1st Trimester

Is anyone feeling like they're not as excited as they should be?

I know that most are excited, and congrats on your pregnancy.  While ours wasn't exactly planned (but it wasn't exactly prevented), I'm happy that we're going to have a child together, and am looking forward to a lot of things that may come.

But I can't help but help odd that I'm not as excited.  I'm mostly ambivalent.  And this, oddly enough, makes me feel nervous and saddened that I can't muster up the emotions that I have experienced with others when they tell me that they're pregnant.  

Last week I told my friend, for support, and she started crying, my DH started crying, an I was like "ok... (insert quizzical look... try to pretend to be happy)

The odd thing is that I AM happy for the child.  I really am.  But I am not as overtly enthusiastic (or at least like I have been with all my girlfriends/siblings who have been pregnant).

I guess this is more of a vent... or something. 

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Re: Is anyone feeling like they're not as excited as they should be?

  • I am the same way even though ours was completely planned. I am excited but it seems everyone is more excited than me. I think it's just because a lot of stress has happened to us in the 3 months before getting pregnant that my anxiety is keeping me from being completely excited. I'm going to talk to my doctor at my first visit. I hope things get better for you and congrats!
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  • I think there's a ton of pressure society puts on women to immediately be nothing but thrilled / excited upon discovering they're pregnant.

    We planned this pregancy and were TTC so obviously we knew there was a good chance one of these months we'd get a BFP. The first night we got it, I was crying to DH about what if I regretted this, what if I ended up being a terrible mom, etc.  There are soooo many emotions women go through - happiness / fear / shock / sadness / anxiety, etc - and those are true for planned pregnancies, too - or at least ones where you aren't actively trying but if you're not TTA - then you know there's a chance at least you'll get pregnant.

    It may not have even sunk in for you yet - some people don't feel really excited for a few weeks / until after they see the baby on u/s, etc.  You said you're happy generally and lookign fwd to things to come - so don't worry that you're not jumping for joy. Every woman starts the mental transition to momhood diferently - and that's what it is, a transition.

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  • I was a bit ambivalent with my first too.  I was totally happy, I just couldn't let myself get too excited.

    I think for me, a lot of it had to do with the fact that it took us sooooo long to conceive (20 months), and it was just so unreal that it finally worked - I felt for sure something bad was going to happen and it wouldn't work out.   I stayed very unattached to the "baby" probably until my 3rd tri.    I was afraid to get attached to the idea that we would actually bring home a real live baby, because the "what if" of something going wrong.   But I WAS very happy to be pregnant.

    I am much better about it this time around.

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  • image CTGirl30:

    IThere are soooo many emotions women go through - happiness / fear / shock / sadness / anxiety, etc - and those are true for planned pregnancies, too - or at least ones where you aren't actively trying but if you're not TTA - then you know there's a chance at least you'll get pregnant.

    It may not have even sunk in for you yet - some people don't feel really excited for a few weeks / until after they see the baby on u/s, etc. 

    This completely. I'm pretty much into my 2nd tri and still have these feelings. I've seen the baby, heard the heartbeat and I'm still a ball full of emotions. We weren't trying at all, in fact, preventing. But, I remember when I was about to take the test, I said a little prayer. If this is what you want God. Then let it be...

    And here I am. I am really excited. But I'm also nervous, scared, shocked, impatient, and a million other things I can't describe.

    It will sink it and start to get better.

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  • I'm so happy for this babay, but I still have these moments when I realize now that my life will be A, B, and C but that means I'll never X, Y, and Z.  No matter how remote the chances of X,Y or Z were before we got pg.  The same thing used to happen after we got married, and I suppose still does occasionally, but not as much.  I hope the same thing happens here too.
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  • There are soooo many emotions women go through - happiness / fear / shock / sadness / anxiety, etc - and those are true for planned pregnancies, too

     

     

    Thanks for this.  I know that it's a given, but I feel almost bad when I feel sadness, as if I am not allowed.  Like that already posits me into being a bad, undeserving parent.  Knowing that it's perfectly reasonable, in fact, a rational feeling.  As are fear and shock and anxiety.  But it is reassuring to hear.

    cue in the waterworks.

