2nd Trimester

MIL at the Gender Ultrasound?

2»

Re: MIL at the Gender Ultrasound?

  • it's your choice, if you don't feel comfy, then say that. You can always tell her afterwards and show her the pics. If you want.
  • I don't want anyone but my husband there either. Think what an emotional moment it will be for the two of you (mine is tomorrow!) and how excited you'll be! She will be just as excited to hear when you call and tell her. Maybe send her some pictures or if your doctor does the video thing. I think my MIL went to see my sis-in law's ultrasound this week so may start giving us some hard time, but seriously, I don't want ANYONE else in the room! It feels like such a private thing. I'll be pretty adamant about that. Good luck to you!
  • Loading the player...
  • My MIL has overstepped her boundaries more times than I care to recount (including the unsolicited mothering advice). For the longest time I thought she was the worst. Then I went into preterm labor with my second child. She figured since my mom wouldn't be able to make it into town on time, she would get to "step in". My labor was stopped, thank God, but before I was discharged, I put her in her place. I know her intentions were good, but I explained to her, and not very kindly looking back, that I married her son, not her. It was his first pregnancy and she needed to back off if she wanted any part of her grandchildren's futures. She got the hint I guess because she only comes when invited now and no longer tells me what I'm doing wrong and what I "should be" doing. I'm glad I stopped it soon, otherwise DH and I would be having fights over what will take place during the holidays (we are staying home).
  • I'm not sure if anyone else mentioned this, (there are quite a few responses!) but I felt like I need to bring this up: this ultrasound is the one that could potentially show any number of MAJOR health issues.  A few relatives of mine have found out, during this ultrasound, that their baby has downs syndrome, clubbed foot, cleft pallet, or a heart defect.  It was during this ultrasound that my husband and I, and my mother who came with us, found out that my daughter had a spinal cord defect (spina bifida), and was growth restricted.  VERY scary stuff.  They asked to speak to me and my husband in private, so my mom just went home.  It was awkward, and not at all what we were expecting, but I have to say if my MIL or any extra family was there, or if they asked to come along to the private meeting following the appointment, I would have lost it!  It was already difficult enough processing everything, much less having to handle other people's thoughts and emotions (both of our families are the type to cry at the drop of a hat!).  Also, if your baby does measure small or has low fluid, they may ask to do an internal ultrasound (I politely declined), to check and make sure you're not dilating due to an incompetent cervix. 

     So, with that said, I'm sure your appointment will got smoothly, and your baby is perfect, but maybe you can try to explain a little about this remote possibility to your MIL, and just say that it is such an important and LOOOONG ultrasound (it is, especially if baby isn't cooperating!), that you would rather just focus on the baby, and share the wonderful news after.  Maybe you can promise to call her on the way home, and show her the pics asap!?  I hope this helps a little, and good luck!

  • you could always do what I did, tell her that if she would come then she would ruin the suprise you have planned for her... keep her guessing, then when you find out, take her to dinner and give her a card that tells what the sex of the baby is... It honestly sounds to me like she just wants to be involved and share in your joy!
  • If you are a private person, I would highly recommend you tell her absolutely not.  With my ultrasound I was naked from the waist down with only a little gown covering me. Our LO kept moving around so much that by the end I had goop from my ribs all the way to my pubic bone and was essentially naked from the waist down when we got done with the gown no longer covering me.  If you don't want your MIL to see you this way, then politely decline, you don't need to make a big deal about it.  Have your DH promise to call her as soon as you are done at the Drs office to share the news about the sex if you are finding out. 
  • As someone who grew up with a mother just like your MIL, I told my mom to back off.  why? b/c I'm prego and I can get away with being a bit mean when necessary.  It is ok to tell her how you feel, sounds like she doesn't have any issues telling you how she feels.  Don't let the guilt trip get to you, she'll get over it, no use worrying about it.  Just be the strong beautiful prego that you are!
  • I didn't read every response; however, it was the opposite for us. 

    I wanted my mom to attend our 18 week ultrasound to learn the sex of the baby, and hubby wanted it to be the two of us.

    I compromised.  Hubby and I were alone when we first learned we were having a boy, and then my mom and step-son were invited in to see the scan and learn the gender.

