Trouble TTC

Who have you told?

Just wondering how open you all are about your IF struggles.  I am "coming out of the closet" to one of my closest friends on Saturday and a bit nervous about it.  I know she will be supportive but I feel like this is just another thing IF has taken from me.  I always imagined just surprising everyone with an "I'm pregnant!!" but I feel like I owe it to the people closest to me to let them know what is going on. 

 

ETA:  I started feeling this way after entering medicated cycles...I guess I feel like they need to know why I'm moody/hot flashy/etc. 


Diagnosed PCOS 2/07, TTC #1 since 8/09
11/10 - Clomid Round 1 = BFN
12/10 - Clomid Round 2 = BFN
1/11 - Voluntary Break = BFN (duh)
2/11 - Clomid Round 3 = BFN
3/11 - Femara + IUI = BFP * Beta#1=56 * Beta#2=266
*Cautiously expecting baby girls on November 28, 2011*
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Re: Who have you told?

  • My parents and best friend know. Recently, an ex coworker/friend that is also going through IF. I happened to see her at the doctor.
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  • our family and close friends know.  but i totally agree... i've always imagined that we would be able to surprise our family and friends with a BFP!  i'm hoping we can still accomplish that even with all that we are going thorugh.  GL!
  • My immediate family knows. Some who like to be all up in my business know more than others. I have two IRL girlfriends who know as well. We plan to tell my ILs, but DH has left it up to me and I have not worked around to it yet.  Not sure how to "present" it, as I never want to sound like I'm "poor me-ing".  But I feel that way about my MS diagnosis as well.  I am very open about it though once someone knows...
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  • Pretty much everyone except our church friends now. Perhaps we are too open. LOL
  • Pretty much all of our close friends and family know we are dealing with IF. Most don't know any details of diagnosis or treatment (only DH, mom, and sisters know every detail), we just vaguely said we've been trying for a long time and we're seeing a fertility specialist. We initially kept it a secret from all but my immediate family, but it got to the point where I was so sick of the questions/hints about babies that I would rather have them know about IF than ask anymore. I actually feel sooo much better to just have people know and everyone has been very supportive. Our group of friends is all PG or new parents(most with #2 now in the same time we having been TTC #1) so it's been easier on us having them know.

    GL coming out of the closet! I hope that you will find the support to be a positive thing for you!

    Edit: To add, it does stink that with IF, it won't be a surprise BFP, but I feel like if people know what a struggle it was for you to get that BFP, they will just be that much more excited/happy for you.


    After 2 1/2 years TTC, 3 IUI's, endo, and a lap, a surprise BFP brought us Alexandra Marie!
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  • I wasn't very smart and told everyone when DH and I first started to TTC about 2 years ago. Now that I am still not PG everyone pretty much knows. I don't go into detail about how hard it is and all the heartache is causes with anyone ther than my 2 sisters and my Mom (and of course DH)

    I regret telling everyone when we first started this never ending journey.

  • We've told, my parents/siblings, My best friends (3 ladies) and that's it.  But when it comes to our DE cycle, DH and I are planning on not telling anyone, at least until we have the baby (cart-before horse) and can take it all in and see how we really feel about it.  I have confided in my one closest friend because I just needed to get it out but I can trust her 110% and she is very understanding/caring.  So I felt comfortable confiding in her.

    GL Mrs.Vo, I really hope that it makes you feel beter to confide in someone IRL :)

     

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    4 Failed Clomid cycles of varying degrees
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  • I have told my boss (so she knows why I have to leave for appointments so frequently...), and my DH has told a few mutual friends (he's way more open than I am) - although I am relieved that they know.  It's been really helpful because we've told a few other couples who also went through IF, so that has been an AWESOME support.  It's been a big relief that people know, since everyone has been so supportive.

    GL telling your friend!

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  • I've been slowly opening up to many people within the last few months. Both of our families know, many of my friends and about 5 co workers.

