December 2010 Moms

For those with LO on the outside, How does your H/SO bond with LO?

We are having a really hard time with Mr.MM and Paige bonding. What kills me is that it seems as though EBFing is reason why.

During the day Paige will nurse and sleep and isn't too fussy anymore. But once Mr.MM gets home she just wants to nurse. She will nurse for 10 minutes and fall asleep on me. I usually pass her off to Mr.MM so they can bond but she instantly wakes up fussy and wants to pacify on my boobs again. We've tried giving her a pacifier but she refuses and will throw herself backwards if we put it near her mouth. 

So even when Mr.MM is home, I'm stuck taking care of Paige. The only thing she will let him do is change her diaper, which he does without too much complaint. I can tell he's getting irritated and a little jealous. Half of me says to throw in the towel with BFing just so he can feed her and get that time. Or start introducing the BM bottle but I don't want to do that this early. AHH. So frustrating.

So for those EBFing, How does daddy get that bonding time and how does LO react to it? 

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Re: For those with LO on the outside, How does your H/SO bond with LO?

  • We EBF too... H mostly does diaper changes, baths and holds him once he's home from work until L needs to eat. Even when I'm feeding him though, we'll sit on the couch next to each other and a lot of times H will hold L's hand or just stroke his hair and talk to him. H also wakes up a little earlier than he needs to now for work so he can hold him before he heads in (it just happens that L has a feeding time that's normally finishing up then) Now he's up more so on the weekends H will get to spend a lot more time bonding with him... but I would say just give it a little time. For the first couple weeks all baby does is eat, sleep, poop, repeat. The phase you guys are going through won't last long at all. 
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  • I have been feeding then he burps her and she sleeps on him.  He also has been giving her sponge bath which she loves, can't wait until her cord falls off and we can give her a real bath.
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  • To be quite frank, I SUCK at all of the Happiest Baby on the Block strategies, but DH is awesome at them. Its really hard for me to settle Charlie down unless I'm nursing him (my pedi thinks Charlie associates me with BF so much he'll force himself awake to eat), but DH can put him to sleep within minutes. Its nice though, this way they get lots of bonding time and DH feels like he's contributing (because he totally is).

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  • I just swaddled Paige and put her in the swing and she passed out cold. Too bad Mr.MM is at the gym!

    I'm going to show him some of the clips on YouTube so he can start helping me with those. I just don't want to monopolize all her time.

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  • I don't BF but since DH went back to work we're having a similar problem. She'll be crying and crying and he can't get her to calm down so I try and she calms right down. I know it's because I spend 24 hours a day with her (basically) and she is used to my methods. I have just been telling him the different things that I do to calm her and he tries those along with his own. He also spends a lot of time with her when he gets home from work. It just takes longer for them I think. Good luck!
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  • image OhSewCrafty:

    To be quite frank, I SUCK at all of the Happiest Baby on the Block strategies, but DH is awesome at them. Its really hard for me to settle Charlie down unless I'm nursing him (my pedi thinks Charlie associates me with BF so much he'll force himself awake to eat), but DH can put him to sleep within minutes. Its nice though, this way they get lots of bonding time and DH feels like he's contributing (because he totally is).

    I was going to suggest this too.  We watched it today and it was awesome.  I think if MrMM can soothe her he will feel really good and be able to bond with Paige.

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  • we're having this issue too!  its never been said out loud but i can tell dh is getting irritated and jealous too.  griffin only really ever cries when hes not swaddled so i try to let dh change diapers and clothes and swaddle him.  we've bathed him only once but we did that together.  im trying to ebf and its going really well but dh has mentioned more than once that maybe i should try pumping but our nurse has told us its better to wait until after 6 wks to start that.  and dh had to go back to work today so thats even less time with griffin.  dh kept saying "i dont want to go back to work.  i want to stay at home with griffin."  i think its so sweet that he wants to be with griffin but then it kinda makes me feel guilty...
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  • image OhSewCrafty:

    To be quite frank, I SUCK at all of the Happiest Baby on the Block strategies, but DH is awesome at them. Its really hard for me to settle Charlie down unless I'm nursing him (my pedi thinks Charlie associates me with BF so much he'll force himself awake to eat), but DH can put him to sleep within minutes. Its nice though, this way they get lots of bonding time and DH feels like he's contributing (because he totally is).

    This.  Since I had a c-section, I have been mostly in bed recovering while DH has become a baby pro.  He also has a better singing voice than me, I started crying the first time he sang her to sleep. 

  • DH is still home, so we have more time.

    But he handles diaper changes, etc.  When Ben is awake, they play, do tummy time, read, etc.

    I think OSC mentioned this but Ben seems to associate me holding him with BF.  Not enough that he'll wake himself up for it but enough that he doesn't like being soothed in other ways by me... I can do it, but I have to ignore him rooting around for a boob, which can be hard at 3am....  So DH handles a lot of the fussy times to give the girls a rest.  In fact, he's upstairs right now reading Zen Stories to Ben to get him to sleep cause I was up all night nursing every hour and a half.

  • Make him take his shirt off. Babies love skin to skin and that might help her nap on his chest. That and a blanket over both of their bodies should make LO nice and cozy.

    We also do bottles usually once a day because she had to in the NICU and our pedi said to keep doing it since we had already started, but I don't think it's a huge bonding experience. Kind of stressful, actually, since the bottles give milk so much faster and it kind of overwhelms her. DH does almost all of the burping and diaper changing, though. 

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