Breastfeeding

Taking my mom's advice?

My mom bfed my brother and me. So obviously she knows what she is doing. Except....she doesn't. She said that I "bit" her, so she stopped bfing me. She also said that I STTN as soon as I got home from the hospital. When I told her that newborns need to be fed every 3 hours at night, she said, "You do not wake a sleeping baby. When you can get 6 hours of sleep a night, take it." She also criticized my friend (not to her face, just behind her back to me) for bfing her children based on hunger cues and not just crying. She also said that you need to eat a lot of custard to help your milk come in. She's a big believer in all old wives' tales. She keeps telling me all of the things that my cousin who just had a baby is doing wrong...when according to current breastfeeding guidelines, she's doing things right. e.g. Nursing 9-12 times a day for the first 2 months. My mom's response, "If you do that, your breasts will be down to your knees. Do you want to feel like all you do is nurse?" 

Anyways, if she comes to help when we get home from the hospital, what bf advice do I take from her? Advice on latching? How do I ignore her ridiculous comments, like "You're feeding the baby too often"? Should we just not discuss bfing? Should she postpone her visit until I feel comfortable bfing and that way her crazy views can't influence me?  I don't mean to degrade my mother. I love her very much and we are very close, but she really is nuts and drives me batty with all of her theories and misconceptions. 

Re: Taking my mom's advice?

  • Well I would try to ignore her comments and say things like 'there is new research that they didn't do then' "Mom, her tummy is no bigger than a marble! she needs to eat every hour!" She may not want to be told she was wrong, which at the time it was the norm, so just try to be kind and no don't take any advice without a grain of salt!  If you really believe she will inhibit your breastfeeding I would say wait a week or so until you have a good latch and routine(ish).

    image

    Little Rose is 2 1/2.
  • image rosiemomma:
    Well I would try to ignore her comments and say things like 'there is new research that they didn't do then' "Mom, her tummy is no bigger than a marble! she needs to eat every hour!" She may not want to be told she was wrong, which at the time it was the norm, so just try to be kind and no don't take any advice without a grain of salt!  If you really believe she will inhibit your breastfeeding I would say wait a week or so until you have a good latch and routine(ish).

    Thanks for your advice!

    Are there any areas where you think she could provide advice? 

  • you could ask her to cook and clean, all new mommas need that for the first few weeks!! and of course diapers!!!haha

    image

    Little Rose is 2 1/2.
  • I wouldn't take any advice at all from her on breastfeeding, and possibly hand her a book on current breastfeeding practices and research the second she pipes up with criticism.  You might also not want her around for the first couple of weeks while you're still getting things figured out for yourself if you think she's going to offer "helpful" comments anyway.  Those first weeks were so challenging and exhausting with my first, and I know the slightest criticism would have sent me over the edge while I was still learning how to breastfeed.
  • image NSL:
    I wouldn't take any advice at all from her on breastfeeding, and possibly hand her a book on current breastfeeding practices and research the second she pipes up with criticism.  You might also not want her around for the first couple of weeks while you're still getting things figured out for yourself if you think she's going to offer "helpful" comments anyway.  Those first weeks were so challenging and exhausting with my first, and I know the slightest criticism would have sent me over the edge while I was still learning how to breastfeed.

    See this is what I'm worried about!!! 

  • It's funny because I had the opposite fears.  I was worried because my Mom is a LC, a doula and an LLL leader.  She knows her stuff, and not just about BF but all things baby. I strongly considered not letting her come for a few weeks so that I could learn and figure things out for myself. 

    I was worried that being a new Mom, that I wouldn't do things right, or I'd get frustrated, and she'd judge me.  Ultimately, I decided to let her come down to stay after DS was born (she lives in Canada and had to book a flight to FL the night we went in to the hospital.)

    You know what?  Having her there was awesome.  She cooked great meals, she would hold and cuddle DS at 3am so we could sleep, and lastly, she gave advice when ASKED. 

    If I were you I'd have your research ready in hand and the first time she says anything that you know is wrong, hand it to her. Tell her you appreciate her help in all other areas BESIDES BF.  Things have changed since our mothers BF us.

    Lastly, just a hint, keep a log of BFing and your babies diapers. I felt stupid at first but it helped us. I couldn't always remember when he ate last (we fed him on demand OR every 2 hours, whichever came first) and I also couldn't remember which side he ate off last. Keeping track of the diapers made me content in knowing he was getting enough.  That new mom sleep deprived brain has more to think/remember than this stuff so writing it down helped. 

    Good luck. Your mom may surprize you like mine did. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • my vote is to postpone her visit or to tell her that you have done your research and you are planning on nursing according to the current guidelines put out by the AAP
  • I would wait to let your mom comeover. The PP experience with their LC mom is what I would expect. LC and doulas know better not to interfere and will only advice when asked. Plus they know current/recommended practices. But with your mom, I would ask her to comeover a couple of weeks later.
  • I don't know about the masses but I can't remember needed my mom more than when we came home from the hospital. 

    My Mom BFed my brother and I and it was rare incredibly rare then for her to do so.  She was VERY pro BFing to the point that I was nervous about disappointing her if I failed.

    My mom had zero advice - not that I asked for it.  Once LO was here she realized how incredibly different things were.  She was still a huge help just being another set of hands around the house (I was on bed rest 2 weeks post part)

    If possible have your mom attend a class with you.  Or see if she'll be around when the nurses show you how to BF.

  • I would just not talk about it.  Explain that you're following the advice of your pediatrician and LC ONLY so you're not bombarded with conflicting information.  They are the most up to date on what is best for your baby and recommendations change yearly.  If you think it will affect you, tell her you don't want visitors until you're well established BFing so you don't have issues later.  (I recommend this anyway.  I also recommend listening to the LC over the pedi if they give conflicting advice.)
  • But if your mom tells you to eat custard, who are you to argue???  :-)
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