     

  • I was excited about my first, but I am kind of terrified of going through it all again. I developed pre-e while pregnant, had an unexpected c-section, had terrible PPD, and the baby was colicky and a terrible sleeper. I am hoping and praying that this one will 1) be healthy and 2) will be easier than my first. Please, Lord. 
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  • I've been trying not to get too excited in case the pregnancy doesn't stick.  I'm so nervous that when i go to my first dr. appt on friday that she'll tell me i'm not pregnant anymore.  i'll be crushed!  But I also know that thinking these thoughts will not help anything so I need to stay positive and look forward to hearing a heart beat on Friday!!! ::fingers crossed::
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  • I am feeling similar. I think that it's because you don't feel pregnant yet. At least I don't. We were TTC and I really want this. I think once I can actually tell people that I am pregnant and see differences in my body it will hit me.

    I also think that I am so worried that something bad will happen that I don't want to get to overly excited yet.

  • I am the same way.  As my UHC Maternity Nurse put it "I need to find joy in this pregnancy."  This baby wasn't exactly planned for (yet having sex, I certainly know how they get in there) and with a 2-year old at home already, I wonder how I'm going to do it all over again.

    It's stressful and the stress of NOT being happy just makes it worse.  Glad to hear I'm not the only "bad mom" out there.

  • Seeing your post is such a relief - yes.   I'm completely ambivalent. You took the words right out of my mouth.  My husband and I didn't expect this to happen so fast!  For the most part we were taking precautions, clearly not being incredibly cautious. I am happy, but everyone else is absolutely ecstatic.  

     My mom said, "I'm happy, but you don't seem happy."  Ouch - that made me feel soo bad.  I am, but it just is going to take some time to sink in.  As a young career driven woman just under 30, I've never felt a 'rush or urge' to get pregnant.  I always knew I wanted kids - but gosh that happened without a second thought!

    Everything changes so fast and I can't help but feel a bit overwhelmed and sometimes sad that my life is completely changing and there is no going back.

    Motherhood will be an adventure - and timing can't aways be PERFECT.  It is going to just take a bit to get used to the idea.  Thanks for the post :)

  • I'm apprehensive, because I have had a loss before and have been having complications with this pregnancy so far.

    I want to be excited, but I feel like if I do, it will hurt me even more if something happens.
     

  • image bperala:
    I've been trying not to get too excited in case the pregnancy doesn't stick.  I'm so nervous that when i go to my first dr. appt on friday that she'll tell me i'm not pregnant anymore.  i'll be crushed!  But I also know that thinking these thoughts will not help anything so I need to stay positive and look forward to hearing a heart beat on Friday!!! ::fingers crossed::

     

    This is me all the way.  My first appointment is on Monday and I keep on thinking all about the "what ifs".  I don't want to be too excited and be let down, but it is also making me a bit pessimistic and I shouldn't be that way.

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  • I'm hoping that once I start to feel better I can appreciate being pregnant more.  Right now it's really hard trying to keep up with my 13 month old and work feeling so crappy it's tough to be happy.

    Plus I asked DH if he wanted to get the weekly updates on how the baby is growing and he said no, I feel bad like the second time around is less important.

  • I honestly didn't feel excited until I had my first ultra sound on my stomach and heard the heartbeat. I had so much stress in my 6-9th week with bleeding, clots etc that I was just so freaked out I didnt have time to be excited. Now I am sort of excited but I have moments of sheer terror as well. Sometimes I think about all the things I'm not going to be able to do bc we will have a child , but then I realize that I will have a whole new set of experiences to be excited about.

    PS Pandi congrats so great to see you on here!

  • I was like that for a long while, and our baby was planned. It was like I was a zombie...floating around not realizing exactly what was happening. DH was worried because he just didn't think I was happy, though I was, I just was at a loss at how to express it.

    I took my reaction with a grain of salt. I think getting pregnant is a HUGE thing to happen to a woman and a lot is going on with our bodies and our emotions - A LOT. I think my reaction was a way of me sort of folding in on myself to deal with all of it internally before I could express it externally. The shock was just my body's way.

