Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

First time loss

I just found out today that baby sturj is no longer with me. It feels so weird because I still FEEL pregnant. The ultrasound technician could not even find a sac, and I'm supposed to be 7 weeks 2 days, so they should have seen that at the very least. The radiologist told me that there is no baby there, but evidence that there was an implantation but it self aborted. Is it possible to feel like a bad mother already? How did I not know? No cramping, nothing, just the littlest amount of spotting over last weekend -- and that was it. No more baby. I had my hcg levels tested last week and they rose 66% in 48 hrs, so I thought at least things were progressing.  My husband says we'll try again, but that's honestly the last thing I want to do think about. I just can't believe it. What do you do now? I did tell my close family, but I feel at a loss for how to tell them that I'm not pregnant anymore. 
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Re: First time loss

  • I am so sorry that you are going through this.  Just take it one day (or one hour or one minute) at a time.

    TTC since 5/2010
    DX with Diminished Ovarian Reserve - AMH of 1.1 - 7/2011; AMH of .42 8/2012
    BFP 9/1/10-M/C confirmed 9/8/10-Methotrexate 10/6/10
    IUI #1 (w/clomid)-9/5/11-BFN ; IUI #2 (w/clomid)-10/5/11 - BFP - 11/1/12-No sac seen; 11/2/11 and 11/9/11-Methotrexate 
    IVF #1- ER 2/2; ET 2/5;-Two 8 cell embryos transfered = BFFN
    Surprise BFP - 5/7/12
    U/S on 6/8/12 - H/B at 128 BPM; U/S on 6/14/12 @ 9wks-No H/B-D&C on 6/17/12
    IVF 2.0- ER 10/17; ET 10/20-One 12 cell, one 10 cell and one 8 cell embryo transfered
    BFP!   11/16/12 U/S- Two nuggets with perfect heartbeats! EDD 7/10/13

     

    5/31/2013- My miracles arrived at 34w2d!  Welcome to the world Harper and Nolan!Lilypie First Birthday tickers

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  • I am so sorry you're going through this. Do not blame yourself for this at all. Just give yourself time to recover. You'll be in my thoughts and prayers.
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    BFP 1: 3/19/10 Loss: 7/9/10
    BFP 2: 12/28/10
    My Blog: Losing Sylvia
  • Miscarraiges are so hard to understand and accept.  I was a little further along and had a little baby bump.  It took two weeks before it went away.  A church member gave me the book Free to Grieve.  I recommend it.  It's written for woman who've had miscarraiges and still borns.  Hang in there and talk about how you feel and what happened.  Don't keep it in. 
  • I am so sorry for your loss.  Be sure to take time and process before you try again.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.
  • Thank you so much everyone, I really appreciate it. I will do just that -- one day at a time. 
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  • I had a very similar experience, as did my cousin.  I definitely don't think it makes you a bad mom!  Miscarriages can just be very different, & we had the kind without cramps & just a little spotting.  Hang in there.  I'm 2 weeks from the news (no hb) & 9 days from the D&C, & it does get easier to handle.  Just put one foot in front of the other until then....

  • I'm so sorry for your loss. My pregnancy symptoms continued to get stronger even after the news that things weren't progressing. Today (3 days after my D&C) was my first day fully nausea and food aversion free. Sometimes the pregnancy is still making plenty of hormones even though an embryo isn't developing-it doesn't feel fair. I thought that having so many pregnancy symptoms somehow meant that I was in the clear... but that certainly wasn't the case.

     I've also had to tell my family. It isn't easy- we've just said that we found out that a baby hadn't developed (or the pregnancy didn't progress as it should have). For the most part, everybody has been wonderful. Early pregnancy is a busy important time for the embryo and sometimes things go wrong- it's not our fault.

    ((HUGS)))

    BFP#1 9/14/10 (EDD 5/21/11); no fetal pole 6w6d, 7w4d, d&c 10/8
    BFP#2 3/16/11, beta 138; 4/12 Baby/HB DS born 9/10/11 at 29w4d due to partial abruption and PTL
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    BFP#3 8/19/13 Another boy on the way. On MBR and Nifedipine for preterm contractions.
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  • I found it easier to call to tell close family.  After hearing my mother and father in laws' tears through the phone that 1) they really understood what we were going through since they had a loss and 2) that this was also a loss for them. 
    Photobucket "...let's rewrite an ending that fits" Mom to DS 6/1999 and DD 1/2008 TTC #3 8/2010 M/C 10/2010 BFP 2/2/11 EDD 10/17/11 On our way to Baby #3 Stick Baby Stick!
  • I find I can't even talk on the phone yet, I just cry even thinking about it. I told my sister to tell my parents, and my mother sent me a quick text, basically saying that she was sorry and it must be something from my father's side of the family, because her side never has miscarriages. My mom is going through something, maybe a midlife crisis, but whatever it is, it's yet another heartbreaking thing, because at a time like this, I'd really love for my mother to be here to support me, not tell me that I inherited something "wrong" from my father. 

    It's only been a day, so I know I get to take a little while longer to get it together, but I feel so pressed to just shake it off, but I can't. I don't know why I feel that way. DH is trying to be supportive but his way of dealing with it is doing projects around the house, and I don't want to do that.

    I still can't get over the fact that the u/s showed nothing. The only evidence that a baby was in there was a little blood. Where did he/she go!? 

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