What part of "I don't want anyone at the hospital" don't you understand?
I am not comfortable having any family or friends at the hospital while I am in labour until after the baby is about 2 hours old. My family understands completely. My fiance's family however, doesn't. I had him tell his mother not to come until after the baby is born. My major issue is that I don't want to feel like people are "waiting" on me. I have such a high guilt factor that I know it will stress me out if I have people "waiting" for hours on me. Talk about pressure.
My fiance's son is almost 15 and he wanted to come as well. We told him that the hospital does not like visitors and they prefer that people come after the baby is born. (Which is true. They also don't see what the point of people hanging around is). They also said that visitors in the Labour & Delivery waiting room tend to "wander" and listen at the door. Which would stress me right out! Well, the son cried to his mother that he felt like he was being pushed out of the family and took it really personally. I felt terrible about it - but it's not him, it's everybody that I don't want there.
Well, THEN my fiance's mother said that it's very important that he is there, so they will BOTH wait in the DOWNSTAIRS waiting room, rather than in the Labour and Delivery waiting room. (What is the difference?? They're just an elevator ride away.)
My fiance thinks that we are a family unit - he can't understand why I am shutting his son out. I feel that birth is a very personal experience and if I don't want my own MOTHER there, how could I be comfortable with a 15 year old boy???? Fiance and I are currently not speaking to eachother over this.
I'm tempted to just tell them fine, come. Everybody seems to be making it about THEM. But then how does that look to MY family? They're going to wonder how come finace's family is allowed but not my own???
My midwife said he should definately not come - that any extra nervousness on my part can result in a closed up cervix and lenghthen my labour.
Opinions?
Re: What part of "I don't want anyone at the hospital" don't you understand?
You have voiced your opinion on what you want which is fine but it sounds like they are going to do what they want to do regardless.
Honestly in my experience having people out in the waiting room didn't matter to me, I didn't even think about them for one second while I was in labor. I am the same way to normally if people are waiting for me for something I get all stressed out but it was different while I was in labor... I focused on myself and the baby. I ended up not having the most ideal birth with my son and it turned out I was so grateful to have my family there after he was finally born because DH had to rush down to the NICU to be with him and I was a complete wreck so it helped to have my family around me right away.
I agree with most of this except the sibling not even being able to be in the waiting room. I just feel siblings should be there at least to greet the baby as soon as they can. I don't know. That's just my opinion.
WOW!! I have a small suggestion. Try and get over people "waiting on you." It's not really you they are waiting on. They are awaiting the arrival of LO. I think that would solve a lot so they can wait in the waiting room. SO what they wait for hours. You are not forcing them to come or wait there, but make it clear that NO ONE will see the baby till after 2hrs except your fiance no matter how long they have been there!
I also want only my mother(so she can video some parts of it, but if she starts getting on my nerves I'll kick her out too!!) and DH there when I deliver and everyone else WILL be in the waiting room! END of STORY.
Stand your ground. Make sure your FI relays this info to his family as they are not your in-laws just yet. GL and HTH!!
I don't see why people get bent out of shape over this. Who cares who is out in the waiting room. They aren't going to be in the room with you while you are going through labor. If they want to sit there for 12 hours or even 2 days - let them. They are excited grandparents, brothers, sisters, etc. They are family and family should always be important.
It's going to be on the part of your FI to not go out and talk with them and stay with you. It's going to be the responsibilty of your FI to not tell you anyone is out there. You will have no clue unless someone tells you. Shut your phones OFF. Don't contact anyone until YOU are ready to let people in. This can be 2 hours after your LO is here or even a day after your LO is here.
Let your nursing staff know that you DO NOT want any visitors or to give any status updates to family members until you are ready.
To each thier own, but I find this kind of drama unnecessary.
Katie: 1/16/08 2lbs. 15oz.
Abby & Emily: 12/31/10 6lbs. 2oz. & 5lbs. 7oz.
I can understand why your fiance's son would want to come...he's getting a new sibling, and he wants to be a part of it. Maybe he doesn't understand how long the labor process is and that you going to the hospital doesn't mean a baby will be here within an hour. It sounds like he realy just wants to be a part of it. My fiance's 15 year old sister thinks she's going to be there for it too, but I haven't broke the news to her yet. I'm due in march and I don't want her missing school over this. Plus she's distracting!
Maybe try to involve his son in other aspects of the baby, like helping with painting the nursery, or stamping envelopes for baby shower thank you's (if that's not already done) or other little tasks. If he's an only child he could just be incredibly excited to finally have a sibling and feel left out of the process since you don't want him at the hospital.
