Baby Names

VENT: I need your opinion (sorry...its long)

One of my good friends told me when we were pregnant with my DS that she someday wanted to name her DD (if she ever had one) Evelyn.  She wasn't married at the time, but is now.  She likely won't have children for several more years as she is in law school and will be working for a few years before her and DH will decide to have a little one.  Fast forward, my DH and I were looking at names and Evelyn came up.  I really like it, with the nickname Evie and I casually asked her over Facebook messenger what she would think if we decided to go with that name, if we even have a DD this time around.  She got very upset and said that she would be 'really sad' if we used that name.  Since then, she has been really distant and not talking to me at all.  I saw she was online so I asked if she was upset with me and continued on with the really sad talk and would be disappointed.  Am I being crazy?!  I understand we are good friends, but she lives 3 states away and we see eachother maybe 3-4 times per year.  Obviously this name is getting more popular and its not like I am willing to ruin a friendship over it, but seriously...you can't claim a name 5 years in advance!

Re: VENT: I need your opinion (sorry...its long)

  • I don't think that is a big deal since she lives in another state. 
    Started TTC May 2010 Dx PCOS Nov 2010 DH dx with abnormal morph, low motility, poor progression, March 2011 Nov 2010, Femara, 2.5 mg + TI, = no response Dec 2010, Femara 5 mg + TI, 1 mature follie = BFN Jan 2011, Femara 5 mg + TI = no response Feb 2011, Femara 7.5 mg + TI, 2 mature follies = BFN March 2011-break April 2011, Clomid, 100 mg = no response May 2011, Femara 7.5 mg + Bravelle = no response, ovarian cyst Jun 2011, Checked for cysts, 1 unexpected mature follie, trigger shot + TI = BFN Jul 2011, Femara 10 mg + IUI #1, 2 mature follies = BFN Aug 2011, break
  • My friend mentioned a few years ago that she wanted to name her daughter Olivia.  At that point, neither of us were going to have kids in the near future. However, I know that is the name that she really wants for her LO.  I would never even consider choosing that name because in a sense she has "dibs" on it.  I try and think of it as if the situation was reversed - I would be disappointed if she picked a name that I loved and wanted for my LO, especially if I had told her in advance.
    image

    Lilypie First Birthday tickers

    Pregnancy Ticker

    "I looked at this tiny, perfect creature and it was as though a light switch had been turned on. A great rush of love, mother love, flooded out of me."~Madeleine L'Engle
    BFP 12/7/09 - heard HB 7w2d 12/22/09 - D&C 11w3d 1/20/10
  • I think it's ridiculous to "claim" a name for a child that you may or may not have one day. It's juvenile. That said, I think you know that if you use Evelyn, your friend will be upset and angry with you. Decide if the name is important enough for you to deal with all of that and you'll have your answer.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker


    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I don't see why you both couldn't name your daughters Evelyn. But if it bothers her, maybe there's an alternative such as Evangeline, Evangelina, Eve, Eva, etc.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers
    Married since 06/19/2004|Anna born 11/19/2006|Charles born 11/1/11
    Double undergrad graduation May 2011| Me: Psychology, DH: Communication| A long journey!
    <a href="http://s21.photobucket.com/albums/b268/gussiebutt/?action=view
  • At first my response was not to do it. Since she is your friend and likely see eachother often. Then I read she lives in another state. I think you are fine. She can still use the name since everyone that would know her likely know she has been wanting that name for 5 years now. You can A. Use the name and risk hurting her feelings enough for her to not speak to you anymore. Not that that's okay on her part, but this may be what will happen regardless of if she is being petty or not B. Find another name that you like just as well, and not hurt anyone's feelings.

    FWIW, my best friend and I have had names picked out since highschool. When I got pregnant I realized how much I loved one of her names. She was not in a relationship or anywhere close to having children, but I knew that it would piss her off to no end had I used that name. Even if we had been living states apart, she would have been pissed. I wasn't willing to throw away a 9year friendship over that. I picked a different name, and I love it.

