3rd Trimester

DH's confession leaves me p*ssed and him an a-hole

I'm normally a day-poster... but I have to get this off my chest before I kill DH.  We had a normal doctor's appointment this evening and he had a major chip on his shoulder.  I've noticed most appointments we usually fight on the way there or while waiting for the doctor.  He tends to be short-tempered and moody during the appointments and shortly after.  He tells me TODAY at almost 34 weeks pregnant that he doesn't like going to doctor's appointments because, "He's uncomfortable standing and there's no place to sit in the exam room."

I lost it.  This isn't my pregnancy or my baby this is our baby.  I'm sorry that the exam room isn't comfortable enough for you.  I can't help but think what an a-hole!  He even said he doesn't care about going to the next ultrasound or the next few appointments.  It took him 34 weeks to tell me this and he doesn't get why I'm angry.  I think he's being disgusting and the fact that he can't sacrifice his own comfort for the comfort of his wife and child for a few minutes is truly a disgrace.

Maybe I'm being hormonal/emotional but I'm really hurt by this.  It makes me doubt his abilities for the future (especially during L&D time). 

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Re: DH's confession leaves me p*ssed and him an a-hole

  • Maybe he waited this long to mention it because he was afraid this is how you would react? 

     He's a man. Most doctor appointments involve peeing in a cup, stepping on a scale, then going home. Just because your husband doesn't want to stand there through that doesn't mean he's a terrible person.  

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  • Wow - I'd be pissed too! Like, suck it up man - you can stand for 5 minutes! Would he rather have HIS feet in the stirrups? :)


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  • Your lucky he went to so many.  My husband only goes to the ultrasounds because he thinks the rest is boring.  I did drag him to my glucose test and you would have thought I was torturing him. Guys aren't in to what the cant see. 

  • my DH brings his DS xl to each appointment so he has something to do while i'm peeing and getting all the usual vitals checked.  i don't know if he has anything he can bring to occupy himself. but that's a thought. you probably wouldn't like this idea, but he can wait in a comfy chair in the waiting room...at least he still came with you? ...  :-)  just another thought.  :-)  hope he loses that chip on his shoulder.
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  • So why doesn't he ask for a chair? I've never been in a doctor's exam room that didn't have at least one chair besides the one the doc sits in. 

    Is it his choice to be at the appointment or are you requiring him to be there?

    FWIW - My husband has gone to exactly one of my doctors appointments and two of the 8 U/S I had.  It's not that he didn't want to be there but that there was really no reason for him to be there.  The appointments take all of 10 minutes and the U/Ss became kind of routine after the first couple.  

     

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  • I can understand hurt feelings over the u/s but not the regular appointments.  I wouldn't blame DH if he didn't want to sit through mine.  As PP stated - you pee in a cup and get weighed.   I would try and get over it. 
  • image jlfhurley:

    Your lucky he went to so many.  My husband only goes to the ultrasounds because he thinks the rest is boring.  I did drag him to my glucose test and you would have thought I was torturing him. Guys aren't in to what the cant see. 

    For the most part mine too - but her hubby didn't say it was boring - he said he was uncomfortable standing and there was no place to sit. I mean, let's be honest - labor will be hours and she could be in the hospital several days. He's going to have to learn to live with a little discomfort.


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  • My fiance goes when he can but sometimes he is either working or in class.  It doesn't bother me if he can't go.  Although your hubby shouldn't act like a baby about it, he could be man enough to just say he doesn't like going rather than pick a fight every time.
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  • I can kinda understand why he'd be uncomfortable. My doctors ALWAYS makes me wait at least 30 minutes in the exam before they come in. Standing there looking at the same things can be pretty boring. I know I get pretty impatient.

    Still, when my SO is able to get off work for my appointments, he usually sits in the doctor's chair until the doctor comes in. Make him do that. And if he is already sitting in that chair and complaining about being uncomfortable, then he's being a wimp and I understand you being angry.

    I just get peeved at my SO when he starts making fun of all the all the diagrams and sliced open vagina demostrations. He turns into a 12 year old in that room. *sigh* But I deal.