It's hard to convince other people that it's about you, but it really is. I would talk to them and let them know that although you know they want to be there, you want to ensure that you are as relaxed as possible and you are just not comfortable with the idea, but your fiance will call as soon as the baby is born so that his parents can bring his son and everyone can see the baby. I honestly wouldn't put a 2 hour time frame on it though. They can come and sit in the waiting room as long as they wish after LO's born.
You could also always wait until after you've delivered to tell them that you're even out of the hospital, but I think that would lead to more hurt feelings than being straightforward and honest about your wishes.
To be honest, I think the birth of your baby is a "family" thing and therefore LO's brother should be allowed to come up to the hospital. Like you, I hate to have people waiting on me, but they are really waiting on the baby not you. The birth of my DD was extremely important to my SD (she was 7 at the time) and I think she would have been devastated if I did not let her come up to the hospital. Also, DH would have never let me shut her out as if she was not apart of our immediate family. No, she was not in the room when I delivered, but she was one of the first ones to see DD after she was born.
Also, I don't think having SS in the waiting room should cause a problem with your family. SS is your child's brother. Because of this, you should not look at him as if he is just another family member. In essence, he will be your child too after you marry your fiance, so you should get used to including him in family events as well. I don't know if I am just old-fashion in my thinking, but I truly do treat my SD as if she was my own (DH wouldn't have it any other way), so I try to include her in any big family events that we have. My sister was not my dad's biological child, but he never treated her any differently from the rest of us. He made sure she was involved in everything that we did.
I can see the family, but the son? Come on. He's your husband's child and I can definitely see the fear of being "replaced"...he's not being considered part of the family.
I'd let him come and meet his brother/sibling ASAP, even if that meant his being in the waiting room for hours.
More Green For Less Green
I don't know, it's got to be tough for FI's son and anything you can do to make him feel included should be done. That's a very sensitive age and I'm sure he feels like his dad has a new family without him.
I don't see the harm in them coming up when they want and waiting around the hospital, as long as they don't bug you. You don't even need to know they're there.
My MIL knows I don't want people in the room and that I think it's silly for them to wait around the hospital, but if she wants to wait there, then that's up to her and we'll call them when we're ready to introduce LO.
I think you're causing yourself much uneeded stress about this. Just let the chips fall and make sure your wish of no one in the room is adhered to.
Can I be frank? I think you're being ridiculous. While you're in labor, you are NOT going to be thinking about who is or who is not waiting down the hall. You're going to be concentrating on having a baby. Whether you like it or not, this is a family event, and family members are going to want to be involved. I really don't see what harm it does to you if MIL waiting for 5, 7 or 10 hours in the waiting room down the hall makes her feel like she's part of the process or involved.
FWIW - I was in the hospital in labor for 43 hours and people came and went as they pleased. If they want to sit there in a boring waiting room, that was their choice. No skin off of my butt. It didn't make me feel pressured at all.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
I think you are making this out to be a bigger deal than it has to be. Trust me you will not be thinking about who is "waiting on you" in the waiting room.
I have to disaree with you about your FI's son. A little different than a MIL or FIL/mother or father. He should be there.
Emily 8.8.08
Madeline 1.2.11
William 8.5.12
LOL
Have you ever BEEN in a L&D area of the hospital? It's not like the waiting room is directly outside the L&D rooms ... there are usually hallways and doors separating the two. No one from the waiting room is going to be accosting you in the hallways while you're laboring. It's not like you're going to roaming the entire hospital in your gown. Again, LOL at that.
And calling waiting in a waiting room a 'spectator sport' is ridiculous as well. It's not like they can see you. That's why theres a WAITING ROOM. They wait in their designated area, you labor in yours. If you don't want anyone seeing you, they don't have to.
So yeah, I think you and the OP are being ridiculous.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
OP, I get where your'e coming from. I don't want anyone at the hospital either. My ILs wanted to be, but when I explained to them my reasoning they are thankfully being quite respectful. It's not like we're going to be visiting and having a family get together while I'm labouring, so I said why would you want to be there? Sitting in the waiting room twiddling your thumbs? And then immediately after the baby is born, I want it to be just us for the first hour or two. We'll call you and let you know as soon as its born and let you know when we'll be ready for you.
