Lost & confused...introduction


 I've been on the bump since i found out I was pregnant in June.  I was mainly part of the February 2011 board, however, due to unfortunate circumstances, my baby boy was born this past Thursday at 25 weeks, 2 days.  I went in on Monday to Labor & Delivery triage expecting to be sent home with a wagging finger telling me I'm dehydrated.  I had been feeling pressure and period like cramps for over a week.  My doctor couldn't get me in that afternoon, so triage was my only choice, and I had a gut feeling I should atleast get checked out and be sent home than be sorry later.  Good thing I did.  When I got there, they immediately started fluids, hooked me to monitors, and realized I was contracting every 1 to 3 minutes.  They did an emergency ultrasound and found I had a short cervix, measuring 0.7, which should measure 2.5 to 3.  I was then quickly given meds to stop the contractions, meds to increase lung development in baby, and was going to be transferred to the bigger hospital with a specialty ward.  There they were going to do a second ultrasound to confirm the short cervix, and possibly perfrom surgery, a cerclage, to reinforce my cervix.  After the specialist looked at the ultrasound, it was confirmed, however, the surgery was a no go b/c I was too far along and the risk of complication and preterm labor was too great.  My prognosis, hospital bedrest for 8+ weeks or until baby was born.  I was hooked to a t-puump that regulated meds to stop contractions and I was not allowed out of bed accept to pee.  This lasted for 2 days before the contractions returned inspite of the pump.  A VERY LONG STORY short, after a few hours of minor contractions they intensity increased, so the nurse began to monitor me closely and give me meds on demand.  They didn't work either.  She finally checked my cervix and found that I was breech.  My body had taken over and went into preterm labor in a matter of hours.  From the time she diagnosed the breech to the time I actually delievered was about 30 minutes.  I was rushed to the O.R. for an emergency c-section.  They didn't even have time to give me meds for pain they just put me straight to sleep.  The c-section was incredibly scary and the labor on top of the emergency of the situations terrified me.  My baby was born at 11:45 pm on October 28th and rushed to the NICU.  I recovered in separate room where I awoke and waited to be able to see my baby.

 I'm home now, discharged yesterday, but my baby boy is stuck in an incubator with lights, respirators, and all kinds of wires.  He has always had a strong hearbeat, and that hasn't changed.  His score at birth for response was an 8 out of 9, so that was incredible, but he's still only 25 weeks and his lungs and so many other things aren't developed fully yet.  He has only had minor issues with oxygen and insulin levels which is common.  We did find out yesterday that he has an open valve in his heart, which is also common in babies so tiny, so they're giving him meds in hopes that it will close on its own and avoid any unnecessary surgeries.  This valve hasn't affected his heartrate and he's been stable, so we're hoping it's just one of those things that will take time.  Our odds are good.

 For now, I sit at home, constantly worrying about my baby while I attempt to recover.  I'm packing my wounds, my vag, and my breast.  I'm pumping, but my breast are large and uncomfortable and sleep is near impossible.  Yesterday was the hardest day of my life, leaving my baby boy at the hospital knowing I won't see him until the following day.  After a week of being in the hospital going from possible surgery, to bedrest, to labor, I haven't had time to process or catch up so my emotions are everywhere.  One moment I'm hopeful and strong and ready to fight the world, and the next, I'm an open dam ready to hide from the world.  I haven't even been able to hold my baby yet.  I can only touch his hand.  My heart is breaking into a million pieces constantly.  This is mine and my DH's first.  We've only been married since May and found out we were pregnant in June.  No one can prepare you for one.

 I'm joining this board in hopes of finding some comfort or atleast an outlit for my racing mind and aching heart.  I'm so lost and so confused.  It doesn't even matter that my baby boy's stats are stable and good...I feel like I'm constantly holding my breath and probably will be holding my breath until the moment he's safe in my arms, in our home, in his room.

Thanks for reading my story.  l have nothing to lose accept my sanity, so honesty, rawness, and realness is what I'm seeking.  Anyone can attempt to comfort...but only truth can bring the understanding and peace you need.

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?BFP June 2010, short cervix/preterm labor/emergency c-section at 25 weeks 2 days, Logan born October 28, 2010, 1 lb 7 oz. Fought hard in the NICU for 11 days. Our little hero ?

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Re: Lost & confused...introduction

  • congratulations on the birth of your baby boy..

    My son was born at 26w2d and spent 96 days in the NICU. There is definitely no explaining what it's like to anyone who hasn't lived it, but we get it.

    Please let us know if you have any questions..

