Babies: 6 - 9 Months

sitting-concerned and annoyed

First, Ive been absent from the bump a long time- new job, longer commute, holidays.. I know, no excuse. I hope you all are well.

That said, I'm revisiting in part for advice - though please, for the sake of my sanity, please don't sound the alarm, because I'm already stressed out.

My son was 8 months on dec 22 and he still isnt sitting well; he can sit for a little bit- maybe a couple minutes- but he inevitably tumbles over (which he seems perfectly content about, because then he just opts for his belly and back, which he loves). I knew he was sorta later than the norm on this, but wasn't freaking myself out about it since my doctor didn't seem concerned.

Well, this morning, the daycare center director and nursery teacher sat my husband down after he dropped my son off to tell him they're concerned about him developmentally, and recommend that he go see a specialist. They said theyd have paperwork for a specialist ready for him at the end of the day, and even went so far to say they're surprised that my doctor is not concerned.

 He called me, and I of course called my pediatrician, who reiterated what she had said before- that she is not concerned and won't be for another month, since he is gradually getting better at it, and tends to topple when he's distracted.. I called daycare and communicated this- saying that if they could work with him on it (get him sitting as much as possible, etc) that would be great, but that we're waiting a month before doing anything further. They seemed fine with that.

I have mixed feelings- I can't help but be freaked out, despite my doctor's reassurances, and I am also sorta annoyed at the daycare. I want them to tell me when they're concerned, of course, but to go so far as to assert that they feel there is a problem, recommend a specialist, and insinuate that our doctor should be concerned, seems alarmist to me (especially for first-time parents). Shouldnt they have said they were concerned, and that they recommend we talk to our doctor?

Sigh. Our little guy seems very close to crawling (scooting like crazy) and loves to stand on our legs with us supporting him, so he seems to be moving right along on those departments. I just wish he'd get the sitting down so I dont have to freak out anymore. 

Re: sitting-concerned and annoyed

  • I know from reading posts that there are a lot of other babies that are your LO's age that are still having trouble sitting. DD as a late roller lol. Our pedi did recommend having her evaluated if she didn't start soon but thankfully, she is all over the place now. 

    That said, I think the daycare could have had a bit more tact about approaching the situation. I don't having him evaluated could hurt and I think it would give you peace of mind. There is probably nothing wrong!!!

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  • Umm I am pretty sure than no daycare employees are qualified to say anything like that to your husband! I can see maybe something like " oh has the pedi said anything about him not sitting?" and leaving it at that but yeah I would be pretty pissed at what they did to your husband. I k ow another bumpie that her LO didn't sit till closer to 9 months and he is perfect! I wouldn't be worried your doctor said so themselves plus like you said he is attempting it he is just happier laying down.
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  • i actually think it was kind of innapropriate for your daycare to do that much. i mean, so suggest a specialist and fill out forms for you? seems a little much. i think letting you know that they are concerned would be enough, seeing as they aren't doctors.

    your lo is a month older than mine (i think -- you said was 8 months on dec 22nd with confused me a little) and mine does not sit on her own completely unsupported. but she can crawl and stand. our pedi said sitting it not a developmental milestone. if your lo is getting close to crawling, he probably does have the muscles to sit but would rather do other things! that's what our pedi said about riley. i would not be concerned if your pedi isn't. i would be annoyed with your daycare though!!

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  • my LO is 6 months today and always topples, btw your lo looks great in the bumbo.  Anyways, I brought it up to my pedi and he was THRILLED that he was not sitting yet, he said sitting is not a milestone and he is much more concerned with crawling and tummy time.  While I am confused about why he said it was not a milestone, he completely stressed not pushing him to sit or practicing with him, I think pedis know more than the daycare staff.
  • image Starfish113:

    i actually think it was kind of innapropriate for your daycare to do that much. i mean, so suggest a specialist and fill out forms for you? seems a little much. i think letting you know that they are concerned would be enough, seeing as they aren't doctors.

    your lo is a month older than mine (i think -- you said was 8 months on dec 22nd with confused me a little) and mine does not sit on her own completely unsupported. but she can crawl and stand. our pedi said sitting it not a developmental milestone. if your lo is getting close to crawling, he probably does have the muscles to sit but would rather do other things! that's what our pedi said about riley. i would not be concerned if your pedi isn't. i would be annoyed with your daycare though!!

    woops! Meant was 8 months on Nov 22 (this is how my brain works these days).

