I don't know how to explain this... I feel like I'm in a constant state of rage at my husband. Everything he does irritates me or makes me angry.
We've been together for six years, living together nearly all that time. He was a total man-boy when we got together, and had a lot of growing up to do. He has grown up a lot, but still has a long way to go. He procrastinates, has a drifting mind, is forgetful, terrible with money (to the point that he's not allowed to touch any money anymore that I don't place in his hand in the form of cash), and quite a bit on the lazy side (in my opinion). I ask him to do something, and he waits until the last possible nanosecend to do it, if he does it at all. I went away for a few days last week and asked him to do a few things while I was gone. They were not done for the most part when I got home, and I was enraged.
He's a kind man who loves me to pieces, loves our son more than the earth and the sun and the moon and the stars, but isn't a very observant man. He can sleep through the baby's screams with the monitor right by his head (this happened this morning for not the first time. Rage ensued).
We both got into our relationship sharing our dreams and our goals - and they were compatible! Now, he doesn't seem to have dreams anymore. I still do, and I don't plan on giving them up.
The horrible part is, I find myself thinking about just packing me and the baby up and going away and making a fresh start. Those are the dreams I'm having when I sleep at night. And they're breaking my heart... but not as much as they should be.
Shorty's post earlier about relationships just about broke my heart... because everyone seems so happy, and I'm just... not. I read in there that anger can be symptomatic of PPD/ PPA. I don't get angry at the baby (quite the contrary. He's the shining light of my life and brings joy to my heart), but my thoughts and feelings of rage and frustration are all directed to my H.
It's literally making me sick. I'm typing this from bed... I have a very upset tummy today. Thank goodness H has the Bean out & about today.