But in your case, I would try to include your fiance's son. Maybe you can wait to call them until near the end so they aren't hanging around all day, and make it very clear in advance that you do not want visitors while you are labouring and delivering. Your fiance can call them, and you won't even know they've arrived. After you have your first little while with the baby, your fiance's son can come in and meet his new sibling.
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beta @ 5w0d = 12,026! u/s 4/22/14 @ 8w1d it's twins!
I don't think anyone can dispute that it's very important for the step-son to be the very first person to visit after the baby is born.
However, what I'm reading from in between the lines is that OP may be more concerned about the pressure afterwards to let everyone back sooner than she'd be comfortable with. Once you're in labor, I would imagine that you'd forget about anything else happening, so the waiting room thing technically would be a moot case... but I'm concerned that her FI will pressure her to let his family back WELL before she's ready to share the baby. After all, "they've been waiting around for sooo long, they deserve to see the baby RIGHTAWAY", right? And the MIL seems to be using the step-son as a means to get in there asap.
If I read right, this is her first baby... and although she has a future step-son, she still has the right to a comfortable birth and for adequate bonding after the birth.
There is no reason that someone can't bring the stepson to the hospital after the birth when OP is ready for him, and then ONLY the stepson can go back into the room at first. After stepson, then it's OP's call who comes in next (even if MIL is the one to bring him).
But there IS a door to the L&D area? This is my point. It's not like MIL or DSS is going to be peering through the window at her exposed vag while she's laboring and giving birth. They sit in their area, you labor and deliver in yours.
I would even get just not telling people when you're going in, and laboring without anyone knowing, and then calling and saying, 'hey, we just had a baby, you can come see us now' ... but to just throw a blanket, 'NO - you may NOT wait in a designated waiting room in the same building as me as I give birth' is so effing self-centered and ridiculously over-the-top to me.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
No, I totally get your point. You think having someone specific in the waiting room will hinder your ability to affectively concentrate on birthing your child. I get what you're saying, I just think it's stupid.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
Ok let take out the step son factor. Say down the road you have another child with your FI. When would you want your baby to see their new sibling ? If your baby was old enough to be in the waiting room, would you want him there in the hospital right away to him to introduce him to his new little brother or sister ? Honestly think about this. Please don't treat your stepson any differently than you would your biological child.
I'm pretty sure that this is a public message board, and that I'm allowed to state my opinion in whatever thread I want to.
And I didn't say 'my way was the only way' ... I gave a second option several posts back ... I guess you skipped that one.
I'm sorry you have insane ILs, that would suck. Mine aren't insane, but I do have about 3847934573498573498572349857497 family members within 5 miles of my home that all wanted to see me and my baby ... so I get wanting to place boundaries. I just think that trying to tell grown people that they're absolutely not allowed to wait in a public space for the birth of a family member is ridiculous. The end.
The Mouse ~ 06.12.08 | The Froggy ~ 02.23.11
I completely understand not wanting other people in the delivery room, but I have to say that I agree with Totty on this one... it shouldn't matter to you that you have people waiting in the waiting room. I had family coming and going out of the waiting room in the 24+ hours I was in labor with my son. It didn't affect me because I was so focused on being in labor and managing my pain.
Also, in regard to the stepson, I think that he should be allowed to wait and be as much of this as possible. If he was your biological 15 year old, I think that you'd be looking at it differently. As a step-child myself, I'd be super hurt if my stepmom didn't think of me as her child in this regard.
In the end, it's your decision, but since you asked for opinions...
See, this is why I love my hospital. The L&D and recovery floors are completely locked down.
When you get off the elevator on the L&D floor you are greeted by a door, a camera, and a call box. L&D is for the mom, dad and baby only. Two hours after delivery, the new family is moved up to the recovery floor.
Same scenario when you get off that elevator... door, camera, call box. The great and powerful Oz has to give you permission to enter (based on a list the parents give the nurses). If the parents don't want you to be there, you aren't getting in. They encourage you to allow only grandparents and siblings to the baby on the visitors list and having everyone else wait until you get settled in at home.
http://pandce.****/index.cgi#general
I agree with OPP this is an intimate time and having spectators is ridiculous. We are only calling my parents when we almost ready to push because they have to drive an hour in. His parents wont get the notice until two hours after bith - shes a nurse and I don't want her poking around.
As for the kid, tell it to grow up. I was never there for my sisters birth until after she was born - my aunt brought me to the hospital.
Tell everyone after the baby is born you won't even get to see it until they've done all their work and you want a few hours alone - you did all the work you should get a say.
