIW - I was in the hospital in labor for 43 hours and people came and went as they pleased.  If they want to sit there in a boring waiting room, that was their choice.  No skin off of my butt.  It didn't make me feel pressured at all.   

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  • I think you are making this out to be a bigger deal than it has to be.  Trust me you will not be thinking about who is "waiting on you" in the waiting room. 

    I have to disaree with you about your FI's son.  A little different than a MIL or FIL/mother or father.  He should be there.

     

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  • image MrsTotty:

    Can I be frank?  I think you're being ridiculous.  While you're in labor, you are NOT going to be thinking about who is or who is not waiting down the hall.  You're going to be concentrating on having a baby.  Whether you like it or not, this is a family event, and family members are going to want to be involved.  I really don't see what harm it does to you if MIL waiting for 5, 7 or 10 hours in the waiting room down the hall makes her feel like she's part of the process or involved.  

    FWIW - I was in the hospital in labor for 43 hours and people came and went as they pleased.  If they want to sit there in a boring waiting room, that was their choice.  No skin off of my butt.  It didn't make me feel pressured at all.   

    So because you don't have performance anxiety, no one does? Who's being ridiculous now?

    And no, this is not a family event. Baby being born is not a spectator sport. If you weren't involved in the conception, you will not have any knowledge of the labor on our end. I do not want them there. If I choose to go walking the halls outside of L&D, I don't want to have to avoid certain areas of the hospital to avoid being jumped by random family members about how things are going.

     

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  • image kdodge423:
    image MrsTotty:

    Can I be frank?  I think you're being ridiculous.  While you're in labor, you are NOT going to be thinking about who is or who is not waiting down the hall.  You're going to be concentrating on having a baby.  Whether you like it or not, this is a family event, and family members are going to want to be involved.  I really don't see what harm it does to you if MIL waiting for 5, 7 or 10 hours in the waiting room down the hall makes her feel like she's part of the process or involved.  

    FWIW - I was in the hospital in labor for 43 hours and people came and went as they pleased.  If they want to sit there in a boring waiting room, that was their choice.  No skin off of my butt.  It didn't make me feel pressured at all.   

    So because you don't have performance anxiety, no one does? Who's being ridiculous now?

    And no, this is not a family event. Baby being born is not a spectator sport. If you weren't involved in the conception, you will not have any knowledge of the labor on our end. I do not want them there. If I choose to go walking the halls outside of L&D, I don't want to have to avoid certain areas of the hospital to avoid being jumped by random family members about how things are going.

     

    LOL

    Have you ever BEEN in a L&D area of the hospital?  It's not like the waiting room is directly outside the L&D rooms ... there are usually hallways and doors separating the two.  No one from the waiting room is going to be accosting you in the hallways while you're laboring.  It's not like you're going to roaming the entire hospital in your gown. Again, LOL at that.  

    And calling waiting in a waiting room a 'spectator sport' is ridiculous as well.  It's not like they can see you.  That's why theres a WAITING ROOM.   They wait in their designated area, you labor in yours.  If you don't want anyone seeing you, they don't have to.  

    So yeah, I think you and the OP are being ridiculous.   

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  • image locash:

    I don't know, it's got to be tough for FI's son and anything you can do to make him feel included should be done. That's a very sensitive age and I'm sure he feels like his dad has a new family without him.

    I don't see the harm in them coming up when they want and waiting around the hospital, as long as they don't bug you. You don't even need to know they're there.

    My MIL knows I don't want people in the room and that I think it's silly for them to wait around the hospital, but if she wants to wait there, then that's up to her and we'll call them when we're ready to introduce LO.

    I think you're causing yourself much uneeded stress about this. Just let the chips fall and make sure your wish of no one in the room is adhered to.

    This.
  • image MrsTotty:
    image kdodge423:
    image MrsTotty:

    Can I be frank?  I think you're being ridiculous.  While you're in labor, you are NOT going to be thinking about who is or who is not waiting down the hall.  You're going to be concentrating on having a baby.  Whether you like it or not, this is a family event, and family members are going to want to be involved.  I really don't see what harm it does to you if MIL waiting for 5, 7 or 10 hours in the waiting room down the hall makes her feel like she's part of the process or involved.  

    FWIW - I was in the hospital in labor for 43 hours and people came and went as they pleased.  If they want to sit there in a boring waiting room, that was their choice.  No skin off of my butt.  It didn't make me feel pressured at all.   

    So because you don't have performance anxiety, no one does? Who's being ridiculous now?

    And no, this is not a family event. Baby being born is not a spectator sport. If you weren't involved in the conception, you will not have any knowledge of the labor on our end. I do not want them there. If I choose to go walking the halls outside of L&D, I don't want to have to avoid certain areas of the hospital to avoid being jumped by random family members about how things are going.