    Visit my <a href"http://www.etsy.com/shop/ThisIsTheStuffs">Etsy</a> shop!


    Image and video hosting by TinyPic


    image

    MyFitnessPal - Free Calorie Counter


    "Karma1969: If baking someone a birthday pie/cake is romantic, I must be a slut."
  • Well, I don't think it's worth ruining a friendship over, but I do think she's being a little immature. I probably wouldn't use it, but I can see the other side too and see that it's not a big deal either way. If you don't see each other often, I see nothing wrong with you BOTH using the name if she does have a DD in the future.
    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Third Birthday tickers
  • She's being immature, but no name is worth ruining a friendship over.

    You have only so many friends but thousands of names to fall in love with.

    One of my friends has always loved Savannah. I think it's horrid and would never use it, but if I did like it, as stupid as name claiming is, I know she's more "passionate" about it than me, so she can have it.

  • image sunnyday016:
    Well, I don't think it's worth ruining a friendship over, but I do think she's being a little immature. I probably wouldn't use it, but I can see the other side too and see that it's not a big deal either way. If you don't see each other often, I see nothing wrong with you BOTH using the name if she does have a DD in the future.

    Exactly this.  It's immature to stake claim to a name and then be so upset over someone discussing the possibility of using the name But, at the same time if it's a close friend and you don't want to ruin your friendship it may not be worth the name.   

     

  • Your mistake was asking her. If you were going to do it anyway, you never should have asked her. Asking her, hearing she'd be upset over it, and then continuing to do it anyway (read: you don't care about her feelings at all) makes you the bad guy and her justified if she wants to be distant over it. Not asking her and naming your daughter whatever you want, as you're entitled to do, means if she's upset about it that she is being unreasonable over the name of the baby.

    See the difference? She's not as upset over the name of the baby as she upset that you went out of your way to ask her and then dismissed her response and went ahead and did what you wanted anyway. 

  • I seriously think you should consider NOT using it. Yeah she technically CANT call dibs on it, especially if they aren't planning on having kids for a while, but like someone else said .... put yourself in her shoes...what if she did that to you??

    I think a friendship is more important at this point, and if you did use it and possibly lost that friendship, you will forever have a daughter with that name, and it will have a damper on that name...

    My sisters both have kids with MN that I wanted to use with my future kids, but being they are older, married longer, etc they used them anyway. I had one sister tell me that she wont use the name Ethan b/c she knows that was one of my top names.

    Ethan is like #6 on my list now ... lol  So we will see with future nephews/my own babies how that work.

     

    Anniversary

     

     

    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

     

     

  • I hate when people try to "claim" a name. In this case, she has liked the name for very long, so it's tricky. Now, I wonder if she has even talked to her DH about the name Evelyn. He might veto it because of a bad association: like a bad boss, an ex-girlfriend, or so many other things. The name is getting popular and there is a chance she might decide it's too popular for her to use. Another "if" is if you end up having a boy. There are so many factors going into this, that I would say not to bring it up anymore, for the risk of starting a fight.

    Don't take Evelyn off the table, but keep it on the back burner for awhile. If it's still in your top 2 by the time you're full-term, then it's obvious you and your DH really like the name, & at that point, I would use it regardless. Here are some threads that are similar to your situation. Though they're not identical, I think they might help.

    http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/36126886.aspx

    http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/39782435/ShowThread.aspx#39782435

  • You can't save seats and you can't claim names. You name your baby what you want. Your friend doesn't even live in the same state and you see her 4 times a year. She may have changed her mind by now anyways.
  • image Allie30:

    Your mistake was asking her. If you were going to do it anyway, you never should have asked her. Asking her, hearing she'd be upset over it, and then continuing to do it anyway (read: you don't care about her feelings at all) makes you the bad guy and her justified if she wants to be distant over it.

