Unfortunately you already look ungrateful by telling them how many gifts they can get.
Gifts are gifts and you should not tell people how many they can get your kids.
This works in theory. Unfortunately, I also had to institute a two gift rule for Christmas because my mother insists on giving every thing that exists, and that's barely an exaggeration. She refuses to be outdone so she makes sure she gives more than anyone would ever dream of giving. Unfortunately, it's also usually a bunch of useless stuff that just takes up space until we decide we can part with it without causing a stink.
Your child can still receive presents and be respectful of the holidays. It's up to you to teach her that. Limiting presents for a baby or a young child does not teach them about the meaning of Christmas. Good parenting does.
And like the PP's have stated, it is techinically rude to tell people that they can only buy two presents for your child, because you are assuming that they were going to buy them a present in the first place. It's kind of like putting "Please no presents" on your wedding or birthday party invite - your heart is in the right place, but techinically it is poor etiquette to assume that the receipient was going to give you a gift.
ETA: I also see nothing wrong with bringing excess presents to Goodwill. I think that is a great lesson to teach a kid.
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Gawd some of you guys sound more than a little sanctimonious with your "how dare you ruin the miracle of family giving with your attitude towards gifts". How hypocritical of you. Also, the comment on how annoying it is when people work in food kitchens on Thanksgiving but not the rest of the year - really? Do you really think homeless people begrudge their thanksgiving meal because the workers aren't out there the other 364 days of the year? pff
The OP never said she only feels this way about excessive gift giving on Christmas and that she doesn't teach humility the rest of the year. Nice work turning her into a total harpy based on one comment.
OP - I don't think there is anything wrong with not wanting your kids to get a million presents on Christmas or any other time. In fact, we had a conversation with my MIL recently about excessive gift giving and asked her to tone it down because we were getting way too much stuff. However, it sounds like it's not just one person who's doing it but more of the whole family's tradition. In that case I think it's a good opportunity to teach your kid to be respectful of other people's traditions, even if you don't share their values (or however you want to put that). I really liked Char's idea on donating the gifts later.
You don't have to justify what you do with the gifts once you recieve them, they are yours. You can just do an annual purge of the kid's toys and donate whichever ones you don't use or need, and it's nobody's business where the original toy came from.
Eh, I sorta agree with the OP. I wouldn't say anything, but I am going to try really hard to not go over the top with gift giving. I remember visiting my mother's house on Christmas, and the entire huge living room was filled.. I mean, FILLED with gifts for my two brothers (ah, the days of using your house as an ATM). You couldn't sit on the couch because 1) you couldn't get to it and 2) it was also covered. I wish I had pictures to show the ridiculousness.
Now, my issue is that these kids were so overwhelmed that they didn't really care about thanking people or even acknowledging a gift. I remember that DH and I bought one of my brothers a really pricey Lego set - one of the $100+ castles - for Christmas. It was opened, glanced at, and tossed back under the tree because he had (literally) 60 more gifts to open. Regardless of being appreciative of things during the year, I think 60+ gifts per kid is just stupid.
Why not just get a few really nice or thoughtful gifts? I don't get it.
I didn't realize it would be so offensive? I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many. With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all? The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off. I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'. Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess.
Hi. I'm not JW but my husband's family is. They actually don't celebrate the holiday, or any holidays really. My husband never grew up with Christmas, but my familly always has. He now spends Christmas with my family and absolutely LOVES it. Our DS will celebrate Christmas, and my DH has never expressed concern over the amount of gifts he will receive, and he knows we are really big on gift giving in my family.
I'm not sure if you are saying you are a JW, but being a JW isn't what is annoying, it is the fact that you are telling family that they are limited to 2 gifts, and their is nothing JW about that. If you are going to allow your child to be part of the festivities, you should allow them to receive any and all presents their family would like to give them. What is the point of saying you can only get two... it should be we don't celebrate or we do, not we half do so you only get x amount of gifts and the rest of your cousins get more, you know what I mean? I asked my husband if he felt left out because he didn't celebrate xmas as a kid, he said no. I just asked him how would he feel if he was allowed to celebrate, but he was only limited to two gifts from family, but the rest of his cousins could have more... he said he would be upset and feel like t wasn't fair. I agree!