The reason you don't people waiting in the hall way is the same reason I don't like extra people around a bride before she goes down the aisle, they cause anxiety, confusion, and then just keep picking at non important things and think they need to be involved and they dont. Same thing goes here as soon as some how they figure out the baby is born they will want to barge in, which is the last thing I would want because I would still have a placenta to deliever and stuff to clean up. They'll sit there and keep asking, can we go in yet, can we go in yet. It's a fking nusience (sp?) for the mom/hospital staff etc.
I would tell them to STFU and respect your wishes, and if they don't they will be escorted by security. Then again I wouldn't tollerate that crap, and my family knows it.
Our baby site: Baby Cragg
I feel the same way you do. I don't want anyone around but DH, and I'm planning on going with the not telling anyone I'm in labor if I can. I'm not sure how that's going to work as the in-laws call DH 14 times a day, but that's what I want, anyway.
And when we're on #2, I don't think my first child will be there for the birth, either. The child doesn't need to be there if something goes wrong, or to see me completely exhausted or who knows what. After everything is done and settled, then we'll call whoever's watching him/her to bring them to the hospital to be the first one to meet baby. I do think SS should be the first to meet your child; hopefully you can have a good one-on-one with him and let him know that he's going to be a huge part of this baby's life, and will be the first to meet his brother/sister, but that being at the hospital could take days and be incredibly boring; you'll call him first thing to come be there with you.
My personal worry is if DH does tell his parents, they show up, and then I have an emergency c-sec. I would be devistated if in-laws met the baby before I did. I think DH is on board with what I want, but MIL is manipulative and I could see her talking her way into getting him to take them to the nursery. So I prefer they NOT be there at all.
Obviously, you can't control that. But you can let them know that they will not be allowed to see you or the baby until you're ready. Put it in writing with the nurses. I know the nurses at my hospital said that they do a great job of being bouncers and keeping anyone out until Mommy says so.
Agree to all of this.
I seriously do not think you are not going to care who is out in the waiting room for you when you are pushing your child out. They are not requesting to watch your LO come out of your vagina, they are requesting to be in the waiting room. I think you are the one causing a lot of your anxiety by focusing on the "expectation" you think you may feel from them. I think it would be a good life lesson for you to figure out how to get past those feelings you create.
If you do not want a country of people out there that is totally understandable but I would at least let your SS be in the waiting room. I can't help but think that if there wasn't the word "step" in front of "son" that you might have a different view on him being there. Obviously since he told his bio-mother it upset him because he wanted to be apart of it somehow and I do not think the waiting room is an "out there" expectation on his part. Blending families is always tricky.
I know most opinions have been stated, but I just wanted to chime in with my own experience when my half-sister was being born. I was 11 and my grandparents brought me to the hospital after my SM and dad had been there for awhile (I think it was actually after her labor had progressed to the point where she had her epidural). We stopped in for a quick hello, hug etc and then my grandparents kept me occupied in other parts of the hospital (lunch, gift shop etc). While her labor wasn't too long, it was made very clear to myself and my grandparents that if I got too antsy or was bored, they should take me home for awhile. I did get to see my little sister after she was born, but it was several hours later. It gave them time to clean her up, let my SM get cleaned up and have time to spend with the baby. By the time I got there, they had a chance to have some private time and were ready for me to be in the room.
When we have our baby in March, we will let family know when we go to the hospital, but for the birth it will just be the two of us. I don't want to lose the special bonding time because of the family pressure I feel (and I'm very good at guilting myself) to let people in early.
These things said, I understand your anxiety about knowing people are waiting for you. But, hopefully, you'll be able to focus on other things. I think that after you have the baby and have some time for the three of you, have FI go and get his son so all of you can be together. He should have no problem telling his mother that she needs to wait so that his son can spend some time with his new sibling. Then, when you are ready, welcome the other visitors. I think it will help a lot for the son to be able to be in the hospital waiting and feel a part of the process. Just make sure that there is a plan in place in case he wants to leave, so that he knows it is an option that he shouldn't feel guilty for taking if he gets bored. But--do stick to your guns and keep other family out until you are ready---just let him come in first.
I completely agree with this post!
Also, OP I think you have the right to make whatever decisions you want and whatever you feel most comfortable with, you are the one who knows what you may or may not feel like on the day of and if you don't want an audience in the waiting room adding pressure to an already stressful situation then I think that is your right! IMO I would rather my family and DH's family stay at home until after the baby as well. I know I will need help after all is said and done and I also know DH and I will be exhausted. No use having every other member of the family just as tired as we are because they stayed in the waiting room all night.. what use would they be then?