  • You have come to the right place for support and understanding. The ladies here are amazing and helped me through our NICU journey. Tears well in my eyes from your post. Im so sorry you, your family, and your little one. I pray he will continue to grow strong and do well! Keep your head up. It is a roller coaster of emotions. I dont think anything we say here wll help that. But somthing that is true is that one day he will be home and your NICU time will be behind you and it will be just a faint memory. Take care.
    image Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Like the pp said - congratulations on the birth of your baby!  Mine was born on 7/11/10, at 31w1d, PTL due to UU, and was whisked away to a city an hour away to a hospital that was equipped with a NICU - I was able to see him for just a few minutes, and reach in and touch him while he was hooked up to all sorts of monitors in an isolette.  Unfortunately, I had to stay behind, and recover from my emergency c-section in the local hospital, so I know your pain of not being able to see or hold him - it's excruciating - there's no way to sugar-coat it, but chin-up, mama...everything's going to be just fine - I'm a firm believer now that NICU moms are the strongest women on the planet - even when we don't realize it!  I now have a healthy (although tiny for his age) baby boy at home that I know was worth every agonizing minute of his birth and NICU stay!
  • Congratulations on the birth of your son! My ds was born on August 1st at 25 weeks 6 days. All of your feelings are completely normal. Having a preemie isn't for the faint of heart. Take things day by day (sometimes even hour by hour) and lean on this board for support. There is a wonderful group of ladies here. I will be sending lots of t&p's to your whole family  and especially to your LO for a quick and uneventful NICU stay.

    You're my blue sky, you're my sunny day


    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy! My daughter was just born on 10/23/10 at 27weeks 4days.
    Thing 1 = April 2008, 38weeks 8lbs 7oz 19in
    Thing 2 = May 2009, Stillborn 33weeks 4lbs 9oz 18in
    Thing 3 = October 2010, 27weeks 4days 2lbs 4oz 14.25in

  • Congrats on your son!

    Sending T&P for strength and health for you and your family.

    DD was born at 31 wks 4 days and faced many of the things you have described.  It is not easy.  There will be good days and there will be bad days. Celebrate the small things and know that you can always come here for support.

  • Congratulations on the birth of your son!  The NICU is rollercoaster--it used to drive me crazy when they would call me on the phone.  I kept needing to check on my baby and make sure that he was okay.  I went to the hospital every day--for 35 days until he came home on 6/30.  I hope that the next couple of weeks go well for you and that your baby comes home when he is ready to come home. 
    imageimageLilypie - Personal pictureLilypie Premature Baby tickers Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010. Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12. Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
  • Congratulations on the birth of your baby boy! 

    Like you said, no one can prepare you for what you are going through.  Please try and stay strong for your son, hopefully you have family & friends that you can lean on for support as well.  I hope that your son has an uneventful stay in the NICU and is home in your arms soon.

  • Congratulations on your son!  I gave birth one month ago, as of tomorrow, to a 24 weeker.  As of this past friday he is off the ventilator and on the CPAP and they are going to be trying him on high flow oxygen later in the week.  It's a long road to go while your in the NICU but it will be worth it to bring him home.  Make sure to go home and try and rest because honestly the best thing you can do for him is take care of you.  Try a hot bath that might help.  Keep us posted and I will pray for you and your family.
  • Congrats on the birth of your son!  My little one was born in January at 26w and had a long hard road in the NICU (158 days) but is now at home and doing oxygen even!  He's now 17lbs!


    Good luck to you's not an easy road, but it'll get better.





  • Congratulations on the birth of your son! Being a NICU mom sucks, but you will get through it. Come here for support. We are all here for you to lean on because we've all been through (or are currently going through) the rollercoaster nightmare. DD was born at 31 weeks and spent 7 in the hospital. She's now 5 months old and no one can tell she is a preemie (probably because they don't know how old she is, but still).

    Take it easy, take care of yourself, and if you have any pumping questions, ask away. Lots of did or still do.

  • Congrats and hugs to you! Hang in there. 
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker TickerPregnancy Ticker
  • Congrats on the birth of your son.  This board is great for support and people who get it.  Let us know if you need anything.
    our blog
    My 2lb 5oz 30 weeker is getting so BIG!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Congrats on the birth of your little boy! I think as all PP have NICU moms know exactly how you feel. Lost and confused are defintiely the right words and I think we all felt that way for some time. Take the time to appreciate the small milestones your little boy will meet while in the is definitely a rollercoaster ride but you will get through it. Lean on people and let people help you when needed. Make sure to take time to heal and recover as well; your baby needs you to be healthy and strong! Keep us'll be in my thoughts!
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers image Image and video hosting by TinyPic
  • Congrats on your son!

    My twin girls were born at 25w1d on 8/17. We are still here in the NICU-Day 77. My daughter Adalynn also had a PDA so I can try and answer questions if you have them!

    My story is very similar to yours. Please please page me on this board or PM me if I can be of any help. Lots of love girl. Stay strong!