    It let up after a few weeks. Once we started telling people and seeing the baby and realizing that the baby was healthy, I got more and more thrilled and amazed. Hang in there and give yourself some credit. And congrats!

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  • image staycee:

    I was a bit ambivalent with my first too.  I was totally happy, I just couldn't let myself get too excited.

    I think for me, a lot of it had to do with the fact that it took us sooooo long to conceive (20 months), and it was just so unreal that it finally worked - I felt for sure something bad was going to happen and it wouldn't work out.   I stayed very unattached to the "baby" probably until my 3rd tri.    I was afraid to get attached to the idea that we would actually bring home a real live baby, because the "what if" of something going wrong.   But I WAS very happy to be pregnant.

    I am much better about it this time around.

    This is how I feel. I am so excited for the potential to have a baby in 7ish months. But that is how I feel, like it is a potential baby. I hate feeling so negative, but I just feel like if I get to excited I will jinx myself.  

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  • To say you are not alone is an understatement. I was wondering if I was the only one that was not feeling as excited as I should. Maybe it was the m/c last year and the fact that this baby was completely unexpected. I really want to be thrilled but I'm having a difficult time. There is so much stress surrounding me and I'm sure that has a lot to do with my mood too. Anyways, ambivalent at the moment is my middle name. My dh keeps asking if I am excited about this pregnancy at all. I am happy that I'm going to have another little one but truly I'm just trying to make it through the every day routine of life.
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  • image ITGurl0626:

    image bperala:
    I've been trying not to get too excited in case the pregnancy doesn't stick.  I'm so nervous that when i go to my first dr. appt on friday that she'll tell me i'm not pregnant anymore.  i'll be crushed!  But I also know that thinking these thoughts will not help anything so I need to stay positive and look forward to hearing a heart beat on Friday!!! ::fingers crossed::

     

    This is me all the way.  My first appointment is on Monday and I keep on thinking all about the "what ifs".  I don't want to be too excited and be let down, but it is also making me a bit pessimistic and I shouldn't be that way.

    This is me, too!  In fact, I was talking about this this morning with a friend and I actually said, "I just don't know why I feel so ambivalent!" and she said, "Maybe it's a built in defense mechanism, in case, god forbid, something happens!"

    I think I will feel more excited after the first ultrasound and once I am not sick as a dog anymore!

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  • I had a massive meltdown on my DH about this last weekend.  I've been so sick that I haven't been really that happy at all, and I''m afraid on some level the baby is going to sense that and be a sad child (paranoid hormones?).  Now we're starting to tell people, it's just so weird when everyone else is jumping up and down and I'm about to cry because I can barely muster a smile.

    I will say that in the last two days since my US, it has been a lot easier to get excited about it.  Seeing the baby was so rewarding.  And I went to a coffee social with other expectant moms tonight, and it was really great.  They were all much farther along than me, but it made it easy to start to look forward to something.  I think pregnant women need other pregnant women around to help them feel normal.  I don't know what I would have done for the last two months without the bump!

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  • image pandi02a:

    I am feeling similar. I think that it's because you don't feel pregnant yet. At least I don't. We were TTC and I really want this. I think once I can actually tell people that I am pregnant and see differences in my body it will hit me.

    I also think that I am so worried that something bad will happen that I don't want to get to overly excited yet.

     

    I agree, I feel the exact same way. It all doesn't seem real yet. 

  • image SouthSideDrea:
    I'm so happy for this babay, but I still have these moments when I realize now that my life will be A, B, and C but that means I'll never X, Y, and Z.  No matter how remote the chances of X,Y or Z were before we got pg.  The same thing used to happen after we got married, and I suppose still does occasionally, but not as much.  I hope the same thing happens here too.

    This sums it up for me as well.  We saw the heartbeat today and that helped with the fear and anxiety I feel, but I'm not like jumping from the rooftops excited and it's nice to see I'm not alone.  We were trying and I'm happy, but I'm also really nervous and I think that's what keeping me from being really really excited.