  • Mine has only come to the 20wk ultrasound. He works landscaping and doesn't get paid if he doesn't work so he doesn't want to take a day off for a 5-10 minute appointment. ( he can't just show up the job site with his own car as they all travel in the company branded trucks)

    Come November he's on a new schedule to only work when it snows so he'll at least be able to come to 1 appointment to hear babys heartbeat.

    I could care less if he comes and I'm sure he doesn't want to come either. Even I find those appointments boring!

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  • image BrittRMere:

    Maybe he waited this long to mention it because he was afraid this is how you would react? 

     He's a man. Most doctor appointments involve peeing in a cup, stepping on a scale, then going home. Just because your husband doesn't want to stand there through that doesn't mean he's a terrible person.  

    I love your Wildcat baby thing in your siggy!!!! I want one!

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  • Honestly from what I have read on these boards there are a lot of husbands that don't go to the appointments.  So the fact that he's gone to this many is kind of a rare thing.  Don't be mad.  There are far worse things he could be doing to piss you off.  Seriously.  Take a deep breath.  I am sure he will be there during L&D.  And he will be in love once he sees the baby and none of this will matter.
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  • image RoseTor:
    I can understand hurt feelings over the u/s but not the regular appointments.  I wouldn't blame DH if he didn't want to sit through mine.  As PP stated - you pee in a cup and get weighed.   I would try and get over it. 

    I agree with this.

    I would be pissed too, but for the fact he doesn't to care to come to the last u/s. Because there is no place for him to sit. Why does that matter? Is he super fat or something?
    Although, it is nice he came to all your appts. I barely want to go to mine, I can see how H wouldn't.

     

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  • image rochella:
    Should I feel self-conscious now that DH comes to all my appointments?  He loves going to them.  There are comfortable seats in the offices, though... DH just likes to hear the heartbeat and be my advocate.

    My SO would go to all of my appointments if he could. It's tough for him to make them, though, since he's Navy and Navy comes first. So you're not the only one with a guy who enjoys the appointments. Mine just gets annoying when we're left in the back for too long... :)

  • image cinema_goddess:

    FWIW - My husband has gone to exactly one of my doctors appointments and two of the 8 U/S I had.  It's not that he didn't want to be there but that there was really no reason for him to be there.  The appointments take all of 10 minutes and the U/Ss became kind of routine after the first couple.  

    This.  I didn't want anyone else to go, really.  It was my only free quiet time to myself, as sad as that sounds.

  • I don't ask DH to go to the appts bc I know its boring and quick. I only ask him for u/s appts. He has offered to come to all of them but I would rather he save the time he has and be at work.
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  • My boyfriend has only gone to my appointments that involved an ultrasound, so maybe 5? I did tell him he had to come to my gluclose test with me though, I was not going to sit there for an hour by myself. I told him he didn't have to come to any of my other appointments.
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  • image rochella:
    Should I feel self-conscious now that DH comes to all my appointments?  He loves going to them.  There are comfortable seats in the offices, though... DH just likes to hear the heartbeat and be my advocate.

    Pretty much this. Mine comes to most of mine, if he can. With DS I believe he came to all the appointments, however, this time he works farther and it's harder for him to take off every time I have an appointment. He still attempts to make as many as he can. Especially the u/s ones.

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  • personally i think you're over reacting a bit. Appointments arent fun for the men..they dont feel what we feel during pregnancy, and to be honest i dont even like the appt's so why would i expect my hubby too. Id be a little pissed if he didnt want to go to the ultrasounds, but the rest..let it go. Just because he doesnt want to stand around at the Dr's doesnt mean he doesnt love you or his child and wont be a good dad. My hubby only came to ultrasounds, and i was fine with that.
  • I can see being pissed about him not wanting to go to the final u/s, but not that he doesn't want to go to the final few regular appointments. They are boring! My DH has come to all but one or two, and he even has some of his own questions at times, but I know he isn't coming with me to the 30 week. Why? Because he's going golfing with my Dad instead.  

    But really, he doesn't like standing? How long is he standing for for God sake? 

