Babies: 0 - 3 Months

Issues with mom, WWYD? (long)

Some of you may remember I had issues with my mom back in late July. She lives 14hrs away, and was insisting she would stay in-house with us for 5 days right after the baby arrived, when DH would be on his very short paternity leave. I asked her to either stay in a hotel and visit if she came immediately after birth, or wait 1wk until DH returned to work when I could really use the help, and I asked her to just confirm which she would do. She basically threw a tantrum about how I was excluding her; and never responded. Instead of coming to my baby shower that month, she drove up here, left gifts with my brother to deliver, then returned home without a word to DH and I. When I gave birth, my dad called her with updates about when I went in and then when I delivered; no response from her. 3 days after I gave birth, she and stepfather unfriended me on FB, and her husband posted on his account how I had excluded her from the shower and the birth; that other people were at the hospital to meet DS and they weren't allowed (?!?) and it was so hurtful. Haven't heard a word since. She's never asked about how my delivery went, how the first few weeks went, getting back to work, etc. Today she emailed that she doesn't understand the silence, but she'll be in the area Dec 3-5 and would like to 'finally meet her grandson' and would like a reply soon.

I honestly cringe at the idea of meeting with her when she doesn't have any understanding of how hurtful she's been to us, and the tone of her email suggests she is still completely focused on how she's the victim here. She's had a history of creating family drama my whole life, and this time I'm simply at the center of it with my child as the emotional bait. And DH is furious, but supports me whatever I decide. Would you do the meeting? And if yes, under what terms?

~Mary & Mike~
August 18, 2007

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Re: Issues with mom, WWYD? (long)

  • She needs to grow the fvck up IMO! I would do a meeting, it is her grandchild after all... but I'd do it over dinner at a quiet restaurant, so at the end of the meal everyone goes their separate ways. I think after all that drama, I'd want to show her things can't always be done on her time.

  • I agree about doing it in a restaurant.  That way she has to be half way civil about things and either of you can leave with no fuss if things are that bad.  And just explain to her your feelings on the matter, that you would love to have her in your son's life, but if she can't be respectful to you and your family, that she needs to stay away until she can be nice.
  • I am going through a very similar situation dear, so first of all **HUGS** to you cause I know how it feels.

    I agree with the ladies above, for having the meeting at a restaurant like place. 

    I don't know about you, but I am tired of the drama/b.s. that my mother creates. I am also a bit dissapointed in myself that it's taken 30 years to realize she is never going to change. I hope with all sincerity that the relationship with yours can mend, unlike mine. GL sweetheart!


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