Trouble TTC

How do you deal with friend's pregnancy

I have a friend that just got pregnant doing her second IUI with 50 mg of clomid.  We have gone through the infertility process together.  I want to be happy for her but I am just so sad.  Sad that 50 mg of clomid did not work for us, sad that we are not pregnant, sad that she is moving on.  I just feel terrible that I am not happy for her.  Of course a part of me is but its just so hard.

I have barely started the infertility process but I am already finding it so emotionally draining.  How do you all deal with the emotions of a friend's pregnancy?  How do you keep a positive outlook each cycle?

Thanks!

BFP 1/31/10 - natural m/c 2/19/10 7/10-9/10 - Clomid cycles = BFN 10/10 - IUI #1 w/Clomid = BFN 12/10 - IUI #2 w/Gonal-F = BFP! Beta #1(10 DPO: 25) Beta #2(14 DPO: 200) Beta #3(16 DPO: 657) Pregnancy Ticker

Re: How do you deal with friend's pregnancy

  • As soon as I found out that my second round of Clomid didn't work, i had a close friend tell me she was expecting.  She was kind of disappointed with the news and hated that she was feeling sick.  I literally had to get up and leave.  I called my DH crying.... I couldn't believe that she was unhappy with this wonderful gift!  It's hard wanting something so bad and not being able to accomplish it, especially coming from a type A personality!  Ijust need to have faith that God is searching for the perfect child for us and I need to trust that this too will happen for us when the time is right.  Also, coming on here and listening to wonderful women go through the same process and end up being successful with it is great!

  • Your not alone. I am at the point that every time I hear about a friend getting pregnant, I find it hard to be happy for them. I feel like every time I hear about someone I know getting pregnant my heart breaks. I am sorry you are having a hard time. I know how hard it is.
  • Sorry that you're having a hard time.  It definitely sucks having to go through this.  I usually feel sad, then mad at myself for letting IF get the better of me. 

    I try to find something in each pregnancy announcement that would give me hope.  I know it sounds kind of selfish, I should just be happy for people, but it works.  Like a co-worker who had her first child at 41, I'm 35 so it gave me hope that I still have time.  Maybe you can look at it this way, if someone who went through IF can get a BFP, we all can! 

    image

    After 3 years and 1 IUI, our miracle is here!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm sorry that you are having a hard time (((hugs))).

    I completely understand what you are going through.  I deal with it in a few ways.  First, I tell myself that they are not having my baby.  My baby is still out there waiting for me.  Second, I cry.  A LOT.  And I let myself cry and be sad, in private or with MH or friends who know and understand.  I think it's important to acknoweledge your feelings and not feel guilty for them.  They are your feelings, they are valid.

    Then, once I've cried it out, I focus on being happy for them and hopeful for myself and our future. 

    Generally, my feelings of sadness come back when the baby is born.  I have had 7 friends get pregnant and give birth since MH and I started TTC and 3 more are due in the next couple of months. It is really hard to see that time thrown back at you like that.  I try and brace myself for the 2nd wave of sadness and take it in while I'm away from the mom and baby so that I can let the happiness of a new life be the emotion that I have in public. 

    That's a long ramble.  I hope it makes sense.

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    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
    Dx w/PCOS in 1997, TTC #1 from 1/09-7/11
    after multiple rounds of clomid, femara and injectables,
    I got pregnant with twins on IVF #1. Twin girls born at 36 weeks 2/24/2012
  • I know how you're feeling. My friend and CW went through her second round of IVF while I was doing my second IUI and got her BFP. Of course I'm ecstatic for her...they're dealing with severe MFI due to a failed vasectomy reversal and they had no fertlilization their first IVF round. It was tough...even more so b/c we work together and she just announced her PG at work yesterday so I had to go through the barrage of questions "When are you going to have a baby?", "Are you next?". The plus side is that she knows how hard IF is and is very considerate of my feelings. You just have to remember that one person's success will not hurt your chances of having a baby. Sometimes it feels that way...like every new PG announcement has taken our chance away, but that's obviously not the case. If your friend knows about your IF, you might want to just be open and honest with her...that you'll have your good and bad days...and that she can complain to anyone about the physical discomforts of PG but NOT to you;-) Good luck!
    TTC 12/2009
    Me: 32 - Stage II Endo / DH: 36 - Low count and morphology (1%)
    IUIs 1-3 BFN, lap Dec. 2010, IUIs 4-6 BFN
    IVF w/ICSI #1 - ER 2/8: 24R 19M 9F ET 2/13 2-5 day blasts (no frosties) = BFP - b/g twins!
    E & C Born 10/19/2012
    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Thank you for all of the responses.  You girls are wonderful.  It's so comforting knowing other people are having the same emotions.  I just feel like such a bad person for the extreme jealousy I am feeling and my total emotional meltdown. 

    I like the idea of thinking that some higher power is just waiting to make sure we get our perfect child.  It's also helpful to remember that just because she is pregnant that does not lessen my chances.

    Its just so hard staying positive cycle after cycle.  I'm giving myself today to be a mess and hopefully I can jump back on the positive train tomorrow. 

    BFP 1/31/10 - natural m/c 2/19/10 7/10-9/10 - Clomid cycles = BFN 10/10 - IUI #1 w/Clomid = BFN 12/10 - IUI #2 w/Gonal-F = BFP! Beta #1(10 DPO: 25) Beta #2(14 DPO: 200) Beta #3(16 DPO: 657) Pregnancy Ticker
  • I know how you feel, too.  Well, not EXACTLY because we never know EXACTLY.  Anyway, the last pregnancy announcement at work from another girl went something like this: "wow, we're just shocked.  we weren't ready for it.  it just happened our first month trying!"  (PUNCH).  I was happy for her, and I didn' t storm out or anything, but it does still sting... sometimes a lot. 

    <BIG HUG>

    PS: Crystal, I LOVE YOUR DOG!   I grew up with Westies.  :)  

    TTCAL Siggy Challenge: "He's my favorite.  His birthday is the same as mine almost"

    image image

    Missing my little one lost at 9 weeks on 2.24.13. brokenhearted but not broken... 

    d&c 5/21/13... Still Healing, Still Standing... 

    MMC discovered 10/2/2013, TWINS... d&c 10/7/2013.  I still miss you, little ones. 

    Surgery December 2013 to remove a 10+cm fibroid... Open myomectomy. Benched for 3-9 months... 
    Will TTC summer Summer 2014 we hope!

    Dear God, Since I couldn't hold my little one in my lap and tell him about you, could you hold him in your lap and tell him about me? 

    PgAL and PAL always welcome...
  • It is a roller coaster for sure! I've been on for 2.5 years now.

    It takes me a good day to get over annoucements - i feel sorry for myself and am so unbelieveably sad - but then if they are close friends I am so happy for them. my brother and SIL's 2nd IUI worked. DH & mine did not. I was rooting for them so that announcement was a good one. BFF called after our 2nd failed IUI and is pg wtih her 2nd after trying for 2 months. Took me a little bit to digest. But i am happy for her.

    I hold on to hope. I focus on what I do have versus what I dont.

    TTC #2 since June '08

    ~*DD 10.21.07*~

    dx unexplained

    IUI #1-4 BFN

    IVF#1 June 2011 BFN

    IVF#2 Dec 2011

    Beta#1 12/21 : 812 Beta#2 12/23 : 1634

    EDD 8/25

    *PAIFW/SAIFW*

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