    I decided I'm not embarrassed about it, so why not share when people ask? I think I just got tired of hearing "when will you have kids?"

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    IUI#4 Bravelle + Femara + Trigger + IUI = BFP!!

    Baby Papps born 10/10/11 <3

  • I have a big mouthEmbarrassed.  Most of my friends and coworkers know plus my FIL (his is an OBGYN who used to do IUI 20yrs ago) and my mother.  DH is not happy that I have told so many people.



    TTC#1 for 19 months with PCOS and MFI IUI#3 + injectables = BFP!!!!  Beta#1-134(13dpiui) Beta #2-392(15dpiui) 


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    TTC#2 - Shocked to get a BFP first postpartum cycle  
    Beta #1 -51@10dpo Beta#2 -1353 @16dpo
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  • image **Papps**:
    I decided I'm not embarrassed about it, so why not share when people ask?

    Amen, sister :)

    Re: surprise BFP- At this point, unfortunately, I think a BFP would be a huge surprise to our families. LOL As in they're not getting their hopes up.

  • We've told our immediate families, and I'm sure the news has spread somewhat from there.  Most of our closest friends are also in the know, and I posted about it on FB a couple of weeks ago, so I'm sure more people know than I'm aware of, which is fine by me.  I waited until we had a diagnosis before posting anything on FB, just because it's easier to field questions and possible stupid comments when you have actual medical evidence that there's something wrong.
  • image **Papps**:

    I decided I'm not embarrassed about it, so why not share when people ask? I think I just got tired of hearing "when will you have kids?"

     Ditto this 100%.  We have been at RE since July and since then have been slowly telling people (co-workers, friends, family).  There are just so many dr. appts and planning around events that it just made it easier to explain and not lie.  Especially since we had to miss Thanksgiving in NC last week so we could stay in town and start IVF. 

     I really struggled telling people at first because we don't have any 'known' issues and ALL tests are perfect...so it's like, "what's your effing problem then?" seems like it would be the next question out of people's mouths and I just didn't want to hear it.  But, honestly people have been amazing.  My director and VP at work have so amazingly supportive (it helps that they are both women) and my husband had to miss a conference at work because of the ER timing and his boss was totally understanding as well.  It just feels like some of the weight was lifted as people found out...and the questions came less :) 

     Big hugs.  Everyone has their own comfort level and timing.  You'll know when it's right for you.

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  • my BFF knows & that's it, right now we are not working too much with the RE, we're still trying on our own due to financial reasons, I may tell my parents if we do move to IVF like the RE said we prob will have to, but I'm not sure as they can be overbearing with questions & suggestions about everything!!


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    TTC #1 since 2009
    Between June 2009 and March 2010 I only had 3 periods
    In March 2010 diagnosed with PCOS
    October 2011 Lap discovered stage 4 endo, twisted and destroyed tubes
    January 2013 blood work finds elevated NK cells & partial DQ Alpha Match
    March 2013 2nd Lap shows worse endo, left ovary is fused to bowel
    DH great aside from very low morph
    May 2013 finally start IVF ,conversion protocol - ICSI, 9 retrieved, 6 mature, 5 fertilize,1 transferred on day 5 other 4 frozen on day 5 = bfn
    July 2013 FET 1.1Lupron, Prednisone, E2V, Intralipid Infusion, Cancelled due to insufficient lining
    October 2013 FET 1.2 Lupron, Prednisone, Viagra Suppositories, Terbutaline, Baby Asprin, E2V, Intralipid Infusion,Hopeful transfer 10/02
    One perfect blast transfered on 10/02- beta on 10/10, please stick little embie.
    Beta #1. 25 Beta #2 234. 1st u/s Nov 4th - no heartbeat, stopped growing 6w2d.
    D&C Nov 8th. Beta 11/13 112 11/15 46. 12/2 finally 1.9 Results show baby boy, trisomy 6.
    12/5 Saline Sono all clear - start Lupron Dec 30th - for FET 2
    Jan 28th transferred one beautiful blast.  2/5 beta 18 2/7 beta 14 - cp.
    waiting for beta to drop to 0 again. Will cycle in March
     Feb 25th polyp found, scheduled removal and sclerotherapy of cyst, delayed another month
    March 24th will start lupron, hopeful FET April 22nd - bfn
    June 27th Final Frosty transferred beta #1. 273 #2. 754 -EDD 3/15/15

