3rd Trimester

Am I the only one who doesn't understand?

A few posts back about family in the delivery room has got me thinking again.  Why on earth do MIL's, sisters, etc WANT to be in the room during delivery????  I don't get why this is such an issue.  Yes, newborns are cute and it's a special moment, but holy cow if I ever have a daughter or DIL, the last thing I'd want to watch is a baby come out of her.  Yuck.  It's pretty messy business.  I wouldn't even want a mirror to watch myself.  Why aren't they just happy with seeing the baby 3 minutes later when he/she is all cleaned up and wrapped up cute in a blanket? 
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Re: Am I the only one who doesn't understand?

  • I also dont get it. I dont even really want to be in the delivery room, much less havea party in there. 
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  • I think it's something we'll understand more of when we are soon to be grandmothers ourselves.  Plus - our mothers and MIL have been there so they know what your going through.  More than "watching it come out" they may want to support you and of course see the baby.   I think birth is a beautiful experience and I have considered becoming a doula after the birth of my child.
  • It's called a Morbid sense of Curiosity.... when I was doing my Ultrasound Internship I was at a hospital with a giant morgue in the basement.  They handled a lot of murders there.  Anyway, I decided to go "check it out" with one of the X-Ray Technologists.  It was for total curiosity, and I will never do it again, but I don't regret it.
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    Never attribute to malice, that which can be explained by stupidity. - Hanlon's Razor
  • I opted for no mirror bc I thought it would freak me out.  As far as families go, I don't care the reasoning - my answer is and will always be no.  I personally think women want to be in the room because it makes them feel special or v.i.p.
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  • Or maybe they want to throw it i your face later and say "I was there when the baby was born."

    Me and my boyfriend.  That's IT besides staff.  




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  • Its just a moment I think.

    When I was in school I was during rounds in the labor and delivery unit. I saw a woman give birth and I was in awe. I cried, I cant explain it, its just a miracle to witness LIFE like that.

    I personally want my mom in the room to witness because I'm adopted and my mom has never experienced anything like that and I think it would be special for her to see it.

    Everyone else, can wait outside.

     

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  • My mom (she was a head ER nurse) says the same thing.  She says she has seen so many people totally horrified by the amount of blood, etc.  even though it is a happy outcome it is pretty rough while it is going on.  She told me that she would be happy waiting outside unless I totally insisted.  After my sil had her baby her husband and mom were totally horrified and thought something was wrong because of the amount of blood and everything that was going on.....finally i spoke to my sil and she said it was a totally normal delivery, no complications.  Supposedly it is totally different for the people watching than the ones that are actually doing it.  I had a csection so i have no clue :)
  • Sarah I like your reason for having your mom there, and it's also you that wants her there. 

    It's the pushy people fighting to be there that I don't get. 




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  • I hear you.  I can't believe all of the drama I read about on these boards about this one and that one throwing a fit because they can't be in the delivery room.   Thankfully, neither my mom nor MIL have any interest in seeing the birth...and it's a good thing because I honestly wouldn't want anyone in there except my husband.
     
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  • When it comes to family wanting to be in the delivery room, I think it boils down to them feeling left out. They have been there for many many many other special moments and they can't imagine not being there for this one. I find the "demanding to be in the room" crap to be very babyish...


  • image SarahTx5701:

    Its just a moment I think.

    When I was in school I was during rounds in the labor and delivery unit. I saw a woman give birth and I was in awe. I cried, I cant explain it, its just a miracle to witness LIFE like that.

    I personally want my mom in the room to witness because I'm adopted and my mom has never experienced anything like that and I think it would be special for her to see it.

    Everyone else, can wait outside.

     

    that's really sweet of you.

    on the flipside - my mom was adopted and when she and my dad were expecting me my dad chickened out and thought that maybe he wouldn't want to be in the delivery room (he was 21).  She asked her mother if she would be with her during delivery and my grandmother told my mom to ask her brother.  Eh, ok?

    My dad changed his mind though.

  • it is a beautiful, wonderful, intimate experience, that's why I don't know why you'd want to cheapen it by having a party there. Shouldn't that single moment in time be something that you share exclusively with your DH or SO or whatever?
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  • Unfortunately, I think that some of the time the one delivering is seen as a incubator holding the baby.  They are not thought of as a person with boundaries, desires and feelings but more as the " baby holder."  Grandmas tend to only think of the baby coming out and not really think that it is coming out of an actual person. Their focus in solely on the baby and not on the mother. 
  • Some people see no issue in the "messy buisness" of birth and see it for being one of the few beautiful things in life...

    My DH and I are planning to let his mother, my MIL, in the room with us during the birth. My DH is an adopted only son. My MIL was unable to have children, and has never been part of a pregnancy let alone a birth. We thought it would be a nice gift to her to allow her to be a part of something she wanted so bad for herself and could never have.

    Honestly I have no issue with it, I know it would mean the world to her. If she wants to be there, and be a part of a yes messy but beautiful thing then thats her choice. It means more to her to be a part my pregnancy and birth of her grandchild then it does for me to be embaressed of what she sees.

  • Also, It was just dh and I for my sons birth, my mom came in 2 minutes later, so this second one I'm ok with having someone and so is dh.

     

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  • Aww am I weird that I WISH my mom was gunna be there with me? Right now it's just gunna be me and hubby and MIL, who was a head nurse of the OR for like 30 years. It doesn't bother me in the slightest that she'll see whats going on. I have a feeling her being there will make me feel alot safer. (silly I know)
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  • image EmjayTheHunted:

    Or maybe they want to throw it i your face later and say "I was there when the baby was born."

