Preemies

i wish i hadn't (bit of a rampaging vent)

I wish I hadn't told my sister that I'm sick of hearing about her "textbook pregnancy" and that she has some nerve for talking about how awesome her twins are doing when I was basically forced to give up going to work because I was so sick. My only savings grace was this new technological age so I could video chat with my coworkers and work from my laptop whether I was in the hospital or at home. People in my family say "Stephanie, if only you did everything you were supposed to like Natalie does and like Melissa did when she was pregnant you wouldn't have your baby in the NICU." I did everything I was supposed to do and nothing I wasn't. Why Jocelyn had to be born early, why I had all these problems...nobody knows. I'm sick of having my pregnancy compared to my sisters. Yes, we're triplets...that doesn't mean we'll have identical pregnancies. I wish I hadn't made her cry, and I wish she'd pick up the phone so I could apologize. Sorry....I just had to vent....thanks for listening.

Re: i wish i hadn't (bit of a rampaging vent)

  • oh my, if ANYONE had even hinted that i had done something wrong that led to DS's early birth, that would have been the end of that relationship. there's enough guilt that comes with a preemie - you don't need anyone telling you that you should have done something differently.

     i'm sorry that you're having a tough time with your sisters. (((hugs)))

  • Maybe you can email her instead of calling and just explain how unbelievably stressful it is to have a preemie.  I know that I had feelings of guilt and failure when my daughter came early like I did something wrong.  But I didn't, it just happened.  You are only human and although your sister didn't deserve to feel sad, she needs to understand how hurtful it is to hear about her perfection.
  • I sent her a text telling her that I'd like to talk to her, I wrote an email to her and I left her a message at home saying that I was sorry and I hope we can still move forward with our plans to go to lunch and shop for Christmas. I feel absolutely terrible.
  • No one should be making you feel like it's your fault you had a preemie. That is awful. I'm sorry you feel so bad. I don't blame you for going off on your sister, bc that's what happens when you are going through a lot and so much builds up inside of you. Maybe you could just explain in an email since you know she will read it, that you didn't mean to take it out on her and all of your feelings/guilt that goes along with having a preemie, so it is really hard to hear/see a "textbook pregnancy" and you are really truly happy for her. Other mothers don't understand what is is like, so I'm sure she would understand you better once you explain it all to her. You could also try to explain it to your family as well so that they don't make any more comments about what you "should've" done while you were pregnant. I hope things work out between you two and you get to go to lunch and shop!
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  • No one should ever blame a mom for the premature birth of her children! It is definitely not your fault and I am so sorry you had to hear that. I am sure your sister will forgive you, she has to understand what you are going through. Anyway, HUGS! hang in there
    Claire Zoe, 10.26.10

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    Abigail Noelle, 8.29.09

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  • If your triplet sister has any compassion at all, she'll forgive you and sooner rather than later. Keep in mind she's on the hormone rollercoaster since she's pg and she might have no idea that other people in the family have made these ridiculous, insensitive, ignorant comments to you. I'm so sorry the people who are supposed to be there for you have been critical instead.

    You know you didn't do anything wrong. We know you didn't do something to harm Jocelyn. Hang in there; it can be hard to feel celebratory for others pgs, esp. when you're still in the NICU.

  • That sucks :( I'm sorry.  Hugs!
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    Andrew Ryan - born at 26w2d, 2 lb 3 oz, Dec 2008 Elliott William - born at 35w4d, 7 lb 1 oz, May 2011
  • How could anyone in your family have been that insensitive to tell you something like that? I don't understand that.

    My son was a NICU baby, born at 37 weeks and we all thought he'd be healthy and fine to come home. We didn't know he'd be born that sick, dying in fact and his lung couldn't get oxygen to his blood. I did everything by the book, everything. He was still born sick.

    There are things outside our control and this is one of them. My belief is NICU babies are meant for truly great things that's why they start out as fighters. Some fighters are made later in life, ours are born that way.

    Trust your gut and don't apologize for how you feel. Your sister should not have said what she did. She doesn't know what it's like to be in your shoes and you are entitled to what you're feeling. God be with Jocelyn.

  • image stephanie073:
    I wish I hadn't told my sister that I'm sick of hearing about her "textbook pregnancy" and that she has some nerve for talking about how awesome her twins are doing when I was basically forced to give up going to work because I was so sick. My only savings grace was this new technological age so I could video chat with my coworkers and work from my laptop whether I was in the hospital or at home. People in my family say "Stephanie, if only you did everything you were supposed to like Natalie does and like Melissa did when she was pregnant you wouldn't have your baby in the NICU." I did everything I was supposed to do and nothing I wasn't. Why Jocelyn had to be born early, why I had all these problems...nobody knows. I'm sick of having my pregnancy compared to my sisters. Yes, we're triplets...that doesn't mean we'll have identical pregnancies. I wish I hadn't made her cry, and I wish she'd pick up the phone so I could apologize. Sorry....I just had to vent....thanks for listening.

    I was afraid to tell people the DD was born because I was afraid they would think I did something wrong. I am so sorry people in your own family are saying these things to you. I hope you can make up with your sister soon, but I think she also needs to apologize for "bragging" during this time.

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