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  • image pandi02a:

    I am feeling similar. I think that it's because you don't feel pregnant yet. At least I don't. We were TTC and I really want this. I think once I can actually tell people that I am pregnant and see differences in my body it will hit me.

    I also think that I am so worried that something bad will happen that I don't want to get to overly excited yet.

    This is exactly how I feel and what I would have said.

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  • i know how you feel we didnt plan this either and im happy but not exactly overly excited i hope that feeling will come ... its a lot to think about! your whole light is about to change like completely and its a pretty scary thing... good luck to u and i think soon enough when u can really let it sink in you will be thrilled!
  • I feel the same way. And it freaks me right out. Serious...for as long as I have rembemered I wanted a baby. In like grade 4 my teacher asked the class what we wanted to be when we were older and I said a mom. So now ...im pregnant.....and im not as excited. I mean im 5% excited as I thought id be. I think about it all the time. Im on this website religiously. As well as going to Babys R Us. My fiance is way more excited then I am. Whats going on? Im thinking its because im impatient and as of now..this early on not much is going on. I feel even almost awkawrd with kids now ( I work in a childrens store). I hope the excitiment will come soon. I think im just scared...and not of being a mom..but being pregnant. I dont like pain or being unfconfortble etc!

     

     

     

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  • That is exactly how I felt with my first.  We had actively tried to conceive, and when we actually did and I sat holding the BFP in my hand, all I could feel was intense anxiety.  I second, third, and fourth guessed our decision, and really had a hard time mustering genuine excitement that I was PG.  Yes, we'd tried, and sure I was glad enough that it all worked out fairly quickly.  Honestly, I didn't become fully "in love" with the idea of being a parent until DD was about 3 months old!  This might be unusual, I don't know - and I did have PPD as well.  Anyway, point being please don't beat yourself up about how you're feeling.  It will all eventually fall into place for you!
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  • Yes, i can definitley relate.

    I was TTC my first child for a bit.  She took 17 cycles and clomid.  I was beyond excited from the day i got my BFP.  I was researching everything, shopping online, watching the days go by slowly.

     And now here i am again and DD is only 9 months.  I'm not excited and i feel so guilty.  I'm not UNHAPPY but just kinda anxious and nervous to go through it all again.  I like having a baby who sleeps 11 hrs at night, who can entertain herself a bit, who smiles and knows who i am.  Im not ready to go back to the newborn stage.

    But, i knew there was a possiblity of this when we had sex.  Well, actually, i thought there was no way it would happen from just one time after TTC the first one wasnt exactly easy.  Anyways, it happened and here i am.  Everyday i've started warming up to the idea a litlte bit more and hopefully soon i can get excited.

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  • image SouthSideDrea:
    I'm so happy for this babay, but I still have these moments when I realize now that my life will be A, B, and C but that means I'll never X, Y, and Z.  No matter how remote the chances of X,Y or Z were before we got pg.  The same thing used to happen after we got married, and I suppose still does occasionally, but not as much.  I hope the same thing happens here too.

     This is so me.  I also think that all the nervousness, sickness, tiredness, etc is playing.  Plus, I keep thinking is this really happening now.  I mean I know we talked about it and tried but now its real!

  • Yep that's me! We stopped preventing in August thinking it would take awhile but nope, happened the first time we didn't use protection of any sort. Needless to say once we got the bfp I was in shock, and I've pretty much waivered between excitement and pure panic since then. I can't sleep, I can barely eat, and I am worried about everything. For example, I graduate from nursing school in December and I am petrified that being pregnant will stop me from getting a job and we were also planning on moving out of state afterwards, can we do that now? We've been married for 4 years, I love my husband so much, he has a job, and realistically I know we will be okay but it's scary to realize one dream but also think you may have to kiss some others goodbye. I totally didn't expect to feel this way and I feel so guilty when everyone is celebrating and saying aren't you sooo excited, when deep down I'm more scared and worried!
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  • I'm way too nauseous to be excited about anything.  I just want to curl up and wait for the second trimester.  Maybe I'll be excited then....
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