3rd Trimester

So tired of know-it-alls! (long vent)

Grrrr, one of my girlfriends is a huge huge know it all. She has 3 stepsons and her daughter is almost 6 months, so apparently that means she knows exactly what I want for my future as a mother. A couple of examples: a few weeks ago, I mentioned that my husband and I had discussed it and had decided that we only want one baby. It wasn't set in stone. I'm not planning on running and having my tubes tied the second DD is born! However, she launched into this thing about how once I had my daughter I would change my mind, that I wouldn't be satisfied w just one. Now this is going to sound awful, but I've never really been a kid person. I like kids ok. I don't go around kicking them or taking lollipops, but I'm not one of those that volunteers to babysit people's kids or anything. So the likelihood is, I'll be happy with just one child. There have to be other people that are satisfied with just one or there would be no only children in the world.

 Then today I find out she kept her daughter's umbilical cord. I said I didn't even know people did that and that I think I'm just going to keep a lock of hair. Oh no! That too is something I apparently will change my mind about. After all, without that my daughter would have starved inside my body and wouldn't exist at all. Rather than saying that the thought of keeping the umbilical cord actually makes me nauseous (sorry to all those that have kept them), I held my tongue and just said that everyone had different ideas as to what items were important for keepsakes and that I would do what felt right for me. 

It just makes me soooo frustrated that she thinks that what was right for her should automatically be right for me. Anyone else tired of the unsolicited advice from people who already have kids...???

Re: So tired of know-it-alls! (long vent)

  • Not to be a know-it-all ;-)  but I've found that it only gets worse once you actually have your LO- then everyone is all concerned with your child's development as if they're my DC's pediatrician or something.  And they all want to give you their little tips- like what brand of diapers are the best, tricks for sleeping through the night, etc.  It's very annoying!
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  • I understand where you are coming from, I too get annoyed by constant advise from others. But I also know as a second time mommy that when us mothers give advise its just because we care. Since she is a mom im sure she has felt the same way you so about this issue and wont take offense if you remind her of how annoying it can be to be constantly giving advise when youre pregnant. Trust me we have all been in your shoes. Even if you do manage to come off a little snarky when letting her know how youre feeling im sure all will be forgiven.
  • oh yes! My friend who has a little two year old whenever she sees me her sentences always start with "Just wait til...." then proceeds with HER experience, and then whenever i tell people i wanna cloth diaper "Oh you'll change your mind about that one quick!" No i wont thank you very much!
  • image HisChamie88:

     I don't go around kicking them or taking lollipops, but I'm not one of those that volunteers to babysit people's kids or anything.

    bout peed myself when I read this=)

     

    I hate unsolicited advice. I just want to hit the people who butt in. Especially about pregnancy. I also hate being asked really personal questions about my pregnancy.

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  • My oldest sister had her first child at 35 after being married for 5 years.  DH's sister had hers near 30 after being married for 5 years.  Both told me that we "have to" be married for 5 years before having children.  Both told me constantly that my plan of getting pregnant after our 1-yr anniversary and having a baby at 26 was stupid and I'd be too young.  Um, since when is 26 too young to have children?  We were together for 5 years before we got married.  I wanted to have my children young.  We did what was right for us, and I'm glad that we did it the way that we did.
  • image pisforporschia:
    oh yes! My friend who has a little two year old whenever she sees me her sentences always start with "Just wait til...." then proceeds with HER experience, and then whenever i tell people i wanna cloth diaper "Oh you'll change your mind about that one quick!" No i wont thank you very much!

    That's the big issue for me right now.  I know it will be a billion other things later since nothing is quite as polarizing as views on parenting.  For cloth diapering I get "That won't last long", "ew", and occasionally the "I hope that works out for you". 

    So old.

  • I'm so snarky lately I would immediately mirror her behavior in non-baby related things.

    Tell her "Oh you should really drive a [insert your car here]. It's waaaay better than any other car available. And if you love your kids you want them to be as safe as possible so this is obviously the only car acceptable to drive."

