3rd Trimester

Sorting out Christmas is causing hurt feelings

I am due on Christmas day.  I don't want to travel very far from my hospital should I go into labour.  This is causing some hurt feelings between DH and his Family.  The closest his family lives is about 1.5 hrs away.  I feel that is just too far outside my comfort zone.  I have suggested that they come here but DH says that a two bedroom apartment is not enough space for 4 extra people.  Any suggestions on how to smooth this over and make Christmas work?


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Re: Sorting out Christmas is causing hurt feelings

  • I would tell them to get over it. I am sorry... you are due... might even have your LO by that point. They are being selfish!
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  • You lie to DH's relatives and tell them that your doctor is not comfortable with your traveling so far on your due date.  I'll be 38 weeks pregnant at Christmas, and can't imagine feeling well enough to make that trip.
  • Yes, tell your in laws to get over themsselves! Expecting you to travel 1.5 hours on your EDD is beyond unreasonable. Inviting them to your house when you could go in to labor any minute is MORE than generous, honestly I'd stay local and let them get a hotel if they want to visit you. 
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  • image jeffsbride2010:
    Yes, tell your in laws to get over themsselves! Expecting you to travel 1.5 hours on your EDD is beyond unreasonable. Inviting them to your house when you could go in to labor any minute is MORE than generous, honestly I'd stay local and let them get a hotel if they want to visit you. 

    This.

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  • image AshfieldMay:

    image jeffsbride2010:
    Yes, tell your in laws to get over themsselves! Expecting you to travel 1.5 hours on your EDD is beyond unreasonable. Inviting them to your house when you could go in to labor any minute is MORE than generous, honestly I'd stay local and let them get a hotel if they want to visit you. 

    This.

    Absolutely this.

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  • I am thinking you may actually be looking for a solution or compromise instead of just telling every one to get over it. I have a suggestion. The closest we have ever lived to family my whole life is 1 hour the furthest a few hours. My entire life we have never missed a Christmas with family but we never celebrated on Christmas. My parents thought it was important we be in our own home for xmas so we always traveled to be with my family(my moms parents) either before or after the holiday. They year my brother was born(he was born in December) we took the 2.5 hr trip in November. Grandparents decorated like it was the holiday and we always act as if it is Christmas day. Is this a possibility? To go celebrate a few weeks early and stay home(or maybe go to hospital lol) on Xmas day? Or maybe even have a 2nd xmas a few weeks after LO is born? Infants are super easy to travel with. This year I am being induced just 4 days after xmas(if I dont go earlier) due to health issues and we will not be traveling after the 15th because I dont want to be far from hospital/home. But we are celebrating Xmas with family the 15th. Just a thought. Good luck!
  • I'm a little surprised that they don't understand the part where you're due that day and don't want to be so far away from your doc/hospital.  They've obviously had kids before, so one would think they could remember the part when they were due and what they were up to doing right around the due date.

    As a PP said, what about celebrating early?  Or later?  And I really don't see what the big deal is about coming to your place to celebrate.  A 2br apartment should be plenty big enough for 4 extra people to come over and celebrate with you guys (if you're up to it, of course!).  I mean, you've had friends over before, right?  It's not like they're staying the night.  And if for some reason they are, are they not willing to get a hotel room nearby?  If they are planning on staying longer, they could always get a little bit bigger of a hotel room (like a suite or something) and you could all decorate with a tree (fake or otherwise) and all that...

  • I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

  • image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

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  • They need to get over it! You are due on Christmas Day. You should not be traveling an hour and a half away on your due date. I don't know where you live but here 1.5 hours could turn into 3 depending on the weather.

     We had my entire family over for Christmas last year (7 people) in our 2 bedroom apartment and it was fine. 

     Everyone already knows that we're not going anywhere for Christmas this year and that they are welcome to come to our house. I'm due a week after Christmas and do not feel comfortable traveling 2 hours away. 

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  • Yes they are incredibly selfish and needy.  MIL has recently come out of an abusive relationship.  She depends heavily on me and especially DH to help her with everything from mowing her lawn, to changing the oil in her car to driving her to visit SIL (she has glaucoma and can't drive at night).  Since her husband attacked her, she lives in constant fear and even leaving the house causes her to have panic attacks.