     

    LOL

    Have you ever BEEN in a L&D area of the hospital?  It's not like the waiting room is directly outside the L&D rooms ... there are usually hallways and doors separating the two.  No one from the waiting room is going to be accosting you in the hallways while you're laboring.  It's not like you're going to roaming the entire hospital in your gown. Again, LOL at that.  

    And calling waiting in a waiting room a 'spectator sport' is ridiculous as well.  It's not like they can see you.  That's why theres a WAITING ROOM.   They wait in their designated area, you labor in yours.  If you don't want anyone seeing you, they don't have to.  

    So yeah, I think you and the OP are being ridiculous.   

    Confused Because every hospital is set up exactly like yours. Yes, the waiting rooms here are directly outside the main door to L&D. Like about 10 steps. If you go to leave L&D, you have no path but the go directly past it (which means if DH tries to go get something from the cafeteria, they would be right there to pounce). But what would I know- I've only been there to visit others, had tours, and had to check into L&D. Clearly I have no clue because you know everything.

    And yes, it is actually quite common in our hospital to leave the L&D area and walk to other parts of the hospital- they have several places that you can go to- you simply check out with the nurses, tell them where you are heading, and be back within an hour. But once again- you know everything and every hospital is exactly like yours. Even though the tours guides cover this with us and I know several people that delivered at that hospital that have done this.

    If I think for a moment that my hag of a MIL will be out there, it will negatively effect me. Sorry I'm not perfect like you.

     

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  • OP, I get where your'e coming from. I don't want anyone at the hospital either. My ILs wanted to be, but when I explained to them my reasoning they are thankfully being quite respectful. It's not like we're going to be visiting and having a family get together while I'm labouring, so I said why would you want to be there? Sitting in the waiting room twiddling your thumbs? And then immediately after the baby is born, I want it to be just us for the first hour or two. We'll call you and let you know as soon as its born and let you know when we'll be ready for you.

    But in your case, I would try to include your fiance's son. Maybe you can wait to call them until near the end so they aren't hanging around all day, and make it very clear in advance that you do not want visitors while you are labouring and delivering. Your fiance can call them, and you won't even know they've arrived. After you have your first little while with the baby, your fiance's son can come in and meet his new sibling.  

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  • I don't think anyone can dispute that it's very important for the step-son to be the very first person to visit after the baby is born.

    However, what I'm reading from in between the lines is that OP may be more concerned about the pressure afterwards to let everyone back sooner than she'd be comfortable with. Once you're in labor, I would imagine that you'd forget about anything else happening, so the waiting room thing technically would be a moot case... but I'm concerned that her FI will pressure her to let his family back WELL before she's ready to share the baby. After all, "they've been waiting around for sooo long, they deserve to see the baby RIGHTAWAY", right? And the MIL seems to be using the step-son as a means to get in there asap.

    If I read right, this is her first baby... and although she has a future step-son, she still has the right to a comfortable birth and for adequate bonding after the birth.

    There is no reason that someone can't bring the stepson to the hospital after the birth when OP is ready for him, and then ONLY the stepson can go back into the room at first. After stepson, then it's OP's call who comes in next (even if MIL is the one to bring him).

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  • image kdodge423:

    Confused Because every hospital is set up exactly like yours. Yes, the waiting rooms here are directly outside the main door to L&D. Like about 10 steps. If you go to leave L&D, you have no path but the go directly past it (which means if DH tries to go get something from the cafeteria, they would be right there to pounce). But what would I know- I've only been there to visit others, had tours, and had to check into L&D. Clearly I have no clue because you know everything.

    And yes, it is actually quite common in our hospital to leave the L&D area and walk to other parts of the hospital- they have several places that you can go to- you simply check out with the nurses, tell them where you are heading, and be back within an hour. But once again- you know everything and every hospital is exactly like yours. Even though the tours guides cover this with us and I know several people that delivered at that hospital that have done this.

    If I think for a moment that my hag of a MIL will be out there, it will negatively effect me. Sorry I'm not perfect like you.

     

    But there IS a door to the L&D area?  This is my point.  It's not like MIL or DSS is going to be peering through the window at her exposed vag while she's laboring and giving birth.  They sit in their area, you labor and deliver in yours.  

    I would even get just not telling people when you're going in, and laboring without anyone knowing, and then calling and saying, 'hey, we just had  a baby, you can come see us now' ... but to just throw a blanket, 'NO - you may NOT wait in a designated waiting room in the same building as me as I give birth' is so effing self-centered and ridiculously over-the-top to me.   