     Everyone always welcome







  • My parents, my brother and his wife and my very close cousin know. DH's family doesn?t know a thing. I'm guessing his one brother might assume something is wrong, he knew we planned to start trying not long after we got married but we haven't said anything to him. I probably would have told DH's sister-in-law but she made a comment to me about a year ago about one of our friends that struggled with IF. Their son got cancer, we were talking about it and she said "See that's why you don't mess with nature". Needless to say I was speechless and don't ever plan to tell her. My two best friends IRL know as well and are really supportive. Also two woman I work with know they both went thru IF.

    I struggle when people ask "when are you guys having kids" I never know what to say. Normally I just say "who knows" or I try to change the subject. I would be more open with people but DH is very shy and hates that I even talk to my family and best friends about it.

    Good luck coming out about IF.

     

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    TTC Since 2/2009
    2/2010 - 5/2010 Testing with OBGYN
    8/2010 First RE Appointment
    11/2010 Second Opinion RE Appointment
    12/2010 Clomid + IUI #1 = BFN
    1/2011 Clomid + IUI #2 = BFN
    2/2011 Clomid + IUI #3 = BFN
    5/2011 IVF #1, ET 6/2, Beta 6/15 = BFN
    8/2011 FET ET 9/12 = BFN :0(
    On a break to save money.
    1/2012 IVF #2 ER 1/12, ET 1/15, Beta 1/27 = BFFN
    4/2012 FET ET ??/?? =
    p/saif welcome
  • My mom and my 2 closest friends know all the details (and I'm sure my mom has shared some with my dad!) DH has told his dad and one of his close friends. The rest of my in-laws know only because my sister-in-law unexpectedly announced her pregnancy the day before our first appointment with the RE and I left the dinner table crying. I felt like I had to explain myself so they know only that we're having trouble and that we've seen a doctor.

    I too hate that I'll never get to surprise my parents with a BFP, it will be the first grandchild for them and I hate that this is yet another thing that IF has taken from us.

    TTC 18 months | dx stage IV endo | got lucky with IVF #1 | b/g twins

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  • image renee3n2008:

    I probably would have told DH's sister-in-law but she made a comment to me about a year ago about one of our friends that struggled with IF. Their son got cancer, we were talking about it and she said "See that's why you don't mess with nature". Needless to say I was speechless and don't ever plan to tell her.

     

    WOW!!  What an awful thing to say!!  I would have been speechless too.


    Diagnosed PCOS 2/07, TTC #1 since 8/09
    11/10 - Clomid Round 1 = BFN
    12/10 - Clomid Round 2 = BFN
    1/11 - Voluntary Break = BFN (duh)
    2/11 - Clomid Round 3 = BFN
    3/11 - Femara + IUI = BFP * Beta#1=56 * Beta#2=266
    *Cautiously expecting baby girls on November 28, 2011*
    imageimage
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  • I have been pretty open with telling people... I am asked at least once a week when we will have kids, & depending on who asks (is it someone I want knowing my personal business, such as a coworker) I tell them. The only people I haven't told are my ILs, but between MH & step daughter, most of them know now as well (which is ok with me, they made sure I was ok with them discussing it). For the most part, I only get positive feedback... there are a few who tell me what they did to get PG the 1st month they tried, but I file those comments away to remind myself not to discuss my IF struggles with them.
  • Most people around us know.  We started telling the parents then let them tell the family if they wanted to.  At first DH was apprehensive about the family knowing but I was sick of the "when are you guys having kids?" question.  We've also told some close friends who have been very supportive.