I think for the in laws and other friends and family the only way to keep them away is to not let them know you're in labor and call them once you are ready for visitors. Now you're obviously going to have to get your fiance on board with this because it sounds like once the cat is out of the bag you won't be able to stop your future MIL.
As far as his son I can see not wanting a kid waiting around a hospital for hours, which labor can sometimes be. However I bet there is some room for compromise. Maybe you could call him and his mother close to go time, have them wait in the waiting room and then once you and the baby have had a moment to clean up have them come in before everyone else for some special family time. Make sure he's told that you want him to be the baby's first visitor and how important it is. The poor kid is old enough to realize there's a major change coming to his family and really wants to feel included. How nice that you can do that for him! Also maybe think of other ways you can include him in any baby prep. Maybe teach him how to help with the baby with feedings and diapers. Maybe give him a disposable camera so he can take pics of his new sibling when he comes to visit in the hospital. There are lots of ways to help him feel included.
Have you posted this over on the blended families board yet? You might get some good advice there as well from people who have been there, done that.
stw_77: I have certainly thought about this. I would most definately not want this coming child to be at my next child's birth in the future. Obviously I have a different opinion than most, but I think it is silly and ridiculous. They will see the baby when we get home!
I'm not a private person by any means with most things in my life, but I find childbirth intensely private! So private that I only want to share this with my fiance, as I did in conception.
Exactly. Thank you for saving me the stress of having to reply to her myself.
I completely understand not wanting him there during the birth. My kids won't even be there during the birth. In fact, when I was 9 I was in the room when my mom had my sister and I didn't want to be there. I understand that point. As long as the stepson will be the first outside person to meet the baby and you know in your heart that you are treating him the exact same way that you would your biological child, I think that is perfectly acceptable. Not having him even in the waiting room was the part I was curious about. However, you know your FI better than I do and if you think he won't be able to focus on you knowing that his son is in the waiting room. That is fine.
My parents were never divorced but my grandparents were. My stepgma was not a good person to say the least and always treated us like we were the step grandchildren. So again as long as you know you are treating him the same way you would your biological children, then that is all that matters.
I get this. I really do. I didn't even want DH there for the birth of our first son, and he gladly obliged for the first 18 hours of my labor (we lived 5 minutes from the hospital and he was grateful that he got to sleep in his own bed). My family respectfully stayed away until I called them to come entertain me. Why can't you reach a compromise with the stepson? Labor can be a very long process, and there are always unforseen things that can happen. Maybe instead of SS coming for the whole labor, your MIL could drive him to the hospital to sit in the waiting room when you're dilated to 8 or 9. Your Fiance can call and let them know when things have progressed. Then SS won't have been waiting long and you won't feel rushed, but he can still be there to see his new sibling right away. Be sure to explain that having a baby can be a lengthy process, and you don't want him to have to sit and wait for hours and hours at the hospital when he can be at home, sleeping in his own bed so that he is well-rested and comfortable. Try making it sound like you are thinking of the SS's needs, and not your own. Your needs are VERY important, but it sounds like you could scream them from a mountaintop and your Fiance's family could care less, so try a different approach.
I don't think you're overreacting at all or being ridiculous. I think for some people birth is a very private experience. Others like a crowd, but don't feel like you have to be one of those people if that's not your personality. Stand your ground, but soften your approach. And take the behavior of your future in-laws as a great big warning sign, because that will be their attitude for all the years of your marriage. If they threaten to circumvent your wishes on this, they'll do it over everything else down the road.
Uh, just a note, I had this happen, though with my family and not my in-laws. I ended up having an emergency c-section, and it was almost an hour before I got to see my son. In the meantime, my mother, aunt, and grandmother were waiting in recovery, and there are pictures of them snuggling my son before I've even gotten to hold him myself. Heck, they had the pictures posted on Facebook while I was still being closed up. So basically the entire world knew what my son looked like before I did. I wasn't terribly angry or anything, but I feel like I was robbed of something. So it does happen sometimes, just the way you described it.
I understand wanting the birth to be private and not wanting anyone but your fiance in the room, but a baby is bigger than 2 people and the rest of the family is naturally going to be interested in the birth. It also sounds like your fiance has different feelings on this and, while you're the one giving birth, his opinion should matter, too. Not to mention, your soon-to-be stepson is taking an interest in his new baby brother or sister and I think that should be encouraged. It's really easy for kids to become jealous and left out at that age, so if he wants to be part of this I think he should be included somehow.