    Thanks for the reassurances.. I love our daycare, but sometimes think they can be a little pretentious about things.. as if they know better and are the experts (theyre nationally accredited with a great reputation, which I value a great deal, but geez- be tactful! And I dont care how experienced a daycare center is- theyre not doctors. Sigh. we'll see how he does.)

  • image luvmybaby28:
    my LO is 6 months today and always topples, btw your lo looks great in the bumbo.  Anyways, I brought it up to my pedi and he was THRILLED that he was not sitting yet, he said sitting is not a milestone and he is much more concerned with crawling and tummy time.  While I am confused about why he said it was not a milestone, he completely stressed not pushing him to sit or practicing with him, I think pedis know more than the daycare staff.

    This confuses me. Though sitting may not be a milestone, it definitely works on trunk, head, and neck strength. I don't understand why a pedi would be thrilled about not sitting. My pedi asked us at our appointments whether or not DD was.

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  • Yes, I think it was a little overboard of the daycare.  Listen to your pedi.  As you said, your DS is learning other skills which is great! 
  • image Melly Mel:

    image luvmybaby28:
    my LO is 6 months today and always topples, btw your lo looks great in the bumbo.  Anyways, I brought it up to my pedi and he was THRILLED that he was not sitting yet, he said sitting is not a milestone and he is much more concerned with crawling and tummy time.  While I am confused about why he said it was not a milestone, he completely stressed not pushing him to sit or practicing with him, I think pedis know more than the daycare staff.

    This confuses me. Though sitting may not be a milestone, it definitely works on trunk, head, and neck strength. I don't understand why a pedi would be thrilled about not sitting. My pedi asked us at our appointments whether or not DD was.

     

    I agree with Mel.  Thrilled?  Really?  

  • image Melly Mel:

    image luvmybaby28:
    my LO is 6 months today and always topples, btw your lo looks great in the bumbo.  Anyways, I brought it up to my pedi and he was THRILLED that he was not sitting yet, he said sitting is not a milestone and he is much more concerned with crawling and tummy time.  While I am confused about why he said it was not a milestone, he completely stressed not pushing him to sit or practicing with him, I think pedis know more than the daycare staff.

    This confuses me. Though sitting may not be a milestone, it definitely works on trunk, head, and neck strength. I don't understand why a pedi would be thrilled about not sitting. My pedi asked us at our appointments whether or not DD was.

    they can also work those muscles by doing other things though. rolling, pulling up, crawling, etc are all working core muscles. my pedi said riley has the muscles, she just chooses not to sit (unsupported) yet. so, there are other ways those muscles can be strengthened. kwim?

    eta: my pedi wasn't happy about it, but not concerned. she had her sit, stand, etc to check.

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  • Wow, that would annoy me too.  On the one hand, I'm glad your DCP is attentive and is thinking about your LO first.  But, the mama bear in me is annoyed that they wouldn't discuss it with you in a casual way, but made it like a meeting with talk of specialist rec's, and how they dismissed what your pedi said.  Idk, that just rubs me the wrong way.  There is no reason that they didn't just say "what does your pedi think about DS's sitting", you know?

    I know you know this, but everyone develops at their own pace.  You can't (and DCP shouldn't) compare him to the other babies there.  I know you said he is close to crawling - my DS got much better at sitting on his own after he started crawling.  Like he learned how to balance from crawling or something.  

    Hang in there!   

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  • image Melly Mel:

    image luvmybaby28:
    my LO is 6 months today and always topples, btw your lo looks great in the bumbo.  Anyways, I brought it up to my pedi and he was THRILLED that he was not sitting yet, he said sitting is not a milestone and he is much more concerned with crawling and tummy time.  While I am confused about why he said it was not a milestone, he completely stressed not pushing him to sit or practicing with him, I think pedis know more than the daycare staff.