    I did tell one co-worker who I trust.  I figured someone in the office should know why I have mood swings and show up late some days.

    I agree with the pp's, it does stink that coming out of the IF closet takes away some of the surprise of it all.  I feel like I'm under a microscope at every family event now and if I decide not to have a glass of wine, everyone assumes I'm pregnant.  But, for the most part, I'm glad we're open about it. 

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    After 3 years and 1 IUI, our miracle is here!
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  • image sulfababy:
    Pretty much everyone except our church friends now. Perhaps we are too open. LOL

    I wonder this about us too. All of our close friends and family know. Some extended family also knows. For us it's easier to just be open about it.

     
    A+S | Met 8/24/06 | Married 9/27/08
    Started TTC 12/2008 | dx PCOS 5/2009
    6 failed clomid/femara/TI cycles, 1 failed clomid/ovidrel/IUI cycle
    Successful Cycle: 5/12/11 - 1000mg Metformin + 100mg Clomid(late response) + TI = BFP

    2/13/12 - We proudly welcomed our daughter, Hadley Teresa!
    Lots of Luck to all of 3T/IF

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  • Only my mother, sister and grandmother know about the IVF.  I don't plan to tell anyone else.  I think my boss suspects TTTC because I told her when we first started about a year ago and she alludes to us having trouble. 
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  • All the IF info: Best friends, parents and one close co-worker

    "Blanket" IF info: Boss, another co-worker and FI's parents

    TTC since April'09/ 3 failed rounds of Clomid/ Surprise Natural BFP- 9/22/11/ DX. Dec '09 w/ Inappropriate LH Secretion Syndrom/PCO/ Anov 28 months Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • We started telling people during IVF #1.  I had to explain why I was going to be missing work.  At that point I vaguely told some people I would be missing work for medical procedures.  I told others what was actually going on.  When we were starting IVF #2, I started to tell all of my bosses and many of my co-workers.  I haven't told all of my friends, but I have told many of my closer friends.

    image image


    ~SAIF/PAIF/Everyone Welcome~ 

    Me= 36 and DH = 41 

    Dx: DOR, Endo, APA+ (really high beta 2 glycoprotein antibody and high everything else tested), heterozygous MTHFR mutation, positive for lupus anticoagulant, high FSH, low AMH and both tubes blocked (per HSG on 3/8/11)

    IVF #1 - long lupron (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 4 retrieved, 3 fertilized; ET 2 blasts and 1 frozen = BFN

    IVF #2 - a version of antagonist with EPP (with HGH, intralipids, lovenox and BA); 6 retrieved, 4 mature, 3 fertilized, 2 blasts and 1 frozen blast transferred on day 5 = BFN.

    IVF #3 April was postponed to May, May was canceled. June/July was canceled. Had a cyst aspiration and then began IVF #3 in August. ER on 8/22; ET on 8/24 with AH. +HPT on 9/5. Beta #1 (11dpo) = 3; Beta #2 (15dpo) = 29; Beta #3 (17dpo) = 60; Beta #4 (19 dpo) = 118. Heartbeat at 6 weeks 6 days =132.  Lil is here!

     
    TTC#2:  Trigger + TI = BFN; Clomid + +Trigger + IUI = BFN.

    IVF #4:  BCP + MDLF + Lovenox = 7R, 1F = Transferred 1 6-cell embryo on day 3 = BFN

    IVF #5:  MDLF + Lovenox = 4R, 1F = Transferred 1 10-cell compacting embryo on day 3 = BFN

  • I have been pretty open with my family and close friends.  They all knew my husband and I wanted kids right away so they were sure to catch on that our wedding was some time ago and no babies yet.

    TTC since 2010

    lots of IUIs and 1 IVF all BFNs

    FET currently on hold

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  • I'm glad you posted this! I was thinking of posting a similar question.