    Agreed. I was thinking the same thing.

    If you wanted to use it regardless, you shouldn't have asked. Now that you have and she has said she would be really hurt/upset, I think it is a no go.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic
    Logan David 03.27.08
    Jacob Riley 05.18.09
    {Member since 2007}
  • You asked for her opinion and she gave it to you.  What you do next is up to you, but I wouldn't hurt a friend like that.

    It's one thing to use "her name" not knowing that she liked it, or knowing that she liked it years ago but hasn't talked about it since.  This clearly isn't the case here.

    I don't understand your logic.  Why did you ask her what she thought about you using the name if you didn't care about her answer?

    Oscar born October 2011

    Miscarriage at 8 weeks (August 2013)

    DD due September 1, 2014

    BabyFruit Ticker

  • I agree that no one can claim a name, but you kind of shot yourself in the foot by asking her what she thought.

    You could have named your daughter Evelyn and played it off like you didn't remember she loved the name. Now you don't have that option.

    ETA: I just read the other responses and see that my answer is pretty repetitive.

  • I agree that asking her permission was giving her the power to decide. And she seems pretty clear that she doesn't want you to use it. I still don't believe that anyone can claim a name and she should let it go, but she's not.

    When my friend was pregnant, her daughter was going to be named Molly. She had an aunt who died young named Molly and always loved the name. Fast forward to her birth and the baby is named Emily (turns out her DH wasn't so fond of Molly and didn't express this until they were in the delivery room!)

    Now I'm pregnant and was talking names with her (she and I are really close and the only people IRL we share names with). I was listing some potentials and include Molly, with hesitation. And she said, "well don't avoid using it because of me! I had my chance!"

    DH and I happened to find another name we love more, but I think true friends should be able to work it out maturely.

  • I would pick something else. She did tell you she loved it long ago, you knew that and remembered that she did so and asked her how she would feel if you used it, she told you how she felt. If you value her friendship pick something else. lots of names can use the nn Evie. Genevieve and Eva are two that I like.
    photo 203b9128-895f-464c-a378-ff73eaf8c1ce_zps4de57ab1.jpg
    Xander, Hayden & Lily 5 1/2 and Jericho 3 My Blog!
  • image dairygirl19:

    She's being immature, but no name is worth ruining a friendship over.

    Agreed.

    Also, I think it really is stupid when people try to claim names.. Why can't everyone just agree that if you aren't pg, you can't "call it"?  Jeeez.. 

    When I told our best friends this LO's name, one said, "Oh, that's my top boy name!" and was a bit somber for a few weeks, but came around eventually. She doesn't even have a bf, and doesn't plan on having a LO for 5-6 years down the line, and she never mentioned the name before, so I don't feel bad at all for using it.

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
    PitaPata Cat tickers
  • Hmmm, how about Everly? I think it's just as pretty. You could still call her Evie.
    image
    image
    image
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • image ames17:
    I think it's ridiculous to "claim" a name for a child that you may or may not have one day. It's juvenile. That said, I think you know that if you use Evelyn, your friend will be upset and angry with you. Decide if the name is important enough for you to deal with all of that and you'll have your answer.

    This!

     A good friend wouldn't care if you use the name.  I have a really good friend whose daughter is named Grace.  We were talking about phantom baby names, and I mentioned that I had to take Grace off of my list.  She said that I was being silly and it would bother her if I named my future daughter Grace, because she didn't own the name.

     As you said it may be several years before your friend has a baby, just mention to her that you thought it would be great if your daughters shared the same name.  After they will likely be at least a couple years apart (age-wise)

     

  • You can both have daughters named Evelyn.  She may never even have a daughter
  • Thanks so much for all of your opinions!  Your comments have helped me see the other side of her opinion.  Obviously we don't know if this is even going to be an issue (we might get another DS) but we will likely not use the name...nor will we ask permission again!  :)  Thanks!! 

Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards