2nd Trimester

How do we keep the gender a secret from only one person??

Ok back story, my uncle has cerebal palsy. DH and I moved into the house my father inherited from his mother so we could help my uncle out. Cook for him and get the house ready to sell. He's really high functioning and has the mental development of about a 14 year old. 

We are finding out the sex in just a few weeks and my uncle doesn't want to know. We obviously plan on doing the nursery before the baby arrives. Also we wanted to do a gender reveal at Christmas. Do you think its a ridiculous request of his to keep the gender a secret from just him? I mean it is my child and I shouldn't have to keep the baby items I purchase a secret. I shouldn't really have to sneak them into the house I live in. The nursery is right next to his bedroom. He can't really avoid it. Especially at family functions. We just shouldn't talk about the new baby?


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Re: How do we keep the gender a secret from only one person??

  • In the most sensitive way I can think to say this - he might just have to accept he may find out what you are having. I would just let him know you will try, but that you cant promise he wont somehow find out, and let him know what your plans are for revealing. But once people know, I cant imagine they will always think to filter what they are saying around him regarding the sex of your baby.

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  • I think his request is definitely unreasonable.  What the parents decide regarding finding out the sex is their decision - and no one else's.  MH and I don't want to find out.  That means no one finds out, even my mom, who wants to know.  She's got to accept it.  I think the same goes for the reverse - if you and YH want to announce the sex, then everyone gets to find out.  It's ridiculous for one person to demand special treatment, especially someone you live with.  I would gently explain to him that keeping the surprise will be impossible, and it's your decision to find out.
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  • image KERJF:
    In the most sensitive way I can think to say this - he might just have to accept he may find out what you are having. I would just let him know you will try, but that you cant promise he wont somehow find out, and let him know what your plans are for revealing. But once people know, I cant imagine they will always think to filter what they are saying around him regarding the sex of your baby.

    I agree. He may just have to suck it up and know before the baby is born. The only problem with that is I wouldn't hear the end of it. He would talk about it for the following 20 weeks and probably then some.


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  • I don't think it would be that hard to TRY. Maybe you can reveal by giving everyone an envelope with the sex written down, and they can all open their envelopes at the same time. Keep the nursery door closed. I think that is enough of an effort. If he sees a pink/blue blanket you brought home, what can you do? 
  • Not his kid, not his choice.

    If he didn't have CP, would you even be considering this?

     

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  • I say do your best to keep it from him and if he ends up finding out, oh well.

    We're in the same situation with DH's grandpa. We all went out to dinner last night (grandparents, SIL, MIL, Dh and I) and both me and SIL slipped with a "her" or a "she" like, 85 times. Good thing gramps is hard of hearing.

    He doesn't get to see the room and obviously won't be at the shower. But he also lives an hour away, so it's a bit easier overall.

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  • Uh no.  Best I would do is promiseI wouldn't personally tell him.  But that is a tad ridiculous and not his decision.  My grandpa thinks it is silly to find out early but he has dementia and with his health may not even be here when I give birth.  So regardless of if he thinks it is silly or not, I plan on telling him what I am having because if I god forbid lose my grandpa before he meets my child I will at least feel better knowing he at one point knew what I was having even if he had forgotten it (which will happen anyway).
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  • Chances are he will find out anyway.  You could explain this to him and then have a fun way for him to find out.  Maybe you could have a little party and let him cut into the cake to see if there's pink or blue frosting, or have him unwrap it like a present.  Something that would make it special for him.
  • My boss doesn't want to know either. She wants to be "surprised"... it's a thing she has with all the babies born. Everyone else knows, if she finds out, oh well...
  • it's not really his decision, you know?  i mean, if you want to find out, the fun part is then...knowing. and talking about it, and decorating and acquiring things for her/him. 

    i guess i would say that sure, i won't tell you, but maybe let him know that you don't want to have to sneak around for the next 5 months just to appease him.  i don't know what else to say - it's just completely unrealistic on his part.  and a tad selfish.

     

     

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  • You guys have all made me feel way better about it now. I was of the same mindset. My baby, my choice. And you're right KDodge, if he didn't have CP it wouldn't even be an issue. But then again I don't think he would have made that request if he didn't have CP. I won't hide it but I won't outright tell him either. I'll tell him that as well. Thanks ladies.

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  • Most of the time when people try to keep it from one person they end up finding out anyway. To make it easier you could "accidentally"  let it slip.Wink

    If you are willing to try then go for it. I think it's kind of a hassle.

  • I would say don't tell him the sex outright.  But don't make any attempt to hide nursery decorations, clothing, etc.  And if it slips in conversation, so be it. 
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  • Meh. I don't think it's a big deal. I'd let him know that you'll try to keep it a secret, but no guarantees.  If he finds out, he finds out, but I don't see any reason why you wouldn't just not tell him.
    "Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies. God damn it, you've got to be kind." - Kurt Vonnegut
  • In my situation it is my MIL who does not want to know.  She was really mad at us that we wanted to find out and then she wanted us not to tell anyone so that she wouldn't know....well, that wasn't going to happen! I explained that I would not tell her what the sex is and I would let other people know that she doesn't want to know, but that it the most I can do.

    I, as nicely as possible, told her that I would be decorating the babies room and people coming to by shower will know the sex so if she really didn't want to know then it was her decision whether she sees the room, comes to my shower, etc.

    It has been hard and I have almost slipped up, but so far we have kept it quiet for 7 weeks!  I really just wish someone else would slip up so she's know and I could stop having to be so careful around her...I am contemplating telling my 3 year old niece who can't keep anything to herself.....I mean she couldn't get mad at her granddaughter! 

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  • My MIL doesn't want to know either... she just wants to know the name.

    Uhhh? maybe i don't want to give my firstborn a gender neutral  name JUST for her. She had her 4 kids, she got to name them.

    Anyway, hubby and I decided that we want to find out the sex and tell people that. But not tell them the names we are thinking about, because everyone will have something bad to say about some name.

    MIL is just gonna have to deal with it. Since she is already being super disrespectful to me about the pregnancy, hubby and I have no problem with our plan.

  • My dad didn't want to know either and everybody tried to say 'the baby' instead of 'her' and they almost made it.  My mom accidentally spilled the beans in my 3rd trimester.  I imagine it will take even less time for your uncle to find out since you live with him.  We just did the best we could and my dad appreciated us trying and it was fun for him to at least not know for that long.
  • Whenever you are about to announce or bring in items that would tell the difference. Just say close your eyes or leave the room unless you want to find out the gender. It's his responsibility to keep it a secret to himself. You could make it a game. lol
  • my dad didnt want to know, but it was really hard to call the baby an IT when i knew it was a she. this was all easily resolved as i invited him to an ultra-sound where he would have to find out what it was

    i think it'll be impossible to keep it from him, so feel free to do your best but dont feel badly if he finds out

    good luck :-)

  • Originally my FIL didn't want to know either, but after I told him to avoid Facebook, all other family members and don't listen to any pronouns I use when talking about the baby he realized there's just no way for him to not know when everyone else did.  It's pretty unreasonable to expect that he won't know when living in the same house.
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