Eh, I sorta agree with the OP. I wouldn't say anything, but I am going to try really hard to not go over the top with gift giving. I remember visiting my mother's house on Christmas, and the entire huge living room was filled.. I mean, FILLED with gifts for my two brothers (ah, the days of using your house as an ATM). You couldn't sit on the couch because 1) you couldn't get to it and 2) it was also covered. I wish I had pictures to show the ridiculousness.
Now, my issue is that these kids were so overwhelmed that they didn't really care about thanking people or even acknowledging a gift. I remember that DH and I bought one of my brothers a really pricey Lego set - one of the $100+ castles - for Christmas. It was opened, glanced at, and tossed back under the tree because he had (literally) 60 more gifts to open. Regardless of being appreciative of things during the year, I think 60+ gifts per kid is just stupid.
Why not just get a few really nice or thoughtful gifts? I don't get it.
I agree with that. I just think its rude to tell people " you are only allowed to give my child 2 gifts." I wouldn't have had a problem with it if the OP had instead talked to the grandparents and said that they are trying to not go overboard with christmas and leave it at that. But to flat out tell someone they are only "allowed" to buy 2 gifts? Thats rude.
Now, my issue is that these kids were so overwhelmed that they didn't really care about thanking people or even acknowledging a gift.
Why not just get a few really nice or thoughtful gifts? I don't get it.
This is exactly what I'm pointing at. Unfortunately, I had to attend a baptism this afternoon so I couldn't get back to respond to this post, which apparently has gone up in flames. I'd like to comb through and verify a few points.
Thank you all for the wonderful responses. There were quite a few ideas that I'm going to adopt into our plan such as going through toys and donating at the end of the year and fully explaining why I feel this way to my in-laws. For those of you who do not have families to shower your children with gifts each year, I'm sorry, I hope your Christmas' are fantastic even without. To clarify my Witness question; my boss is a JW and I find it fascinating, the tact with which he enables to dodge the holidays without offending anyone. Isn't Christmas about respecting each other's traditions and beliefs without calling them rude, annoying, ungrateful etc?
I also agree that my nieces and nephews may be missing the point merely because they weren't taught it. Like I said Christmas was not celebrated in my home with large amounts of gift giving, so this is all very new to me. For us it was one or two homemade items exchanged amongst the immediate family and that was it for gifts. We also didn't live anywhere close to Aunts and Uncles so I can see where the social pressure of 'well, my cousins got this' could have been lifted off of my own parents.
I LOVE the Thank You card idea, and I think we may adopt this as it was something both my husband AND I had to do growing up. I tend to think that his family purchases in excess now because they couldn't growing up. DH is one of five, and Christmas' in his household were meek on gifts but full of love, happiness and being together. I do apologize if 'people like me' who want the before stated values to take precedence in Christmas ruin your season.
As a final thought I think I am going to utilize the 'please don't go overboard' approach. Once the gifts are given it really is our choice on where they go. I just thought that it would be more appropriate to have the siblings not purchase than purchase for donation. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about holiday cheer and spending time together, but the obligation of gifts just makes the whole season more stressful. Once again, thank you for the fantastic feedback, I look forward to discussing all of your viewpoints with my husband when he contacts us again. : )
I'm really surprised by the vitrol of this thread. OP, I'm right there with you. I can't stand all the over-the-top gift buying during the holidays. Luckily my whole family got sick of it and we cut back years ago. If everyone's not on the same page, though, there's not a lot you can do.
ITA. OP, I think the criticism of you is way out of line, and I respect the thoughts behind your actions. I'm not sure if I'd ask my family to limit gifts, but I'd expect them to respect my request if I did.
Re: A Christmas Ethics Question
This works in theory. Unfortunately, I also had to institute a two gift rule for Christmas because my mother insists on giving every thing that exists, and that's barely an exaggeration. She refuses to be outdone so she makes sure she gives more than anyone would ever dream of giving. Unfortunately, it's also usually a bunch of useless stuff that just takes up space until we decide we can part with it without causing a stink.
Your child can still receive presents and be respectful of the holidays. It's up to you to teach her that. Limiting presents for a baby or a young child does not teach them about the meaning of Christmas. Good parenting does.
