How Do You Know?

I've always thought that if I had children I would adopt. It was discussed b4 I married DH. He was on board. We started our fam earlier than planned and had LO in May of this yr. I would like to adopt a sister for him in the near future. How do you know when you are ready to start the adoption process? Did you save money first for a year? Did you both you and your spouse look at each other and just know? Or do you figure it out as you go once you get an adoption agent? 

Re: How Do You Know?

  • We knew it was time to move on to adoption after 2 pregnancy losses.  My husband was much more certain about the idea than I was... but after some praying and soul-searching, the idea started to feel right to me, too.

    We were worried about finances and wondered if we should save a large sum of money before signing with an agency.   But, then my grandfather offered to pay our agency fees, so we knew we could go forward. 

  • We started trying for baby #2 in December 2008.  When we first started talking about it, my DH mentioned something about adoption.  At that point, I wanted another biological child and had no idea we would have trouble getting pregnant.  Almost a year later, we finally got pregnant after fertility treatments.  We lost the baby and another year later, we decided to stop fertility treatments and go for adoption.

    Money is a concern for us, but I know everything will fall into place when the time is right.  We are currently waiting for word on a potential private adoption situation.  However, if it does not work out, we will go with our original plan of fostering to adopt.
  • I don't think there was ever a moment when I looked at my husband and "knew" we were going to adopt, unlike when we knew we were going to get married!

    I have an unusual advantage of knowing that adoption was the most likely route for me before I even tried having children, and my DH and I talked about this before we got married. Choosing to begin the process was fairly easy for us. After trying to get pregnant on meds and off I knew I wanted to pursue adoption over more invasive treatment.

    The only thing that has been holding us up would be that we just got married last December and the agency we want to use requires a year of marriage before they will work with us. 

    In the mean time, I have researched the S*%& out of adoption. 

    I suggest first discussing with your DH what kind of adoption you want. If you are set on adopting a sister for your son, then you will most likely need to choose international adoption or foster to adopt. 

    If you choose international adoption, you will need to decide how far apart you want your kids to be, how long the typical wait time is, and how old the child will be when you get her. If you are wanting your son to be oldest (recommended by most adoption "experts") then you will have more time to save money.

    If you choose foster to adopt it is far less expensive and sometimes the fees are waived so there would be no need to save for an extended period of time. 

     Good Luck! 

    Beginning Adoption Process July 2010 Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • We knew it as one of our only options so when we were ready to start a family, we began the process.

    Just a point to consider-  not all agencies or countries will let you specify gender.  Some do... .but if having a girl is important, make sure that's an early question you ask as you interview agencies, etc.

    RE: finances, you may want to explore Fost/Adopt.  It is considerably less expensive.  If it's something you are open to, ask specifically about it.  Several women have had great experiences w/Fost/Adopt.

    image Best friends and sisters... 24 months and 16 months
  • My husband and I always planned to adopt.  When we decided we might be ready to start a family in the next few months, we decided to start the process.  We figured that way, when we were ready for the child, we'd be through the paperwork and could receive placement.

    We adopted internationally, and it took us 2.5 years.  So my advice is, if you think you might want a child within the next year or so (domestic adoption is generally quicker), and you have enough resources to pay as you go, I'd begin the process now.

    Also, may I ask why you wish to adopt and if you are considering adopting a baby?  Adopting a baby or older child is generally a different process, and can take a different amount of time.  I mention this, because in my experience, many people who chose to adopt without fertility issues do so because they want to bring a child into a loving family who might not otherwise have that chance, and there are generally many families wishing to adopt babies (especially healthy, white babies).  What this means is that it may reflect in your wait time, and if your motivation is to adopt a child who might not otherwise have a family, you may wish to consider adopting an older child or a child with special or other medical needs.

  • Thanks for all the answers on here. I will continue researching while I wait for my son to get a little bit older. I didn't know it was reccomended that LO be the older child. I'm not paticular about the age of the girl as long as she is under ten.

    Again thanks, and I may be watching this board for info. Merry Christmas ladies!

  • If you plan to adopt domestically, and not an infant, you'll likely be adopting from foster care.  This can be a long process, and you can chose to foster children along the way (which can be very painful if they are reunited with their families), or only consider "non-legal risk" children (those who's parents' rights have already been terminated).

    Another way to adopt an older child is internationally.  In that case, you are matched with a child, and it is a straight-out adoption (not like foster care).

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