Babies: 6 - 9 Months

A Christmas Ethics Question

Alright, so DD is #5 out of 6 of my inlaws' grandchildren.  Each year we gather around a living room full of presents here the kids go insane and don't seem to appreciate much less remember half of what they got that morning.  When DH and I got married we agreed when we had children we would limit all the aunts and uncles to two presents from each family (one from them and one from the cousins).  She has 7, so that's more than plenty in my mind.  My SIL has become upset by our rule because she believe it will not be fair to DD to watch all the other children open up a bunch of presents while she has one per person.  

 A) I want my daughter to grow up appreciating what she receives and I haven't limited birthdays, or if they feel like gifting throughout the year, so I am I wrong by limiting Christmas?

B) I know some of my siblings will neglect what we'd like and get Rohan multiple presents anyways.  What do we do with the others in order to not seem ungrateful?

 TIA 

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Re: A Christmas Ethics Question

  • Unfortunately you already look ungrateful by telling them how many gifts they can get.

    Gifts are gifts and you should not tell people how many they can get your kids.  

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  • I don't really think you can tell people how many gifts to get your DD, but what you can do is keep the number of gifts that you think is fair, and then donate the rest to a toy drive.

  • Just let your family give your kid the gifts.  You really will end up treating your child unfairly in the future, because she will watch all of her cousins get way more gifts.
  • image yankeebaby2:

    Unfortunately you already look ungrateful by telling them how many gifts they can get.

    Gifts are gifts and you should not tell people how many they can get your kids.  

    this. leave it alone.

    aidan kincaid (12.19.06) sawyer grace (7.30.08) 
    reese madeline (5.11.10) miller paige (2.6.12)
    girl #5 due december 2013.



    13 galveston1



    IG: punkfictionv4

  • My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.
  • you are annoying. this is not ethical. youre rude. its rude to tell people how many gifts your kid can get if they want to buy them for him. grow some balls and be a mom every OTHER day of the year and teach him appreciation. then, on xmas, he will understand.
    aidan kincaid (12.19.06) sawyer grace (7.30.08) 
    reese madeline (5.11.10) miller paige (2.6.12)
    girl #5 due december 2013.



    13 galveston1



    IG: punkfictionv4

  • image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    Receiving gifts and appreciating the meaning of Christmas are not mutually exclusive.  Stress the meaning of Christmas to her.

    But seriously.  Drop it with your family.  You are being really rude.

  • image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    why not just reenact  the Christmas Carol instead of opening gifts then?

    image
  • image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    If you don't like the way they celebrate Christmas with the copious gift giving, then don't go. If you do go, don't expect to limit the # of gifts they do get your DD. You can instill in your DD the true meaning of Christmas regardless of what gifts she receives, and in what number. Like I mentioned before, have her donate the majority of her gifts to those who are less fortunate if you are wanting to stress that spirit of Christmas is more than receiving gifts, but it is also helping those in need.

  • or the nativity :)
    aidan kincaid (12.19.06) sawyer grace (7.30.08) 
    reese madeline (5.11.10) miller paige (2.6.12)
    girl #5 due december 2013.



    13 galveston1



    IG: punkfictionv4

  • image yankeebaby2:

    Unfortunately you already look ungrateful by telling them how many gifts they can get.

    Gifts are gifts and you should not tell people how many they can get your kids.  

    This. Trust me, I get not wanting DD to get a ton of stuff. We have the same problem. But its really rude to tell people they can't get your child gifts (or to limit)

  • yeah, i'm with everyone else. teach our lo what christmas is really about, but don't tell people how many gifts they can get for your child. it's a GIFT. appreciate it. you should be glad you have family that cares about your child and spoils them!

    it's all about how you raise your child, and if you raise them to appreciate what they have, they will. i got tons of presents when i was little and i can tell you what i got almost every year to this day.... and i know what christmas is about!

  • I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 
  • image lilwyhunter33:
    I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 

    Why would it be rude to take the toy to a toy drive?