And like the PP's have stated, it is techinically rude to tell people that they can only buy two presents for your child, because you are assuming that they were going to buy them a present in the first place. It's kind of like putting "Please no presents" on your wedding or birthday party invite - your heart is in the right place, but techinically it is poor etiquette to assume that the receipient was going to give you a gift.
ETA: I also see nothing wrong with bringing excess presents to Goodwill. I think that is a great lesson to teach a kid.
Sassy, I like you even more. I totally agree!
Now, my issue is that these kids were so overwhelmed that they didn't really care about thanking people or even acknowledging a gift. I remember that DH and I bought one of my brothers a really pricey Lego set - one of the $100+ castles - for Christmas. It was opened, glanced at, and tossed back under the tree because he had (literally) 60 more gifts to open. Regardless of being appreciative of things during the year, I think 60+ gifts per kid is just stupid.
Why not just get a few really nice or thoughtful gifts? I don't get it.
Hi. I'm not JW but my husband's family is. They actually don't celebrate the holiday, or any holidays really. My husband never grew up with Christmas, but my familly always has. He now spends Christmas with my family and absolutely LOVES it. Our DS will celebrate Christmas, and my DH has never expressed concern over the amount of gifts he will receive, and he knows we are really big on gift giving in my family.
I'm not sure if you are saying you are a JW, but being a JW isn't what is annoying, it is the fact that you are telling family that they are limited to 2 gifts, and their is nothing JW about that. If you are going to allow your child to be part of the festivities, you should allow them to receive any and all presents their family would like to give them. What is the point of saying you can only get two... it should be we don't celebrate or we do, not we half do so you only get x amount of gifts and the rest of your cousins get more, you know what I mean? I asked my husband if he felt left out because he didn't celebrate xmas as a kid, he said no. I just asked him how would he feel if he was allowed to celebrate, but he was only limited to two gifts from family, but the rest of his cousins could have more... he said he would be upset and feel like t wasn't fair. I agree!
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I agree with that. I just think its rude to tell people " you are only allowed to give my child 2 gifts." I wouldn't have had a problem with it if the OP had instead talked to the grandparents and said that they are trying to not go overboard with christmas and leave it at that. But to flat out tell someone they are only "allowed" to buy 2 gifts? Thats rude.
This is exactly what I'm pointing at. Unfortunately, I had to attend a baptism this afternoon so I couldn't get back to respond to this post, which apparently has gone up in flames. I'd like to comb through and verify a few points.
Thank you all for the wonderful responses. There were quite a few ideas that I'm going to adopt into our plan such as going through toys and donating at the end of the year and fully explaining why I feel this way to my in-laws. For those of you who do not have families to shower your children with gifts each year, I'm sorry, I hope your Christmas' are fantastic even without. To clarify my Witness question; my boss is a JW and I find it fascinating, the tact with which he enables to dodge the holidays without offending anyone. Isn't Christmas about respecting each other's traditions and beliefs without calling them rude, annoying, ungrateful etc?
I also agree that my nieces and nephews may be missing the point merely because they weren't taught it. Like I said Christmas was not celebrated in my home with large amounts of gift giving, so this is all very new to me. For us it was one or two homemade items exchanged amongst the immediate family and that was it for gifts. We also didn't live anywhere close to Aunts and Uncles so I can see where the social pressure of 'well, my cousins got this' could have been lifted off of my own parents.
I LOVE the Thank You card idea, and I think we may adopt this as it was something both my husband AND I had to do growing up. I tend to think that his family purchases in excess now because they couldn't growing up. DH is one of five, and Christmas' in his household were meek on gifts but full of love, happiness and being together. I do apologize if 'people like me' who want the before stated values to take precedence in Christmas ruin your season.
As a final thought I think I am going to utilize the 'please don't go overboard' approach. Once the gifts are given it really is our choice on where they go. I just thought that it would be more appropriate to have the siblings not purchase than purchase for donation. Don't get me wrong, I'm all about holiday cheer and spending time together, but the obligation of gifts just makes the whole season more stressful. Once again, thank you for the fantastic feedback, I look forward to discussing all of your viewpoints with my husband when he contacts us again. : )
ITA. OP, I think the criticism of you is way out of line, and I respect the thoughts behind your actions. I'm not sure if I'd ask my family to limit gifts, but I'd expect them to respect my request if I did.