TTC after 35

party guest = fail

Hey ladies-

I'm back from a weekend at the Cape.  We went to a friend's surprise 40th birthday.  I was told by my nurses not to drink during the 2WW after my IUIs.  I got a beer and had a few small sips in front of key people and then I just carried the cup around for a while.

I said hello to someone (a guy that is a nut, and not even invited to the party, but someone that is sort of part of the crowd).  He then said (in front of lots of our friends) "So, you're in the family way. . . am I allowed to know that?"  I said "what, who told you I was pregnant?"  He said, "oh, cocktail party chatter, someone said you must be pregnant."  I said, "well, that's totally awful that someone would say that, and I'm not." 

He THEN said, "oh, well. . . I recently asked a woman at work and she THANKED me because everyone else was afraid to ask." (I don't believe that for a minute!)

I can't believe how angry and sad I was.  I wish I had forced him to tell me who said it, but I was so upset and felt totally blindsided.  The people there are our really good friends and I can't believe someone would say that about me.

I feel like I'm prepared for people asking me "when are you having a baby?"  or "you guys should have a baby"  all the USUAL rude questions/comments.  I just wasn't prepared for this one. . .

 I covered well, but I was really angry for the rest of the party.


dx - DES daughter
cervical stenosis
and I'm wicked old



TTC since 10/09
b2b IUIs = BFN
IVF #1 = BFN
IVF #2 = BFFN




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Re: party guest = fail

  • oh, i'm so sorry redsox. guys are such morons. this is what i think happened though: maybe some of your female friends noticed you didn't seem to be drinking much and in a group conversation said something like 'oh well maybe she's pregnant.' why this guy then thought to confront you with it is idiotic though.

    a very similar thing happened to me with one of our good guy friends. I was going on 4 months pg with DD #1 conceived via IVF and we were out with a group of DH's friends and planned on telling them all tne news over dinner. well, we met up with some of the friends for drinks beforehand but couldn't spill the beans then because 1 friend was missing. So one of DH's friends says in front of everyone, 'hey i noticed you're not drinking beer, are you pregnant?" I was shocked, mortified and angry since it was literally less than an hour before we were planning to share news that was 2 years in the making. I felt he stole the moment and put me in a very awkward spot. Needless to say, after we did tell our friends at dinner, I had a long talk with that friend and told him that it's never ok to put a woman on the spot like that because if she is prego she may not be ready to tell, or if she's not she may be currently trying, having a hard time, etc. It was like a lightbulb went off: he honestly had never thought of any of that stuff before. I forgave him because as a single male I figured he just didn't know any better.

    Flashfwd to when I was only 6 wks pg with DD #2 and we were away for a whole weekend with the same group of friends at a wedding. Clearly it was not possible to 'pretend' to drink for a whole weekend, but not one person said something to me. When we told everyone a few months later one of the wives said 'oh yeah, we all knew.' I was thrilled that they all had the courtesy to keep their mouths shut around us and just discuss it amongst themselves. Anyway, i'm not sure if any of this helped but just know that there are many guys that are tools that have done pretty much the same thing. they bite.

  • I'm sorry seetie!!  Chalk it up to the guy being an a-hole!  I bet it was probably some chatter anout how you weren't drinking a lot or something like that and maybe someone just wondered out loud if you were and he heard it.  I'm sure your friends didn't mean anything bad by it and this guy was just being a douche...probably because he wanted to be the first to know or some stupid napoleon complex thing like that!
    Miles and Graham...our miracle twinkies!
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  • Thanks ladies! I know that's exactly what happened. I was just shocked because I thought I was keeping everything so private. The worst part is that I'm most likely NOT pregnant. I think if I was it wouln't be so bad. Thanks for letting me vent!

    dx - DES daughter
    cervical stenosis
    and I'm wicked old



    TTC since 10/09
    b2b IUIs = BFN
    IVF #1 = BFN
    IVF #2 = BFFN




    image



    image
  • ugh, RSB, what an a$$hat.  Sorry you had to deal with something like that. You handled that way better than I would have... I am awful at coming up with responses on the spot.

    Runaway Bride - Catch me if you can!
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    kikijbird ~ Erica (aka Kiki) & Paul ~ 24 April 2010
    The JBirds Bio ~ Updated 03.02.10 - Invites!

    Anniversary

  • i realized very quickly after i got married that friends start to read into the slightest things to see if you are prego or not. everyone's always looking to see if you're drinking, showing or whatever.

    the only friend i have that ever threw people off was a couple that kept saying for well over a year how they didn't plan on having kids. then when she was prego it was a big shock. i thought that was a super smart way to keep people from even trying to analyze everything. wish i'd thought of it!

  • I'm so sorry - I would have been devastated and possibly cried.  That guy is clearly a social moron. 

     

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