  • Oh.My.God.  There is nothing wrong with your family giving your child gifts.  If you think the meaning of Christmas is giving, then how will anyone ever give if someone else cannot receive?  It is about BOTH.
  • lmao i realllllly hate people like you around the holidays.
    aidan kincaid (12.19.06) sawyer grace (7.30.08) 
    reese madeline (5.11.10) miller paige (2.6.12)
    girl #5 due december 2013.



    13 galveston1



    IG: punkfictionv4

  • let it be.  you can still instill your values and the importance of christmas even with all the crazy gift giving going on.  you are very lucky.
  • image misscharlotte04:

    image lilwyhunter33:
    I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 

    Why would it be rude to take the toy to a toy drive?

    bc people dont usually like buying presents, thinking about their niece, and then to find out "oh. no. i gave that away before they even played with it since i dont want my child to think xmas is about plastic and noises. i, of course, dont want to teach her that every other day of the year. just on xmas"

    aidan kincaid (12.19.06) sawyer grace (7.30.08) 
    reese madeline (5.11.10) miller paige (2.6.12)
    girl #5 due december 2013.



    13 galveston1



    IG: punkfictionv4

  • image lilwyhunter33:
    I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 

    were you this sanctimonious before you got PG or after you had tiny tim? 

    image
  • image punkfiction_v.3:
    lmao i realllllly hate people like you around the holidays.

    me too.  the kind of people who don't even give the homeless a dollar any other day but volunteer at the soup kitchen on Thanksgiving day. 

    image
  • At this age, I wouldn't think that it really matters, and would just allow people to buy what they want to.  When your baby is older, and understands a little bit more, try this to reinforce appreciation:

    After the gifts are open, explain that he/she will get the presents after a thanks you card is written for each one.  A coworker at work didthis with her children, and even as college students they still refrain from enjoying their gifts too much before writing a thanks you.

    image pregnancy calendar Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • OP: I have a three year old (he turns 4 twelve days after Christmas) and he is showered with gifts every year. We have a rule though, only one person opens a gift at a time so everyone can appreciate everyone else's gifts. It takes a long time, but everyone feels special.

    He knows the religious reason behind Christmas (DH is religious, I'm agnostic, but I still respect the "reason for the season").

    Your nieces and nephews sound like they are victims of crappy parenting.

     

    This is a test. This is only a test.
  • I really think you should let it go and the take a step back and appreciate the fact that you have so many people that care about your kid. 

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  • image punkfiction_v.3:
    image misscharlotte04:

    image lilwyhunter33:
    I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 

    Why would it be rude to take the toy to a toy drive?

    bc people dont usually like buying presents, thinking about their niece, and then to find out "oh. no. i gave that away before they even played with it since i dont want my child to think xmas is about plastic and noises. i, of course, dont want to teach her that every other day of the year. just on xmas"

    I guess I'm a sneaky b then, cause I would just donate and not tell them. Kind of like, if the toy wasn't something LO wanted/needed, I would exchange it for something else and not tell them...or regift. I figure it would be better than arguing over how many gifts they could get LO.

  • image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    I understand where you are coming from.  Let everyone get her gifts when they would like.  If the actual gift is something you find bothersome, deal with it then (e.g. a gun or something).  But, let them shower her with presents.  As her parents, you can teach her that Christmas is Jesus's birthday, and she gets gifts from everyone in celebration of that.  Maybe you can help her make Jesus a birthday gift or something, when she is old enough to understand.  Your neices and nephews lack of awareness about what Christmas is is not due to the # of gifts they receive.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • image HotSauceonaStick:

    OP: I have a three year old (he turns 4 twelve days after Christmas) and he is showered with gifts every year. We have a rule though, only one person opens a gift at a time so everyone can appreciate everyone else's gifts. It takes a long time, but everyone feels special.

    He knows the religious reason behind Christmas (DH is religious, I'm agnostic, but I still respect the "reason for the season").

    Your nieces and nephews sound like they are victims of crappy parenting.