    Me and my boyfriend.  That's IT besides staff.  

    This.  My grandmother had decided she was going to be there and got very upset when I told her no.  She had ZERO reasons to want to be there, I asked her why and she was silent.

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  • they want to relive the moment? I personally think it is selfish and didn't allow anyone but DH in the room. They didn't need to be there in making the baby why should they be there when he/she arrives. 
    On the Mini pill, ebfing, and no AF ever.....16 months apart!

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  • I don't get it either.  My mom and MIL would never dream of such a thing.
  • image stw_77:
    Unfortunately, I think that some of the time the one delivering is seen as a incubator holding the baby.  They are not thought of as a person with boundaries, desires and feelings but more as the " baby holder."  Grandmas tend to only think of the baby coming out and not really think that it is coming out of an actual person. Their focus in solely on the baby and not on the mother. 

    That's how I feel. And my MIL has two daughters if they want her in there with them that's great. But the only person besides my husband I would want in there besides my DH is my sister and since they only allow 3 people, I'd either have to decide between my mom and MIL or say neither and if I said that they would flip. Especially my mom. So it's just too much drama and they can't respect that. they just keep thinking of themselves. And if this was her only opportunity I would have considered that but it isn't.

    I feel they have no real reasons to want to be in there except to say 'I saw the baby born' too.

  • image NewFamily09:
    A few posts back about family in the delivery room has got me thinking again.  Why on earth do MIL's, sisters, etc WANT to be in the room during delivery????  I don't get why this is such an issue.  Yes, newborns are cute and it's a special moment, but holy cow if I ever have a daughter or DIL, the last thing I'd want to watch is a baby come out of her.  Yuck.  It's pretty messy business.  I wouldn't even want a mirror to watch myself.  Why aren't they just happy with seeing the baby 3 minutes later when he/she is all cleaned up and wrapped up cute in a blanket? 

    I totally agree, nor would I want DH to watch.

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  • I don't understand their reasonings for wanting to be in there at all. I don't give a crap about the messiness and whatnot- it's our time and is a private moment.

    I believe it was said best the other day- "Giving birth is not a spectator sport:. If you wish to have someone there, great. Why someone would attempt to guilt you into letting them in is beyond asinine.

     

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    "People seem to couple an inordinate amount of stupidity with extreme laziness." ~ A wise interwebz friend.

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  • Yeah, I asked my mom about being there during labor - she said it should just be me & DH.  I laughed & told her I meant JUST labor!!  When anything is coming out of me, everyone gets OUT.   Except DH - and he only wants to be by my head. 

    I reviewed our birth plan last week, and went over the mirror things.  I had said that I did NOT want to be offered one.  I've seen a birth before, and I'm fine without seeing it again.  The MW brought up a good point though.  She said sometimes they offer it to you so that you can see how you are pushing & sometimes it helps people be more effective.  I conceded to be offered the mirror for those reasons only.  Although, I really hope I don't need to use it!  lol!

     
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  • My sister who has no kids, automatically assumed that she will be there. Then she invited her husband to be there too.... and I said something about it. Now she has distanced herself from us and is still mad about it 3 months later. I'd like to think that I'm right in this situation....
  • image mishu917:
    My sister who has no kids, automatically assumed that she will be there. Then she invited her husband to be there too.... and I said something about it. Now she has distanced herself from us and is still mad about it 3 months later. I'd like to think that I'm right in this situation....

     

    You are right. She is being a little ridiculous and asking her husband is kind of creepy. are they not able to have children of their own? Whether or not they are or aren't it's your decision.

     It's like my SIL saying her friend's whole family was in there and that her dad helped her push and stuff. And I was like ok well that's good for her but I think that's creepy.

  • I will have my mom, MIL & SIL in the room with me.  DH will be joining us via skype from overseas and everyone who will be in the room has already been told that they will stay above the waist at all times (DH has no desire to watch the baby come out either) and once the baby is out and it's time for mommy/baby bonding, everyone is to clear the room until invited back in.
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  • image EmjayTheHunted:

    Sarah I like your reason for having your mom there, and it's also you that wants her there. 

    It's the pushy people fighting to be there that I don't get. 

    ya,

    I completely understand why my mom wants to be there, and she understand why I do NOT want her there. 

    My MIL on the other hand . . . you'd think DH and I told her she can never see LO at all with all the drama she's made over me not wanting her there. 

    WTF woman, I don't even want my own mom there. 

  • image EmjayTheHunted:

    Sarah I like your reason for having your mom there, and it's also you that wants her there. 

    It's the pushy people fighting to be there that I don't get. 

    ya,

    I completely understand why my mom wants to be there, and she understand why I do NOT want her there. 

    My MIL on the other hand . . . you'd think DH and I told her she can never see LO at all with all the drama she's made over me not wanting her there. 

    WTF woman, I don't even want my own mom there. 

  • No , I agree with you completely, but everyone's different and for some people it is what they need to be surrounded by familiar people to relax etc.

    Not sure tht my family would want to be there for that bit even if I wanted them there!!!!

  • My best friend has asked me to be there.  I have made it very clear that I will be staying at her head and there will be NO pictures or VIDEO (really don't understand why people want to video a birth is beyond me, who the hell is going to want to watch THAT again?) until after she is born.  And she breathed a great sigh of relief and said "good I don't want you down there anyways!"  while giving a chuckle.  I feel honored and terrified all at the same time she asked me.  I would NEVER assume I would be there.  But I am happy she asked and because she wants me there, no matter what, I will be there for her.  Simply because she asked me too :)
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