    This is why is isn't so easy to tell them to get over it.  I'm thinking of checking with some friends to borrow their apartment while they are away on vacation so MIL can stay near us without staying with us.  



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  • image jeffsbride2010:
    Yes, tell your in laws to get over themsselves! Expecting you to travel 1.5 hours on your EDD is beyond unreasonable. Inviting them to your house when you could go in to labor any minute is MORE than generous, honestly I'd stay local and let them get a hotel if they want to visit you. 

    I agree! I will even add if they are so rude and selfish to not get why you don't want to travel I would not compromise with them at all...fvck stupid people.

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  • I would tell them that your doctor is not ok with you traveling on your due date and they can either come up Christmas day or you can do Christmas after the baby is born.  We are skipping Christmas this year.  Both out familes live in the same town 2 hrs away and I will be 37 weeks (almost 38 weeks).  Im not comfy driving that far just because I will be very sore in the car ride there.  So right now our family thinks we are coming I will tell them about 2 weeks before hand that my doctor is not ok with the idea and they can either come up here before Christmas or when they come down Jan 10th for Coopers c-section they can do a little Christmas with dh and dd while I sleep with the baby in the hospital. 

  • We live in a 2 bedroom condo and have had people over before...for Thanksgiving we will have my grandparents and parents and we all fit!  I say push for them coming to you, and if they can't, there is always next year.  I'd feel the same way..def. would not want to be far just in case.  Good luck!
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  • i'm due the 22nd i refuse to go anywhere more then an hour starting at 36 weeks. the last thing i want to be is away from the comfort of my home or birthing center when i go into labor. 
  • They need to get over it. I am generally very sensitive about things like this but you should not be more than 30 minutes from your hospital. How about offering to do Christmas at their house the weekend before? Or even better, having them to your home? They can leave at the end of the night. I have hosted my IL's for dinner, 7 of us in 700 square feet and it was fine.

    I don't think 3 hours is too much to drive in one day, to be honest. 

  • I think you should plan a delayed Christmas. We have lots of split family, between DH and I, and the holidays are always a two-week affair for us. We have to work around everyone's schedule and my son's visits to his dad's. Point is, you don't have to do Christmas with all of the family on Christmas!

    If MIL doesn't want to travel (or can't - if she can't drive), I would tell her you're so sorry, but you simply can't be that far away that far along in your pregnancy. If she can't make arrangements to be there (is she not coming for the birth, anyway?), then you'll have to plan something in about a month after baby's arrival. That will give you guys some time to recover and let her know it's just an inconvenient time for you to travel. And if that seems too late, maybe she can make arrangements to come sooner - if you're okay with that.

    Either way, provide an alternative that will work for you and DH and LO. Then, she can't get too upset, and she then has the opportunity to do something on her part if she so chooses. It doesn't sound like you have a bad relationship with her... Maybe her staying nearby around your due date would give her something to keep her mind occupied, and offer you up some much-needed help - cleaning, cooking, etc.? Just another thought!

  • Could you play it by ear and if you are feeling well enough could you meet somewhere in the middle for dinner?  Then you would only have to drive 45 minutes which isn't very far.  My commute is an hour to an hour and a half each day so I guess it doesn't seem that far to me especially since it is Christmas after all.  Otherwise, I would just plan on getting together a few weeks before Christmas.
  • We are facing a similar situation, only for Thanksgiving - which also happens to be FIL's birthday.  I refuse to drive the hour plus to their house if I am overdue or with a super new born (also, they smoke and I hate it there).  We hosted last year, and I will not do that to myself so close to my due date.  My parents live one mile from the hospital and will be hosting.  I told my ILs that they were welcome to come.  They can *** all they want - either drive or don't see us.


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  • image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

     

    No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?

     

  • image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

     

    No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?

    eta: I was meaning that DH's family could put themselves out for once and visit OP

  • image Britty685:
    image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

     

    No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?

    eta: I was meaning that DH's family could put themselves out for once and visit OP

    If you can't see how you bragging about travelling 6 hours with a newborn on a non holiday weekend was completely irrelevant to the conversation, I can't help you.