    We haven't told anyone yet, and I've been wondering if that might be a mistake. I'm not sure if we'll be able to keep it a secret once we start the IVF cycle.

    Good luck telling your friend! I'm sure it will be great to have her support! :) 

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  • I'm with sulfababy. Maybe I am too open!

    The way I look at it is this: if other people that I have recently discovered to have PCOS (like me) had been open about it, I would have known to go to them when I got my Dx. Instead, I felt alone and scared. I hope that if someone else I know ever has to go through this (even though I hope they don't!) they will think of me as someone they can lean on. It shouldn't be so taboo, we should be able to support one another IRL as well as on this amazing board!

    Shannon *^.^*


    image
    Our little Noah December 18, 2011 9lbs 21 inches


    Dx PCOS

    50mgs Clomid+Ovidrel round 2!= BFP!!!!!!!

    Betas- 14dpo-100 17dpo- 466 24dpo-6797


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  • We've told my whole family, most of my closest girlfriends, a couple of DH's friends, and my MIL.

    It's both a blessing and a curse to have so many people know. It's nice that they all know what we're going through, and can be a little forgiving if we're a little sad/mad/bitchy/etc. However, sometimes I feel like I constantly have to address it when I see a friend because they're always wondering about it, and it's not something I always feel like talking about.

    I wouldn't have had it any other way though, since it's nice to have people understand and be there for us while we're going through this.

    Good luck!

    TTC #1 since Oct 2009, Dx: Unexplained Infertility
    HSG: Right tube all clear, left tube inconclusive
    3 failed Clomid Cylces
    4/5 lap revealed blocked left tube, but right tube is open
    April/May- 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1= CANCELLED left ovary ovulating
    June 1- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #1 = BFN
    June 28- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #2 =BFP!
    7/12 Beta #1= 14 Beta #2= >5 Chemical Pregnancy :(
    July-Nov long break to recover emotionally and financially
    Nov 24- 100 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI #3= BFN
    Jan 22- Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI# 4 = CANCELLED no response on right
    IVF #1- Start stims 4/7, ER 4/20, 21R, 14F, 6 frosties, ET 4/25, 2 embryos transferred= BFN :(
    FET #1- June 2012, Lurpon starts 5/27- CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 2- August 2012, delayed until Sept-CANCELLED
    FET #1 take 3- ET 10/11, 2 embryos transferred,= BFFN
    FET #2- Transfer 12/4--Cancelled, no embies survived thaw :(
    Next steps-- IVF #2 with new RE in March
    HOLY SURPRISE BFP 2/15/13!!!! Beta 1- 286, Beta 2- 782, First Ultrasound 2/25- baby in uterus & all looks good!


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  • image jesselayne8:

    I have a big mouthEmbarrassed.  Most of my friends and coworkers know plus my FIL (his is an OBGYN who used to do IUI 20yrs ago) and my mother.  DH is not happy that I have told so many people.

    LOL! I am the same way! However the more people I tell the more people I find out have actually gone through this in some way shape or form as well. So it makes me feel good that I have this big ball of support!

    Welcome My IF Miracles JZ!

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  • We are pretty open about it to anyone who asks. We haven't told my family yet because we just don't know how to do it. Maybe once we know more. DH told his family and I have told some friends/coworkers because I was crying at work. Plus they all know we have been trying for a long time so they kind of figured we were having issues.
    TTC #1 since Sept '09 Dx: Severe MFI/Azoo
    IVF w/ICSI - 15R, 12M, 10F - transferred 2; froze 3
    Beta #1 150 Beta #2 320
    7/16 124 bpm (6w5d) 7/31 168 bpm (8w6d) 8/22 170 bpm (12w)
    EDD 3/6/13
    Our team green baby was a girl! Emma Lynn born 2/23/13
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  • We have told pretty much everyone we are big at hiding things ~ my H is less open to his co-workers etc.  Of course some people know more than others my mum knows everything whereas my MIL knows very little.  I am very open at work because I have needed to leave for appts. etc.
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