     

    we do this. we've done it since i was little with both sides of the family.

    i'm really not understanding how presents take away from the meaning of christmas. i'm southern baptist, so i get the whole reason for the season. we do a christmas musical/play every year, but presents aren't shunned.

    and yes, i'm thinking it's bad parenting for your nieces and nephew. maybe just try to get them to the do the one at a time thing.

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  • image akl0506:

    image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    I understand where you are coming from.  Let everyone get her gifts when they would like.  If the actual gift is something you find bothersome, deal with it then (e.g. a gun or something).  But, let them shower her with presents.  As her parents, you can teach her that Christmas is Jesus's birthday, and she gets gifts from everyone in celebration of that.  Maybe you can help her make Jesus a birthday gift or something, when she is old enough to understand.  Your neices and nephews lack of awareness about what Christmas is is not due to the # of gifts they receive.

    Do you guys sing Happy Birthday to Jesus? My mom used to make us and I was always really embarrassed.  Especially since Jesus' birthday is actually in March and it as changed as a PR move.

     

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  • image lilwyhunter33:
    I didn't realize it would be so offensive?  I thought it would be ruder to take the gifts to a toy drive or something of the sort if there were too many.  With this much opposition to the idea of limiting Christmas I'm curious if there are any Jehovah Witness' or other religions on the boards who could share with me on how they handle not doing Christmas at all?  The whole commercialization of all the holidays has really disappointed me over the las few years, especially now that mommy hood has taken off.  I also didn't realize that my beliefs would be found 'annoying'.  Thank you for your input though, I will take it to heart (and to my husband) and maybe we will reassess. 

    If there are any Jehovah Witness' on the board most likely their families are also JW and don't celebrate either. JW's would even GO to a family holiday celebration.

    Seriously, you're being rediculous. Your neices and nephews don't appreciate their gifts on Christmas because their PARENTS haven't taught them to appreciate things during the rest of the years. Do you really think this behavior only crops up at Christmas? Doubtful, they're probably spoiled in many ways throughout the year. If you teach your child to appreciate things throughout the year the presents at Christmas will be no issue.

    Mimi to May Babies: William Gabriel Martin '07, Morgan Ana Terese '10
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  • image yankeebaby2:
    image akl0506:

    image lilwyhunter33:
    My thought process behind it is to focus on Christmas without the gifts.  My nieces and nephews couldn't even tell you the point of Christmas, and I grew up without the whole gift giving craziness, and I don't feel like I was unjustly raised because of it.  I want Rohan's Christmas focus to be on family, being together, and helping those in need, especially since we're blessed enough to have Daddy home from deployment for Christmas.

    I understand where you are coming from.  Let everyone get her gifts when they would like.  If the actual gift is something you find bothersome, deal with it then (e.g. a gun or something).  But, let them shower her with presents.  As her parents, you can teach her that Christmas is Jesus's birthday, and she gets gifts from everyone in celebration of that.  Maybe you can help her make Jesus a birthday gift or something, when she is old enough to understand.  Your neices and nephews lack of awareness about what Christmas is is not due to the # of gifts they receive.

    Do you guys sing Happy Birthday to Jesus? My mom used to make us and I was always really embarrassed.  Especially since Jesus' birthday is actually in March and it as changed as a PR move.

     

    I thought it was October?

    H's family actually does sing. They get him a bday cake. The little kids love it (its his extended family with all the cousins and their kids). I thought it was cute!

  • image IrishBrideND:
    image yankeebaby2:
    image akl0506:

    image lilwyhunter33:

    Do you guys sing Happy Birthday to Jesus? My mom used to make us and I was always really embarrassed.  Especially since Jesus' birthday is actually in March and it as changed as a PR move. 

    I thought it was October?

    H's family actually does sing. They get him a bday cake. The little kids love it (its his extended family with all the cousins and their kids). I thought it was cute!

    It was the spring equinox on the Roman Calendar.  They changed it to drum up more interest from the pagans, who were already celebrating the pagan feast of the sun god.  

    It was cute when we were little.  Kind of embarrassing when we were older.  My mom also used birthday paper for christmas and just scribbled in Jesus under the happy birthday.  


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