    If MIL would have lived in town, she too would have been invited to the ultrasound,  Luckily, the room was pretty big, so both Grandma's would have learned the gender at the same time.

     

     

    Om nom nom
    Photobucket Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I hope that when it is my turn, neither my mother or MIL ask about being at the ultrasound.  I can't imagine that either one will.  Luckily my MIL won't ask to be in the delivery room either, although I have already told my mom that I would want her there.  I had a friend who just had a baby and her mom was there giving her encouragement and stroking her hair.  I can picture my mom being the calming presence for me too. 
  • My MIL and SIL invited themselves to my gender ultrasound. My mom and sister also wanted to go so I just said there's no way me and DH plus 4 other people will fit or be allowed in the room so I guess it will just be me and DH Wink I also am private about this sort of thing plus we were first time parents. I wanted to experience everything just with my husband. Good luck!
  • Since it's DH's mother, have him tell her that you and him are going together for the special moment or lie and say that no one else is allowed in the room.
  • I have felt this same way as you for so long, but instead of MIL, it was my mother. If you're not comfortable telling MIL that you both want this to be a private and personal moment for you and DH, then make sure that DH tells her no and that he is firm. Sometimes parents like to be around and involved, which is nice, but you also have to set boundaries now, because if you don't, they will think they can do whatever the hell they want when the baby is born. GL and don't stress too much over this. Your MIL will just have to get over it and realize that it's not about her.
  • I'd go with saying it's the rules of the ultrasound place, they only want 1 person in there... if you want to avoid the guilt trips... that's what we had to do, my mil is very similar, she just doesn't get that this is our baby, and it's our family... she tends to invite herself to a lot of things, and we've had to explain to her in the past that it's our relationship, or its our family, or this is how WE are doing things, and that it's up to us.... if you wanna avoid this minor thing (it's not like it's the birth), then just explain that there is only room for one person other then you and the tech, and that's DH... and besides, you'd like to make the announcement on gender to everyone else at the same time...

    this is your baby. end of story! it's not wrong of you! this is something special between you and DH. you shouldn't feel bad at all. it might even be a good idea to explain that this is something between you and DH, and no one else... put your foot down now to hopefully sway future issues. good luck!

  • I totally understand where you are coming from.  First off I'll say that I understand why you feel guilty...it's because you don't want to hurt your MIL feelings and the fact that when you do say "No" her feelings will most likely be hurt.  Secondly I'll tell you that my MIL lives with my husband and I.  She asked to stay with us for a bit until she found a place of her own and I let her and my DH quilt me into saying yes and she's now been here for 3 years! 

    DO NOT and I repeat DO NOT let her make you feel bad for wanting to experiencing this with your husband!  This is your baby and if you let her quilt you into this she will continue to bully you into other things you do not want.  My MIL was the same way, except she came into our room and was talking to me about how I was feeling and when our next appt was and then told me she was coming to the ultrasound and the delivery room.  I didn't want to hurt her feelings and tried to explain that we wanted the first ultrasound to be just us and that we hadn't decided who was going to be in the room and while I was trying to tell her she butted in with "well I'll be there!"  Like I wasn't allowed to tell her no.  That was it for me I said actually we're not going to have any one in there because I won't feel comfortable with that and really that's what's important for a safe and happy delivery and when she tried to tell me that she would be there I said that if the nurses are told that I don't want everyone there they wouldn't let her in! 

    She didn't talk to me for 3 days which is a feat because as I said she lives here.  I let her not talk to me and eventually she got the hint that no matter how long she gave me the silent treatment I wasn't going to change my mind she came around and everything is  back to how it was.

    Just let her know how you feel and talk to your H to make sure you both are on the same page, you'll be fine and feel better once it's over.  Remember it's not good for you to feel stressed out

  • I work in medical imaging at a hospital, and we don't even let the dad in until the VERY end of the ultrasound. We do measurements and anatomy first (for approx. 20 minutes), then do the gender at the end for about 10 minutes.

    I would just get DH to say no. It's absolutely ridiculous for her to expect that she's allowed to intrude on this private moment. Absolutely a no-go IMO.
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I had the same problem and I made him tell her that it was going to be just the two of us.  It's his mother so he should take care of it!!!
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"