     

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  • My doctor actually told me not to leave a 50 mile range of the hospital after 36 weeks. I would just say that your doctor isn't ok with you going that far away that close...
  • Have a lovely little Christmas at home Wink
  • I'd go! I was never convinced that just because its my due date that means lo is going to come out on that day. If you start not feeling right you could always tell dh that its time to leave. You shouldn't miss family christmas just because of your due date, but thats just me!



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  • I'm with other PP's.  WHY is this an issue with your family?  You could possibly have a freakin' baby on Christmas Day, and they expect you to travel?  Absolutely not.  For this year, they need to cut you some slack...Christmas happens every year and it's a special time, but you having a baby isn't just another Holiday to "sort out."

    Sorry, but I'm pissed just thinking about this!

    Stephanie Hsu
  • image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:
    image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

     

    No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?

    eta: I was meaning that DH's family could put themselves out for once and visit OP

    If you can't see how you bragging about travelling 6 hours with a newborn on a non holiday weekend was completely irrelevant to the conversation, I can't help you.

     

    Im not bragging, we did this before I was pregnant as well. We're going on Thanksgiving weekend. I am not in ANY way bragging. I again, am saying that it is possible that OP's DH's family can drive 3 hours to keep OP from having to drive far away from home, as I said in my reply.

    Why are you being so argumentative? Please take time to read my post. It isn't me bragging or an attack on anyone. Sorry if you're taking offense to my posts.

    For the record, my previous and current posts are anit- OP driving far from home on her due date, and PRO OP's DH family visiting them instead.

    does that make it clearer for you to understand? I was merely stating that ALL of my family lives out of town, we drive to see them multiple times a year. It is possible for DH's family to visit OP and husband without spending the night. An hour and a half is not a long way for someone that isn't pregnant to drive. Luckily it isn't your predicament, or mine. OP can do what she wants she was asking our opinion.

  • Why on earth is a two bedroom apt too small for six people to celebrate Christmas dinner? Not only should they be willing to drive your way this one year, but they should be bringing the food. Tell your DH to stop being obstructive to you and overly accommodating to his family. If you drove all the way over there and went into labor, he would be out of his mind driving back and that's all you need.
  • image lindsey913:
    image AshfieldMay:

    image jeffsbride2010:
    Yes, tell your in laws to get over themsselves! Expecting you to travel 1.5 hours on your EDD is beyond unreasonable. Inviting them to your house when you could go in to labor any minute is MORE than generous, honestly I'd stay local and let them get a hotel if they want to visit you. 

    This.

    Absolutely this.

    Yep.
  • image Britty685:
    image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:
    image kdodge423:
    image Britty685:

    I will be driving 6hrs round trip, to visit my family next weekend. I will not be spending the night. You can certainly accomodate 4 extra people for a few hours. If they're looking to spend the night in your town, do some research and find some reasonably priced hotels that they might be able to stay at.

    HTH!

    How the hell would that be any help? You aren't due Christmas day genius. Completely different situation- you already had your baby.

    No one should have to put up with house guests if they don't want to, and certianly not when there is the potential that there may be a hospital trip involved that day. They need to get the fvck over themselves. If they want to come, they can get a hotel room to stay in.

     

     

    No need to be rude. I was meaning that OP could have DH's husbands family over on Christmas if thats what he wanted to do. She didn't have to put them up for the night or drive 1.5hrs away from her hospital close to her due date. See where it said they couldnt accomodate 4 extra people? See where she gave DH that option?

    eta: I was meaning that DH's family could put themselves out for once and visit OP

    If you can't see how you bragging about travelling 6 hours with a newborn on a non holiday weekend was completely irrelevant to the conversation, I can't help you.

     

    Im not bragging, we did this before I was pregnant as well. We're going on Thanksgiving weekend. I am not in ANY way bragging. I again, am saying that it is possible that OP's DH's family can drive 3 hours to keep OP from having to drive far away from home, as I said in my reply.

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