1st Trimester

"Was it planned?"

How does everyone feel about this question? Appropriate? Inappropriate? I ask because I know for a *fact* that this question will be asked of us once we tell everyone that we're expecting #2. DD is 5 months old, so there will be about a 13 month age difference.

I personally don't think it's anyones business whether it was planned or not! I guess I 'm just thinking ahead a bit as far as how I plan on answering the question.

Thoughts?

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Re: "Was it planned?"

  • I don't think that it is inappropriate.  Sometimes I think it could be no ones business but it doesn't offend me. 
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  • I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.

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  • I was asked if it was a "surprise" and I was somewhat offended by it. I am surprised more people haven't asked us these questions though. I was expecting a lot more. I don't mind if close friends ask me questions but I think anyone else just needs to say Congratulations...LOL.
  • I don't know why people think it's okay to basically ask you "Were you having unprotected sex?"  How my sex life is any of their concern, who knows.  (Doesn't help that I've only gotten this question from people we barely know who are rude, noisy people.)

    A good way to deflect a question that you don't want to answer without being too blunt is saying "Why do you ask?"   (But be prepared for Noisy McRuderson to not get the hint and launch into a speech about 2u2, you're going to have your hands full, ect ect)


     

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  • image psubride1012:
    I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.

    Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!

  • I've been asked "was it a surprise" and its just annoying as hell! and when I said no i got an awkward "oh....". I personally dont think it is anyone's business and I would never ask the question myself.
  • I haven't told DH's family yet, so I haven't really had the chance to hear this question - they're the only people I would expect to hear it from. His cousin asked, the day we got home from our honeymoon, "So, are you pregnant yet?" I really wanted to hit her. People can be so insensitive...so I can only imagine that someone's going to ask it - considering the short amount of time we've been married.

  • Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.
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  • heck no- couldnt have been less planned, i took about 27 pee tests at home because i was in total denial, then i thought if i drunk enough water perhaps i could get a different result. im STILL in shock. 
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  • lol i just realized i didnt actually answer the question. no one ever dared ask me if it was planned because everyone i know, knew i wasnt planning on having kids, so everyone basically reacted with "well serves you right" lol 
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  • I personally do not think it is, but I was asked that by 2 co-workers who thought I had done it purposely to keep my boyfriend around. My DB and I have been together for going on 15 months, and even threw around the word "marriage" after we graduated college. I found it disrespectful for myself, because I am not that kind of person. But everything happens for a reason, so I'm now pregnant and happy. :)
  • ***haven't put up a ticker yet, as our surprise was just found out this weekend.  I am only about 4 wks and that will put DS and #2 23 months apart.

    Anyway, I already know that I will be asked "was it planned."  While no, it really wasn't, that doesn't automatically make it a negative thing.  So I think I will be responding to people with "Well we do know where babies come from" as a way of gently reminding them that they are pretty much asking about my sex life and that's not cool. 

  • It's way inappropriate, IMO. It's no one's business whether the child you and your DH/SO are having together was planned or otherwise.

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  • image LJR 84:

    image psubride1012:
    I find this to be an ironic question...as someone who took more than 1 cycle to get ku, getting pregnant is obviously something you can't plan. You could say something like "we are ready" without getting into the details. The question itself doesn't really bother me though.

    Well yes, you obviously can't plan it, but you can be actively trying...and I think that's what most people mean when they ask if it was "planned". I guess if we had been actively trying for awhile I wouldn't be as bothered by the question. The fact is, it was a bit of a surprise. A nice surprise, but still a surprise!

     I completely agree with you. I haven't told friends but I *KNOW* this question will come up. DH and I were just married in June, this took us by complete surprise (we were TTA and I thought I had it all figured out...lol). 

    I know I'm going to be angry when someone asks me this question because for me its a backhanded way of saying "You should have waited, why did you rush into this?"

    I haven't decided how I'm planning on answering, but I know I'm not going to say "no, we were having unprotected sex but I was tracking my cycle and failed."  

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  • I hate that question. I think if someone asks me that this time around I'm going to be rude and say that it's none of their business. I feel like essentially they're asking you if you wanted your child or if you're stuck with them.
  • I think it's offensive. It's nobody's business what goes on in our bedroom. I got that question a lot when we had our daughter.
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  • image MrsBreezer80:
    Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

    This.

