Mom said no. Ask dad?

DavezWife

yesterday I mentioned MY RE is OOT, and the one covering said I don't need anymore betas.

I want more betas. I can't wait until next monday for another vague u/s.

Do I call back my RE clinic and just ask/demand, or call my OBGYN Dr. Hee that does whatever I want? It WOULD be like asking dad when mom says no, and they are "sister" clinics, in a sense Dr. Sassy and Dr. Hee do/could talk. I don't want to put Dr. Hee in that position, but I know if I asked Sassy he would give me the dang betas.

WWYD?

MBandBud

Oh I say get what you need.  I don't care who you have to ask for it!  I mean, seriously, who cares what these people think anyhow??  Just make sure they are done by the same lab as the others.  Betas can be very different based on how they are processed and that can REALLY mess with your mind.  This happened to me with my blighted ovum when betas were the telling story.  GL girl!! 

DavezWife

oh, good point, not sure if Hee uses Sassy's lab... they might...

I also wonder who is open on friday for the repeat? OK, can't waste time, I'm calling the RE's office.

Mr.&MrsS

Do you need them to tell you it is ok to get the beta? Can you just show up and get one? Or do they do paperwork each time?

When I was pregnant with Brady I was bleeding bright red and my RE wouldnt do an early u/s and they told me not to come back for more betas (we had already seen doubling twice). But my RE is at a major hospital in the city, so they just have standing orders for most bloodwork so they dont have to fill out paperwork each time. So I just showed up for a beta the next morning anyway. My nurse laughed at me when she called with the results, but I NEEDED to know.

If you cant just show up, I would tell them you need another one for piece of mind. At the very least they are just charging you (your insurance) for more work..they should be happy about that!

njdcgirl

I'd just wait.  You're going to drive yourself crazy.

Girl - you are PREGNANT!  You don't need any more betas - you saw it with your own eyes.  No matter what the beta's say, you are going to analyze and overanalyze it.  Now, I know that's how you roll.  And, I get why.  But you are PREGNANT!  Enjoy it, and next week, you're going to see a beautiful heartbeat.  I just know it.

Signed, the girl who never even POAS during her IVF cycles b/c I was too scared to see what they'd say.

artygirl

njdcgirl:

I'd just wait.  You're going to drive yourself crazy.

Girl - you are PREGNANT!  You don't need any more betas - you saw it with your own eyes.  No matter what the beta's say, you are going to analyze and overanalyze it.  Now, I know that's how you roll.  And, I get why.  But you are PREGNANT!  Enjoy it, and next week, you're going to see a beautiful heartbeat.  I just know it.

Signed, the girl who never even POAS during her IVF cycles b/c I was too scared to see what they'd say.

This...especially what's in bold.

DavezWife

njdcgirl:

I'd just wait.  You're going to drive yourself crazy.

Girl - you are PREGNANT!  You don't need any more betas - you saw it with your own eyes.  No matter what the beta's say, you are going to analyze and overanalyze it.  Now, I know that's how you roll.  And, I get why.  But you are PREGNANT!  Enjoy it, and next week, you're going to see a beautiful heartbeat.  I just know it.

Signed, the girl who never even POAS during her IVF cycles b/c I was too scared to see what they'd say.

sorry. not possible. The anxiety with this is THRU THE ROOF, and I have 9 failures that don't LET me "just believe". Can't. I GET what you're saying, and appreciate the other side of looking at things, but my heart is pounding right now in a real panic. (I get myself worked up, no doubt about it).

I have a call into the RE nurse. I'll figure something out.

howleyshell

I get psycho nut job "I need reassurance" with the best of them

BUT....

 

 

 

My RE's office will NOT do betas once you've had an u/s with a visual.

At this point betas tell almost nothing.

U/S tell everything.

Lobby for what you need but don't be shocked if they draw the line with this one.

 

You'd be better off renting an u/s machine at this point.

I know it's unchartered territory but you're PAST betas.

This is a GOOD thing!!!!!!

 

 

GuitaristsGirl

howleyshell:

I get psycho nut job "I need reassurance" with the best of them

BUT....

 

 

 

My RE's office will NOT do betas once you've had an u/s with a visual.

At this point betas tell almost nothing.

U/S tell everything.

Lobby for what you need but don't be shocked if they draw the line with this one.

 

You'd be better off renting an u/s machine at this point.

I know it's unchartered territory but you're PAST betas.

This is a GOOD thing!!!!!!

 

 

This was my thought, too, but I wasn't certain enough that I was right to say it on my own

But yes, it seems to me that all the betas or POASing in the world won't help you at this point - that stuff's child's play!!  You've moved on, friend  

firsttogo

howleyshell:

I get psycho nut job "I need reassurance" with the best of them

BUT....

 

 

 

My RE's office will NOT do betas once you've had an u/s with a visual.

At this point betas tell almost nothing.

U/S tell everything.

Lobby for what you need but don't be shocked if they draw the line with this one.

 

You'd be better off renting an u/s machine at this point.