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  • image MrsTotty:
    image kdodge423:

    Confused Because every hospital is set up exactly like yours. Yes, the waiting rooms here are directly outside the main door to L&D. Like about 10 steps. If you go to leave L&D, you have no path but the go directly past it (which means if DH tries to go get something from the cafeteria, they would be right there to pounce). But what would I know- I've only been there to visit others, had tours, and had to check into L&D. Clearly I have no clue because you know everything.

    And yes, it is actually quite common in our hospital to leave the L&D area and walk to other parts of the hospital- they have several places that you can go to- you simply check out with the nurses, tell them where you are heading, and be back within an hour. But once again- you know everything and every hospital is exactly like yours. Even though the tours guides cover this with us and I know several people that delivered at that hospital that have done this.

    If I think for a moment that my hag of a MIL will be out there, it will negatively effect me. Sorry I'm not perfect like you.

     

    But there IS a door to the L&D area?  This is my point.  It's not like MIL or DSS is going to be peering through the window at her exposed vag while she's laboring and giving birth.  They sit in their area, you labor and deliver in yours.  

    I would even get just not telling people when you're going in, and laboring without anyone knowing, and then calling and saying, 'hey, we just had  a baby, you can come see us now' ... but to just throw a blanket, 'NO - you may NOT wait in a designated waiting room in the same building as me as I give birth' is so effing self-centered and ridiculously over-the-top to me.   

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  • image kdodge423:

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    No, I totally get your point.  You think having someone specific in the waiting room will hinder your ability to affectively concentrate on birthing your child.  I get what you're saying, I just think it's stupid.   

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  • Ok let take out the step son factor.  Say down the road you have another child with your FI.  When would you want your baby to see their new sibling ?  If your baby was old enough to be in the waiting room, would you want him there in the hospital right away to him to introduce him to his new little brother or sister ?  Honestly think about this. Please don't treat your stepson any differently than you would your biological child. 

  • image MrsTotty:
    image kdodge423:

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    No, I totally get your point.  You think having someone specific in the waiting room will hinder your ability to affectively concentrate on birthing your child.  I get what you're saying, I just think it's stupid.   

    You have clearly never met my MIL. If you did, you would understand. The fact that biitch is in the same town is bad enough, but she lives here, so there's not much I can do about that. If she can find a way to lie and get past the door, she will. If I am walking the halls of L&D and she can see me through a window, she will start screaming for updates and for the nurses to let her in- it's just how she is. Hence why I don't want her there. Apparently you should be thanking God your family isn't nuts. My IL's are and they have boundary issues. We have told them they aren't getting any info until after LO is born.

    Why does what you did have to be the only way? With everything else, the general consensus is what works for your family is the best choice. Having them there does not work for us, therefore it is not the best choice. I know many people who have decided not bringing in their older children until the next day is the best choice so they can bond with the new baby, others will wait a few hours or if the baby is born at 3AM, wait until normal waking hours to get their other children. Others want them involved in the entire process. Different things work for different families.

    For the OP, a good option would be sitting down with her finace, his son, and the boy's mom and all of them talking this out- blindly bending to the whims of a teenager who is whining to get his way really isn't a good solution. But you seem to think since you have had a child, you know everything and your way is the only way. And you are wrong.

     

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  • image kdodge423:

    You have clearly never met my MIL. If you did, you would understand. The fact that biitch is in the same town is bad enough, but she lives here, so there's not much I can do about that. If she can find a way to lie and get past the door, she will. If I am walking the halls of L&D and she can see me through a window, she will start screaming for updates and for the nurses to let her in- it's just how she is. Hence why I don't want her there. Apparently you should be thanking God your family isn't nuts. My IL's are and they have boundary issues. We have told them they aren't getting any info until after LO is born.

    Why does what you did have to be the only way? With everything else, the general consensus is what works for your family is the best choice. Having them there does not work for us, therefore it is not the best choice. I know many people who have decided not bringing in their older children until the next day is the best choice so they can bond with the new baby, others will wait a few hours or if the baby is born at 3AM, wait until normal waking hours to get their other children. Others want them involved in the entire process. Different things work for different families.

    For the OP, a good option would be sitting down with her finace, his son, and the boy's mom and all of them talking this out- blindly bending to the whims of a teenager who is whining to get his way really isn't a good solution. But you seem to think since you have had a child, you know everything and your way is the only way. And you are wrong.

     

    I'm pretty sure that this is a public message board, and that I'm allowed to state my opinion in whatever thread I want to.  

    And I didn't say 'my way was the only way' ... I gave a second option several posts back ... I guess you skipped that one.  

    I'm sorry you have insane ILs, that would suck.  Mine aren't insane, but I do have about 3847934573498573498572349857497 family members within 5 miles of my home that all wanted to see me and my baby ... so I get wanting to place boundaries.  I just think that trying to tell grown people that they're absolutely not allowed to wait in a public space for the birth of a family member is ridiculous.  The end.  

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  • image MrsTotty:
    I'm pretty sure that this is a public message board, and that I'm allowed to state my opinion in whatever thread I want to.  

    And I didn't say 'my way was the only way' ... I gave a second option several posts back ... I guess you skipped that one.  

    I'm sorry you have insane ILs, that would suck.  Mine aren't insane, but I do have about 3847934573498573498572349857497 family members within 5 miles of my home that all wanted to see me and my baby ... so I get wanting to place boundaries.  I just think that trying to tell grown people that they're absolutely not allowed to wait in a public space for the birth of a family member is ridiculous.  The end.  

    Our boundary is the doors of the hospital. We can't physically stop them from being there, but are making the request that they wait until given the green light. Some people don't comprehend "We prefer you wait until baby is born to show up" means we prefer to not have you sitting there the whole time. Some people need "Do NOT come until we tell you to".

    Technically the sidewalk outside our house is public domain and we can't stop them from sitting out there once we are home. We sure as hell are telling them this isn't acceptable though. Unless they are going to scoop snow. Then they can be out there for a little bit.

     

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  • I completely understand not wanting other people in the delivery room, but I have to say that I agree with Totty on this one... it shouldn't matter to you that you have people waiting in the waiting room. I had family coming and going out of the waiting room in the 24+ hours I was in labor with my son. It didn't affect me because I was so focused on being in labor and managing my pain.

    Also, in regard to the stepson, I think that he should be allowed to wait and be as much of this as possible. If he was your biological 15 year old, I think that you'd be looking at it differently. As a step-child myself, I'd be super hurt if my stepmom didn't think of me as her child in this regard.

     In the end, it's your decision, but since you asked for opinions...

  • See, this is why I love my hospital. The L&D and recovery floors are completely locked down.

    When you get off the elevator on the L&D floor you are greeted by a door, a camera, and a call box. L&D is for the mom, dad and baby only. Two hours after delivery, the new family is moved up to the recovery floor.

    Same scenario when you get off that elevator... door, camera, call box. The great and powerful Oz has to give you permission to enter (based on a list the parents give the nurses). If the parents don't want you to be there, you aren't getting in. They encourage you to allow only grandparents and siblings to the baby on the visitors list and having everyone else wait until you get settled in at home.

  • I agree with OPP this is an intimate time and having spectators is ridiculous. We are only calling my parents when we almost ready to push because they have to drive an hour in. His parents wont get the notice until two hours after bith - shes a nurse and I don't want her poking around.

    As for the kid, tell it to grow up. I was never there for my sisters birth until after she was born - my aunt brought me to the hospital.

    Tell everyone after the baby is born you won't even get to see it until they've done all their work and you want a few hours alone - you did all the work you should get a say.

     The reason you don't people waiting in the hall way is the same reason I don't like extra people around a bride before she goes down the aisle, they cause anxiety, confusion, and then just keep picking at non important things and think they need to be involved and they dont. Same thing goes here as soon as some how they figure out the baby is born they will want to barge in, which is the last thing I would want because I would still have a placenta to deliever and stuff to clean up. They'll sit there and keep asking, can we go in yet, can we go in yet. It's a fking nusience (sp?) for the mom/hospital staff etc.

    I would tell them to STFU and respect your wishes, and if they don't they will be escorted by security. Then again I wouldn't tollerate that crap, and my family knows it.

     

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  • I feel the same way you do.  I don't want anyone around but DH, and I'm planning on going with the not telling anyone I'm in labor if I can.  I'm not sure how that's going to work as the in-laws call DH 14 times a day, but that's what I want, anyway.

     And when we're on #2, I don't think my first child will be there for the birth, either.  The child doesn't need to be there if something goes wrong, or to see me completely exhausted or who knows what.  After everything is done and settled, then we'll call whoever's watching him/her to bring them to the hospital to be the first one to meet baby.  I do think SS should be the first to meet your child; hopefully you can have a good one-on-one with him and let him know that he's going to be a huge part of this baby's life, and will be the first to meet his brother/sister, but that being at the hospital could take days and be incredibly boring; you'll call him first thing to come be there with you.

    My personal worry is if DH does tell his parents, they show up, and then I have an emergency c-sec. I would be devistated if in-laws met the baby before I did.  I think DH is on board with what I want, but MIL is manipulative and I could see her talking her way into getting him to take them to the nursery.  So I prefer they NOT be there at all.

    Obviously, you can't control that.  But you can let them know that they will not be allowed to see you or the baby until you're ready.  Put it in writing with the nurses.  I know the nurses at my hospital said that they do a great job of being bouncers and keeping anyone out until Mommy says so.

    Nathaniel David 3/22/11 #2 due 12/16/12
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