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  • Jeez, what a baby!  He's seriously complaining about having to stand in the exam room?  Seriously, sometimes men can be such wusses.  No wonder women have to have the babies.  On the other hand, I wouldn't ever ask my DH to come to every single appointment.  Most of them are so boring and very short that it's pretty pointless for him to go.  He's at work during the appointments, so going to them means he has to take a 1/2 sick day.  With both pregnancies, my DH has only come to 2 of them- the 2 ultrasounds.  But if your DH didn't want to come to the appointments he should've told you months ago.  I wouldn't make this doubt his abilities during L&D though.  He probably won't flake out. 
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  • I see where you both are coming from. I mean, he waited this long to say something? And it's not even really that legit of a reason to argue and fight over. It shouldn't stress you out that bad. But I understand.  But I agree, he should man up and deal with it, or else he should have said something earlier to avoid all the pissiness.

    Maybe I'm just weird, because my hubby insists on going to every appointment. I had an appoinment 2 days after he had back surgery and he still made himself come with me. But ours is a special case: we lost our son last November when I was 28 weeks, so I think he wants to be there for me in case anything goes wrong again.

    Just be blunt about it when you talk to your H; say that you want his support through the whole thing and it's just minutes of his day he can spare.

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  • That can be frustrating.

    While I tend to go alone, I did take DH to one of my OB visits, and he has been present at 2/3 ultrasounds.

    To me if he had an interest he'd be there, but due to our schedules, its not an easy thing to even plan for and at this point, with me going every two weeks, followed by 5 weeks of going weekly, it would be a lot.

    As a prior poster said, aside form providing a urine sample, hearning the heartbeat, getting measured and weighing in, there isnt much going on at the regular OB appointments.

    If you were high risk, and there were perdicted health issues with your LO, I would see a greater importance in him being there, but if you are having a healthy pregnancy, I would try not to get too stressed about it.

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  • I see where you're coming from. Yeah, lots of men don't go to doc appts, but yours went to so many then suddenly 34w later throws a fit. I'd be furious! He should have been upfront and told you how you felt at the beginning.??

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  • i understand you being upset.

    in his defense... most guys don't last that long with appointments, etc. and I wouldn't get your hopes up for l&d... at that point all you'll want are your nurses anyway.

    i do have to say tho - after witnessing child birth... DH was a lot more compassionate and made sure I was really well taken care of.

    Hope your DH comes around for you!

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  • I would be more pissed with the way he acted than the fact that he doesn't enjoy your appointments. He could have told you nicely on a non-appt day rather than act out every time he has to go to one.
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  • image BrittRMere:

    Maybe he waited this long to mention it because he was afraid this is how you would react? 

     He's a man. Most doctor appointments involve peeing in a cup, stepping on a scale, then going home. Just because your husband doesn't want to stand there through that doesn't mean he's a terrible person.  

    This.

    And it's a sad fact that a lot of men just don't feel connected to the baby until after it's born.  My DH is an absolutely wonderful father but he had zero interest in going to my appointments, even the ultrasounds.  You've probably felt like a mother for almost nine months now, but he may not be feeling like a father just yet.  And that's okay.  He will, I promise you.

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  • image rochella:
    Should I feel self-conscious now that DH comes to all my appointments?  He loves going to them.  There are comfortable seats in the offices, though... DH just likes to hear the heartbeat and be my advocate.

    Me, too!  I guess I'll give DH a big hug and a kiss for being so interested and supportive.  He hasn't missed a single visit unless he was in a different state!  And he even comes up with questions and interacts with the doctor.

    I'm sorry your hubby isn't really into this process - that would bum me out, too.  But honestly - he's a grownup.  If he doesn't want to stand, he needs to just ask for a freakin' chair!  My guess is that it's not about the chair, though. . .

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  • image RoseTor:
    I can understand hurt feelings over the u/s but not the regular appointments.  I wouldn't blame DH if he didn't want to sit through mine.  As PP stated - you pee in a cup and get weighed.   I would try and get over it. 

    This. 

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  • You need to take a deep breath and chillax. 
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