    This confuses me. Though sitting may not be a milestone, it definitely works on trunk, head, and neck strength. I don't understand why a pedi would be thrilled about not sitting. My pedi asked us at our appointments whether or not DD was.

    sorry, maybe that was not the right word to use, but I took it as that when he was not concerned at all.  I should have said not concerned in the least instead of thrilled  - maybe I was thrilled that he wasn't concerned and just brushed it off.
  • ahhhh. you all made me feel way better. Thanks ladies.
  • Maybe he isn't sitting because of the white wine he is trying to drink in your siggy.......Stick out tongue

    Gigi sat well, but she didn't roll until later, and she didn't crawl well until recently.  The teacher in her DC room started "bribing" her to crawl.  She would put a Cheerio at one end of the room, and when Gigi crawled there, she would go over and put another one on the other side. She is a cramp now.  

    I was worried, and my pedi said if she wasn't crawling at a year, then I should be worried.  He gave me the same speech that you have heard over and over again.  

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  • image grapeape73:

    Maybe he isn't sitting because of the white wine he is trying to drink in your siggy.......Stick out tongue

    Ha! that does make sense; the more wine I drink the more I topple over too.

    Thanks for the assurances. He's been a rolling fiend for a long time- to the point where I think he doesn't sit because he just prefers his back and belly. 

  • I would definitely listen to your doctor. Just a note about the DCP though, speaking as  former one - we were able to help parents get what is called in CT services from 0-3, including free assessments that would help us help the child.

    Professionals would come in and assess the child, with the parents permission, if we seemed to notice what we construed as a delay. Its very helpful because most daycare teachers are educated in early childhood education, but not occupational or physical therapies. For example, by learning how to do things to properly engage your child more during sitting would be a skill they could use for the remainder of their career.

    Also, for children with real delays, getting into the system earlier gives them a better quality of life and overall outcome, especially in regards to normal schooling. For a DCP who sees a lot of kids, imagining that you are ignoring a situation which you potentially could improve is difficult. Its a damned if you do, damned if you don't scenario. 

     

     Edited to include - zero-3 services provides us with a chart of milestones to look out for made up by the state of CT. If your DCP has something similar, that may be where they are basing their information about his sitting, but that is black and white vs. your Dr.s educated opinion on a child he is caring for.


  • It sounds like he's just fine developmentally. I would start to worry around 9 months if he wasn't sitting well. I hear on this board all the time about babies sitting and crawling really early. I'm in a moms group and it seems most babies there don't start sitting until 6-8 months or crawling until 8-10 months. I bet he's just more focused on other things like crawling and standing that interest him more. As long as he seems to be getting better and his pedi isn't concerned I wouldn't be either.

  • OP - I really wouldn't worry about not sitting for a long duration at this age.  My son DOES have developmental delays, and he is in physical therapy once a week to work on his motor skills.  Because of this, I've learned a lot about gross motor development, and track his development on the actual assessment sheets that they would assess a child with who was referred.  Being able to sit unsupported, even momentarily is a 7-8 month milestone on the chart.  Being able to sit for 10+ minutes isn't until at least 9 months.  Granted, many children do these things at younger ages, but every kid is different.  I would just watch his overall development, but I would not be concerned about his particular skill at this point.  I think it was very out of line for your daycare to refer you and give you paperwork.  Discussing concerns is one thing, but making an actual referral is a whole other ballgame!  Good luck.

     I also just have to comment on the "sitting isn't a milestone" comment.  Sitting is most definitely a milestone, and plays a key role in developing the upper, middle, and lower back muscles, as well as the hip flexor muscles that are needed for crawling and walking.  Crawling on the other hand is not considered an actual milestone depending on where you look.  Some children skip crawling all together (though it still builds some important muscle groups).  Sitting is definitely not a skill to put on the back burner!

  • I am a provider for a birth to 3 program in NY...I am a pediatric Occupational Therapist but more importantly also the mom to a boy who is in PT for developmental delays also. I cannot hurt to ask for an evaluation, in NY its free and will give you information to rule in or out what the daycare says. Good luck!
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  • I think what they said may have been hurtful/not necessarily correct, but when it comes down to it, they were doing what was in the best interest of your son. I would be happy if my daycare did that (after getting over the concern.) Think about it this way: maybe they thought that having you take your LO to a specialist now could stop any issue from arising. Either way though, they weren't accusing you of being a bad parent, and they just wanted what was best for your LO. I'd rather that than a daycare that doesn't ever tell me if they see a possible issue and sugar coats everything. Your LO is beautiful by the way, I love the photos!

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