I've been on the bump since i found out I was pregnant in June. I was mainly part of the February 2011 board, however, due to unfortunate circumstances, my baby boy was born this past Thursday at 25 weeks, 2 days. I went in on Monday to Labor & Delivery triage expecting to be sent home with a wagging finger telling me I'm dehydrated. I had been feeling pressure and period like cramps for over a week. My doctor couldn't get me in that afternoon, so triage was my only choice, and I had a gut feeling I should atleast get checked out and be sent home than be sorry later. Good thing I did. When I got there, they immediately started fluids, hooked me to monitors, and realized I was contracting every 1 to 3 minutes. They did an emergency ultrasound and found I had a short cervix, measuring 0.7, which should measure 2.5 to 3. I was then quickly given meds to stop the contractions, meds to increase lung development in baby, and was going to be transferred to the bigger hospital with a specialty ward. There they were going to do a second ultrasound to confirm the short cervix, and possibly perfrom surgery, a cerclage, to reinforce my cervix. After the specialist looked at the ultrasound, it was confirmed, however, the surgery was a no go b/c I was too far along and the risk of complication and preterm labor was too great. My prognosis, hospital bedrest for 8+ weeks or until baby was born. I was hooked to a t-puump that regulated meds to stop contractions and I was not allowed out of bed accept to pee. This lasted for 2 days before the contractions returned inspite of the pump. A VERY LONG STORY short, after a few hours of minor contractions they intensity increased, so the nurse began to monitor me closely and give me meds on demand. They didn't work either. She finally checked my cervix and found that I was breech. My body had taken over and went into preterm labor in a matter of hours. From the time she diagnosed the breech to the time I actually delievered was about 30 minutes. I was rushed to the O.R. for an emergency c-section. They didn't even have time to give me meds for pain they just put me straight to sleep. The c-section was incredibly scary and the labor on top of the emergency of the situations terrified me. My baby was born at 11:45 pm on October 28th and rushed to the NICU. I recovered in separate room where I awoke and waited to be able to see my baby.
I'm home now, discharged yesterday, but my baby boy is stuck in an incubator with lights, respirators, and all kinds of wires. He has always had a strong hearbeat, and that hasn't changed. His score at birth for response was an 8 out of 9, so that was incredible, but he's still only 25 weeks and his lungs and so many other things aren't developed fully yet. He has only had minor issues with oxygen and insulin levels which is common. We did find out yesterday that he has an open valve in his heart, which is also common in babies so tiny, so they're giving him meds in hopes that it will close on its own and avoid any unnecessary surgeries. This valve hasn't affected his heartrate and he's been stable, so we're hoping it's just one of those things that will take time. Our odds are good.
For now, I sit at home, constantly worrying about my baby while I attempt to recover. I'm packing my wounds, my vag, and my breast. I'm pumping, but my breast are large and uncomfortable and sleep is near impossible. Yesterday was the hardest day of my life, leaving my baby boy at the hospital knowing I won't see him until the following day. After a week of being in the hospital going from possible surgery, to bedrest, to labor, I haven't had time to process or catch up so my emotions are everywhere. One moment I'm hopeful and strong and ready to fight the world, and the next, I'm an open dam ready to hide from the world. I haven't even been able to hold my baby yet. I can only touch his hand. My heart is breaking into a million pieces constantly. This is mine and my DH's first. We've only been married since May and found out we were pregnant in June. No one can prepare you for this...no one.
I'm joining this board in hopes of finding some comfort or atleast an outlit for my racing mind and aching heart. I'm so lost and so confused. It doesn't even matter that my baby boy's stats are stable and good...I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath and probably will be holding my breath until the moment he's safe in my arms, in our home, in his room.
Thanks for reading my story. l have nothing to lose accept my sanity, so honesty, rawness, and realness is what I'm seeking. Anyone can attempt to comfort...but only truth can bring the understanding and peace you need.