    Or, "I don't know how you can eat at [insert her favorite restaurant here]. [insert your favorite restaurant here] is the only place I would ever allow my family to eat at other than home cooked meals." Maybe she'll start to see how annoying pressing your unsolicited opinions on others is.

    And there is nothing wrong with only having one child. I'm an only child. I can't even begin to count how many times my mom has said, "God only gives you what you can handle- and I can only handle you."

  • Totally annoying! Everyone is different, and I just HATE it when my friends (I have some super know-it-alls too) act as if they know how I will feel when LO is born.  I think some of them are super over protective and too anti-germ, but they insist I will be the same.  We'll see...


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    C is 3 years old

  • Oh, and I especially can't stand the know-it-alls who actually have the nerve to refer to other people as "know-it-alls!"  I have a friend who was just complaining about someone else being a know-it-all and she is the WORST of the bunch! It makes me crack up, but I have found it's not even worth the trouble to try and point out the hypocrisy.

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    C is 3 years old

  • Eww, I didn't know people kept umbilical cords either- that sounds really gross.  Where does she keep it?  I'd think it would smell after not too long Ick!

    And, P.S. I'm not a big kid person either- I hated babysitting and totally go around kicking kids and stealing lollypops (Kidding!) but I do love my kids like you wouldn't believe.   

    I understand what you mean though, I hate unsolicitated advice and "wisdom" with a passion.  If I think you know something that I should know I'll ask you.

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    DS- 6/20/06
    DD1- 6/27/08
    DD2- 10/10/10


    The cleaning and scrubbing will wait till tomorrow,


    for children grow up, as I
  • Oh. Man. I came close to posting something along these lines the other day. Every time SIL is in town she has to get on her f%^&ing soap box about how I'm going to give in and get an epidural the second we go through the hospital doors. I know she's just trying to make herself feel better about the fact that she wanted her last child to be natural and gave in because the pitocin brought on contractions too strong for her to handle. She just LOVES to tell me how my birth is going to go and how I think I know what I can handle now, but just-you-wait-and-see! I don't even want her to find out we're cloth diapering after the way she reacted to DH saying we're doing a staggered vaccine schedule. I don't know if I can handle much more from her. Her frickin' I-know-best crap is soooo much more annoying, too, when I think about how her poor daughter is going to turn out. She's flat out said before "A. is going to either make me a grandma when she's 16 or turn out to be a stripper, I just know it!" I also recall one Christmas at the ILs when A. was interested in the glass top scale SIL had gotten as a gift that was sitting hanging barely off the edge of the table. Of course I was the only one paying attention to the 3 year old reaching up to grab it, but couldn't get to her in time so it shattered everywhere all around the baby's feet. That's fine, kids do stuff when you look away for 30 seconds. I don't blame her for not paying attention, but without even a concern for her daughter standing in the middle of a sea of glass barefoot she gets in her 3 year old's face and points at her nose and screams "BAAAD GIRL! I can't f%^&ing believe you! Very BAD!" Like she was a dog pooping on the floor or something. I don't even yell at my dog like that. So I picked her up out of the glass, since SIL was seemingly more concerned with her lost gift by this point and kept going on and on about her present being broken, and she and I holed up in the other room while SIL made MIL clean it up while she complained and kept drinking wine.

    Yeah. I'll take your parenting tips after witnessing that!

  • image missymo:
    Oh, and I especially can't stand the know-it-alls who actually have the nerve to refer to other people as "know-it-alls!"  I have a friend who was just complaining about someone else being a know-it-all and she is the WORST of the bunch! It makes me crack up, but I have found it's not even worth the trouble to try and point out the hypocrisy.

     

    Totally unrelated but I have that same bouncey seat! Yay! 

  • Ick! They let people keep the umbilical cord???  Thank God I'm not that sentimental.  I'd just say "Well I plan on keeping my uterus, and the baby wouldn't be here if it weren't for that." 
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