    3 miscarriages, Infertility, & Premature Birth Abigail and Adalynn born @ 25w1d Lilypie Second Birthday tickers FAQ: Resources for New NICU Moms
    FAQ: My Friend Just Had a Preemie, How Can I Help?
  • My story is very similar to yours as well. The first two years were very long and hard, but things are honestly really good at our house right now. Congratulations on the birth of your little one and my prayers for them.

    I saw your reqeust for information at the bottom of your post. I HIGHLY recommend the book Preemies: the essential guide for parents of premature infants. It's an  excellent source of information, and you don't need to read it front to back, you can find what you want when you want/need it.

    The march of dimes web page is also a great source of information.

    I also recommend the file cabinet at there's tons of information about all sorts of topics, the one that's coming to mind you might find helpful is about pumping. The site is also a home to a lot of really great women.

    It's scary, and it's hard to know what your role is at the beginning. No matter what, you are this little one's mommy, what that role looks like is very different in NICU, but you'll find your way.

  • Andrew was born a little later - 26w2d - he spent 117 days in the NICU but is very healthy and doing well.  So many prayers to you.  This will be a difficult time, we're all here for you.


    My Personal Blog Knot Bio Nest Bio
    Andrew Ryan - born at 26w2d, 2 lb 3 oz, Dec 2008 Elliott William - born at 35w4d, 7 lb 1 oz, May 2011
  • Congrats on the birth of your son!  Your post brought back a lot of memories for me.  My son was born 23w5d back in June, and I had a similiar crazy delivery.  For me, the first several weeks were a blur - be sure to take care of yourself and try to rest in between NICU visits; remember you are recovering yourself.

    The NICU is extremely hard, but you will find strength you didn't know you had.  We're still in the NICU, but hopefully coming home this week.  Andrew had a PDA (needed surgery) and a host of other "typical" preemie issues, but overall is doing very well.  I definitely second the recommendation for the preemie book mentioned above.  It really was so helpful to me over the past few months to wrap my brain around the medical issues the doctors and nurses were discussing with us.  Also, please feel free to ask questions of this group or lean on us when you need to.

    I hope your son continues to do well in the coming weeks.  ((HUGS))

    IVF #3 brought us our little explorer.


    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers

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  • I know it's not easy but congratulations. I agree with previous posters that you definitely came to the right place. 25 weeks is still a great milestone for your baby and from what it sounds like he's a miracle baby. I hope that everything works out for you and for him. Just stay strong and he'll stay strong too
    Jackson W. Holler born 12/9/10 at 7:52 a.m. He is my little miracle baby!! pPROM'ed at 23w1d and delivered at 34w Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
  • Congratulations -- but it's also okay if you feel like there's nothing to congratulate. That's normal too.

    Even if your DS had not been a preemie -- even if your situation had happened at full-term -- a scary/bad birth experience can be really traumatic. My birth definitely did not go as expected, and I was so sick. It took a few months for me to even begin to get over what all had happened.

    Everyone thinks that as long as your LO is doing well, all is fine. It's okay to tell them that you actually are really shaken up over it all. I felt like I kept talking about my birth experience and my mom kept saying, "well, DS is fine so get over it." She meant it helpfully, but it was not helpful.

    Also, that's a lot of stress for a young marriage!

    Anyway, you did come to the right place. These ladies are great!

    Mama to 2 late-term preemies (7/10 & 11/12) due to HELLP Syndrome.
  • I know you already have lots of great advice, but I wanted to add that my son was born at 24 weeks, 5 days. He is now 10.5 months and doing really well. It has been a very tough year, but now seeing his smile and hearing his giggles is the best thing. Our story is also very similar to yours. If you want to read more, you can visit LO's caring bridge site: 

    I went through all the same things you are feeling. It is hard, it sucks, but it is also normal for your situation. Let us know if you have questions. My son and I pray for preemies every day.

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • Congratulations on the birth of your son!

    My son was born at 24w5d and is now a healthy, happy and thriving 2.5 year old! He has done remarkably well and his story is in my blog (see button in siggy). Feel free to ask any questions or e-mail me if you need some support.

    There are quite a few of us on here that have 24-25 weekers and we are always willing to offer support and answer any questions you may have.

    Jacob 3.23.08 * Grace 7.22.09 * Eli 7.26.11 * Annabelle 1.18.14

  • Congrats.  Hang in there.  We've all experienced feelings similar to yours.  These little babies are so much stronger than we.  and boy are they fighters! My DD was born at 30 weeks and doing well.   It was so scary to see her with all the wires etc.  When I look at her now, it's hard to believe that its the same baby. 

    Best wishes to you!

  • Congratulations on the birth of your son! 

    My son was born in January, and we were in the NICU until mid-June.  It was a long road with many many twists, turns and terrifying times. 

    I hate that you have a reason to join us, but I'm so glad you're here.  You'll find a lot of support and encouragement.  Please feel free to ask questions as this is a crazy confusing journey.

    Lots of love to you!



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