Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

What should I do in your opinion(ticker &pic warning)

I posted on here before about how to reconnect with a newly pregnant BFF who lost her son to SIDS in March. I just woke up to 2 missed calls, a text, and a voice mail and cant desipher through her crying except for going to doctors. My only guess is she lost the baby. I have no idea what to do! It is only she and I out her in the west (WY, and MT.) from Delaware and we are each others supprt system even though we are still 2 hours apart. Neither of us are closer to our husbands familys (or even speak to them for that matter) and have no family of our own here. Obviously I feel I should go drive to her right now but what about LO! DD is and her DS were the exact same age and although she loves DD im not sure she should be there let alone me!! Im pregnant also and clearly showing! Would you rather have me there or not have me there? And I have no support here I have no where to take DD I would have to take her with me. TIA

(im sorry if any of this came out wrong in any way im a complete disaster right now with worry since she wont answer my calls, and I know i cant help her pain yet again)

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Re: What should I do in your opinion(ticker &pic warning)

  • I would call her and ask her what she wants/needs.  I wouldn't rush to her because that might not be what she would find helpful.  I'm sure whatever you end up doing will be a source of comfort and support to your friend.
    Lucy 12.18.06, Will 6.21.09 & Adeline 11.2.11
  • I agree with the PP.  Maybe suggest you come see her this weekend when YH can stay with your DD and you can take her out to get her mind off of things. 
    DS1 age 7, DD age 5 and DS2 born 4/3/12
  • My husband was able to be with me.  That really helped.  The best thing my friends did was be there to listen.  If you were my friend, I'd like you to call regularly to check in/let me vent.  Maybe send flowers or dinner over (delivery).  Just don't let her feel alone or forgotten. 

  • I agree w/ PPs, but I'll add that you not push to be there.  To be honest, my friend is 4 1/2 months (showing...), and I'm avoiding her like the plague 2 wks after my mc.  Emails from her: welcome.  Cookies from her: eaten & enjoyed :)  Hanging out with her: so not ready.
  • I agree with calling and finding out what is really happening first. Then ask her what she needs/wants. Don't forget about her and try to be as helpful as possible. Send her a card/flowers/dinner or something thoughtful like that. I was sent a plant, something that wouldn't die in a few days, and that has been esp nice, I didn't have to throw it out and it is still sitting here to remind me of how loved and supported I am by that special person.
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    ~THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN LIFE.....AREN'T THINGS.

    Married 1/3/04, DD born 3/29/06, DS born 8/4/08
    Live Ectopic Pregnancy, emergency surgery, lost baby & right tube 8/16/10, Miscarriage 6/3/11


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  • I agree with the others--- definitely don't force yourself on her.  I know when I was (am) going through it, the only person I wanted to be around was my husband...at the time, I felt like he was the only one who felt the same pain that I did.



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