I know it's unchartered territory but you're PAST betas.

This is a GOOD thing!!!!!!

 

 

I agree with all of this. I totally get going around whomever to get what you needwant as well too! And do what you need but also know when to wait or stop.  It is so hard. Beta U/S hell is a horrid place to be, but the numbers are not going to tell you anything right now anyway. Try to enjoy this Thankful holiday with Ava, and get that U/S next week. Hang in there, and  come here often and early when you need to talkventstresselate!

TheSkimmy

At a point beta numbers stop doubling at the normal speed... so getting a beta will tell you nothing.

Yes the waiting sucks but there is nothing else you can do but try to make it until the next u/s.

DavezWife

I just typed a huge long ramble, but I'll edit it:

I am very very scared.

howleyshell

DavezWife:

I just typed a huge long ramble, but I'll edit it:

I am very very scared.

Of COURSE you are.

 

And to be blunt.... it's gonna get worse before it gets better.

You'll get an u/s for a HB and then what?

THEN.... it's what my OB calls "the abyss".  No more u/s for a while, no movement, 1st tri ends and symptoms fade.

This is tough stuff.

This is being pregnant after loss.

This is what you've got us for.

 

But... if your anxiety is really over the top you may want to hunt down someone who specializes in this kinda thing.

Or... start a home improvement project (Shell ducks as Dave throws a shoe at her head). 

It's hard.

REALLY hard.

 

And.... I'm thrilled beyond words that you're finally getting to live thru this hell.

It sucks but it's much better than the alternative.

 

efooey

I know you are scared and you have every right to be, but it's out of your hands at this point, there is nothing you can do.  Pack up Ava and go do something fun to take your mind off.

E

TheSkimmy

I know you are scared! Try to keep yourself busy until the next ultrasound!

hclavalley

Tracie it is ok to be scared, and the RE should be more than willing to get you betas if she is really concerned about a tubal, but I doubt she really is or she would have already done them.  

You are PG, its unlikely that betas at this point will give the reassurance you are looking for since they don't really double this far along. 

Take a deep breath and try... hard as it is... to move your focus on to something else for a couple days.  Throw yourself into anything that will distract you.  

I know it is hard.... really I do, but believe that you are PG!

After my m/c I joined another forum with others who had also m/c, we have a set of mantras for whenever any of us get PG:

"Today I am pregnant and I love my baby."

"I am pregnant until someone tells me otherwise."

"My past does not dictate my future. A previous m/c does not mean I will have another m/c."

"Just because something sad is happening to another poster, does not mean it will happen to you. We all know m/c and complications are not contagious!

"Hope does not make bad things happen" You cannot ?jinx? your pregnancy by creating a ticker, getting excited, or telling someone. Live in the positive! 

GuitaristsGirl

Fwiw, we're (well, I'm) not necessarily telling you to go out and celebrate!  I did not enjoy one single minute of my pregnancy with DS - *especially* before I regularly felt him move, which provided some reassurance. . . I didn't even tell anyone IRL that I was pg until after 20 weeks - I just kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

Once you've been burned, you have to be scared and anxious and, even though you're kind of/ want to be happy!, you're terrified and miserable.  Unfortunately, all we're/ I'm saying is that there's not much at this point to make it better, and another beta might actually make it worse   Here in a couple of weeks you can get a home dopplar, then before you know it you'll be able to feel him/ her!  But until then - just try to hang in there, honey. I know it doesn't feel like it but this is a good "problem" to have. 

futrkingsley

Why do you want one?  What is it going to tell you that you don't already know? 

I'd skip it.  Once they double and rise and something is visible on u/s I think they lose most if not all their value. 

Three years ago I was barely pregnant.  I'd had a m/c in Sept and got pg again when I wasn't supposed to.  I had bleeding, but high doubling betas, and a gest sack and yoke one week before Tday.  My OB kindly gave me a second u/s the Tuesday before and we saw the flicker of something.  I spotted all during our trip the ILs that year and was worried sick.  Even a flicker couldn't keep me sane.  But three years later, that flicker is making turkeys in the shape of his wee toddler hand for his grandparents.

All you have is what you have now -- no matter what the beta said, it wouldn't tell you if this ends well.  Stay in the moment T.

itsmevkb

I had great rising betas with the pregnancies I lost so personally, I put no stock in them.  But, if you feel that continuing to get them would give you some peace of mind then by all means, insist an/or find a doc that will do them for you.

I'm a big believer in treating women with past losses as kindly as possible - i.e. the docs should do whatever we need to make us not go completely insane.

DavezWife

Thanks everyone. I appreciate all the angles and thoughts.

I did score myself a pacifier in the morning. Just one beta, tomorrow, that's it. I have a number in my head based on last wed's number, and if it's around there, I'll rest easy. While you all "get" this stuff, it's hard to REALLY get the fear unless you've been IN my shoes. 9 losses, albeit right away, is very very scary, and I have  a hard time putting faith in my body right now.  My anxiety is not in check, is NOT good for my family or this new baby, so I have to do what's best in my head right now.