Ok, so this is the first time I have written here! I have read all the emails and different threads throughout my pregnancy and afterwards. I gave birth to my first son on May 15, 2010. He is beautiful and I love him very much! My husband has been the biggest support to me! I can't help but wonder though, if anyone else has/had the same problems I have. Though I love my son dearly, I would have rather waited (I am 22 now-was 21 when DS was born), but things happen. I had not been to a doctor in 5 years. I am deathly afraid of doctors and only go when necessary. My first appointment was with a guy, but I told them not to do the physical exam that time. I couldn't talk or move when I was in there I was so scared. I don't think I talked most of the rest of the day either. When I actually went the next week for the pap with a woman doctor, I cried my eyes out and couldn't look at her. She was very nice and explained everything to me, but it didn't really help. It hurt so bad and I could feel it the rest of the day. My poor DH wasn't allowed to touch me for a week! I hated it during my pregnancy when people would touch my tummy, or make any sort of pregnant joke or tell me I wasn't allowed to do something. I work at walmart and like anywhere else, everyone was all up in my business. I really hated it. And then they would blame my grumpiness on my hormones. However, I think that I would have been just as grumpy not pregnant if I still had to go to the doctor all the time. It just really freaks me out. But no one seems to understand this and when I try to explain it, they look at me like i have 3 heads! Anyways, I would have nightmares about the delivery. I almost opted for a c-section because I thought maybe they wouldn't have to look down there. But then realized they would still have to put in a catheter and stuff, so I delivered regularly. I didn't have a regular 39 wk check up. She didn't check if I was dilated because I told her not too. I would cry at night because I knew I was going to deliver soon and didn't want all those people in the room all up in my stuff. When the big night came I woke at 2AM and labored for almost 3 hours. By the time I got to the hospital at 5 Am (or just a little after) I was already crowning. So no meds or anything. Just everyone rushing into the room and stuff. They were all very nice, but I was still uncomfortable. I did my best just to concentrate on getting the baby out, but there was no way I would have been able to look in a mirror with everyone else looking too. And I don't know how I was so calm in the hospital with the after care. But I waited as long as I could for my 6 wk check up and even stopped nursing for a day so I could take some drugs to help with anxiety. The drugs felt like water so it was all for nothing. Anyways, it has been 5 months since my last check up and I am finally feeling a little back to normal. Am I the only one that gets this kind of anxiety? I know I should probably go to counseling, but with where finances are right now, there is no way I can afford to go! Otherwise I would be there. Sorry this is so long. No one has to reply, but I thought I would just get this out.