That said, there's got to be some sort of compromise that will keep the peace. First, I think you and your fiance need to talk with his son about what he really wants. Does he really want to be there for the whole thing, or does he just want to be the first person to know about and meet the new baby? Since his experience with births is probably limited to tv, maybe talk about how long it's really going to take and even take him to the waiting room to see how little is available there. You also need to talk with your fiance about what he wants vs what you want. Maybe if his family is there, it has to be with the understanding that he's not going to leave your side for even one second to entertain them and you aren't told whether they're there or not. See if you can meet his needs without giving up your own comfort.
Lastly, you need to talk to your hospital and find out how they handle visitors. Our hospital staff are bulldogs about staying to the parent's wishes about who is allowed in and when. If you and your fiance agree that you want a couple hours alone with the baby to bond before anyone is allowed in, and then all guests should be escorted by your fiance, will your hospital staff enforce it? That way you can have your alone time, he can go get his son, and everyone else can just wait.
I know you said you have trouble with people "waiting" on you, but honestly, let them wait. If you don't know they're there, what's the difference? You're going to be making a lot of decisions for your child and your family that your IL's may not agree with and give you a hard time over, so consider this practice for ignoring them and doing what's best for you!
I'm having the same issue with my family. I mentioned it to MY Mother a few days ago and she said she understands but she keeps bringing it up. So DH and I have agreed that we just aren't going to tell anyone we've gone to the hospital until after the baby is born. There is no reason for them to sit in the waiting room. I completely understand your feeling of "pressure" to "hurry-up" when you know people are waiting, both of DH parents are handicapped and have a difficult time sitting through a 2 hr movie at the theater; so yes, I already feel the anxiety of knowing that they are waiting on ME to PUSH THIS KID OUT.
So, to avoid the whole ugly situation, basically no one is invited to "wait" they can come to the hospital to see the baby after she is here. Plus, there can be no hard feeling of "not being invited/welcome to sit" because no one will even know that we've gone to the hospital until it is all over.
And if anyone asks why we didn't call sooner, well, WE WERE FREAKING BUSY HAVING THE BABY!! DH is the coach so he didn't have time to call anyone, period. End of story. Hopefully too, they'll be so stoked to see the baby that they can't feel bad about not getting to "wait".
P.S. My origional thought was not to tell anyone we had the baby until we brought her home... but my Mother mentioned that it's easier to get people to "see the baby and leave" at the hospital than it is to "get them out of my house". I don't need the pressure of entertaining people at my house right after getting home from the hospital, so they can visit at the hospital after she's here.
OP, I definitely understand where you are coming from. For DH and I things are easy. The only two people who will know we are in labor are my parents (we have two dogs, and they will be checking up on them). We aren't even calling the ILs until baby is born and we are ready to see them. They can be a little (ok, very) over the top, and I just don't need them around, whether it be in the room or in the waiting room.
I don't see any reason FSS needs to be at the hospital the minute you give birth. I do agree he should be the first one besides the two of you to meet LO. Is his mother in the picture, or do you all have a relationship with her? Can FSS stay with her until you give birth and you give the word that it is okay for him to come? If not, I am not sure what else to do. You may be stuck allowing them to be in the waiting room because you really can't stop them if they know you are there.
I've been through this (labor) twice before, and I can assure you that the LAST thing on my mind was people waiting on me. Labor is just too demanding to think or care about what's going on outside the delivery room door. It's kinda like the modesty thing; I was super-modest before my first labor, but just kinda forgot all the nakedness and groseness and pooping on the table in the moment b/c it's just NOT THAT important compared to what you are trying to achieve.
And if they're going to wait outside, just let them wait. There's probably no reason to post a 2-hr time limit. It might be nice to deliver, breastfeed and enjoy your first moments as a family, snap some pics, then let your stepson in the room. Just make it clear that nobody comes in till you say so, and let the family know that there will be a gap between the time the baby emerges and the time they are allowed in, for the privacy of nursing and bonding.
After your baby is born, there is a sense of calm and euphoria... you might feel bad at that point realizing you excluded FI's son from an amazing bonding opportunity.
When you start a family with a man who has kids, you are agreeing to put those kids before yourself, as he does, and as you would put your own kids before yourself. He's not an adult or uncle; he's your fi's child and deserves to be treated as such.