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  • very inappropriate IMO - I've been asked many many times - DH and I were married in May - and even though I'm 9 weeks and not showing I keep getting asked if its a honeymoon baby - ummm noooo! then of course the "was it planned" I just say - "we are very excited" with a butt out of my sex life face Huh?

    BTW I hope to "Plan" the next one as soon as my doc says ok - I like the idea of 2u2 - I'll be out of diapers sooner than later and have seen so many siblings this close grow up together and learn from eachother - how fun to have them close enough to be more or less in the same stages together! My sis has two 14 months apart and her DS potty trained her DD - she wanted to be just like her brother! boom - no more dirty diapers!!

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  • I think no one should ask this - except for maybe a very close friend, but they probably already know the answer!

    As for myself, yes - we've been married less than 2 months but this was, in fact, planned - I went off the pill 7 days before the wedding - and no, it isn't a honeymoon baby, but we would have been thrilled with that, too.

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  • I personally think it's inappropriate, as they're basically asking me if my child was an accident.  Also, it's none of their business!  I have no idea how I'm going to answer though, so I'm in the same boat as you.
  • I hate that question!!! I was wondering if maybe I was just overreacting by feeling like this was such a rude question to ask. Of course if it was a close friend that would be fine. I actually had a co-worker ask me in front of everyone else that works there!!! UGH Seriously how rude!!

  • image forensicmama:
    I think it's offensive. It's nobody's business what goes on in our bedroom. I got that question a lot when we had our daughter.

    Amen.  I got asked by everyone under the sun - cashiers at stores especially.  Do I know you?  It's plain and simple none of anyone elses business but DH and I.  It blows me away the things that come out of peoples mouths. 

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  • I am seriously getting irritated with getting asked this!  Is it really your buisness? We got married at the end of June and when I told someone my due date they sat and figured out if I got pregnant before or after the wedding IN FRONT OF ME! I am getting sick of it... IT may not have been planned but this baby is certainly not an accident!

    Vent over... THanks for listening

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  • Eh, I think it is kind of a rude question, like "Oh did you guys mess up on the ol' birth control somehow?"  My mil made a weird comment when I told her that I am more sick than I was with ds and it is making my last few weeks of school kind of rough. I think she said "This wasn't a planned one was it?" I guess it was her tone of voice. NO, DH and I have had a plan for when to ttc for months, tyvm. I am sort of a control freak so I don't want anyone insinuating I had an "oops" haha. (my issue, nothing wrong with oopses! Stuff happens! :)

    I don't ask people, I figure they will tell me if they want me to know. 

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  • Extremely inappropriate. I would NEVER dare ask someone that.
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  • image kate626:

    I am seriously getting irritated with getting asked this!  Is it really your buisness? We got married at the end of June and when I told someone my due date they sat and figured out if I got pregnant before or after the wedding IN FRONT OF ME! I am getting sick of it... IT may not have been planned but this baby is certainly not an accident!

    Vent over... THanks for listening

    Ugh I know this is exactly whats going to happen to me. At least don't count the weeks in front of me! 

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  • I think my response to most family is just going to be "yes" it was planned. As for all those obnoxious strangers, and others, they'll probably get the "why do you ask?" response.
  • image LJR 84:
    I think my response to most family is just going to be "yes" it was planned. As for all those obnoxious strangers, and others, they'll probably get the "why do you ask?" response.

     

    My pregnancy wasn't planned and when people ask I will tell them the truth. I don't mind people knowing that we took a risk and we aren't too upset with the result.. in fact, we are thrilled. We were not being careful. So my response (to that question) comes with a cautionary tale to those who aren't trying. When NFP tells you to abstain for a certain period during your cycle until you KNOW your cycle.. listen to them! I couldn't believe I ovulated on cd 12 of a 30 day cycle, but I did. oh well. I'm extremely happy and the timing ended up being better than if we had waited. 

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  • I find it a pointless, prying question. If I had wanted you to know about my sex life and/or lack of birth control methods I wouldve told you freely. But really now, wth are people supposed to reply to either answer? Like I said- pointless and prying.
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  • image MrsBreezer80:
    Inappropriate. Always. Absolutely no buts about it.

    I completely agree!  I had someone from my husband's side that asked me if we were using protection... how is that appropriate?  And I feel like people don't believe me when I tell them that we planned for them to be this close. 

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